For Better, For Worse
by Annna
Summary: Okay, sure hope part 5 loaded okay this time... R&R please!
1. Chapter 1

For Better, For Worse (1)

  
  
  
First part of four. Pretty self explanatory, I hope (lol). The events and characters from "Friends" belong to Bright, Kauffman and Crane, the rest is mine. And a little thanks to Ezika for helping me out with some things (I almost rewrote a bit and included your lasagne idea, J).   
  
  
Monica Geller Bing held her husband's hand while he slept. He was eighty-five years old and he had been sick for a while know. She knew he didn't have much time left. She could easily have told herself that it was foolish, he would survive, last year someone had even turned 130, there was no reason why he would die now. But she knew she would be kidding herself. It wasn't just the age, it was his illness. He had gotten sick a year before with a pretty bad case of the flu, and never fully recovered. Then he'd gotten a pneumonia as well, and right now he had scarlatina, which was unusual for an old person. Monica knew that when children got it they almost always survived, but her husband had a very low immunes system and unhealthy living in his twenties had probably helped making it more difficult for him to tackle it. Plus he was old now and was not as resistant as he had once been. For the past two days he hadn't recognised her when he had been awake. She knew he wasn't going to live much longer. The door to the hospital room opened and Emma, their second child, entered with her son, who was nineteen.  
"How's dad?" she asked.  
"Hanging in there…" Monica said.  
"Is he doing any better? Any worse?" Emma asked, sitting down on the other side of her father's bed.  
"Pretty much the same as yesterday" Monica answered. She glanced up at her grandson. "Shouldn't you be at school Liam?"  
"It's Saturday, grandma" Liam said.  
"Oh" Monica said. She too suffered from age, and keeping track of what day it was didn't seem important anyway.  
"Hey dad…" Emma said, gently stroking her father's cheek. "He still has a fever" she told her mother.  
"I know."  
"Is this rash normal? Shouldn't it have gone away by now?"  
"It can take weeks, dear" Monica said. "And I honestly don't think he'll be alive long enough."  
"Mother" Emma said sharply.  
"He's not going to live forever, honey" Monica said. "He's 85 years old now. His health has been bad for the past year. Be realistic."  
"Mom" Emma complained. "Don't be so… so…"  
"Cold?" Monica asked. "Sweetie, do you think this is in any way easy for me? I've been his wife for the past fifty-two years, you don't think this is tearing me apart?"  
"I'm sorry" Emma mumbled.  
"Grandma, have you gotten any sleep?" Liam asked. "Or anything to eat?"  
"I ate a sandwich."  
"When?"  
Monica shrugged her shoulders.  
"I'm gonna go get you one" Liam said and left the room.  
Monica looked after him, then turned to look at her daughter. She had always loved the fact that her children were a mix between herself and her husband, both in appearance and in personalities. But her grandchildren were a mix between that and her children's spouses. It felt as if they had brought strangers into the family. She knew it was a crazy way of seeing it. She knew it was supposed to be that way. And she had never disliked the people her children had married. She couldn't figure out why she reacted like she did about how her grandchildren were. But it was as if she couldn't see her husband in them anywhere near as much as she could in her own children. And the thought scared her. It was a definite sign that he wouldn't live forever, that someday there would be too many strangers' blood in the family and nobody would really resemble her husband anymore.   
"Mom, are you okay?" Emma said, taking her out of her thoughts.  
"I'm fine dear" Monica mumbled.  
Liam returned with a sandwich and got her to eat it. But when he suggested that she would lie down and get some sleep she refused.  
"Grandma, come on…" Liam said, trying to get her to rise from her chair. "We'll wake you up before we leave, you're not going to miss anything. If grandpa gets any worse or better we'll wake you up."   
"Get some sleep mother" Emma agreed. "It would be much better for dad. You'd be better able to help him if he wakes up and asks for anything."   
Monica finally agreed to let them help her into the bed standing to the right of her husband's. She lifted his hand to her lips and kissed it, before carefully placing it back on the bed. She looked at him while her grandson led her to the bed. He didn't look too much like the man she had stood in front of the altar with, but she had never cared about how he looked. She closed her eyes and realized how tired she really was. But she had been focusing on her husband for too long now to be able to let the thought go. She was constantly aware of his steady breath and constantly wondering if he was okay. When she finally drifted off to sleep she dreamed about him.   
  
"Mon?" Chandler gently said, waking her up. "The food is coming."  
Monica opened her eyes and glanced up at him with a loving smile on her lips. Her head was resting against his shoulder and her right hand was on his chest. He had his right arm around her. It wasn't the most comfortable way of sleeping, but since they were on an airplane she felt she had no reason to complain. They were on their way to their honeymoon, it had been ten hours since their wedding.   
"What are they serving?" she asked him and gave him a loving kiss before she sat up more straight.  
"It was either some kind of chicken or some kind of beef. I ordered one of each. We can always trade."  
"Sure" Monica said, unable to stop smiling.  
The stewardess came by and smiled at them while she handed Chandler one of the trays with food.  
"So your wife is awake now?" she asked.  
"With a little help from me" Chandler replied, grinning at the stewardess.  
"Here you go" she said and handed Monica her tray.  
"Great, thanks" Monica said with a smile. Once the stewardess had moved along she turned to Chandler. "Made friends with the stewardess, huh?"   
"Sort of. She came by five minutes ago to pick up the orders." He grinned at her. "When she came to us she asked what I wanted, and then what my wife wanted. You've gotta love the first person we don't know who assumes we're married."   
Monica chuckled.  
"Maybe we should leave her a tip" she jokingly suggested "I think $5 would do it."  
  
"Well I have to admit, I never thought anyone would guess that you and I were married" Chandler said. "Nobody would probably even guess that we're dating."   
"Well, I was asleep against your shoulder and we're both wearing wedding rings" Monica said. "It's not like she just solved an X-file."   
Chandler laughed and opened the foil can containing his food. He gave the beef a suspicious look, then glanced over at Monica's chicken which looked much more eatable. He decided to give the beef a try first, and took a bite.   
"Here, let me try" Monica said, and reached over and got herself a bite as well. "Tastes like a typical airplane meal."  
"Big surprise" Chandler said. "Let me try yours."  
The stewardess passed by them and shook her head, smiling. Some of her colleagues always got annoyed when couples started more or less trading meals, but she found it sweet. And she could tell from the look in the couple's eyes that they enjoyed being a typical couple doing typical couple things.   
Once they'd finish eating Monica leaned against Chandler's shoulder again. She wasn't as tired anymore though. They had only two more hours of flight before they reached Hawaii, and once they did she and Chandler were going to consummate their marriage during their wedding night. Chandler had promised her champagne and strawberries and everything else, and she was looking forward to it. She could barely wait. She glanced at him and for a minute played with the thought of letting her hand slip into his pants, but then decided to wait with all the sexual activities until they were alone in a hotel room.   
  
"I don't think I've ever been so tired…" Chandler whispered hours later.  
It was around one AM in Hawaii, but they were both still on standard eastern time. They had been awake for almost twenty-four hours, and it had been a very eventful day. First the hectic morning, then the wedding ceremony at one AM, followed by the reception, the plane ride and then the wedding night.   
"And never so happy" Monica whispered back.  
It was true that they were tired. She could hardly keep her eyes open. The past hours had been filled with loving chats and making love, it had been the most emotional day of her life, and she was both mentally and physically exhausted. But she had never been anywhere near that happy before. She had finally married Chandler, the love of her life. She hadn't expected to feel any different about him after the ceremony, she hadn't thought she could love him any more than she already did. But now they were married, he was her husband, she had waited all of her life to have a husband. She couldn't even look at him without wanting to burst with joy, and each part of her body that part of his touched felt more alive. She wondered for how long the feeling would last. She wished forever.   
Chandler noticed her falling asleep, and soon he was asleep too. But he woke up just a few hours later, not knowing why, he was still really tired. Then he realized he needed to go to the bathroom. He got out of bed carefully, not to wake Monica up. When he returned from the bathroom he moved the curtains a bit and noticed that the sun would rise anytime soon. He smiled and went over to the bed. He woke Monica up with a loving kiss.   
"Chandler?" she mumbled.  
"Wake up honey. There's something I want you to see."  
She obediently opened her eyes, giving him a confused look. She let him pull her up and out of the bed, and shook her head to wake up while he grabbed a sheet from the cabinet next to the bed. He wrapped them both in the sheet and brought her over to a wicker chair standing by the window. He then pulled the curtains away and sat down with her in front of him in the chair, lying down with her back against his chest.   
"You wanted me to see the window?" Monica mumbled.  
"No" Chandler said and kissed the top of her head. "Sunrise."  
Monica's face lit up with a smile and she squeezed his arms laying around her hard. After a few minutes the sun began to rise and her smile widened.   
"I've never seen the sun rise…" she told him.  
"I know" he said. "So take a good look now. The sun rising over Waikiki, now there's something a New Yorker doesn't see every day."  
"So that's where we are? If you want to be poetic, you can see it as the sun rising over our marriage" Monica said and giggled.  
"Well in that case, remind me never to watch a sunset with you" Chandler joked.  
Monica laughed and watched the horizon. She knew they wouldn't be able to see the sun setting, at least not from their hotel window. But she had seen the sun set several times, it was the sunrise that was new to her. They watched the sun rise in silence, then Monica got up and closed the curtains again.  
"I'm tired" she said with a smile. "What do you say we get a few more hours of sleep before we go outside?"  
"Sounds agreeable" Chandler said. "But only if you promise me that we won't spend too many days outside. I want to be Bing the bunny these two weeks."   
"Great, that means I can be Bing the bunny's wife" Monica said, laughing at his comment. "And your wife tells you to go to bed and get some more sleep."   
Chandler got into bed, leaving the sheet on the chair. Monica shook her head and folded it with a smile. She then crawled back into bed and into his arms. The sun was bothering her a bit, but she was way too tired to stay awake because of it. She rested her head against Chandler's chest and enjoyed her first morning as his wife.   
  
Eight months later, in January, Monica woke up early. She reached out her hand to see if Chandler was still in bed, even though she knew he would be. He always slept in when he got the opportunity, and it was much earlier than when he usually got up to go to work. She turned her head and looked at him. His sleeping face made her smile lovingly. The special feeling she'd had ever since their wedding, the extra happiness that came over her whenever she thought about the fact that he was her husband, was still there and still strong. The past eight months had been great, much better than she had ever thought they could be. And she knew that it was thanks to him. Her smile got wider when she felt the baby kick. It hadn't taken her long to get pregnant, just one month since their wedding. Chandler had been nervous about it at first, he wasn't sure he was ready for it and he'd wanted to have her to himself for a while longer first. But at the same rate as her belly had grown, his excitement had gotten bigger. He often told her how cool he thought it all was, that she had their baby inside of her. And he often said that she was more beautiful now than she had ever been. She didn't believe that part, she didn't feel very attractive, but she loved him for the way he always managed to make it sound genuine when he said it.   
"What do you say kiddo, wanna wake him up?" she whispered to the baby inside of her. The baby kicked. "I take that as a yes."  
She scooted closer to him and gently stroke his cheek. She blew seducingly on his face by his eyes, and giggled when he frowned in his sleep. She glanced down and saw that he was erect. She played with the thought of straddling him and waking him up in a way he'd very much appreciated in the past, but then realized that she was too big for that. She wasn't as lithe as she had been before the pregnancy, and she would probably wake him up much sooner than intended. Instead she put her mouth to his that was slightly open, and gave him a loving kiss. Her eyes were closed but she knew he had woken up.   
"Morning…" he mumbled when she ended the kiss.  
She opened her eyes.  
"Happy Twelfth Night" she said with a giggle.  
"Twelfth Night is probably the ideal date to get married" Chandler said, in a joking mood. "'Cause then every year when you notice that it's Twelfth Night you also realize that it's been another twelve months and then there'd be no forgotten anniversaries."   
"You're probably the weirdest person I've ever known" Monica said, unable to keep back a giggle.  
"And soon I'll have somebody to pass my weirdness off to" he said, putting his hand on her stomach. "How's Junior?"  
"He's hating being called that" Monica said.  
"Nah…" Chandler said. He sat up and reached down to her belly, beginning to kiss her there.  
"That he likes…" Monica said. She loved it when he kissed her there.  
Chandler smiled and continued kissing her. He knew how much she liked it. Her stomach had become an erogenous zone for her during the pregnancy, mainly because he gave it a lot of attention. And he knew how much it meant to her when he caressed her there. She loved that he took so much interest in the pregnancy and she could spend hours sitting between his legs and leaned back against his chest while he gently caressed her stomach. Personally he found it a bit weird, but also sweet. He placed kiss after kiss on her stomach, beginning to move further down, when all of a sudden the baby kicked again right by his lips.   
"Ouch!" he complained. "Mon, the baby's mean to me!"  
Monica smiled at his joking comment and jokingly told the baby to be nice to it's father. Chandler claimed that it was the baby's way of telling them that he or she didn't like the kissing, and Monica made a face at him.   
"While we're on the subject of the baby talking" Monica said, rolling her eyes. "It's telling me to eat some bananas and raspberry jam, and **SOON**." Chandler made a disgusted face.  
"I thank the overlords that this pregnancy is over in two months" he said. "I always thought it was just a myth that women ate a lot of weird things while they were pregnant."   
"Okay, a, a myth contains a divine character which I don't think the pregnancy thing does, and b, Phoebe ate meat while she was pregnant. Didn't you catch on back then?"   
"Let me go get you the fruit…" Chandler said with a sigh and got out of the bed. "And please keep your Geller quirks to yourself. You're a Bing now."   
Monica laughed.  
"Whatever, just make sure you don't forget the jam!"  
  
Two months later Monica got into bed together with Chandler.  
"You know, you keep surprising me" she said in a low, overjoyed voice.  
"What do you mean?" he asked.  
"Each time I think I can't love you more or can't be any happier you show me how wrong I am" Monica said.   
She could barely keep her tears away when she looked at the baby sleeping peacefully in-between herself and Chandler. Their daughter who had been born two days before.   
"Well you surprised **ME** two days ago" Chandler said, just like her speaking in a low voice not to wake up the baby. "I never thought you could be that strong. Or composed. You almost made it seem like it was easy, in spite of the pain."   
"In a way it was" Monica said. "Because I knew that when the day was over I would be a mother. You and I, we would have a child. And when it hurt the most I would just think about the fact that I was giving birth to our child, and then it was all of a sudden easier."   
"I have to admit I was slightly jealous" Chandler said. "Because I'll never get to do that for our kids."   
"Let's just talk about children in singular for a while" Monica said with a chuckle. "Right now I feel like I don't really need to have anymore at the moment."   
"That's not what you said ten minutes after she was born" Chandler reminded her with a smile. "If I remember it correctly, what you said was that you want to have a hundred children. Pretty cool thing to say for someone who's just given birth."   
"Well I don't think I meant that I want to go through a hundred births" Monica pointed out with a smile.   
Chandler smiled as well, and reached his head a bit and kissed the sleeping baby on the cheek. Monica's smile got even wider, and she knew she didn't care about the ache now and the pain she'd felt two days before. It was more than worth it. And she knew that her daughter would have an amazing father. He had a lot to learn, but she knew that he was more than willing to learn it.   
  
Two months later Monica and Chandler celebrated their first wedding anniversary. They let Ross baby-sit the baby and Monica made them dinner. They had named the baby Bridget and she was now eight weeks old. They had decided to let Ross bring her back after only a few hours, they didn't want to have her away all night long.   
"So" Chandler said when they sat down to eat. "This has sure been the… most eventful year of my life."  
"Yeah, tell me about it" Monica said with a smile. "But I'm not complaining."  
"Me neither" Chandler said. "In fact, I'd rather be thankful. We haven't exactly had a rough year. Easy pregnancy, hardly any fights between the two of us, Bridget's birth went without any larger problems. And so far we haven't gotten mad at each other or unfazed or anything like that. No arguing over who gets up when the baby cries, and none of that 'I've been working hard all day!', 'and you don't think taking care of our child is work?' crap."   
"I have to admit that that has surprised me" Monica said. "I figured we'd be like cat and dog for a while."  
"By the way…" Chandler said, and got up from his chair. "I got you a present."  
"I got you one too. But I thought we said we'd exchange presents later."  
"Well this is sort of an extra gift…" Chandler said.  
Monica looked confused and curious. He went into the bedroom and came back out again after a few minutes.  
"You're wearing the bracelet I got you for our wedding, right?"  
"Of course!" Monica said.  
She lifted her right arm. A golden bracelet that was flat and with tiny rings hanging from it on both sides all around it was around her arm. Chandler had told Ross to give it to her on the morning of their wedding, and he had told her later that day that he wanted her to wear it on her right arm. That way she would be wearing his ring on her left finger and his bracelet on her right arm, one piece of jewellery for each side.   
"What about the bracelet?" she now asked.  
"Well…" Chandler said and sat down. "You know these tiny little rings on each side?"  
"Yeah?"  
"You're supposed to hang charms from them."  
"Seriously?" Monica asked. She took a closer look at the bracelet. "Wow, no wonder people have given me weird looks… I don't have any charms on it."   
"That was the idea" Chandler said. He handed her a small jewellery box. "Happy anniversary. First anniversary."  
She looked at him without knowing what to think. She opened the box and found a small golden charm that looked like a cotton plant.  
"Come here" Chandler said.  
She reached her arm over to him and he picked the charm up. He carefully attached it to one of the rings.  
"See, I figured that I would give you one of these charms for each wedding anniversary. Just as sort of a cute thing. And the reason I got you this one this year, this tiny little cotton plant, is that the first wedding anniversary is the cotton anniversary."   
"The what?"  
"Well you know how you have gold and silver anniversaries?"  
"It's like 50 and 60 year anniversaries, right?"  
"Almost. Gold is 50. Silver's 25. I think 60 is diamond. But anyway, the first year is the cotton anniversary."  
"How cute" Monica said, touched by the gesture. "This is a really sweet gesture Chandler. I love it."  
"Next year you'll get another charm" Chandler said with a smile. "And I'll give you a year to figure out what charm it will be."  
Monica smiled and gave him a loving kiss.  
"Thank you…"  
"You're welcome."  
"Let's do the dishes and then I can give you your gift."  
"And I'll give you mine."  
"I thought you just did."  
"Like I said, it's sort of an extra gift. It would get really boring in the long run if all you got was a charm each year. So it's a freebee."  
Monica smiled again and gave him another kiss.  
  
  
The next ten months went by quickly and soon Bridget turned one. Her birthday was March 23rd and Chandler let Monica plan a big birthday party. He didn't really care much about it himself, he didn't think Bridget would be aware of weather or not people came to a party for her.   
"Chandler!" Monica said, shaking him awake on Bridget's birthday.  
"When you did that exactly one year ago you were a lot less brisk" Chandler mumbled. "You're a very weird woman."  
"I want us to wake her up this morning. And sing 'Happy Birthday' or something."  
"Honey, she's turning one, not eleven. She won't know what we're doing. It wouldn't matter to her."  
"Come on you lazy boy, get out of bed and come give your daughter breakfast in bed" Monica commanded.  
Chandler opened his eyes and yawned big. He looked up at her. She was already out of bed and in a robe. He somehow got the feeling that she had been up long enough to be dressed, but had thought a robe would make it more cosy.   
"I'll get up on one condition" he said.  
"And what is that?"  
"That you get out of that robe and into my bed first. We have another thirty minutes before the time she usually wakes up. Show me you love me."  
Monica chuckled and got undressed and under the covers. They kissed lovingly and she thought about letting Bridget wake up on her own. That would give Monica more time with Chandler. But then she dismissed it. But she didn't want to have just a hasty intercourse, she wanted a long and slow one. She kissed him again and then sat up.  
"Now I've gotten out of the robe, into your bed, and I think you know I love you" she said with a grin. "Now why don't you get out of bed, into your robe and come with me to show our daughter that we love her?"   
"You're such a mother" Chandler moaned, getting out of bed. He chuckled when he put his robe on. "And don't think I didn't notice that your right foot was slightly in front of mine during our wedding ceremony."  
"Huh?"  
"It's old superstition that the one who has his or hers right foot in front of the other one's at the ceremony will be the ruling one in the marriage."   
"Honey your foot could have been half a mile in front of mine, I would still be the ruling one" Monica said with a grin. "Now hurry up would you?"   
"Sure thing ma'am."  
He followed her out to the living room where she'd prepared a tray with breakfast and a few presents.  
"Such a mom…" he mumbled to himself.  
"Did you say something?" Monica asked.  
"You know, what if this is the wrong date?" Chandler said. "What if we confused the dates last year, maybe she's born on the 22nd or the 24th. Or maybe we're confusing the dates this year. Maybe it's actually March 20th."   
"Chandler shut up and take the bag from the floor" Monica ordered, with a smile on her lips that showed that she wasn't really annoyed.   
"Another thing I don't understand…" Chandler said. "Sure, she only has one first birthday, but don't you think you got her just a little too much stuff?"   
"It's almost only things like clothes and blankets and stuff" Monica said. "I think there's one stuffed animal and a toy or two."  
"See, that's more than I got for my **NINTH** birthday."  
"Well you turn 35 in a month, be a nice boy and I'll give you lots of stuff too" Monica said and kissed him on the cheek.  
They went and woke Bridget up and once they were done with the presents Monica dressed her up in a new dress she had given her. Chandler then took Bridget with him to the coffee house to be out of Monica's way when she set up for the party. Monica quickly cleaned up the things that were lying around in the apartment, which didn't take her long. She had found that she couldn't be as obsessed with having everything neat as before Bridget had been born, but she kept the apartment as clean as she could. She then went into Bridget's room, the old guest room, and smiled when she took a look around. She and Chandler had turned the room into a nursery right after their anniversary and had let Bridget move in there a couple of months later. It had only been a nursery for about eight months, but she could barely remember what it had looked like before. She liked it much better this way, it was much more personal now that it was someone's room. Especially since that someone was hers and Chandler's daughter. She remembered with a smile how she had told Chandler on their honeymoon that their first child would be a girl, since the first person they met when they stepped out of the church on their wedding day had been a woman. Chandler had told her not to put that kind of pressure on him and then taken her to bed to 'practice baby making'. And when she had given birth he'd jokingly covered her eyes and asked her to guess what the baby's sex was. She had said that it was a girl, and he had claimed it was just a lucky guess.   
She sat down in the rocking chair in the room where she had often fed Bridget or rocked her to sleep. She couldn't believe it had been a whole year since her baby had been born, it had partly felt like an eternity and partly felt like just a day or two had gone by. When she thought back on the year it clearly seemed as if the good things had been a much larger part than the bad things. She and Chandler hadn't fought much, even though they'd had their fights when they had both been exhausted and stressed out. But mostly they had worked very well together, and they had become experts on telling each other's moods and needs. And both had learned to set aside their own weariness for the other one's sake every now and then.   
"Gosh, I can't sit around here all day" she said and rose from the rocking chair. "Chandler will be home with Bridget in just an hour! And then the guests will arrive!"   
She hurried out to the living room and began setting up for the party.  
  
"Cheers" Chandler said, raising a glass of champagne. "To the woman I love, to the daughter we share, and to our marriage that begun two years ago today."   
"Cute" Monica said and clinked her glass with his. "You're getting better at the toasting thing. Happy anniversary."  
They were seated on their bed with a tray on Chandler's night table that had a bottle of champagne and some strawberries, along with a few candles. Their plans of celebration had gotten thwarted earlier during the day, when Ross, who had volunteered to baby-sit Bridget, had come down with the flu and no one else had been around to baby-sit. So Chandler and Monica had decided to put off their celebration until after their daughter was asleep. To make things worse for them, Bridget had refused to go to sleep and been unusually cranky. Chandler had finally managed to make her fall asleep around nine o'clock, hours later than her usual bedtime. So they had skipped the romantic dinner and just ordered in pizza instead which they had eaten sitting together on the windowpane. It was now past ten PM and they had prepared the tray and gone into their bedroom.   
"Is it my turn to make a toast?" Monica asked with a smile. "Okay, here goes… To the father of my child, to the love of my life…" She smiled mischievously. "And also a little toast for Chandler."   
"Ha ha" Chandler said and clinked his glass with hers. "You're getting **WORSE** at the toasting thing."  
"Yeah, well, what are you gonna do about it?" Monica said jokingly.  
"Oh not much… Maybe tie you to the bed… And then leave you there and sleep on the couch."  
Monica laughed.  
"How very trendy."  
"So how about I give you your charm now?" Chandler asked, putting his glass down on his nightstand. "You're gonna have to go look for it."   
"Look for it?"  
"Uh-hu. And a little hint… My underwear."  
"Chandler that's gross" Monica said, shaking her head.  
"No Monica, not the ones I'm **WEARING**. Go look in the chest."  
Monica put her glass down next to his and got out of the bed. She kneeled by the chest and opened it. Under a pair of his boxers she found a soft parcel.   
"It's awfully big" she said.  
"Come over here with it."  
She picked it up, closed the chest and got back on the bed with him. He grinned at her as she opened it.  
"Well well, someone's been shopping at Victoria's Secret" she commented, lifting up the green raff-set.  
"Actually it's not Victoria's Secret" Chandler said. "And you dropped something."  
She looked down on the bed and noticed the charm that had fallen out when she had lifted the lingerie. She carefully picked it up and looked closely at it. It looked like just a flat golden piece.   
"Here, let me" Chandler said and attached it on the other side of where the cotton plant charm was. "Do you know which anniversary this is?"   
"No idea."  
"It's our two-year anniversary and therefore our paper anniversary."  
"Romantic" Monica said with a laugh.  
"Well it can be" Chandler said. "You can write love letters on paper…"  
Monica smiled and kissed him.  
"Thank you honey. Just give me a minute…"  
She got off the bed and took the lingerie with her. Chandler smiled widely. He loved her in green and he had a feeling he would love her in the raff-set. She returned a few minutes later in a silk robe that he'd never seen her wear before and with a seductive smile on her lips.   
"So I noticed you had a little gift for me in the bathroom as well…" she said, and gestured to the robe.  
"I like robes that match your lingerie" he said.  
"Really? I figured you'd like it much better without the robe…" she said, and let the robe slip open. She went over to him and he put his arms around her waist, pulling her close. "Now do you want your present?" she asked.   
"Honey right now I feel like I can survive even if you had forgotten to get me one…"  
"Well I didn't forget" she said. "Go fish."  
He looked at her, not understanding what she meant.  
"You're gonna have to search for yours, just like I searched for mine" she said. "And just so you know… It's not one of those gifts that you'll have any use for during the rest of our marriage. You'll only be able to use it for a while, but I had a feeling you'd enjoy it a lot during that time."   
"You got me a Playboy subscription?" Chandler joked.  
"No, that's what I got Joey" Monica joked. "Now go fish. And a little lead… It's sort of in your arms already."  
Chandler grinned and began feeling her up, only half searching for the present. Monica closed her eyes and tilted her head backwards, enjoying his touch and the gentle kisses he began placing all over her chest.   
"Am I getting warmer?" he asked.  
"I'm sure getting hotter" Monica murmured.  
Chandler smiled and buried his head between her breasts. He felt something against his left cheek and pulled his head back slightly. He reached into the raff-set by her right breast and carefully pulled out an envelope.   
"In the honour of our paper anniversary" Monica joked.  
Chandler opened it and found a pair of season ticket to the Knicks, at the almost exact same place he and Joey had had the first year she and Chandler had been together.   
"I got you two so that you could bring Joey or Ross or anyone else" she told him.  
"I might bring you" he said and moved back from her to place the tickets safely on the nightstand. "Now take that robe off and come here to me…"   
  
A couple of hours later they both laid back, completely exhausted and panting like dogs.  
"You keep getting better and better…" Monica said.  
"You're not too shabby yourself" he replied. "The thing you did with the candles… I never thought candle grease could be so arousing."   
Monica smiled and moved her body so that she was lying on top of him. She rested her head on his chest with her ear right by his heart. He put his arms around her and gently caressed her.   
"Thank you for another year" she said.  
"Right back at ya'" he replied. "You're much more amazing than I am."  
"I don't know about that, but I sure am a better mother than you are" Monica said jokingly. "And you have been the best father to Bridget this year, I had no idea you could be like that. I'm proud of you."   
"I'm proud of you too. I love you."  
  
Monica sighed contently and closed her eyes. It was getting late and they had already made love three times, she knew they wouldn't do anything else than talk or go to sleep tonight. She decided to let him make the call on what they should do, and closed her eyes to fall asleep in case he didn't want to talk. She let the sound of his heartbeat rock her to sleep, unaware that her own heart was beating for two again.   
  
"Mom?" Emma said, shaking her mother gently.  
Monica woke up and at first didn't remember where she was or even what year it was.  
"What year is it, sweetie?" she asked.  
"It's 2053 mom" Emma said. "Do you want us to stay? Liam and I were gonna go home now, but we can stay for a while if you want us to."   
"No, no you don't have to stay" Monica said. "Go back home to Carl."  
"Mom my husband's name is Mitch, Carl is Bridget's husband."  
Monica made a 'stupid memory' gesture and sat up straight.  
"Do you always get this confused after sleeping, grandma?" Liam asked.  
"Sometimes" Monica said. "It depends on what I dream."  
"What did you dream about?"  
"The first two years of mine and your grandfather's marriage."  
"Cool, you dream about stuff like that?"  
"It's the only nice dreams I have, sweetie…" Monica mumbled. "Now help me up, get me over to your grandfather's bedside."  
Liam and Emma helped her get on her feet and slowly walked her over to the other bed.  
"Excuse me, I can move you know" Monica said. "You don't have to walk around with me like I've got a really bad case of arthritis."   
"Sorry mom" Emma said, but she didn't pick up the speed.  
"You do realize that this is how he's going to treat you when you're my age?" Monica said with a nod to Liam. "Trust me, you're not going to like it as much when he's walking you around this slowly."   
"Well fine, go run a marathon then" Emma said, annoyed with her mother.  
"I did that once, you know" Monica said. "Your father and I went to Greece for our tenth wedding anniversary and I ran a marathon while we were there."   
Emma did a quick calculation on her head.  
"You ran a marathon at 41?" she asked.  
"Yeah."  
"How come I don't remember this?"  
"Because we left you children at home" Monica reminded her. "It's not as romantic to have children around, you get a lot less time to have sex in."   
"Mom, please" Emma moaned. "The last thing I need is the image of you and dad having a lot of sex."  
"Great, now you know how *I* feel" Liam said.  
"Well either way it's been a while since your dad and I bumped uglies."  
"Mother!" Emma exclaimed.  
Liam laughed and shook his head.  
"You know grandma', for an 83-year-old you use an awful lot of slang."  
"Not enough" Monica said. "I can't keep up with any of your lingo."  
"Neither can I, and I'm only 49" Emma said.  
"Only?" Liam said.  
"Shut up Liam."  
"He's just like your daddy, sweetheart" Monica told her daughter. "Good to see that his grandchildren are like him."  
"You know why he's like him?" Emma said. "Because dad's spent a lot of time baby-sitting him."  
They reached the chair Monica had been sitting on before, and Emma and Liam carefully helped her sit down.  
"Geez you two, I'm only 83" Monica said.  
"Only?" Emma said.  
"You're like your father too" Monica commented.  
Emma looked over at him and her smile faded. She had always been very close with her dad, and she had always thought of him as immortal in some way. People around her died, but she had never seemed to realize that her father would too. She knew he had been sick, but she hadn't gotten as worried as her mother, because she hadn't thought it would be anything serious. It wasn't until he'd come down with scarlatina that she'd realized that he was old and wouldn't live forever.   
"Mom…" she said. "Do you honestly believe that he won't survive this?"  
"If frisky children can get this disease and die… then I don't think there's much hope for your father to live, honey" Monica said.   
"Yes but they can cure this disease!" Liam said.  
"I know they can. But it takes a while to cure it, and I don't think he's strong enough to live through it anymore. He's woken up from time to time these past days, but he hasn't recognized me." Monica closed her eyes hard. "One time when he woke up he thought I was his mommy… he kept calling me that…"   
"I'm sorry mom" Emma said, giving her mother a hug. "I know how hard this must be for you"…  
"You know what Emmie?" Monica said. "I want him to die. Life isn't good for him anymore, he's just sick and weak all the time. I don't want him to have to be one of those old people who just lie there for years, sick and miserable… I'd rather he died now, when I can be with him and hold his hand. That he could at least have **SOME** dignity in his last time."   
"Does this qualify as dignity?" Emma asked in a whisper.  
"It could be a whole lot worse than this" Monica said. "Your grandfather, for example. Don't you remember what it was like the last three years of his life?"   
"Yeah… I remember…""  
"He used to think I…" Monica said, then trailed off. "No never mind, it doesn't matter. The point is, I don't want my husband to end up like my father did."   
"Well you know what's best" Emma said and stood up straight. "You know him much better than anyone else does. If you say that's what would be best for him, then that's what would be the best for him."   
"Thank you for your understanding, sweetie."  
"Bye mom… Call me if he gets worse, okay?""  
"I will. Bye you two."  
Emma and her son said goodbye and left. Monica was alone with her husband again. She held his hand in hers and looked at him while he slept. She was starting to accept that she would become a widow soon. It didn't bother her in the same way anymore. She knew she probably wouldn't live for much longer either, she wouldn't want to without him anyway. She shook her head slowly, and talked to him as if he were awake.   
"I can't understand what your fear of commitment was ever based on" she said. "You made our marriage into something way better than anything I pictured when I was younger. I don't think you ever regretted marrying me. We had our rough times, god sure knows… but we made it through and we're still together to this day."   
She looked at his face and thought it reminded him of how he'd looked when he'd had the German measles back when Bridget was eighteen months old.   
  
Monica sighed in relief. Bridget was finally asleep. She had caught the German measles from day-care and Monica had never thought it could be so hard to get a child to go to sleep. Bridget cried and cried and was very clingy. And to top it all off Chandler had never had the disease and had gotten sick now too, and Monica was afraid that she would catch it herself. She couldn't remember if she'd had it, and getting sick was the last thing she needed right now. She was expecting hers and Chandler's second child in five months. She didn't know it, but the date she had gotten pregnant was the same date she and Chandler celebrated their anniversary. She did know though that she had gotten pregnant sometime in May, and that the doctor had said the baby was due February fifth. She left Bridget's room and got herself a glass of water to drink. She was thirsty, among lots of other things. She was tired, weary, worried about getting sick. And she was stressed out from taking care of both her daughter and her husband. And she was experiencing a lot of morning sickness from her pregnancy. When she'd expected Bridget she'd hardly been sick at all, she could only think of two occasions when she had thrown up. But it had come back full force this time around, during the past four months she had been throwing up almost every day. It was worse than usual at the moment because she wasn't giving herself any time to take proper care of herself and eat regularly. She spent almost all of her time taking care of her sick family members.   
She walked into the bedroom where Chandler was asleep. It was evening, but she knew he'd been asleep for at least two hours. She watched him for a while and hated seeing him sick. He had made a few jokes about how he'd been struck down in the pribe ob libe but she could tell that he was in no mood to crack jokes. Whenever he got sick he stopped making jokes and quips. She didn't like that, it made her feel uncomfortable.   
She sat down next to him and mumbled some facts about the disease he and the child had, that she had memorised as soon as they had been diagnosed. She didn't know why she had memorised it. She assumed it was to make herself feel more secure, like she knew exactly what was going on and how to help them get better.   
"German measles, rubella, rubeola" she mumbled. "Comes from Latin and means 'being red'. Well they sure are red, all right…" She looked at Chandler who had a rash covering his face. She knew it would soon spread. "Incubation time, two to three weeks…" Monica continued. "Contagious virus disease, mainly children get infected. When you're sick you get a cold, coughs, fever and swollen lymphatic glands. Plus the red rash that begins on the face and then spreads over the body." She glanced down at Chandler's arm lying on top of the covers. It didn't have any rashes yet. Bridget had rashes all over her body but Chandler had gotten sick a few days later. "Requires no treatment except for bed rest. The symptoms disappear after a few days. Chandler got sick two days ago, Bridget five days ago… She should be getting better any day now. Damn it, why the hell did my parents have to go to Jamaica? I need to ask them weather or not I've had it."   
She knew she wouldn't be able to get a hold of them until they returned. She'd asked Ross if he knew weather or not the two of them had had it as children, but he couldn't remember. Monica hoped that the fact that she hadn't gotten sick yet was a sign that she had had it, but Chandler had gotten sick three days after Bridget so she could still get sick a couple of days after him. And she knew that having rubella while you were pregnant could cause damage to the foetus. She knew it was mainly during the first trimester, but she had just gotten into her second, and she didn't want any risks for the baby. Chandler grunted and opened his eyes, squinting at the light in the room.   
"Mon?" he mumbled. "Could you turn the lights off?"  
She got off the bed and turned the lights off in the bedroom, except for the one on her nightstand. She decided to go get ready for bed herself, and left the room. After she'd brushed her teeth and gotten into her pyjamas she walked around turning all the lights off. Suddenly she sank down on the couch and realized that she was depressed. She hadn't admitted it to herself earlier, but she was getting really depressed. She knew it was probably hormones combined with the stress and the lack of sleep and food, but that didn't make her any happier. She knew she would have to deal with the hormones for at least six more months, probably more, and that wasn't a very encouraging thought. And she knew it would be a couple of more days before Chandler and Bridget were better and she could start taking better care of herself again. She felt ready to start crying, nothing felt positive at the moment and it didn't seem as if anything was going to get better either. But she knew she couldn't allow herself to burst out in tears. She wished Chandler hadn't gotten sick, she would have been able to rely on him to help her out with Bridget and she would have been able to have a good cry in his arms. She shook her head and gathered some willpower to get that kind of thought out of her head. She rose and went back into the bedroom.   
"Monica?" Chandler said.  
"Yeah?"  
"Sorry to bother you… But would you mind getting me a glass of water?"  
Monica got him the water, then got into bed. Chandler finished the water and she could tell from the way he swallowed that his throat ached. She closed her eyes and wished she could comfort him in some way. She heard him put the glass down on the floor and then heard him sigh through his mouth, another clear sign that he was sick. She felt him roll over and hug her belly that was starting to show her pregnancy. He hugged it like it was a stuffed animal and he was a little boy. "Chandler I'd rather you didn't do that…" Monica said. "I'm so worried I'll get sick!""  
"You would have gotten sick by now" Chandler said. "You could call your doctor and have him check your vaccination charts. If you haven't had it, chances are you've gotten vaccine for it."   
Monica nodded. She caressed his head for a few seconds, then pulled him up to her face and hugged him tightly.  
  
New Years came and went. Chandler and Bridget had soon recovered from their rubella and Monica hadn't gotten sick. She had talked to her doctor and he had assured he that she had gotten a vaccination for it to make sure she didn't get it when she was someday pregnant. It was now February and Monica had other things to worry about. She was almost two weeks past her due date and she was sick and tired of being pregnant. Her second pregnancy had been much more difficult than her first one. She had kept vomiting until her seventh month, she had gained a lot more weight than when she'd expected Bridget and for a few weeks she'd had pregnancy itching and had walked around with hardly any clothes on because it itched so badly. She'd been feeling unattractive and not the least bit sexy. She felt more like she was back to what she'd looked like in high school than being pregnant. And she hadn't believed Chandler when he'd told her he thought she looked great. She knew he would never say anything else than that. She wasn't upset about it, she had no reason to be. She knew he loved her anyway. But she didn't feel like she was much to love these days. She felt cranky and irritated. She wondered how Chandler didn't go crazy from coming home from work each day to her, when she was this moody and generally unattractive. They hadn't slept together at all this year, but that didn't bother her either. She felt uncomfortable being naked with him, almost ashamed of the way she looked. The last couple of weeks they'd slept together she hadn't been able to get rid of the mental images that Chandler was sleeping with her looking like she'd done when they'd first met. And she knew how Chandler had looked at her back then, and even regardless of that she felt more like a whale than a woman. Chandler had noticed how uncomfortable she was and left her alone. She heard the door open and turned to see Chandler come home. He smiled warmly at her and she returned the smile, but with nowhere near as much warmth.   
"You're early" she said.  
"I can't understand that I even went to work in the first place" Chandler replied, taking his jacket off. "I can't understand that I've been going to work at all this **MONTH**. The only thing I can think of at work is that you might be going into labour."   
"Chandler labour takes hours, you'd be home in time" Monica said. "Bridget was born after twenty hours, remember?"  
"Of course I remember" he said, walking over to the couch. "But she was your first child, I've heard the first birth takes longer. Where is Bridget, by the way?"   
"In her room, playing with Duplo."  
Chandler went into their daughter's room to say hi to her. Monica looked after him and tried not to come to her own conclusion of why he'd kept going to work. She wouldn't blame him if he went to get away from her for a few hours. But she still felt a little bit hurt about it. Chandler came back out into the living room and sat down next to her. He gave her a sweet kiss on the lips and then kissed her bum.   
"So how are you today?" he asked.  
"As usual" Monica said. "My stupid back hurts, my feet hurt, I'm constantly hungry… Everything it just as usual."  
  
Eight hours later she couldn't ignore it anymore. The pain in the small of her back had soon turned into contractions. She had tried to think of it as false alarm, but by now she couldn't stop herself from squealing from pain when the contractions set in. Chandler woke up from her squeals and found her sitting up in bed, sweating and holding the covers in her clenched fists.   
"Jesus Monica, why haven't you said anything sooner?" he asked, starting to panic.  
He couldn't remember if she had seemed this pained the last time. He knew this pregnancy had been much more difficult for her than the previous one. He couldn't understand why she hadn't told him that labour had started, but he wasn't late to get out of bed and get them both ready to go to the hospital. They left Bridget with Joey across the hall. Monica spent another eight hours having contractions and then nearly ten minutes pushing. She felt completely exhausted once the birth was over, and was barely aware that Chandler had placed a baby girl in her arms until the baby started to scream again. Chandler felt very worried about her, he knew for sure that Bridget's birth hadn't been as exhausting for her even if it had taken four hours more. He heard her say the name Emma.   
"What?" he asked, looking at her and seriously wondering if she was okay.  
"Emma" she repeated.  
"Who's Emma?"  
"I want to name her Emma" Monica said.  
"Oh…" Chandler said.  
"Each time you see someone on TV named Emma or hear about someone with that name you always go 'that's such a pretty name'" Monica added. "So I want to give our daughter that name."   
Chandler smiled lovingly.  
"You are such an angel, do you know that?" he said, and gave her a loving kiss on the cheek. "You're the best. And I am so proud of you, you've been amazing today."   
"What date is it?" Monica asked. "What's Emma's birthday?"  
"Her birthday is…" Chandler said, glancing over at the calendar on the wall, "February 18th. Exact time of birth would be February 18th 2004, at 8.13 AM."   
"Wow, that was exact…" Monica said, and lifted her eyes from the baby she had begun feeding.  
"Well, the doctor helped me out with the .13 part" Chandler said with a smile. "By the way, you want to hear something cool?"  
"Chandler I had a baby ten minutes ago, I want to hear something **COMFORTING**" Monica said and yawned.  
"Well, you went into labour last night, didn't you? I mean, I woke up right after midnight but you were dilated three centimetres when we got here so you must have begun getting contractions much earlier."   
"Around four PM, but where is this leading?"  
"Four PM?" Chandler repeated in shock. "Four PM? Why on earth didn't you say anything?"  
"I'll let you know in a minute, but first I want to know what you were getting at."  
"Well, you went into labour on February 17th, that's exactly nine months after our anniversary."  
"Well she might very well have been conceived around that time" Monica said, smiling at the feeding baby.  
"Yeah. Exactly. So will you tell me why on earth you didn't tell me that labour had started?"  
"I don't know…" Monica said honestly. "You know, partly I wanted the whole pregnancy over with. But I wanted it over with without having to go through the birth part. I don't think Bridget's birth was that horrible, it was more than worth it. But that's easy to think when it's all over. When you're carrying another child and you know it's going to come out anytime soon under some quite painful and humiliating forms, it's not the same. You have no idea how much I've been worrying about having to give birth again. So I guess it was partly that, you know? That I didn't want to admit to myself that it was time now. And at the same time I couldn't be sure that it wouldn't be a false alarm and I didn't want to say anything at first in case it was. I've felt like such a cranky bitch these past months, I somehow felt that you would get fed-up sooner or later, especially if I complained about contractions and it was just a false alarm."   
"Sweetie…" Chandler said and gently stroke first her cheek, then the baby's. "Why on earth would I get fed-up with you? I have absolutely no reason, I'm actually surprised that **YOU** didn't get mad at **ME**."   
"What?"  
"What kind of a husband have I been lately, really? I've known very well that this has been a hard pregnancy for you, yet I have gone off to work every day, leaving you at home with Bridget. Even during this month, when we knew you could go into labour at any minute and you've been very pregnant and had trouble moving around and so on, I've still gone to work each day. And I haven't helped out around the apartment nearly as much as I could have. I really wish you would have told me when you started getting contractions yesterday. You waited for what, eight hours? And you didn't even tell me yourself, your pained squeals woke me. And I honestly feel a bit sad that you didn't tell me about your worries for the birth. I would really have liked to help you feel better."   
"Honey you helped me the past eight hours, that's more than enough" Monica said. "Look, you should probably call Joey and tell him that everything went okay. And say hi to Bridge for me." Chandler nodded but didn't rise at first. He really didn't want to leave the newborn baby, or his wife for that matter. He could see how exhausted she was, when the baby stopped feeding she closed her eyes and seemed to drift off to a light slumber.   
'Yeah, well, she deserves to sleep' he thought and left the room to make the phone call. 'She probably didn't get much sleep last night and she's done such an amazing job this morning. I just can't believe she had contractions for eight hours and I didn't notice. I've really been slipping as a husband lately.'   
He made the phone call but he made it quick. No matter how happy he was to hear Joey's thrilled reaction and his older daughter's voice over the phone, he just wanted to be with his newborn daughter. He also remembered to call work and explain where he was. Monica had woken up again when he returned. He asked her if he could hold the baby and she gladly let him. The baby was so small, yet she felt heavy in Monica's exhausted arms. She leaned back and took a good look at her husband and her new daughter before she went back to sleep. She didn't get to sleep for long, a midwife came by after ten minutes and woke her up. She was carrying a tray that she set down on Monica's bed. It was one of those typical trays that they use at hospitals for patients, that are like small tables placed on the beds.   
"I thought you might like some breakfast" the midwife said cheerfully. "I see your girl has eaten, but I know you two haven't. So have some champagne and something to eat, I'll be back for the tray in a while."   
Chandler smiled and handed Emma back to her mother. He filled the two glasses with champagne and handed one to Monica. The other one he lifted for a toast.   
"So, a toast, to you Monica for giving me another daughter. You did such a great job, I can't even tell you, not just today but during your pregnancy as well."   
"Well then I'll toast to you for creating this life inside of me. And also to Emma, latest addition to the Bing family."   
"Cheers" Chandler said with a wide smile and clinked his glass with his.  
  
Monica mumbled cheers, then downed her glass. Chandler stared at her in slight shock. After Bridget's birth she'd taken her time finishing her champagne glass, this time she had swallowed it like it was water. "Want some more?" he asked.  
"Yes please."  
"Okay, but just one more glass, I don't want you all drunk" he said, and he wasn't joking. "And I definitely don't want poor Emma to be drunk for the first time at the age of six hours or so."   
"I promise you honey, as long as she feeds from my breasts she'll be sober as a teetotaller" Monica said, and only took a few sips from her second glass.   
  
Emma's loud cries woke both Chandler and Monica. It was March, two days before Bridget's second birthday and four weeks after Emma's birth. Monica closed her eyes hard and just wanted to pull her pillow over her head and ignore the baby's cries. But she knew it was impossible. She got out of bed and walked over to the crib. She heard Chandler mumble something about getting the baby quiet and she knew she had to be quick with making Emma stop screaming. Otherwise she would wake up her sister, and taking care of two crying children in the middle of the night was more than Monica could master at the moment. Chandler wouldn't be able to help, whenever Bridget woke up in the middle of the night she only accepted Monica as the one who would get her to go back to sleep, and Chandler wouldn't be able to breastfeed Emma while Monica took care of Bridget. Monica felt ready to faint with weariness, she had never thought she would be this tired after only four weeks. But Emma had gotten colic and cried almost all the time, making Bridget really cranky too and upset that she got less attention from her parents. Monica walked out into the living room with Emma and sat down on the windowpane. She began feeding her and tried to find comfort in the feeling of the baby nursing. But she only felt tired and depressed, and she felt dangerously aware that she might fall asleep. She was scared to death that she would, then she might drop Emma. Chandler came out of the bedroom, yawning big and putting his robe on. He looked as weary as she felt. She knew he had to get up early and go to work the next morning.   
"I'm sorry" she said, feeling ready to cry. "But I got to her as fast as I could."  
"No, don't worry about it" Chandler said in the middle of a yawn. He sat down in the armchair, rubbing his eyes. "Emma woke me up, not you."   
"How many more hours do you have to sleep in?" Monica asked.  
"Two" Chandler said.  
"I'm really sorry."  
"I already told you, don't be."  
"Why aren't you in bed?"  
"I'm thirsty."  
He rose from the chair and got himself a glass of water. Monica couldn't see him from her seat on the windowpane, but she felt a bit more awake now. She smiled slightly and thought that he would probably finish his water and then come over to her and give her a hug from behind, and a kiss. It would be just like him to just have gotten up to keep her company. Chandler watched her feed the baby while he drank his water. He wondered if he would be able to get anymore sleep tonight. He was starting to understand why his parents hadn't had a second child, it was very exhausting. He knew he wouldn't give either child up for anything at all, but he was starting to feel like he'd been cheated of the best time of his marriage. The time where he and Monica would be young and healthy and just living for each other. He only got to have her for a month before Bridget had been conceived, and it felt like he had lost something valuable with her. She wasn't just his anymore, she belonged to the children too, they needed her attention to survive. She didn't have time to be much of a wife at the moment, whenever she had an hour or so when the children were asleep she was way too tired to make out with him or even just talk and interact. Monica moved Emma from her right breast to her left, and turned her head to see if she could see Chandler. He was on his way over to her. She smiled slightly.   
"You know, this four AM hunger thing she has from you" he said. "I'm never hungry between when I go to sleep and seven AM."  
"I don't think she has any comprehension of time" Monica said with a slight smile.  
"How long will you be breastfeeding her?" Chandler asked. "You fed Bridget for three months, right?"  
"Well I would have for much longer, but Rachel kept babbling about how my boobs would look like 'dachshund ears' if I did" Monica said. "And I don't know for how long I'll feed Emma."   
"My mom nursed me for two weeks" Chandler said. "Which is just as well, it creeps me out knowing that I've sucked on her boobs even for only that short period of time."   
"Chandler out of all the stupid things to say…" Monica said with a sigh.  
"But can you blame me? I mean, it's not like I'm the only one who's done that, if you know what I mean."  
"Chandler go to bed, you're not a very charming person at these hours" Monica said.  
Chandler shrugged his shoulders and went to bed. Monica watched him go and then looked down at her youngest daughter. Nursing the baby was comforting for her, it made her feel like a real mother and like she was bonding with the baby. Even though she hadn't felt comforted at first at this occasion, it hadn't taken long for her to feel that way. She chuckled slightly when she remembered the first time she and Chandler had sex after Bridget's birth. Chandler had momentarily forgotten that she was still nursing the baby and had gotten more than he bargained for when he'd sucked on her breasts. The shocked look on his face had been priceless. Monica frowned slightly and wondered when they'd be having sex again. She still felt quite sore from her delivery four weeks earlier and she wanted her body to herself for a while. She didn't feel much better about her physics than she had done while she was pregnant, she was overweight although deep down she knew very well that it was only natural. After Bridget's birth she had often given Chandler oral sex during the time she recovered from the delivery, but she had a feeling that she wouldn't do that this time around. She was sure that Chandler didn't find her as attractive anymore, at least not at the moment. And she didn't feel the least bit sexy now either. He'd probably rather go without for a while than have sex in some form with her now.   
Emma finished eating and Monica lifted her up to burp her. Her head was spinning, she hadn't gotten a full night's sleep in nearly five weeks and the responsibility of two children weighed heavy on her. She didn't want to do anything wrong with Emma, which was something she had never worried about the first time around, she had simply done her best and loved her baby was much as she could. But now that she had two children she wanted to make sure that she didn't neglect Bridget, but she hadn't yet figured out how to manage to give the older daughter attention while taking care of the younger one.   
She sighed in relief when she noticed that Emma had fallen asleep without beginning to cry again. Hopefully her colic was starting to pass. She brought the child into the bedroom and lay her down between herself and Chandler in case she would wake up again. Chandler had already gone back to sleep and she looked at him silently for a while. She wanted so badly to be close to him, to be hugged and kissed and comforted. But she had gotten very little of that lately, and in her mind it was just another sign that he wasn't attracted to her at the moment. The thought never hit her that he was leaving her alone because he thought she wanted it and needed it. She reached out her hand and very gently stroke his left arm that was on top of the covers. He was lying flat on his stomach with his head turned in her direction. She wanted to touch him more, wanted to be comforted by feeling his arm and his back under her hand. But she didn't want to wake him up, she knew he had to get up to go to work in not much more than an hour. She remembered the feeling of his kisses all over her body and what it felt like to be in his arms when she didn't look like she did now. When he could put his arms around her and make his hands meet behind her back, which he could do now even if she didn't admit it to herself. She let herself be comforted by the sight of him and by the love that always surprised her with it's intensity. She had long passed the state where she could still put her feelings for him into words. She glanced down at Emma, who was asleep and just like her father lying on her stomach with her face turned to Monica. Emma looked a lot like Chandler, there were no doubts over who her father was. At the moment they had the same look on their face, making the resemblance even more clear.   
"It's worth it" Monica whispered and carefully stroke a few strains of hair away from Chandler's eyes. "I can't believe I used to think it would be easy, but at least I know it's worth it."   
Chandler grunted in his sleep and mumbled something she couldn't make out. She heard her name being said, then he got quiet again.   
"I know you know it's worth it too" she whispered.  
  
"I **HATE** April!" Monica mumbled to herself.  
It was snowing again. Just when the snow had melted, more came. Typical April weather, as Chandler put it. Monica had hoped to take the girls out to the park, but it was no use when the weather was like this. She noticed that the snow turned into rain, and shook her head with a deep sigh.   
"Mommy!" Bridget said from her seat by the kitchen table. "Where's my green crayon?"  
"It's in the jar, sweetie" Monica said.  
"I can't find it!"  
Monica walked over and searched through the jar with crayons. She found the one that said 'green' and handed it to her daughter. There were other green crayons in the jar too, but Monica knew exactly which one Bridget was looking for. Most of them said 'jade green' or 'forest green' or something else with green, but there was only one that simply said 'green'. Bridget couldn't read, but she had memorised which one said just 'green' and to her that was the green crayon. The other ones were the jade crayon or the forest crayon, etcetera.   
"Are you gonna colour the grass green?" Monica asked her daughter, sitting down next to her and glancing in her colouring book.  
"No. The tree."  
"Oh" Monica said with a nod.  
"How come Emba's always crying?" Bridget asked while colouring the tree.  
"Emma's very little honey" Monica said. "Remember how Daddy told you that she can't talk yet? And that her only way of telling us that she needs something is to cry?"   
"Well how do you know what she wants?" Bridget asked.  
"You can figure out quite soon" Monica said.  
"When's Daddy home?"  
"Oh he'll be here soon."  
"Soon?"  
"Within the hour."  
"How much time is that?"  
"An hour is sixty minutes."  
"It's Thursday today" Bridget added.  
Monica smiled and agreed. Bridget was funny that way. Asked a lot of questions about different things, and then marked the end of a question round with a statement. Often her statement was something she'd learned the last time she had a question round.   
"Hey" Chandler said, entering.  
Monica looked up and said 'hey' back. He looked stressed out and ready to just slump down on the couch and fall asleep.  
"An hour is sixty minutes" Bridget said.  
"Hey, yes it is" Chandler said.  
He gave her a faint smile and a kiss on the top of the head. He took a quick glance in the colouring book and then looked up at Monica.   
"Where's Ems?"  
"Crib. Asleep" Monica told him.  
Chandler went to the bedroom to say hi to her, even if she was asleep. Monica got up from her chair and started making dinner. She felt strangely annoyed that she hadn't gotten a kiss on the cheek for hello. She took a deep breath and reminded herself not to get worked up about something small and meaningless. She was just as tired as Chandler, she had her own fulltime job at home which demanded lots of effort and constant awareness. Only when Bridget took her nap after lunch did Monica get the change to be by herself for a little while. She was tired of never getting any privacy and she was testy from lack of sleep. She knew how dangerous it would be for her to get worked up about small details, especially when it came to things that Chandler probably did without thinking about it, and because he was tired too. She remembered that Richard had told her about his daughter Michelle's marriage, which had crashed after she'd had her second child. She and her husband had allowed themselves to get worked up over all the small details and soon gotten more and more hurt and the distance between them had grown. In the end they hadn't been able to save their marriage. Monica didn't want that to happen to her and Chandler.   
"What's for dinner?" Chandler asked, coming back out into the living room.  
"How come Emba doesn't eat with us?" Bridget asked.  
"She doesn't have any teeth, she can't chew her food" Chandler answered.  
"Why doesn't she have teeth?"  
"Because…" Chandler said and thought for a second. "Uh, I think because it would hurt Mommy when she feeds her."  
"When does mommy feed her?"  
"When Emma's hungry" Chandler answered. He tried to find a way out of the question round so that he could find out what was for dinner. "Hey, why don't you ask your Mommy what's for dinner for you and me and her?" he suggested to Bridget.   
"No, I don't want to. How come blue is different from orange?"  
"I don't know" Chandler said.  
"Why don't you know?"  
"Because I'm not Uncle Ross."  
"An hour is sixty minutes" Bridget stated.  
"So, what's for dinner?" Chandler asked Monica.  
"Fish fingers."  
"Yum" Chandler said with little enthusiasm.  
Monica didn't respond. Sometimes he seemed to make it very hard for her not to get upset. She glanced at him when he sat down next to Bridget and grabbed the newspaper. He looked really stressed out. She was starting to feel like they were building space between them even though she'd try to avoid it. They hadn't had any time for themselves for quite a while.   
'Maybe that's what we need' Monica thought. 'Some time together, just him and me, without the girls. We could just talk and hang out. Overbuild that stupid gap between us. I miss spending time alone with him, just sitting around talking and watching TV and things like that.' She made up her mind to surprise him with dinner for just the two of them the next night. She could probably get the guys to watch Bridget and Emma for a couple of hours. It would be quite nice to get to spend just one evening without the children, getting to be just herself and not a Mommy. And Chandler could get to relax for just one evening and go to bed early without having to put one of the children to bed first. She would really enjoy getting to spend an evening just caring about him for a change. She hadn't had the chance to do that much lately.   
"Chandler could you put her colouring stuff away and help set the table?" she asked.  
Chandler looked up at her. He then sighed and put the newspaper away. He gathered the crayons and grabbed the jar and the colouring book and took it back into Bridget's room. He came back out and started setting the table.   
"How was work?" Monica asked.  
"Stressy" Chandler said. "As usual. Thank God it's Friday tomorrow. I won't be getting much rest, but at least I'll be getting away from Doug."   
Monica smiled slightly and nodded. She put the food on the table and grabbed Bridget's bib from it's place on the counter. She was just about to sit down and eat when Emma woke up and started crying.   
"I can take that" Chandler offered and went into the bedroom.  
Monica looked after him and then glanced at his plate. She knew that his food would most likely be cold when he came back, and then he would go over to Joey's and eat a pizza there. She didn't have to wonder, she knew for sure that he had offered to tend to the baby because it meant getting out of eating the fish fingers.   
  
Chandler thanked his lucky star that it was Friday. He partly wondered why he was back at work so soon, he knew he had a total of eight weeks of paternity leave to claim, and since he'd been back to work two weeks after Emma's birth he still had six weeks to take off. But this time around he'd decided to save those weeks until when Monica went back to work. That way there would be someone home with the kids for six more weeks, and they would save some money on day-care. He hated getting up and going to work every morning though. He'd never been very fond of his job, and lately it had been feeling like it was just standing still. All he did at work was to go through files and the W.E.N.U.S. and teach the ropes to a pair of twin girls in their twenties that had begun working for him a while ago. He was bored out of his mind and he hated being away from the children all day long.   
He smiled slightly to himself and reached the floor they lived on. At least now he would get to say hi to them and spend two days at home with them. He had overslept this morning and hadn't gotten a chance to even see them. Not even Emma, since she hadn't been in her crib in the bedroom, but in the crib in Bridget's room where Monica had placed her when both girls had woken up around eleven PM and refused to go to sleep.   
He opened the door to the apartment and felt cheered up by the smell of lasagne, one of his favourite meals, cooking in the oven. That most likely meant that dinner wasn't far away, and he was hungry.   
He entered and began taking his coat off. Monica looked up at him with a smile, just finishing setting the table for two. He glanced at it and realized how long it had been since he'd had dinner with just her. He knew he was a bit late from work so she must have given Bridget dinner earlier. He didn't mind though, he couldn't really relax when he had dinner with the two year-old since it was a fulltime job keeping her under observation while she waved around with her knife and fork and had food all over the place.   
"Hey there" he said, and took a closer look at Monica. He realized she had lost more than half the weight she'd gained during her pregnancy. He felt surprised that he hadn't noticed that before.   
"Hey there" Monica echoed. "I'm glad your home, dinner's ready."  
She turned around and got the lasagne out from the oven. He smiled and felt how hungry he was. It smelled great.  
"Okay, see, here's what I thought" Monica said. "I figured that you and I could really use some time alone. So I talked to the guys who were more than willing to baby-sit for us for a couple of hours. I thought we could spent the evening together just the two of us, having dinner and just hanging out."   
"Oh that sounds cool" Chandler said. "A nice kick-off for the weekend."  
Monica smiled at him. He smiled back. He put his briefcase down and wished he could make it disappear during the weekend.  
"So where are the girls, let me say hi to them."  
"Oh they're not here" Monica said.  
"Not?"  
"No, didn't I mention that the guys were gonna baby-sit?"  
"Yes but I thought they hadn't picked them up yet!" Chandler said, trying to hide his disappointment.  
"No, the girls left around an hour ago" Monica said. "They'll be back sometime after midnight."  
"That late?" Chandler asked.  
"What's the big deal? Sure, it's past their bedtimes, but just one night won't do them any harm."  
"So they won't be back here for hours, is that what you're saying? Monica how could you do that?"  
"Do what?"  
"You know how much it means to me to get to see them! I didn't get a chance to this morning, how could you just let them leave before I had a chance to say hi?" Chandler asked, getting angry. "And they're not back before midnight? That means I'll haven't seen them at **ALL** today! You know, you're here with them every single day, but some of us have to go to work! You think that because you're the Mommy you get to decide everything, and I won't care weather or not I get a chance to see them? Do you have any idea how much I miss them each day at work?"   
"Oh come on!" Monica yelled.  
Chandler quieted and looked at her with slight confusion. He hadn't expected her to get mad and yell at him.  
"What are you getting so worked up about?" Monica continued. "It's just across the hall and across the street! It's not like I shipped them off to Monaco! For crying out loud, I thought you would get at least a **BIT** happy over a chance for us to get to talk to each other in peace for one night, but no! What the hell are you even mad about, all you have to do is go across the hall and then over to Ross's, and then come back here! It's not like I put a restraining order on you! Well thank you **VERY** much, thank you for making the effort. You know what? To hell with dinner!"   
"Monica this is--"  
"Oh I don't care!" Monica cut him off. "And by the way, no one forces you to go to work! Be glad for the break, some of us have to stay here all the time without getting more than a few minutes alone, having to think about the children all the time and take care about them. You'd think that you could for my sake have just gone and said hello to them and then spent the evening here with me, letting me take a break from being a Mamma for just one night! Just go and say hi to the girls, just go!"   
Chandler turned and left. He wasn't in the mood for sticking around until she got too worked up and broke into tears. It was better to give her some time and then come back and apologize when she had calmed down. He thought she had overreacted a whole lot, he didn't feel obligated to apologize for anything, but he knew it was smarter to just say the words.   
He walked into Joey and Rachel's apartment, where Bridget was sitting with the two roommates by the counter, eating crackers.   
"Hey there Bridge" he said, and ran his hand through her hair.  
"What are you doing here, haven't you been home yet?" Joey asked.  
"Yeah, I have, I just wanted to come over and say hi to Bridget before we ate" Chandler said.  
"What a wussy dad you are" Rachel commented.  
"Yeah, well I miss them when I'm at work" Chandler said. He didn't feel like explaining it any further.  
He stuck around for a few minutes, and then went over to Ross's apartment. Ross greeted him with almost the exact same question as Joey.   
"I just wanted to say a quick hello to the baby" Chandler explained.  
"Oh, well she's in her baby seat playing with a rattle" Ross said.  
Chandler walked over and sat down on the couch. Emma was in a baby-seat on the coffee table. Chandler gently grabbed the hand that wasn't clenched around the rattle and gave it a kiss. He breathed in the baby smell and was glad he'd come over instead of letting it be. It was a strange thing for him to be that attached, but he had found himself loving the role of the father and he really loved his children.   
After a short while he realized he should hurry back home before the dinner got cold. Monica might get even more worked up if they had to eat it cold, and he didn't want to push her. He knew she was vulnerable, and that although she'd handled her depression after the delivery really well there was a limit. He didn't want to push her over it.   
"Monica…" he said gently when he entered their apartment.  
He had decided to take a gentle approach and to try and be there for her tonight even if he was really worn out himself. After all, she had made an effort and he should meet her halfway. But his apology died on his lips when he looked around. Monica was on the couch, and from the looks of it she was still quite angry. There was no sign whatsoever that there had been dinner ready when he had gotten home. The table was cleared and the lasagne seemed to have vanished.   
"What happened to dinner?" Chandler asked.  
"I'm not hungry" Monica said. It was a lie. She was starving.  
"You had dinner on the table just a short while ago."  
"Yeah, well that dinner didn't suit kind sir."  
"What?"  
"You want to eat something? Have some cereal" Monica said. "I've got more important things on my mind than to cook you dinner."  
Chandler stared at her. She was facing away from him and hadn't turned around once since he'd gotten back. He realized she'd cleared the table and thrown the dinner out, and she must have been quite quick as well since he hadn't been gone for long. He didn't know what to think. All he knew was that he was way too hungry to just eat cereal. He opened the freezer to find a pizza to heat in the oven. While he was looking for it he noticed a few Tupperware containers filled with lasagne. Monica had really been quick.   
He didn't say anything to her until the pizza was ready. Monica tried to ignore her hunger which had made her stomach ache. She was through with him for one night, she'd had all the Chandler she could take. And the fact that he didn't even seem to realize that he had really hurt her made it all worse. She heard him take his food out of the oven and after a few minutes sit down to eat.   
"You wanna come sit with me?" he asked, feeling lonely.  
"Not if I can avoid it."  
Chandler gave the back of her head an annoyed glare. Now she was really starting to push it. He hadn't done anything wrong in his opinion, all he'd done was to ask to see his children. She should be glad he cared so much, his own father had never bothered much. But she was too busy sulking. He finished his dinner, not saying as much as a word to Monica. She didn't say anything to him either, she just sat on the couch and stared into space. He walked over and sat down next to her, keeping enough space between them to make sure they didn't touch.   
"So" he said. "What were we supposed to do tonight?"  
"Dance the limbo and then rob Central Perk" Monica quipped and walked into the bedroom, closing the door behind her.  
Chandler didn't bother looking after her. He couldn't figure out what her problem was. But if she couldn't accept the fact that he wanted to say hi to their children then he would just let her sulk. He didn't owe her an explanation or an apology. "Women…" he muttered.  
He leaned back on the couch and turned the TV on. A rerun of 'Cybill' was on, and he decided to watch it. There was nothing better on anyway. He felt incredibly lonely. The apartment seemed so quiet without Bridget's questions and Emma's nonsense sounds and her cries. He hated having to be away from them five days a week to work, Monica's complains annoyed him. She at least got to see them. And she could rest when the children slept while he had to stay awake all day long. But he still wouldn't have minded a night alone with Monica. But at the moment he felt lonely, which he had never done since the day he started dating her. She had always been there, they had always been able to just sit around doing nothing, saying nothing without getting awkward. He had never thought he could be lonely when she was right in the next room. After a couple of hours Monica came back out again. She didn't say anything, she just walked right past him and left the apartment. She always fed Emma her last meal for the night around nine PM, and the time was 8.45 PM now. She'd pumped out some milk and given Ross so he could feed her, but since it was obvious that she wouldn't be spending the night hanging out with Chandler she might as well do it herself.   
"Do you even need me to baby-sit, or is it just that you don't trust me?" Ross asked when he opened the door for her. "First Chandler, now you."   
"Yeah well let's just say that my plans for tonight didn't suit Chandler" Monica said, and walked past him inside his apartment.   
"I'm confused" Ross admitted.  
"Well you know how I predicted he would get excited about a night for just the two of us? Turns out he got angry."  
"Angry? He, he got **ANGRY**?"  
"Oh yeah. And he let me know what a bad wife and mother I am. Is Emma awake?"  
"Yeah, uhm, yeah" Ross said, surprised to hear about Chandler's reaction and confused by Monica's quick change of subject. "I was just about to go warm the milk."   
"Don't bother, I was hoping you hadn't fed her yet. I'm gonna take her home and feed her there instead myself. And then put her to bed."   
"You sure?" Ross asked.  
"Yeah. Thanks Ross, I appreciate the baby-sitting."  
Ross nodded and gave her a kiss on the cheek. She grabbed Emma's baby-lift and went back to her own apartment. Chandler looked up when she entered and couldn't keep back a smile when he saw the baby.   
'Oh sure, **HER** he smiles at' Monica thought. 'But God forbid he'd smile at me. And note to self, remember to thank him for at least **PRETENDING** like he appreciated getting a night off from being a Dad.'   
She put the lift with the baby in it on the counter and took her jacket off. She then grabbed the lift again and walked past Chandler to the armchair. She sat down and pulled her shirt up before unclasping her bra that opened in the front. She preferred that to maternity bras since she found those uncomfortable. She lifted Emma from the lift and placed her by her breast. The baby immediately began feeding. Chandler smiled slightly and went over to them. He loved watching when she nursed. He kneeled by Monica and gently stroke Emma's head. Monica gave him an annoyed glare.   
"Chandler I am feeding her, do you mind?" she said with an annoyed sigh. "Don't bother her and don't bother me."  
"Bother?" Chandler repeated with his eyebrows raised.  
"Exactly" Monica said. "You are really getting on my nerves tonight, stop upsetting me, do you think this is good for her?"  
Chandler made an angry face at her and then went across the hall. Joey and Rachel were in the middle of trying to get Bridget to go to sleep.   
"You again" Joey said, sounding surprised.  
"Me again" Chandler said.  
"Daddy I can't sleep" Bridget whined, very cranky and not far away from starting to cry. "I want to sleep home. Where's mommy?"  
"Yeah where is her mommy?" Rachel asked. "Excuse me for butting in, but I thought you two were having a night together. Sexing it up or something."   
"I don't think there was any sex in the plans…" Chandler said. "And we decided that it would be better for the children to get to go to sleep at our place. Instead of waking them up later to move them."   
The lie slipped easily over his lips. He didn't know why he didn't tell them the truth, he didn't feel responsible for how their evening had turned out. He assumed that he was afraid to admit to his friends that his and Monica's marriage wasn't at it's best at the moment. It would be like admitting that they'd failed, that they weren't as perfect as everyone seemed to think. He didn't realize that their friends already knew they were having a hard time, and that they didn't think any less of them as a couple because of it.   
"Here, come to Daddy, you want to come back home with me?" Chandler said to Bridget while lifting her up. "You look really sleepy. It's way past your bedtime, young lady."   
"Can we go home now?" Bridget whined.  
"Yes, sure we can" Chandler said. "Joey, Rachel, thanks a million."  
"You know you can always count on us to baby-sit" Rachel said. "Especially since your children are real sweethearts, a piece of cake to watch."   
"They're like their mother" Chandler said with a faint smile, kissing Bridget's blonde head. He assumed that kind of comment was expected from him.   
"Say goodnight to your other two women for us" Joey said.  
"Will do. Goodnight you two, and thanks again."  
Chandler went back across the hall and noticed that Monica had moved Emma to her other breast. He couldn't figure out why she always did that. Both Emma and Bridget had at first cried loudly when she had done that, but soon learned that their meal wasn't over just because they got taken from the breast, and stopped crying.   
"I'll get Bridget ready for bed" he said.  
Monica looked up and nodded.  
"Did you have a good time with Joey and Rachel, honey?" she asked her older child.  
"Yeah. Joey's an actor."  
Monica nodded and smiled slightly. Apparently Bridget had given them the question round earlier in the night. She continued nursing for a while and then decided that Emma had had enough for now. The baby didn't protest when she was moved up to her mother's shoulder, which Monica took as a bad sign. Usually she protested a bit, whenever she didn't she'd usually had a little too much to eat which would mean she would throw up. Monica went into the bathroom with her and decided to get her into her pyjamas while she waited to see if she would throw up. If she did, and her pyjamas got dirty, she could always let her sleep in just her diaper.   
Chandler didn't look up at her when she entered. He was busy trying to get Bridget's pyjama pants on, which wasn't so easy at the moment. Bridget was tired and cranky, and unwilling to help out. Chandler was quite tired and cranky himself, which didn't ease up the situation. Monica got Emma into her pyjamas and then told Chandler that she would take over dressing Bridget. She had the child in her pyjamas within two minutes. Chandler didn't say anything, he just lifted his daughter up and carried her into her room.   
"You could cut the tension with a knife" Monica mumbled. "What about you, huh?" she then said to the baby. "You need to be sick?"   
Emma just looked at her, not showing any signs of needing to throw up. Monica decided to take her chances and carried her into the bedroom. She sat down by the foot of the bed and slowly rocked back and forth with the baby, humming deep in her throat. Chandler walked in after a few minutes and for a second thought about offering to continue rocking her to sleep. He decided not to, since Monica probably wouldn't let him. He just stood by the door until he knew Emma was asleep. "Here, let me put her to bed" he offered in a whisper.  
"Here" Monica whispered back and carefully handed him the baby.  
Chandler put her down and then turned to look at Monica.  
"So are we going to stay up late and continue this wonderful night of bonding and merriment?" he asked in a sarcastic whisper.  
"It's at moments like these that you realize why marriages fail" Monica muttered in reply and got into bed.  
  
Chandler glanced at the clock on his desk the following Monday. He had only been at work for a couple of hours, but he decided to go home. Once he'd gotten a night's sleep he'd started feeling differently about what had happened on Friday night. He didn't think he was anymore wrong than he'd thought he was back then, but he wasn't angry with Monica anymore. Once he'd had a chance to think about it he'd realized that Monica hadn't acted like herself, and for a good reason. She was tired, stressed and probably lonely. They didn't get many chances to see each other these days, especially not alone together. The fact that she had arranged for them to have a quiet night alone together showed that she missed him. And he knew he missed her too. He decided to take the rest of the day off and spend it with her, helping her out with the children and just being with her. He left his office and told his secretary he was taking the day off. He then hurried home, only to find the apartment empty.   
"What the…" he mumbled and looked around to try and figure out where Monica and the kids were. "Across the hall. Aren't I stupid?" he mumbled, heading over to Joey's. He was surprised to find that apartment empty too. "Okay, so it's either Ross's place or Central Perk" he decided.   
Half an hour later he was back in his own apartment, with no clue over where his wife and children had gone. Both Ross and Rachel were at work and Joey was at an audition, so they hadn't been around for him to ask if they knew where they were. He sat down by the kitchen table and started feeling worried. Where on earth had Monica gone?   
She got home with the children forty-five minutes later, and Chandler was more than angry when she walked through the door.   
"Where the hell have you been?" he said, only stopping himself from yelling since the kids were there.  
Monica looked startled to see him home and didn't answer him. He hurried over and gave Bridget a hug and Emma a kiss before he gave Monica a hard and frustrated kiss on the lips. He then angrily looked at her.   
"Answer me, where in God's name have you been?"  
"What are you doing home?" she asked.  
"I took the day off, now tell me where you were!"  
"Phoebe's!" Bridget announced.  
"You were at Phoebe's?" Chandler said, calming down somewhat.  
"Yes. Is that allowed?" Monica asked testily.  
She walked right past him and set down the baby-lift with Emma in it on the kitchen table. She quietly took the baby's hat, jacket, gloves and shoes off and then did the same with Bridget. Bridget ran off to her room to play as soon as she was free from outdoor clothes.   
"Why were you at Phoebe's?" Chandler then asked. "And why didn't you tell me this morning where you'd be?"  
"Chandler what's the big deal? I go there everyday!"  
"Excuse me?"  
"I go there, leave the girls with Phoebe for around ninety minutes while I go for a jog, then I borrow her shower and then come back home again."   
"And when where you planning on telling **ME**?" Chandler asked.  
"Telling you what?" Monica asked, confused.  
"You don't think I have the right to know stuff like this?"  
"Well excuse me, I didn't know it was my obligation to tell you where I am 24/7" Monica said. "Why would you care anyway? You're never home during the days, I need to get some time for myself, this was the perfect solution."   
"From now on you tell me things like this" Chandler angrily said. "You scared me half to death!"  
"How, exactly?" Monica asked, annoyed. "I trust Phoebs, she takes good care of the girls. And how I dispose my time while you're at work is my business."   
"Well today is your lucky day Monica" Chandler dryly said. "I've taken the day off to spend it with the children. You can go off and do whatever the hell you want to do, you have an entire day at your disposal."   
"What, you're kicking me out?" Monica asked. "Don't even for a second believe that you can just take a day off at random and then try and tell me what to do and not do during that day. I'm staying right here." "Right, I forgot. There's no way to win with you" Chandler said angrily.  
She ignored his comment and went into the bedroom. Chandler picked Emma up and went over to the couch where he sat down with her.  
"Some parents you have, huh?" he mumbled to the baby. "I think she and I could **REALLY** use a break from each other."  
  
The next week Chandler spent a day at home with Bridget, while Monica took Emma to a check-up. He noted sadly that it was May now, and soon his and Monica's third anniversary. It wouldn't be much of an anniversary if they were fighting with each other. He hoped they would have worked their problems out by then. They weren't big problems, but there were lots of them.   
He sighed and put his mug down on the kitchen table, on one of Monica's coasters. It was a ceramic mug with his name on it, handmade even. Rachel had gotten them a handmade ceramic mug each on their wedding day, with their names on them. Chandler usually drank from the one that said 'Monica', but that one had been among the dirty dishes this morning so he had taken the one with his name on it instead. He glanced over at Bridget, who was busy with her colouring books. "How are ya' doing there?" he asked her.  
"Good" she said.  
"What are you colouring?"  
"A princess" Bridget said. "I'm giving her dark hair. Like mommy."  
Chandler smiled slightly. He let his hand brush through Bridget's blonde hair. He had been blonde when he was little, his daughter's hair would most likely turn darker around puberty. He couldn't imagine that though, he couldn't picture her as a teenager. She was his little girl and he wished she could stay that way forever.   
"Daddy?" Bridget said, looking up at him. Her smile was gone, she seemed preoccupied with something. "Why was mommy crying?"  
"What? When?"  
"Last week. After you'd been home with us that day. She cried the next day at Phoebe's" Bridget said.  
"Oh, I don't know sweetie" Chandler said, feeling a bit worried. Monica crying always affected him. "I honestly don't know. I'll find out though."   
"When?"  
"When she gets home with Emma."  
"Will you find out without getting mad?" Bridget asked.  
"What? Why would I get mad?"  
"You're always mad at her now" Bridget said sadly. "You two are always mad when you're together. And when you're not, mommy's sad."   
"Honey that's not true."  
"Yes it is. Ever since Emba came you two have been mad."  
"Honey why don't you go back to colouring?" Chandler suggested.  
He didn't want to get any further into the subject. He wondered if Bridget was right. She was only two years old, but he knew she probably picked up the tension between her parents. He hoped she didn't think Emma was the cause of it. He knew that it was the job of handling two children at once that had caused the tension between Monica and him, but it wasn't Emma's fault. He hadn't known that Monica was sad most of the time though. He felt like a lousy husband, for the umpteenth time since the birth of his second child. He wasn't giving Monica enough support, he should really be there for her more. No matter how angry he was at her, genuine sadness from her always affected him. She knew better than to use it as a weapon against him, which made him feel so much worse when he detected it. She was sad and she was doing her best to hide it from him.   
  
Chandler woke up a couple of weeks later and realized that he still hadn't done anything about his situation with Monica. She was sleeping next to him, and for a minute he toyed with the thought of getting up and making breakfast in bed for her. After all, it was their anniversary today. But he decided that she probably didn't care about breakfast, what she cared about was getting some sleep. So he got out of bed and carefully lifted Emma from her crib.   
"Come here sweetie…" he whispered.  
He brought her to the bathroom and changed her diaper, then got her dressed. He went out into the living room and put her in her baby-lift, hoping she would be quiet for a while. He then woke Bridget up and got her dressed. He told her to be quiet and then cooked breakfast for her, while warming breast milk for Emma to make sure she didn't start screaming and would wake her mother.   
Monica woke up two hours later and grunted. She glanced at the time and frowned. She hadn't slept to eight AM in months. She reached out her hand to find Chandler, but he was already up. She heard Bridget's voice and a noise from Emma coming from the living room, and realized he'd gotten up and taken care of the kids. She played with the thought of sleeping in, then decided not to and got out of bed.   
"Hey" Chandler said when she got out in the living room.  
"Morning mommy" Bridget said.  
"Good morning" Monica said.  
"Sleep okay?" Chandler asked.  
"Yeah, thanks."  
"Since today is our anniversary I figured we could let the guys take the girls for a few hours during the day. And we can exchange gifts and yadda, yadda."   
"Sounds okay" Monica said in a yawn, making herself some toast.  
"What's yadda, yadda?" Bridget asked.  
"It's Sanskrit for 'go hurry get your teddy bear, Phoebe's picking you up in ten minutes'" Chandler said.  
"That soon?" Monica asked.  
Chandler gave her a look. She wasn't one to complain, and his look was to remind her that she had let the children be picked up before he'd even gotten home, the last time their friends had baby-sat. Monica looked away.   
An hour later they had been alone for a while, but hardly said a word to each other. Chandler decided to order a pizza for lunch, even though Monica wasn't very hungry since she'd just had breakfast. She sat down to eat with him anyway, and the mood got a bit less tense during lunch. Once the pizza carton was thrown out and everything else was washed, Chandler suggested present exchanging.   
"I should just give you the charm first" he said and fished out a small jewellery box from his pocket.  
Monica took it and smiled slightly. She felt excited about it, she had been curious for a while now what charm it would be this year. And she was glad he'd gotten her one even if they weren't exactly lovey-dovey at the time. She opened the box and fished out a small charm. It looked like a golden miniature version of the skin of an animal hanging with it's legs spread. She glanced up at him.   
"Uh-oh. How will you explain this one to Phoebe?" she joked.  
"Third year is the leather anniversary" Chandler said. "They actually had a charm in the shape of a whip, but since that's so not us I figured this one suited you better."   
Monica smiled.  
"Well thank you for the charm, it's sweet. Wanna help me with it?"  
She reached her arm out and he obediently attached it to a golden ring on the same side as the cotton plant charm, with two rings in-between them.   
"So, time for the other things now?" Monica asked.  
"Suppose" Chandler said with a shrug to the shoulder.  
Monica rose and went into the bedroom. Chandler followed her and got a parcel from under the bed. She wondered why he'd kept it there. She knew she wouldn't get a raff-set like she had last year. She wondered what it would be this time.   
They walked back out to the living room and sat down by the kitchen table again. Monica handed him her gift and he opened it. She had gotten him a new mouse for his computer, since she knew his hardly worked anymore. The mouse was in the shape of a blue M&M. Chandler held it up and chuckled slightly.   
"I know it's not romantic" Monica said. "But I know you needed one. Hopefully that one will work on your computer."  
"I'll finally have the funniest computer at work" Chandler chuckled.  
Monica smiled slightly. The whole thing felt laboured, their relationship was under too much pressure at the time for them to be able to try and pretend that everything was normal. But on the other hand, she'd rather pretend everything was normal and do a poor job, than to just sit around and sulk all day. At least this way they did something together.   
"Okay, and here's yours" Chandler said, handing him her gift. "And it's not bought at the M&M store, unfortunately."  
Monica didn't bother to react to his comment. She unwrapped the gift and found a carton box. She opened it carefully and her eyes went wide when she looked inside.   
"Chandler…" she said.  
She lifted up one of two handmade mugs, a bit smaller than the ones she and Chandler had gotten from Rachel on their wedding day. The mug said Emma's name, and when she lifted up the second cup she saw Bridget's name on it.   
"They would probably get annoyed if their daddy gave them that, so I thought you'd like them better" Chandler said.  
"I love them, they're adorable" Monica said.  
She rose and went over to the shelf where the first two mugs stood, and placed the two smaller ones next to them. She smiled slightly.   
"It looks cute."  
"It does" Chandler agreed.  
Monica walked over to him and gave him a sweet kiss on the mouth. He automatically placed his hands on her waist and she wished he wouldn't take them away from there. She had by now gotten back to her weight before her second pregnancy, thanks to exercise and smart eating. She hoped he had noticed. But his hands left her waist after just a few seconds, and he rose from his chair. He got his briefcase and took the M&M mouse out from it's carton and placed it in the briefcase to make sure he wouldn't forget about bringing it to work. Monica followed his lead and cleared away the paper and cartons lying on the table.   
There was an awkward moment when they both looked at each other without knowing what to say. Chandler slowly walked over to her and they stood close to each other for a few minutes, looking at each other. Then they kissed, and both tried to set aside their worries about all of the problems between them. Soon they made their way into the bedroom where they had sex with each other. They both knew that it was mostly just because they felt it was part of their anniversary to do so, than because they honestly wanted to make love. Chandler was careful with her since it was their first time since her delivery, but it hurt anyway. Monica didn't let it show. She knew that the problem wasn't that it was too soon, the problem was that she didn't feel emotionally right about it. Afterwards they didn't say much, they just rested together in silence.   
  
Later that evening Monica put Emma down in her crib at the same time as Chandler entered the bedroom.  
"Daughter #1 is sleeping" he reported.  
"So is daughter #2" Monica told him.  
She sat down on the bed with him, both trying to think of something to say and both feeling awkward. After almost twenty minutes of silence Chandler had had enough and got up from the bed.   
"You know what, this is just it, I can't live like this anymore!" he said.  
Monica stared at him with wide eyes.  
"Chandler you're not **LEAVING**, are you?"  
"What? Of course I'm not!" Chandler said. "But I cannot, **WILL** not live like this anymore! Monica you and I need to have a long deep talk and sort things out! It's like there's a huge gap between us, I want to overcome it! I want my wife back! And I want to be the kind of husband she deserves again!"   
"I really want that too" Monica said in a whisper. "I hate what's going on between us, Chandler. I don't want to live like this anymore either. I want things to be like before."   
"I don't want to overanalyse everything and when I think about it, I want to solve this all with as little talking as possible" Chandler said. "Bringing up the things that have hurt us won't help us."   
"I think we need to talk about those things" Monica objected.  
"Look, we have both said and done stupid things" Chandler said. "And we have both overreacted a whole lot. You know what we've done wrong this time around? We've forgotten to communicate! When Bridget was a baby we used to talk things through as soon as a problem showed up! We never allowed any misunderstandings and we never allowed ourselves to go and be hurt over small things, getting worked up about them! But this time it's like we've both avoided each other. If we had talked about things much sooner, then we wouldn't be in this situation today!"   
"It's not as simple as all that" Monica gently said. "We have both been exhausted, and we've had little time just for the two of us. We haven't been able to talk!"   
"Well I want to make a deal with you" Chandler said. "Every morning we sit down and talk. Either we can talk in bed in the morning or when we eat breakfast. But just as long as we take the time to talk."   
"I would like that" Monica said with a slight smile. "You know, things have been so chaotic around here for months now, I don't think I've even told you how much I love you since February!"   
"There's no need to tell me what I already know" Chandler said.  
"I know you want to hear it even if you already know it" Monica said. "I love you. I could talk for hours about how strongly I feel about you without even getting close to describing how strong my feelings are. And even though you know that, I think you need to hear it every once in a while, and I know I need to say it."   
"I love you that much too…" Chandler said softly. "And I owe it all to you. Everything. My marriage, my children, not to mention the strongest feeling I've ever experienced."   
"Come here" Monica said, barely loud enough for him to hear it.  
He walked over and sat down next to her. She kissed him lovingly and he kissed her back the same way. They kissed over and over with building passion, mumbling words of love to each other. After a long while they had gotten into bed and they both took their time touching and kissing the other one. Monica felt on the verge of tears when he finally entered her and they together found a slow and steady rhythm, making their bodies move in perfect harmony. It didn't hurt her at all this time, it felt better than she had remembered sex to be. But it was just as much the opening to how to solve their problems as it was the physical act itself.   
  
"Monica?"  
Monica looked up when she heard him say her name. He was asking for her. She didn't want him to waste his strength trying to talk.  
"Schhh" she gently shushed him. "You're weak. Don't talk. I'm right here."  
Chandler looked at her with eyes that had lost most of their color but none of the love she was so used finding in them. He had come to the same conclusion as her, he wasn't going to live for much longer, and he was happier than she realized to find her there. And Monica was happy he recognised her at all. It had been a couple of days since he'd done that.   
"I'm dying, aren't I?" he asked her with a voice that had hardly no strength and that was old and husky.  
"You'll feel better soon, sweetie" Monica said, kissing his hand.  
"No… I'm dying."  
"Sch… Don't worry about that now.""  
"I just wanted you to know" he said, "some things I want to tell you."  
"Honey save your strength. Don't talk. There can't be anything you have to tell me that I don't already know."  
"I know I won't live to see the sun rise" Chandler said. "So please let me say what I want to say."  
She nodded, letting him have it his way.  
"Don't be so sad about me" he said. "I won't stop loving you. And I'll look after them for you, for **US**. Finally one of us will be able to do that."   
Monica nodded.  
"Monica I just want to tell you… I love you the most. And I always have. The children have always had my love, but not as much as you. I never stopped loving you, and those feelings can't cease to exist just because I die. Real love is forever. Please tell the children how much I love them. But keep in mind that you're the one I love the most."   
"I know" Monica said with a faint smile. "Because I feel the exact same thing for you."  
"You're what made life worth living. No matter how bad things got, you made it all worth it. You made me able to wake up each day with a smile. You're a blessing. We said our vows for better and for worse, and that's what we got. And that's what we made it through. Go look in my jacket pocket."   
Monica looked surprised, but went over to the closet and searched through his pocket. She came across a satin pouch, and went over to him with it.   
"Look inside" he said.  
She did, and she was moved to tears by what she found. It was two more charms for her bracelet.  
"We'll never have a diamond anniversary or an iron anniversary" he said. "But your bracelet won't be complete without those charms. The diamond and the iron piece have silver rings to attach to the rings on the bracelet, instead of gold."   
"I can see that" Monica said.  
"Those are the only two ones left. Diamond anniversary, sixty years. And iron anniversary, seventy five years. I won't be there for those anniversaries and I didn't think it would be right for you to wear those charms with the gold pieces to attach to the bracelet. So I got them in silver instead. That way you will have all twenty-four charms for the bracelet, but only the twenty-two ones I celebrated with you in gold."   
"I love you baby…" she said, and dried her tears.  
"You know I know that… And that I love you too" he said. "Hopefully the two silver plated charms will help you remember how much you mean to me when I'm no longer here to remind you myself."   
He quieted and closed his eyes. Monica felt a cold hand clasp her heart. She begged him silently to open his eyes. After over fifteen minutes he did.   
"The letters…" he said.  
"Yes?"  
"I knew you would make me read them sooner" he said with a faint smile. "I knew it on our wedding day. I've read both yours and mine two years ago. Did you read them yet love?"   
Monica shook her head.  
"I wanted to save them. I'm going to read them after…" She began crying. "After you're gone. To have a piece of you left, to have our memory intact and to hear you speak to me, saying things I haven't heard before, even if you're dead."   
He nodded.  
"Dry those tears Monica… We've made the most out of our years. As long as you love me we will still have each other." He swallowed. "To this day I have never watched a sunset with you since we married. Remember our honeymoon. The sun never did set."   
Monica nodded. She leaned in and kissed him with all of her love. She had gotten a vaccination for scarlatina, she wasn't worried about catching it herself. They both whispered that they loved each other at the same time. She then leaned back and looked at him. His breath was wheezing and she knew he was in pain. His throat ached, just like his head did and probably all of his joints and most muscles. He probably suffered from great itches too, but he didn't complain a bit.   
She knew he was still awake. She wondered for how much longer he would be. She had been with him when he'd fallen asleep for fifty-five years now, ever since the night in London more than half a century ago. Back then she had felt like when she got together with someone for good she wouldn't get to spend many years with him compared to how long she'd waited to find him. But she realized that Chandler had been with her for fifty-five years now, and she had only had to wait twenty-eight years to find love in him. Even though it had felt like a very long time back then, she now knew she would have waited another twenty-eight years if it had meant getting to be with him. He would have been more than worth the wait. Richard had said something like that to her once, but she wondered if he had ever felt for her what she felt for Chandler. She doubted it. Richard had let her go over the baby issue. Monica loved her children very much, but she knew in her heart that if Chandler had told her before they'd become parents that the last thing he wanted was children, she would still have married him. She saw his eyes open and look at her. She looked at him back with all of her love and the look in her eyes told him not to speak. He didn't have to, she knew already what he would want to tell her. She had gotten to know him so well that she had often brought him something to drink before he'd said he was thirsty, or something to eat before he'd told her he was hungry. And he had done the same for her. All the years together had made them learn how to read each other's body language, and all they needed was one look at the other one to know what mood the other one was in and in some cases even what had caused it. Monica knew that their children envied that in their parents' marriage, neither of them had found the same thing with the people they'd married. Monica always told them to give it time, that she and Chandler hadn't been that way at first. It had taken them more than a decade, but when she thought back on it, it felt as if they had always been synched like that.   
Chandler's eyes closed again and Monica suddenly knew. He had been right earlier, he wouldn't live to see the sunrise. She felt desperation wash over her like a tidal wave, he had to be there, she couldn't let him leave her. She felt his hand squeeze hers, barely hard enough for her to even detect. She knew he was telling her to let him go, to let him die. And to not be so sad. She tried her best to repress her devastation, to be there for him during his last minutes in life, but she knew she didn't succeed completely. But she didn't say a word, she just watched him, watched over him as he took his last breaths and then died. Their fifty-two year-old marriage had reached an end, it could never continue from here. She was a widow.   
  
  
  
**Part 2 of four will come along eventually, it takes a while to write J. I love feedback, constructive criticism is welcome, please send your comments and/or questions to [annapanna__@hotmail.com][1] (and make sure you write 2 underlines, the poor girl with annapanna_@hotmail.com gets enough mails meant for me anyway J) **

   [1]: mailto:annapanna__@hotmail.com



	2. Chapter 2

  
  
  
  


For Better, For Worse (2)

  
  
Second part of four, and I wouldn't suggest anyone to start reading it unless they have time on their hands… It's long, but on the other hand this part was supposed to cover a couple of more years, but I thought it got a little too long. And make sure you've read part 1 first, otherwise some things may not make sense at all. As for disclaimer stuff, I don't own the characters and events from "Friends" that might be mentioned.   
  
Monica looked around in the room, surprised to see how many people had come to the wake. She wasn't even aware that they knew so many people that were still alive and well enough to come. Most of their old friends were either dead or too sick to be there. Ross was dead. He'd died ten years ago in a car accident. Phoebe was dead. She'd gotten a new disease that had been discovered in 2035, and she had died the year before Ross. Rachel was alive, but she had Alzheimer's and now lived at a home for elderly sick people. Joey was the only one who was alive and well enough to be there. He'd stayed surprisingly healthy over the years.   
She saw her children, the ones who had survived to adulthood. She saw Emma who hadn't spoken to her since her Father's death, Monica didn't know exactly why. She saw Calista with he daughter Tess. She saw Ben and his wife. And a whole bunch of people who she had forgotten.   
She was seated by the casket where Chandler lay. It was closed now, it would be open for the funeral. She knew it was his body in there, but she still didn't feel as if it was him. He had only been dead for three days, funerals went quick to plan these days, and her grief was still so fresh that it hadn't really been registered in her mind.   
She looked over at Emma again. She looked almost angry. She had never coped with loss very well, and Monica knew how close she had been to her Father. Next to Emma sat her oldest child, Josephine, with her own daughter in her arms. Monica's and Chandler's only great grandchild, this far anyway. Chandler would never get to meet any of the other ones that might come along, and Monica wasn't so sure she would either. Josephine's daughter was named Zoë and she had just had her first birthday. Monica looked at the yellow dress with small blue flowers on it that the baby was wearing. It had once been Emma's. Monica remembered the year when she had given that dress to her daughter.   
  
Chandler woke up early and realized he needed to go to the bathroom. He sighed heavily and got out of bed. He hated getting out of bed, even to go to the bathroom, at these hours.   
Once he got back to the bedroom he took a glance at the time. It was 5.30. He sighed again and then took a look at Monica. She was fast asleep and her long hair was on top of the covers. She hadn't cut more than the ends since their wedding. It had been more than three years and her hair reached below her waist by now. Chandler loved to linger it around him when he went to bed, it was soft and nice and it smelled like her. Monica had once sighed and said that she ought to cut it short and make him a scarf out of the hair she'd cut off.   
He glanced at the alarm clock again and figured she'd set it to ring at about 6.15. That gave him 45 minutes. He snuck down under the covers again and realized he wasn't tired at all anymore. He'd gotten too awake while being up to pee. The apartment was cold compared to what it was like under their covers, he always froze when he got out of bed. He watched Monica again. She was lying on her stomach with her head turned away from him. Her hands were up on each side of her head and her hair seemed to be everywhere. He decided to wake her up.   
"Wakie, wakie…" he mumbled and snuggled closer to her.   
Monica showed no signs of having woken up. He smiled slightly and decided to give her a few more minutes. He carefully put an arm around her waist and scooted even closer. He loved watching her sleep, but it didn't take long for him to decide that watching the back of her head wasn't the most fun thing in the world.   
"Honey" he gently said and shook her. "Babe, wake up."   
Monica moaned slightly and seemed to have woken up. She rolled over to her back and squinted at him, then she turned so that she was lying on her side with her arms around him too. Then she went back to sleep. Chandler smiled widely.   
"You are so cute" he mumbled in her hair.   
After a few minutes he had gotten her awake enough to be able to communicate.   
"Sweetie what do you want?" she mumbled, slightly whiny.   
"What time did you set the alarm at?"   
"I don't know, I can't remember" Monica moaned.   
"See, I was thinking…" he began, and gently caressed her side. "If you set it at a decent enough time there might be some time for you and I to be a little intimate."   
Monica giggled slightly and seemed to be a bit more awake.   
"Maybe we should sneak over to their room and lock the door and keep them in there until 8.13" she joked. "And 'wake Emma up' exactly a year after her birth."   
Chandler smiled.   
"Or actually, we could just wait until then to go in there" he said. "And if Bridget comes in here we'll just tell her to go back to bed."   
"Honey they get up at like 6.30, we can't just make them wait for 103 minutes" Monica commented.   
"Well we could at least hold off the present giving until that time" Chandler suggested. "It would make a cute tradition."   
"Oh you and your cute traditions" Monica said. "Screw traditions, you woke me up to have sex so let's have sex."   
"You're such a morning person" Chandler said with a grin.   
  
  
Chandler's even thrusts were interrupted by the alarm clock that started to ring. Monica moaned in annoyment and quickly reached over to turn it off.   
"Sorry madam, duty calls, we can finish this later" Chandler said with feigned seriousness and got off her.   
"Oh no you don't" Monica said and pulled him back down. "Five more minutes."   
"But not a second more" Chandler joked.   
"Don't talk" Monica whispered and kissed him passionately.   
A few minutes later they were done, and Chandler glanced over at the time once he felt able to do anything else than pant.   
"We should get up" he said. "It's 6.25."   
"Shit!" Monica exclaimed and hurried out of bed.   
Chandler followed her a bit more slowly and went into the living room right behind her where she hurriedly began fixing the tray.   
"Honey…" he said. "Why don't we just get her ready and then hold off with the presents until the time she was born? You'll never be able to fix everything in time to wake her up anyway…"   
"Yeah, okay…" Monica agreed, sounding slightly disappointed.   
"Mommy?" they heard Bridget's voice say.   
"See?" Chandler said with a gesture at the almost three-year-old girl. "I told you we should have gotten up with the alarm clock."   
Monica gave him a dirty look and he grinned.   
"Come here, come to daddy" Chandler said and lifted Bridget up. "You know what day it is today?" he asked her.   
"Valentine's day!" Bridget declared.   
"No sweetie, that was four days ago."   
"Oh" Bridget said.   
Four days earlier Monica and Chandler had waited for the kids to go to sleep and then lit up the living room with candles to have a romantic dinner. After dinner they had danced together and Bridget had walked in during their dance. She had learned how to climb out of her crib, which Monica hated since she couldn't help thinking that she would fall and hurt herself, and she had woken up because she was thirsty. She had just been about to cry out for her parents when she'd heard the music and gotten curious over what was going on. She had seen her parents dancing in the almost dark room and loudly asked what was going on. After first getting told off for being out of bed, she had gotten the concept of Valentine's day explained to her, and now she seemed to assume that every day that there was something special about was Valentine's day.   
"Do you want to take another guess?" Chandler asked her, carrying her to the bathroom. "What day is it today?"   
"Christmas?"   
"Nope. It's Emma's birthday."   
"Emba's birthday?"   
"Exactly."   
Bridget seemed slightly confused that it could be her sister's birthday today, and was unusually quiet while her father got her dressed. In the meantime Monica went in to the nursery to see if Emma was awake. She found the birthday girl awake, and Monica couldn't help smiling big when Emma's face burst out in a wide smile when she saw her mother.   
"Hi there little angel" Monica said lovingly. "Do you know what day it is today, huh? I think your Father has a sixth sense, he knew you were going to be awake already." She lifted Emma from her crib. "Come here you… To think that one year ago exactly, I hadn't yet held you in my arms. You hadn't even been born. I was at the hospital, dilated seven centimetres if I'm not mistaking…" She kissed the girl on the top of her head. "Yeah, you sure took your time being born. Almost as much time as your sister."   
"Ma-ma" Emma said.   
Monica smiled wider and kissed her on the top of the head again. Emma had said her first word on Valentine's day and it warmed Monica's heart as much every time to hear her daughter call her Mamma. She called Chandler Dada, and Chandler's reaction was always the same as Monica's.   
"Mamma's gonna help you get dressed now sweetie" Monica said. "Or actually, I think I'll wait. You know, it's your birthday today honey. Yes it is. And I have a feeling you'll get something pretty to wear today when everyone is coming over."   
She carried the child out to the living room and held her with one arm while beginning to cook breakfast with the other. Chandler came out after a few minutes together with Bridget who was now dressed.   
"Hey, let me hold the birthday girl while you fix breakfast" Chandler said and lifted Emma to his own arms.   
"How many years is Emba?" Bridget asked.   
"A whole year" Chandler said and sat down by the kitchen table.   
"How many years am I?"   
"You're two years. It's your birthday in a month, you know how old you'll be then?" Chandler asked.   
"Nine!" Bridget said with a grin.   
"No, that's how old cousin Ben is" Chandler said with a chuckle.   
Monica put the breakfast on the table and sat down to eat with them. After an hour and a half they sat down with the children on the couch and Chandler went and got the presents from the bedroom.   
"Why does Emba get presents?" Bridget said, obviously jealous.   
"It's her birthday. Remember how we give people presents on their birthday?" Chandler said.   
"Don't worry sweetie, your birthday is in just a month, you will get presents then."   
"Okay" Bridget said reluctantly.   
Monica and Chandler took turns in opening the gifts for Emma, since she couldn't do it herself. Monica gave one gift to Bridget and told her to open it for her sister. The present was a dress, yellow with blue flowers. Chandler chuckled at the jealous look on Bridget's face and reminded her that she wouldn't be able to wear it anyway since it was too small for her. Monica laid Emma down on the couch and got her out of her pyjamas and into her dress. She then lifted her up.   
"Isn't she cute?" Monica said.   
"Da-da" Emma said.   
"Em-ma" Chandler fondly imitated her. "Happy birthday" he added. "Let's just hope you'll have at least sixty more." He smiled at Bridget. "And that, young lady, goes for you too…" He looked up at Monica. "A**AND** for you."   
  
  
Monica was in Chandler's lap, straddling him, and Chandler was sitting in the armchair. They were locked in a deep, passionate kiss, oblivious to the fact that it was the middle of the day and someone might walk in on them. They knew Bridget wouldn't since Ross and Rachel were baby-sitting the girls, but Joey and Phoebe might.   
"Maybe…" Monica said between kisses, "we… should… get… started… with the… presents…"   
"If you… insist" Chandler said and gave her one last long kiss on the lips. "I've been a bit mean to you this year" he continued. "You're gonna have to search for the charm."   
Monica smiled and got off his lap. She walked over to the kitchen and reached down into the mug that had her name on it and fished out a small parcel.   
"Et voila!" she said.   
"How the…" Chandler said, surprised at how quickly she'd found it.   
"'Mommy, why was Daddy putting a present in your mug?'" Monica said, imitating Bridget with a huge smile on her face.   
"Oh that little traitor" Chandler said. "I didn't even know she saw me!"   
"Well I figured, since then she probably would have asked you" Monica said.   
She went back over to him and sat down in his lap. He put his hands around her waist and she leaned back in his arms, beginning to open the present. She found a charm in the shape of an apple.   
"Our apple anniversary?" she asked with a giggle.   
"No, it's fruit anniversary actually" Chandler said. "And actually, the charms that belong to the bracelet were either a pear or a pineapple, they have two for each thing so you can choose a little. But I got this one instead that's actually a charm for a necklace."   
"Why?" Monica asked.   
"When we left our hotel in London to go back to New York you said you were hungry, remember? So I had us stop by a small market and I bought you a fruit, remember?"   
"Yeah, a red apple…" Monica said.   
"Exactly. So I figured that the apple had sort of a relationship symbol touch to it, so I got that instead of the pear. Or pineapple."   
"You're so cute" Monica said with a smile and turned her head to kiss him.   
Chandler then attached the apple to her bracelet, right opposite the charm he'd gotten her the year before. Monica smiled widely and didn't want to wait any longer before she gave him his present. She got up and grabbed a small thin parcel from a shelf in the kitchen and handed it to him.   
"Oh look! A present!" Chandler joked.   
"Open it sweets" Monica said.   
Chandler opened it and found an envelope. He opened the envelope as well and pulled out what looked like some form of contract. He frowned.   
"What on earth is this?"   
"Read it."   
Chandler read a few lines, then looked up.   
"You could tell me first and I'll read later."   
"You do know how to read don't you? Just read it!"   
Chandler nodded and began reading again. By the time he was finished his chin had fallen and he was staring at the piece of paper in his hands.   
"Okay, so wait a minute, let me see if I got this straight…" he said. "You, you got me the apartment?"   
"Well yeah. We've been living here illegally, and I thought we ought to stop that by now. And since everyone's always thought of this as my place I figured that now it would get to be your place."   
"**OUR** place" Chandler said with a loving smile. "What's his is hers."   
  
  
Monica came home feeling numb. She had a feeling like she was still asleep, she was just dreaming, she would wake up any minute and tell Chandler about the bad dream she had had. But she knew that it was just her imagination, she was wide awake and unfortunately she wasn't dreaming.   
Chandler looked up and smiled when she entered. He was busy playing Monopoly with Ross and Phoebe, and from the look on his face she assumed he was winning. She hated the fact that he was in a good mood, because she knew she had to take him out of it.   
"Hey guys…" she said. "Uhm, listen, Phoebs, Ross, I kinda' need to talk to Chandler."   
"Why what's wrong?" Phoebe asked.   
"No it's nothing between us, it's…" She sighed. "It's just that I haven't told you the back story, only Chandler and Joey were here when I told that part, so it would take a while to explain it to you two and I just want to cut right to the chase, so it would be better if I got to talk to Chandler alone."   
"What's happened?" Chandler asked with a frown.   
"We'll be back later" Ross said. "But not to continue this game."   
"Oh you're just annoyed you were losing" Phoebe said as she followed him out.   
"So what's wrong?" Chandler asked Monica.   
She walked over and began sitting down, but then decided to stand. She felt almost scared to tell him, even though she knew it was ridiculous.   
The back story was that one of the chefs at the restaurant had gotten pregnant and Monica had found out that Allessandro was going to fire her. Monica hadn't had that problem herself when she got pregnant, the first time around she and Chandler had taken turns, a week each, being at home with the baby and she had only worked halftime, so her maternity leave hadn't affected her work much. And the second time around she had gotten pregnant around eight months before Allessandro's had closed for renovation and she would have had the time off anyway. But with the woman who was now pregnant Allessandro thought it would be way too complicated to have her replaced while she was gone and then fire the replacer once the woman returned from her maternity leave. So he had decided to fire her. And today Monica had gotten mad about it, since she knew she herself could get pregnant again and she didn't want to have to worry about losing her job just because she had a baby. She had gotten into a debate with her boss about how it made no sense to fire the other girl, although Allessandro claimed it wasn't because she was pregnant. The whole thing had turned complicated and before Monica knew it the conversation had led to herself being fired instead of the pregnant woman. She didn't know what to do.   
"Monica?" Chandler asked, looking at her with questioned eyes. "Are you okay?"   
"You remember the pregnant woman at my job?"   
"Yeah what about her?"   
"Allessandro and I got into sort of a… an argument about it today."   
"An argument with your boss?" Chandler asked. "Well what happened?"   
"Well… I don't know, it's complicated! I mean, I… He said that it wasn't her pregnancy, although everyone knows it, I've even overheard the man say it! But the whole thing turned quite messy and…"   
"And what? Did she get to keep her job?"   
"Well, yeah."   
"Well then that's great!" Chandler said. "Way to go Monica."   
"You don't understand."   
"Of course I do. And I have to say I'm proud, that's quite nicely done!"   
"No, see--"   
"And I assume your colleagues don't dislike you as much now, huh?"   
"Honey I was **FIRED!**" Monica exclaimed.   
"You what?"   
"I was fired."   
"But how on earth did **THAT** happen?"   
"I'm not sure really, you know how discussions can sometimes turn into really complicated things where you don't really know what you've said yourself or what the other person has said, and… And I was just fired, that's all there is too it."   
Chandler didn't say anything for a few minutes. He didn't know what to say. He didn't know weather to be angry at her boss or sad for her sake or what to feel and think.   
"Chandler?" she said, her voice sounded very small. "Are you mad?"   
"At who, you? Why would I be mad at you?" He sighed. "Damn… How are we supposed to…" He quieted.   
"What are you thinking about?"   
"About weather or not just my salary will be enough for the four of us."   
Monica sighed and bit her lower lip. She hoped his salary would be enough until she could get another job.   
  
  
A couple of days later Monica was moping on the couch. Chandler was in the armchair, reading 'Little Red Ridinghood' to Emma. The mood was pretty low. Monica hadn't been very cheerful since she'd gotten fired, she had gotten a two weeks notice from Allessandro, 'for old time's sake' as he'd put it. But she didn't have to be at work for another couple of hours yet.   
Joey entered, seeming quite up beat.   
"Hey Mon! Do you have a job yet?"   
"Joey it takes you like three years to get a job, why would you think I'd gotten one in three days?" Monica asked.   
"The production company of 'Days of our Lives' are working on this new TV show thing" Joey said and walked over to her.   
"Joey honey try to stick to one topic for at least five minutes" Monica sighed.   
"No, no, see some executive dude for that show was on the set today and I overheard him say something about a chef, right? So I went over to him to try and socialize, you know, since you can never have enough buddies that are executives."   
"Do you have a point to your story?" Chandler asked with a sigh. "I just read the part where the wolf eats Little Red Ridinghood and I don't want to leave Emma hanging with all this suspense!"   
"Well maybe if you let me finish--"   
"Guys" Monica interrupted. "Joey just ignore Chandler, and Chandler just ignore Joey."   
"Okay" Joey said, getting back to his story. "So, to try and make friends with this executive I started talking about our common subject. Chefs. You know, since he spoke of one and I know you. And I told him how you had gotten fired and why, and he got interested."   
"What is he, some sort of ambulance chasing vulture?" Chandler asked.   
"Chandler…" Monica whined. "I thought I asked you to stay out of this…"   
"Well Monica check this out!" Joey said. "He said that if you're interested they'd love to have you come audition for them!"   
"To play a chef on 'Days of Our Lives'?"   
"No, didn't I mention? That new show is some cooking show."   
"A cooking show?" Monica asked, getting intrigued.   
"Exactly! The executive person said they were looking for a fresh face and a talented chef all in one. And since you've never been on TV and you're a 4-star chef they're interested! Plus, it won't matter if you get pregnant again, since they can film an entire season in just a couple of weeks."   
Monica high-fived with Joey and smiled for the first time since she'd gotten fired. Maybe losing her other job was the best thing that could have happened. Chandler noticed her excitement.   
"Maybe Phoebe has a point with her karma crap, huh?" he said with a grin.   
  
  
Monica was on her knees on the bed, whimpering with pleasure. It had been weeks since the last time she and Chandler had slept together. But earlier during the day Monica had gotten the chef's job at the cooking show. It had taken nearly a month with the audition and the network trying to make up their minds and working out all the details. But today she had officially gotten the job, and Chandler had told her that they should celebrate.   
"Mommy what are you doing?" they heard Bridget's voice say.   
Chandler immediately froze and Monica turned her head towards the door.   
"Bridget go back to bed" she said firmly.   
"But mommy--"   
"Go back to bed. I'll be with you in a minute."   
Bridget turned and went back to her room. Monica sighed deeply and Chandler pulled away from her and slumped down next to her on the bed.   
"Oh this is just terrific" he complained. "Great, now we have to explain the birds and the bees to her too!"   
"No" Monica said. "Why bother? I don't think she's old enough to understand."   
"Aren't you gonna go see what she wants?"   
"In a minute…"   
"You do know she's going to ask you what on earth we were doing" Chandler said, and gently stroke her arm.   
"Yeah I know…" Monica said and sat down.   
"You know what, just… just tell her that we were making love and then leave it at that" Chandler said. "And hurry back."   
"Chandler you know Bridget. She's gonna get all upset and wonder why we have to **MAKE** the love, why it's not there to begin with."   
Chandler chuckled.   
"We really managed to have a strange daughter" he said. "Look, go over and see what she wants."   
"Yeah, I'm on my way" Monica said.   
She got out of bed and into her robe while Chandler got under the covers. She walked over to the nursery trying to hide her annoyment. She was in no mood to explain to her daughter what she had seen, but she knew that Bridget would ask her. She walked up to Bridget's bed and sat down on a stool next to it.   
"What did you want Bridget?" she asked.   
"What were you and daddy doing?"   
"It doesn't concern you honey, now what did you want?"   
"But--"   
"Bridget" Monica said more firmly.   
"I'm thirsty" Bridget said.   
Monica nodded and got up from her seat. She went into the kitchen and filled Bridget's old feeding bottle with water. She went back into Bridget's room with it and handed it to the girl, sitting back down on the stool. She gently stroke Bridget's head while she drank.   
"Is that better?" she asked.   
Bridget nodded.   
"Want me to stay until you've fallen back asleep?"   
Bridget nodded again. Monica grabbed the bottle from her once it was empty and then sat quietly next to Bridget, stroking her head, while she fell asleep again. After fifteen minutes she knew for sure that she was sleeping, so she got up and walked back into the kitchen with the bottle. She then returned to the bedroom where Chandler was waiting.   
"What did she want?" he asked.   
"Water. She was thirsty."   
"Okay" Chandler said with a nod.   
Monica took off her robe and got back into bed. Chandler moved over to her and put his arm around her, lovingly placing kisses all over her face and chest.   
"Chandler I'm not in the mood anymore" Monica said.   
"Please babe?"   
"I just sat by our daughter's bedside while she fell asleep, that's not exactly a turn on" Monica said. "And who knows, she might wake up again."   
Chandler couldn't hold back a sigh. He stopped kissing her and laid back down, staring at the ceiling. He felt it was a waste of time. They hadn't gotten many good nights together lately, and from the looks of it they wouldn't be having one this night either.   
  
  
"I can't believe you!" Monica said angrily, in the middle of a fight with Chandler.   
"Oh yes, because I'm always the bad guy" Chandler angrily replied.   
The fight was just as so many of their other ones based on how tired and exhausted they both were. They had both been very testy recently, and they'd had lots of small fights which had put strains on their relationship. They had had a small disagreement that morning which had led to a quarrel, and Chandler had after work gone over to Joey and Rachel's to talk to Joey and get to vent some of his anger and frustration. He had complained about how hard it was sometimes to live with Monica, which he hadn't really meant, he had just been fed-up. But unfortunately Monica had walked in and heard him, which had set off the fight they were now in the middle of. She had angrily stormed back to their own apartment and he had followed.   
"Oh so you're trying to deny that this time it's **YOU?**" Monica angrily asked.   
"Have you ever heard of the concept that it's never just one person's fault?" Chandler angrily asked her back.   
"Oh, so I guess I should take blame, huh?" Monica said. "After all, since I'm such a pain to live with you should get a **MEDAL** for not going crazy!"   
"Oh you know damn well that you are no picnic, but then again who said *I* am?" Chandler angrily replied.   
"Don't try and weasel yourself out of this **THAT** way" Monica said.   
"Weasel myself out?" Chandler echoed.   
"Uh-hu! You know what, you poor little thing, having to live with Monster-roommate Monica! What was it you said exactly, I'm obsessed, neurotic and what was it more?"   
"Why do you have to overreact at every single thing?"   
"Overreact?" Monica exclaimed. "Overreact? I overheard you saying that stuff about me and now you're not even trying to deny it or tell me that it doesn't matter!"   
"Because it's no damn use!" Chandler told her. "I know you, I know you well, and when you're like this it doesn't matter what I say or do. It wouldn't matter if I told you how much I love you, it wouldn't matter if I got down on my knees and hugged your legs and begged you to hear me out! It wouldn't even matter if I went on national television and screamed out how much I love my wife! Because you'd only think I was lying to you, that it was some kind of trick! I know you well enough to be sure of that, all I can do in this situation is calm down and wait until you're ready to be an adult about things and actually hear me out."   
"Get out!" Monica yelled, pointing at the door.   
"Oh great, so you're ready to act like an adult already?" Chandler sarcastically said.   
"Oh screw you, screw that, just **GET OUT!**"   
In the nursery Bridget tried to cover her ears with her hands. She hated when her parents fought. It scared her and it made her sad to hear them say mean things to each other. Emma was sitting next to her with her pacifier in her mouth, not understanding exactly what was going on but knowing that it wasn't pleasant. Hearing her parents' voices yelling at each other made her feel unsafe.   
Bridget gave her sister a hug when she heard the front door slam hard. Chandler had left, Bridget knew it was him since Monica had told him to leave. She shuddered and wished her Mother would come in to them and comfort them. But she didn't come.   
Monica had felt the tears burning and had known she wouldn't be able to hold them back for long. So she had yelled to Chandler to get out. She hated when she cried when they fought, she knew how he reacted to her tears and she refused to use that to win the fight. She didn't want that kind of victory. She realized when Chandler slammed the door that the children were home and must have heard everything, but she didn't want to go and talk to them. She was on the verge of crying and she would only scare the children even more if she broke out in tears in front of them.   
She went into the bathroom and put her long hair up in a knot, and then covered her hair with a plastic hat to keep it dry. She stepped into the shower and leaned her forehead against the wall, crying bitterly. She didn't know what had hurt her the most, what she had heard Chandler say, his refusing to deny it, his explanation of why he didn't deny it or just the fact that they had argued again.   
She felt her warm tears mix with the water from the shower and wash away from her face. The reason she had gotten into the shower was to cover her tears. She wished with all her heart that she would hear the bathroom door open and after a short while Chandler stepping into the shower with her. She wished he would come and put his arms around her from behind and rest his face against the back of her head and cry with her or comfort her, just making it all better. But Chandler didn't come.   
She stepped out of the shower as soon as she was ready to dry her tears and then got dressed and went to see if the girls were okay.   
  
  
Chandler came home late that night and found Monica waiting for him on the couch. He was slightly surprised, and couldn't help wondering if they were going to continue the fight from earlier. She was in her nightie and a robe, he realized how long he'd been out and that she must have been on her way to go to bed before deciding to talk to him.   
"You're late" she said.   
"Did I miss dinner?" he coldly quipped, walking into the living room and stopping in front of her.   
"Look, about earlier tonight…" Monica said. "You're not one bit afraid of speaking your mind to me, are you?"   
"Please tell me that was a joke" Chandler coldly said. "I learned quickly that speaking my mind with you only leads to trouble."   
"That is unfair!" Monica said, upset with the accusation. "I was going to tell you that you were right!"   
"Right about what?"   
"About how I would have acted if you would have tried and told me how much you love me and how that makes the thing I overheard you say insignificant" Monica said. "I've never even realized that that's how I act, but when I heard you say it and I thought about it I realized that it's true. And that your fearlessness of telling me what you really think and feel makes me realize my faults."   
"Oh…" was all Chandler could think of to say. He suddenly wasn't mad anymore.   
"I'm going to bed now" Monica said and rose from the couch. "And you're going to sleep out here tonight. Right or not, what you said hurt like hell and I can't stand to be around you right now."   
Chandler watched her go into the bedroom and close the door. He sighed. Wrong again, she hadn't been in a forgiving mood. But at least it was better than nothing that she had admitted that he had been right too.   
He took his tie off and his jacket. He realized he was still in his work clothes and that a shower wouldn't be too bad right now. But he knew Monica would get angry if he took a shower at eleven PM when the children were asleep and she had gone to bed as well. And besides, if he was going to sleep on the couch he would be in the need of a shower tomorrow morning anyway.   
He casually threw the tie and the jacket over the couch and opened up the top button on his shirt. He walked into the nursery to take a look at the children before he went to bed. Emma was asleep, but he found Bridget awake, with her cheeks wet.   
"Sweetie…" he said, and lifted her up in his arms. He sat down in the rocking chair. "What's the matter? Did you have a bad dream?"   
"Why were you gone so long?" Bridget asked.   
"Oh, is that it? You thought I wasn't coming home tonight?"   
Bridget nodded.   
"Bridget, sweetie, even if I hadn't come home I would still be here tomorrow. Mommy and I need a break from each other every once in a while."   
"Why are you fighting all the time?"   
"We're just… unfazed…"   
"I don't like it when you fight."   
"Well neither do I sweetheart."   
"Does mommy?"   
"Of course not."   
"Well then why do you fight?"   
"Because that's what adults do sometimes" Chandler said, trying to explain. "We get mad at each other and we need to vent our anger. And sometimes mommy and me build up lots of anger over other things and then we end up venting it by fighting with each other."   
"But why?"   
"Because… Because we need to get all the anger out of our system. And when we fight we know it's not threatening our relationship. We know that we can fight and yell and say things to each other and still have each other at the end of the day. We love each other, and we know that even though we may be very angry while we fight it's not something that lasts. And I know that mommy doesn't mean everything she says to me and she knows I don't mean everything I say to her. It's just easier to fight with someone you love since you know that person won't leave."   
"But how can you say things like that to someone you love?" Bridget asked, not understanding. "When you love somebody, how can you be mean to that person?"   
"That's just the way it is. Look honey, don't worry about your Mother and me. We'll be just fine. It's better to be mad at each other every once in a while than to just keep it all inside and let it build a distance between you."   
"Is Mommy still mad?"   
"Yes" Chandler said. "But don't worry… It won't last. That's the thing about being mad with someone you're in love with, it doesn't last. Just like we can get mad at you if you do something you're not allowed to, but we still love you. Do you understand?"   
"No" Bridget said.   
"You will" Chandler said. "And right now I think you should stop worrying so much. I'm sorry if we scared you, but trust me sweetie, you have nothing to worry about."   
He put her back down in her bed and sat with her for a few minutes until she fell asleep. She had been awake for hours more than she usually was, she was completely exhausted. Chandler felt quite exhausted himself and went out to the living room as soon as Bridget had fallen asleep. He grabbed a pillow and a blanket from the linen closet in the bathroom and lay down on the couch to go to sleep.   
  
  
"Mommy! Mommy!"   
Monica grunted and reluctantly admitted to herself that she was awake. Bridget was standing by the bedside tugging her arm.   
"Mommy! Wake up! Santa's been here Mommy!"   
Monica opened her eyes and glanced at her daughter who was in her pajamas and with her hair in a mess after the night. Behind her stood Emma in a romper suit pajamas and with her pacifier in her mouth and a stuffed turtle that Chandler had given her for her first birthday in her hand. Monica couldn't help smiling at how adorable they looked.   
"Hurry mommy!" Bridget said. "You have to come see!"   
"Sweetie hold your horses" Monica said. "First we have to eat breakfast. And then wait for Grandma and Grandpa."   
"Well call Uncle Ross and get them over here! Hurry, make breakfast!" Bridget urged.   
"Bridge…" Monica moaned. "Patience is a virtue."   
"What's a worthtue?" Bridget asked, confused.   
"Never mind" Monica said and yawned. "Is Daddy up?"   
She glanced to her left and saw that Chandler was somehow still asleep. She felt the same sting of love as always when she saw him asleep. There was something special about seeing him then.   
"Mom!" Bridget whined.   
Monica turned her attention back to the children.   
"Mommy!" Bridget continued. "Santa's already been here, hurry! Santa's been here, come see for yourself!"   
"Santa's been in here too" Chandler mumbled and rolled over.   
"Wow, you were awake after all" Monica said.   
Chandler didn't answer. He had his arm on her belly, she was pregnant again. The baby was expected in April, and Phoebe had commented that the two of them seemed to only be fertile during summer, since Bridget and Emma had been conceived around that time of year as well. This pregnancy was a bit easier on Monica than when she'd expected Emma, but the past five months had still been difficult for her. Especially since she'd found out she was pregnant again right in the middle of a period of fighting between her and Chandler. They had spent almost all summer arguing with each other, and finding out she was pregnant had made Monica scared, since she didn't want to bring another baby into the marriage when it was fragile already and the strain of a third child would make it worse. But once Chandler had found out about her new pregnancy he had made her look at it differently. He'd made her see that the fights between them weren't really important, they were soon forgotten and just a natural part of a relationship.   
"Moooooooooooom" Bridget whined and tugged Monica's arm again.   
"Merry Christmas Bridget" Chandler mumbled with his head by Monica's bum, stroking it lovingly.   
"Dad, come look at the presents!" Bridget urged.   
"Young lady, I think you're out of bed just a little too early today" Monica said with a smile and lifted her up on the bed. "You know, your grandparents won't be up for another hour, and then they're going to eat breakfast with Uncle Ross before they come over here. You'll just have to wait with the presents."   
"Just one? Please!" Bridget begged. She was now sitting next to her mother, who was still lying down, and above her father who was curled up by Monica's stomach.   
"Sorry hon."   
"Daddy please?" Bridget said, turning to her other parent.   
"If mom says you can't then you can't" Chandler mumbled, still practically sleeping.   
"Thank you dear" Monica said with a smile. "And Emma, what are you doing way over there? Come here!"   
Emma toddled over and got lifted up on the bed as well. Monica gave Chandler's shoulder a light push, urging him to be a bit more social. He turned around under the covers and then grabbed one of his pillows. He placed it on Monica's legs, close enough to her bum to be able to rest his cheek against it. His face was facing the head of the bed. Monica decided that it would have to do for now, he was still a bit too tired to be social while sitting up. She wished she could sit up, but since he was lying on her it would be impossible. Chandler felt a familiar feeling against his cheek and smiled.   
"The baby's kicking" he announced.   
"I happened to notice" Monica said with a giggle.   
"What's the baby?" Bridget asked.   
Monica and Chandler shared a look. She didn't seem to comprehend what was going on, even though she was three years by now and they had figured she would understand the basics of it. But it seemed impossible for her to grasp that her parents were having a third child, and that the child was growing inside her Mother. Whenever they talked about the baby they were expecting she got confused. Emma was still too little to understand what they expected Bridget to, but she seemed awfully confused over her mother's stomach being bigger.   
"So Bridget, what do you think Santa's brought you?" Chandler asked.   
"A hobby-horse!" Bridget said.   
"Just a hobby-horse, huh?" Chandler said. "You know, ***I*** think he's brought you lots of socks and shirts and dresses and shoes…"   
"Nu-uh!" Bridget said, upset.   
Chandler grinned. He knew how much she hated getting soft presents, and it was fun to tease her. Monica had commented the night before that it wouldn't be more than ten years before she got happier over the soft presents than the hard ones.   
"And what about you, sweetie?" Monica asked, stroking Emma's head. "What do you think Santa's gotten you?"   
Emma took the pacifier out of her mouth.   
"A cat" she said.   
"A cat?"   
"Why do you think Santa brought you that?" Chandler asked.   
"I like cats" Emma said, putting her pacifier back in her mouth.   
"Why don't we have a pet?" Bridget asked. "Everyone else has a pet!"   
"Everyone else does not have a pet" Monica said.   
"Everyone else does" Bridget insisted. "Even Joey and Rachel. And Boris."   
"Boris has a pet?" Chandler asked. "I didn't know that."   
"He's got fishes in an aquarium" Monica said. "Very exclusive. Rachel told me all about it, very exciting news."   
Boris was Rachel's boyfriend since six months. Chandler had at first loved to make fun with his name, but once Rachel had gotten mad enough at him he'd decided not to risk awakening her anger again.   
"Rachel and Joey have a rooster" Bridget pointed out.   
"Did you know they once had a duck as well?" Chandler asked. "Or that both the duck and the rooster actually belong to me?"   
"**BELONGED**" Monica corrected.   
"I want a duck!" Bridget said.   
"Sorry honey, you're gonna have to get a sibling instead" Monica said. "No animals in this small apartment. It's crowded enough as it is."   
"Typical grownup excuse" Chandler said with rolling eyes.   
  
  
A couple of hours later they were up, dressed and finished with breakfast. Jack and Judy Geller had come by together with Ross. They had spent the night at his place. It would be Chandler and Monica's first Christmas with more of a family gathering instead of just them and the gang. Joey had been invited to a big family dinner, Rachel had been invited to spend Christmas with Boris and Phoebe was with Frank Jr and Alice over the holidays.   
"Yikes, we're such grownups" Monica had moaned to Chandler. "No more spending your special occasions with friends, now you spend it with family."   
Opening the presents took more than two hours and once they were done Monica quickly began cleaning up all the wrapping paper together with her mother, who couldn't avoid commenting on how much of the paper she threw away that she could have saved and used again. Chandler just chuckled at Monica's frustrated facial expression and followed Bridget to the nursery with her presents, bringing Emma's along with.   
"So…" Jack said once everything was cleaned up. "Yet another Christmas."   
Monica nodded, her mind elsewhere. She had sat down on the floor with her legs crossed and Emma sitting in front of her. Emma was hugging a pink teddy bear that Chandler had given her. Chandler sat down behind them and gently started massaging Monica's shoulders.   
"How do you feel?" he asked her, kissing her on her shoulder.   
"I'm okay."   
"Not queasy?"   
"Nope."   
"You know Monica, you really should eat less dairy products while you're pregnant" Judy said.   
"What does dairy products have to do with pregnancy?"   
"Well it's bad for your joints sweetheart."   
"Mom," Monica said, "I've done this as many times as you have. Actually one more time than you, if you count this pregnancy. I know what I'm doing."   
"I want a grandson" Judy told her, as if it was something Monica could control.   
"Aww, too bad Judy, you should have told me five months ago" Chandler grinned. "Not much we can do about it now."   
"It's fifty, fifty you know…" Monica muttered to her Mother.   
"Actually, only in theory. See, more boys are born, but then boy babies have a higher death rate during their first year than girls, so…" Ross began, but drifter off when he noticed the glares from the rest.   
"What next, you're gonna tell us that it's 12,5% chance to have two girls and then a boy?" Chandler asked, slightly annoyed.   
"Actually I think it's more like 37% to have two girls and a boy" Ross said.   
"Shut up" Chandler and Monica said.   
"It's 12,5% chance to have three gir--"   
"Ross!"   
"Sorry…"   
Chandler and Monica shared a look and rolled their eyes.   
"Monica, Chandler, you really ought to start thinking about moving" Judy said.   
"Moving?" Monica echoed, not understanding where that topic came from.   
"Well yeah, you can't live in this small apartment with three children."   
"Yeah, there'll be no room for ducks" Chandler joked.   
"Oh my god you're right!" Monica said, starting to panic. "Chandler we have to move! We can't live here when the baby is born! Oh, but we only have four more months and our notice is three months, we only have a month to find a place since we can't cancel our lease until we've found somewhere to live! Oh god, what are we going to do?"   
"Honey…" Chandler sighed. "We'll just start looking for a place to live. Don't worry. Nobody says we have to move out before the baby is born. Just as long as we don't continue living here until the baby's big enough to have it's own room."   
"Yeah, but still! What if we can't find a place?"   
Chandler sighed heavily and knew that he wouldn't get a moments rest until they'd found a place to move to.   
  
  
A week before Emma's second birthday Monica and Chandler sat down with a stack of ads for houses for sale and all the things they needed to figure out how much they would have to borrow. Chandler had put his foot down and told Monica that they should try and buy the cheapest house they could find that they liked, to avoid having to borrow too much money. Having two children was expensive enough, with a third their budget would get even tighter. Monica had agreed, she knew what kind of house she wanted to move to but she realized that just because they bought a house now it didn't have to mean they would live there forever. They had thought about an apartment or a condo, but decided that it would be cheaper in the long run to get a house instead of an apartment that would be large enough and therefore expensive.   
"Honey hand me the calculator…" Chandler mumbled.   
He was busy sorting through their finances, while Monica looked through the sheets about the houses that were available and in the area they wanted to move to. They didn't want to have to move too far, they were afraid they would lose contact with their friends if they did.   
"Here you go" Monica mumbled back and handed him the calculator.   
He muttered a thanks and started calculating. She came across a house that interested her and looked up to tell him but ended up just smiling at him. He didn't notice she had looked up, he was busy with his task and looked very concentrated. He had his glasses on and for some reason one of the shirts he usually wore for work. Monica thought it was cute, it was as if he was more efficient with that type of clothes on, and he seemed to know so himself.   
"You know Mon, maybe we might be able to convince your parents to help us out with the cash…" he said without looking up. "After all, who paid for their daughter's wedding? Technically they owe us."   
"Are we really that short on cash?"   
"No… But just so you know, I think you ought to sort out all the places with more than one floor, I don't think we can afford that yet."   
"I hate finances" Monica muttered.   
She angrily sorted out the houses with more than one floor, which included the one she had been about to suggest to Chandler. The one-floor houses looked so boring. She had always wanted a house with both downstairs and upstairs. She looked up at him again and suddenly giggled.   
"Oh God…" she said. "I feel like such a wife."   
"Pardon?" Chandler said, looking up with a confused expression on his face.   
"I said I feel like such a wife. Sitting together with a guy sorting out economics and looking for a house where we can move with our children."   
"I've been married to you for almost five years and **NOW** you feel like a wife?" Chandler asked, looking really confused. "Over **THIS**?"   
"Of course I've felt like a wife all along" Monica said. "It's just that this seems so very… married couple-y."   
Chandler shrugged his shoulders and went back to calculating. After about a minute he heard her groan and looked up at her.   
"Baby kicking?"   
"Yeah…"   
"What does it feel like?" he asked, curious.   
"What? When a baby kicks?"   
"Yeah. You know it's just all so odd to me. I just… drop of my swim squad and then my part is done. You on the other hand have the kid inside of you for nine months, while it grows and gets all it's body parts and things."   
"And while it kicks" Monica said with a smile.   
"And then you give birth. I'll never experience anything like that at all, I mean how odd isn't it to have a person inside of you?"   
Monica chuckled slightly.   
"Honey it's not exactly like I can virtually feel it growing, like 'cool there it got an arm' and so on. And I don't think I can describe it to you. Labour would be easier."   
Chandler shrugged.   
"No thanks, spare me the things about pushing an orange through your nostril. Similes like that really make me wonder how women say it's worth it."   
"What, you wouldn't push an orange through your nostril for Emma?" Monica teased. "Or Bridget?"   
"No, not if it can be avoided."   
Monica laughed.   
"Good thing for you then that I'm the birth-giver of the family" she said. "Oh, and by the way… Check this house out, what do you think?"   
She handed him one of the sheets. He took a quick look at it.   
"Sweetie?"   
"Yeah?"   
"This house is in Chicago."   
"What?" Monica said in surprise, grabbing the sheet and checking. "No it's not."   
"It's not, but how carefully did you read through the info if you actually thought I was serious?" Chandler asked.   
Monica rolled her eyes.   
"Watch it buddy, or I will throw an orange on you."   
  
  
Monica was very pregnant by the time they found a house. They had decided to move in in May even though they would still have to pay rent for their apartment until July. Phoebe had decided to get their apartment so that she could live closer to the others, and they had made a deal with her that she paid two thirds of the rent until July and they paid the rest.   
In early May both Emma and Bridget came down with chicken pox. Monica nearly started crying when they got it confirmed, she was very pregnant and had enough on her mind as it was, with the moving and the upcoming birth. And to top it all of she had false labour every once in a while which didn't brighten her spirits much. Chandler tried to comfort her by telling her that he'd had chicken pox so this time only the children would be sick. He volunteered to take on the job of taking care of the children so that she could get the rest she needed. Every time she moved too much she seemed to get false labour and he figured she'd have enough with the real labour once that began, he didn't want her to have to go through anything more than that.   
Monica sat down on the couch two days after the children had gotten sick and sighed deeply. She had made plans with Rachel and Phoebe to meet up at the coffee house at four, and she wondered how she would manage to stay awake until then. It was seven in the morning and she had already been up for an hour. Chandler was in the nursery trying to get Emma to stop crying. The pain from another false alarm reminded her that in a week she'd have another crying child in her care. She wondered how she and Chandler would manage, since it had been difficult enough for them with just two. But they had both agreed that they would never get rid of a baby Monica was expecting, unless going through with the pregnancy would in some way be dangerous for Monica. And either way, it was way too late for an abortion now. Either she would have another child in her life or she would have to give it up for adoption and she knew that neither herself nor Chandler would ever be able to give up a child that she had given birth to.   
Emma finally stopped crying and after five minutes Chandler came out to the living room, slumping down next to her on the couch.   
"Oh God…" he said. "And imagine what on earth would happen if you went into labour now instead of next week? How nice would it be being at the hospital with you in labour, knowing that the girls are home sick?"   
"Not nice at all" Monica agreed. She leaned her head against him and he put an arm around her.   
"So how do you feel?"   
"I'm okay. Quite tired. Had another case of false labour ten minutes ago."   
"You poor thing… Are you really sure it's smart going to Central Perk?"   
"Chandler me going to the coffee house won't make me go into actual labour" Monica said. "And besides, with Emma I went two weeks past my due date, almost. What if that happens this time too? I can't just stay in here without going anywhere for three weeks."   
"Yeah I know. I'm just looking after you."   
"I know."   
She closed her eyes and felt how tired she was. Before she knew it she had fallen asleep again and Chandler wasn't late to do the same. They slept for a couple of hours and then Monica woke up. She couldn't figure out why since she was still tired and not thirsty or in the need to go to the bathroom or anything else. She sighed and tried to get off the couch carefully, so that Chandler could continue to sleep, but she was too pregnant to pull that off. Chandler woke up when she rose.   
"Whaaaaaaaaat?" he mumbled, as if she'd asked something.   
"Nothing, go back to sleep… It's just me getting something to drink" she said.   
He nodded and lay down on the couch. Monica went into the kitchen and got herself a glass of water, feeling yet another false alarm from the movement. It was getting ridiculous, some days she didn't have any false alarms, some days she had them five or six times. She downed the glass and dished it. Chandler mumbled something and got off the couch.   
"Couldn't go back to sleep?" she asked.   
"Nope…" he said. "How about you?"   
"I don't even know how come I woke up" Monica said.   
"Maybe one of the girls is having a nightmare, she might have cried out" Chandler suggested.   
"Wouldn't she have woken her sister, and made **HER** cry?" Monica asked.   
"I'm gonna go check though."   
Monica watched him go and went back to the couch and sat down. She stayed on the couch, mostly in his arms, until she realized she had to meet Phoebe and Rachel in an hour. She rose and moaned in annoyment when the small of her back hurt again, followed by the familiar feeling of another false alarm.   
"You know something?" Chandler said, watching her. "This is getting ridiculous. I'm gonna call Ross and ask him to baby-sit for an hour while I take you to the hospital to get you something for this false labour deal."   
"Chandler I don't have time, Phoebe and Rachel--"   
"Better you're a little late than that you get another false alarm at the coffee place" Chandler said and reached for the phone.   
Monica nodded. She wouldn't mind getting something for the false labour. She'd had almost the same problem during her first pregnancy and they had gotten her some kind of pill that had worked quite well. It would be a nice relief to get the same kind of thing this time too.   
  
  
"Mother?" Bridget said, sitting down next to Monica at the wake.   
"What is it sweetie?" Monica asked.   
"I… was just wondering… What are you going to do now?"   
"What do you mean?"   
"Now that Dad is… now that he's gone."   
"What makes you think I would do something?"   
"No, I didn't mean it like that…" Bridget said. "What I mean is… Well, it's just way too odd for me. I've never seen you two apart, it's always been like a rule that you're together. If you look for one you find the other one too. I mean, I know you've both been away over weekends and things like that, but it still seems as if you've never ever been without him."   
"I have" Monica said. "But that was more than half a century ago. But now that he is dead, I guess I'll just have to… live life in whatever way I can. I don't want to be some frisky widow who moves on with her life and finds some other man. But I know your Father would hate it if I were just sad and depressed all the time."   
"I don't think I'll ever have what you two…" Bridget began, and then started crying.   
"There, there sweetie" Monica said, and put her arm around her. "You know, he would hate it if you were all sad too. He wants us to miss him, but not to the extent that…" Monica trailed off too, and started crying as well. "Oh God, I miss him so much!"   
Bridget had always felt protective of her mother, just like Chandler she couldn't stand seeing her cry, and she had noticed when she was very little that she had an ability to cheer her Mother up when she was sad. She had unconsciously made it to her own little assignment to keep her Mother happy and make sure no one hurt her. This time thought she didn't know what to say or do. She was 51 years old but had never before felt more powerless to help her Mother out than right now. She couldn't even picture her Mother without her Father and she could only imagine what it must feel like for Monica to lose her husband after all those years. Bridget had always had a very rational look on marriage and had for a couple of years even been completely convinced that she never wanted to have a relationship, let alone a marriage. But she had always thought of her parents' marriage as something that had to be. They were like two pair-horses that shouldn't be separated, they both worked a lot better when they did something together than apart. And over the years they had become so well-synced that it was nearly scary. Being the oldest child, Bridget was well aware that they'd had their fair share of problems and even more sometimes, but they had always come through and stayed together.   
  
  
"Let's just hope this is quick" Monica muttered and got up on the hospital bed.   
An obstetrician was coming by in a couple of minutes to give her a quick exam and get her the pills, and she hoped it wouldn't be long. She didn't want to be late and she didn't want to leave the children at home without her or Chandler when they were sick.   
"Oh it will probably be…" Chandler said, sitting down next to her on a chair.   
A female obstetrician came in and asked a few questions about how often she experienced false labour and if it was linked to a certain activity, like moving around much, eating or things like that. And then she began examining Monica.   
"Will this take long doctor?" Monica asked after a minute. "I have to be somewhere."   
"Mrs. Bing, I'm afraid you're not going anywhere" the doctor said and looked up at her.   
"Why, what's wrong?" Chandler asked worriedly.   
"She's dilated eight centimeters" the doctor told him.   
"**WHAT**?" Monica and Chandler said in one voice.   
"Excuse me, I can **NOT** be in the middle of giving birth here!" Monica said.   
"Well you are" the doctor said.   
"We want a second opinion" Chandler blurted out.   
"Mr. Bing, it is quite obvious that she's dilated, if you don't believe me you can come look for yourself" the obstetrician said quippy.   
"Uh, no thanks."   
"Listen," Monica said, "I have two children at home, I've done this before, I know that it hurts a hell of a lot more than this!"   
"Well maybe that's the thing then" the obstetrician said. "You've got yourself all worked up and expecting it to hurt really much, and when it didn't hurt as much this time you simply didn't think it was possible that it was the real thing."   
"Well okay then, how about the fact that she's only had like four of these false alarm things?" Chandler said.   
"Actually…" Monica said, getting Chandler's attention. "I've had more. But they haven't felt like actual contractions! I mean…"   
"I'll be back in five minutes to check on you" the doctor said and left.   
"What a bitch!" Monica angrily said.   
"How can this be?" Chandler asked no one. "How can you be having contractions? Be almost ready to push? Shit, I mean ten minutes ago I thought I was having a baby in a week or so, now I'm all of a sudden going to hold a newborn in my arms in a matter of minutes! Well, okay, an hour or so perhaps…"   
Monica sighed deeply.   
"You'd better call the coffee house and ask Gunther to tell Rachel where we are."   
Chandler nodded.   
"And Ross!" Monica added.   
Chandler nodded again and rose from his chair. He walked to the door and then decided to wait until she'd had another contraction. He walked back and sat down on her bedside, glancing at her. She gave him a confused look and then her eyes teared up and she got a look of deep concentration and pain on her face. He could see her tensing up completely and he heard her cry out.   
"Wow, yikes, good thing I waited!" he exclaimed and not knowing what else to do he pulled her close to a hug.   
She clutched him and closed her eyes hard. This contraction hurt ten times more than her previous ones, and she couldn't understand why. Chandler understood why though, he knew it was psychedelic. Now that she knew it was the real thing she subconsciously expected it to hurt very much, and therefore it did.   
"Relax babe…" he whispered in her hair. "Just remember how proud I am of you…"   
"For what?" Monica asked as her contraction faded out, trying to dry her tears. "For crying? For not being able to handle without freaking what some women who are younger than me handle without as much as crying out?"   
"Oh believe me, you are not a wuss" Chandler said. "*I* almost start crying when you do, and I'm not even in any pain! Feel free to yell 'you did this to me!' the next time you have a contraction."   
Monica chuckled and dried her tears.   
"You know, I'll just call from my cellular" Chandler said. "Given how far along you are the contractions won't be far apart."   
"Thank you, you're my rock, I don't know how I would survive without you're encouraging words" Monica said sarcastically.   
Chandler smiled good-naturedly and made the phone calls. Explaining to the others what was going on was a bit tough since he didn't even grasp it himself. Half an hour ago he had just been by with his wife to get her something for her false labour, now he was in the middle of a far gone delivery.   
"You know this hurts as much every time!" Monica said through gritted teeth fifteen minutes later when she had another big contraction.   
"Yeah I know…" Chandler said and massaged the small of her back.   
"If I ever do this again I will **DEMAND** painkillers!"   
"Let's just focus on this birth, and whatever happens later we can deal with then" Chandler said.   
"Chandler help me stand up, I want to push!"   
"The doctor will be here any se--"   
"Help me!" Monica cried and Chandler quieted.   
He began helping her to stand up, but it was hard when he was all by himself. She couldn't help out much, she had enough with her pain. The obstetrician came in together with two midwifes and they helped him help her stand on her knees. The whole process went a lot faster than at Emma's birth, it only took two minutes for Monica to push the baby out. Monica and Chandler both tried to catch a glimpse of the baby but two of the midwives got in-between and made Monica lie on the bed again, with some help from the midwives and Chandler. Chandler got to cut the umbilical chord and with a great smile went back to Monica, placing the baby on her stomach.   
"A boy" he said with a wide grin.   
"A boy?"   
"Yes, a boy."   
Monica started to cry, from the emotional and physical effort of giving birth and from seeing the baby on her stomach, her only son.   
"Wow he's amazing" he said between her sobs.   
"And probably amazingly hungry" Chandler said with a grin. "He needs to eat, I don't want my son to go hungry."   
Monica laughed through her tears and lifted the baby to her breast. The smile on her face told Chandler the baby was feeding. He kissed Monica lovingly and then kissed the baby's bald head.   
"We don't even have any ideas for names…" he realized. "We've never even given a thought to it this time. We had a boy's name decided when Emma was born, but… I don't know, this little guy just doesn't look like a Thomas to me."   
"I agree" Monica said. "You know what honey? I decided the name Emma, why don't you name this little guy?"   
"You picked out Emma because you knew I would like it" Chandler pointed out. "I think we should figure a name out together."   
"How about Antonio?"   
"Antonio?" Chandler said in disbelief.   
"Why, what's wrong with Antonio?"   
"Well for one thing he's not Hispanic!"   
"Oh please, it's not like I suggested Julio."   
"Well still, I want a more American name."   
"Emma's not American."   
"Well how about instead of Antonio we call him Anthony?" Chandler suggested. "I mean, it's the same name, only different forms."   
"Anthony…" Monica said, looking down on the newborn. "Okay" she then said with a slight giggle. "I told you you would get to name him, after all."   
Chandler chuckled and kissed the top of her head.   
  
  
Two days later Monica was holding Anthony, waiting for Chandler to come over. She would get to go home the next day, and she couldn't wait. Although, the hospital visit had been unexpected but it had given her a great opportunity to rest. She only had one crying child to take care of, and a whole staff of hospital personal to help her out. But she missed Bridget and Emma.   
"Why hello there!" Chandler said cheerfully and entered her room, carrying a newspaper. "Missed you" he said and kissed her on the forehead. "Hi" he said lovingly to the baby and gave him a kiss on the forehead too. Then he sat down and opened the newspaper. "Guess what? Good news travels fast."   
He showed her a small article that said that TV chef Monica Bing had given birth to a son. Monica raised her eyebrows, not expecting anyone to think it was news enough to make it to the papers other than in the ad her parents had put out.   
"And guess what else?" Chandler said. "They didn't fail to mention that your mother-in-law is none else than romance novelist Nora Tyler Bing."   
"Aww, only adult member of the family who isn't famous" Monica said with fake pity and kissed him on the cheek. "How are Bridge and Emma?"   
"Emma's doing better. She's almost healthy now. Bridget's the same as before, though. Your parents are baby-sitting right now."   
"Mom must be thrilled. She got her grandson."   
"You know what didn't thrill her?"   
"What?"   
"Naming him Anthony. She told me to try and convince you to name him Jack Jr instead."   
"I'd prefer not to" Monica said with a smile. "Mom can talk to Ross about that, if he has another son."   
Chandler grinned and gave her a kiss.   
  
  
"Okay, no peeking" Chandler said, leading Monica into the kitchen of their new house.   
They had moved in a week earlier and the whole house was still a mess of furniture, boxes and other things like that. The house had one tiny bathroom and one larger, a kitchen, a small laundry room, a living room and three bedrooms, plus a basement. Monica and Chandler had taken one of the bedrooms and decided to let Emma and Bridget share one of the other two rooms. The third bedroom would be used as nursery in a couple of months, and then later it would be Anthony's room. Emma and Bridget had shared a room ever since Emma had been moved from her parents' bedroom, they figured they would be comfortable continuing to share a room.   
Tonight was their fifth wedding anniversary and Monica had had to go to a meeting with the network and she had been away the entire day. Chandler had dropped Emma and Bridget off with their grandparents, he and Monica had decided to only have the infant at home over the night. When Monica had gotten home Chandler had covered her eyes and ushered her into their bedroom so she could change clothes and put the baby down. She'd had Anthony with her at her meeting, since she thought he was too small for her to leave over the day. And when she was dressed up and the child was sleeping in his crib, Chandler had covered her eyes again and led her through the hall into the kitchen.   
"How can I peek when you're covering my eyes with your hands?" Monica asked.   
"Okay, you can open them now" Chandler said, taking his hands away from her eyes.   
Monica opened her eyes and couldn't hold back a gasp. During the day he had cleaned up in the kitchen and taken everything in the boxes labeled 'kitchen' out and placed it around the room. He knew how much she disliked that their home was messy, now she at least had her kitchen ready. And he had cooked her dinner, for once, using a recipe from the cookbook he had gotten her for Christmas. He had set the table fancily and lit candles. Everything was set for a romantic dinner. He smiled at her reaction and told her to wait. He left her standing there and went into the bedroom. He carefully moved Anthony over to the baby-lift and carried it with him to the kitchen, placing it on the kitchen sofa that was the type that was hollow. It now served as a linen closet.   
"Why the child?" Monica asked.   
"In case he wakes up" Chandler explained.   
"Oh…"   
"Now have a seat, cherie."   
"Okay, mon chou."   
They had a nice dinner together with just some small talk, and some questions from Chandler about how Monica's meeting had gone. Once they were done with the meal Chandler brought her dessert.   
"Chocolate mousse? Wow, someone's awfully fancy this year" Monica said with a grin.   
"I figured I'd try it out" Chandler replied, also grinning.   
He sat down as well and they began eating dessert. Suddenly Monica frowned and spit something out in her hand.   
"What on earth… ?" she said and held up another charm for her bracelet.   
"It's just such a typical cliché to propose by hiding a ring in chocolate mousse" Chandler explained. "And since it's a bit too late for me to propose that way I figured I'd use the cliché for something else instead."   
"So what anniversary is this?" Monica asked, looking carefully at the charm before stretching her arm out for him to attach it.   
"It's the wooden anniversary. Maybe we should have been more romantic and named the baby Woody."   
"I seriously hope that was a joke."   
The charm, shaped like a log, was soon attached to the bracelet on the same side as the cotton plant and the leather anniversary charm, and with the same distance to that charm as between that one and the cotton one.   
"So what jewelry do I get?" Chandler jokingly asked.   
"A bracelet like the one Joey gave you once, only this one says 'to my best hub'" Monica said, feigned seriousness.   
"Perfect, how did you know that's exactly what I wanted?" Chandler said, playing along.   
Monica laughed and leaned in to kiss him lovingly.   
  
  
Their next anniversary was under much less merry forms. The show Monica was on got cancelled and she lost her job. This time she couldn't find another job, despite of how well known she was in the restaurant business by now. It didn't take long before she and Chandler realized that their budget was way too tight for a family of five, Chandler's salary wasn't enough. It wasn't their only income, since they got child benefits for each of their children and an unemployment subsidy for Monica, but with all of their bills and everything else they didn't have much money to spare. They decided not to give each other any anniversary presents, since Monica was the only one in the family who wasn't born between February and June, and they had already spent most of the money they had loose on birthday presents. They ended up spending the night talking about how to solve their financial problems.   
"Don't we have tons of saving accounts?" Monica asked.   
"We used them all to buy the house" Chandler told her.   
"Well…" Monica sighed. "Okay, I don't like this but we may have to… Can't we take money from the children's saving's accounts? I mean, Bridget's only five years old and she already has like $2500… If we borrow $500 from each of their accounts it will help us out at least for a couple of months and it won't really hurt their savings."   
"But what do we do when we've used that money?" Chandler said. "And anyway, we can't take the money from their accounts. I had them set up so that the money can't be moved until they turn 21. Except for 50% of it, which will be transferred to college savings accounts for them when they turn 18."   
"Well then… What about our parents?"   
"That's 100% a last resort" Chandler said. "I am not going to go ask my parents or my parents-in-law for money. I just won't, not when it's not for buying a house or something like that."   
"Well okay, I'll sell the car! We ought to be able to get a large enough sum, after all it is a Porsche."   
"No, don't do that, we need a car" Chandler pointed out.   
"So we'll sell the Porsche and buy a cheaper car, like a 96 Saab or something."   
"No, it's better to keep the car we have, an old car will probably end up costing us a fortune with repairing and stuff."   
"What about Ross? Joey? Rachel? Or Phoebs? They could lend us money."   
"Come on Monica, they don't make enough money for that…"   
"Yeah, you're right…" Monica said with a sigh. "So what are we going to do?"   
"Well I've done a little thinking about that…" Chandler said and got off the bed. "And I think I might have a solution. It's far from the best, but I think it might work."   
"Fill me in."   
Before Chandler could tell her they heard Anthony crying from the nursery. Monica got off the bed and told Chandler she'd handle whatever it was. Anthony needed a new diaper and Chandler waited for her to change the diaper and then put the child down in his crib again.   
"Follow me Mon" Chandler said, and went down in the basement.   
"Chandler?" Monica said warily. "Why are we going down to the basement?"   
Their basement was very tidy and had a small food cellar, a room with three small beds that they used as a guest room whenever someone came over and a bathroom. Monica didn't really like being down there, she had always disliked basements.   
"Well I was just thinking," Chandler said, "ever since NYU burned down two years ago and they had to move, they've been having the media part of the campus not too far away from here."   
"Yeah?" Monica said. "Media and the teaching department. So what?"   
"Well wouldn't it be possible for us to be able to rent a room to a student?"   
"Rent a what to a what?" Monica said, shocked by the suggestion.   
"You heard me."   
"But Chandler… There's no way!"   
"Well sure there is! I mean the basement is like it's own little apartment, we could rent it to a student."   
"Okay, first of all I will **NOT** let a stranger stay here with my babies!" Monica said.   
"And second of all?"   
"Try and talk down my first of all, then we'll see if I need to use the second of all."   
"Monica do you honestly believe that some student would try and harm our children? What would be the point, the person wouldn't exactly be able to get away with it. And come on, it's not like we would leave the kids alone with this person! And besides, it would be a college student, how much would we see of him? Or her?"   
"I'm still far from convinced" Monica said skeptically, crossing her arms.   
"Well give me your second of all."   
"Second of all, the basement might be cozy for a night or two, or maybe even a week, but for a whole **YEAR**? Chandler there's no way anyone would want to stay here! Especially not since campus is close and cheaper!"   
"Well then…" Chandler said and thought for a second. "Why don't just you and I stay down here?"   
"Say what?"   
"I don't mind sleeping here. It's only nights after all, days are spent upstairs. We could rent out our bedroom and free access to the kitchen and the bathroom."   
"Honey you're talking about a whole school year down here" Monica pointed out. "Think about that! And some stranger, some crazy teenager in our bedroom! The children alone all night long with that crazy teenager!"   
"If you're not safe about it then we can have baby monitors, we'll be able to hear if anything happens" Chandler said with a shrug to the shoulders.   
"Okay Alfred Nobel, then what about the fact that down here we have two beds. Two **SMALL** beds. You and me in a bed each. Do you want to sleep like that for a whole year?"   
"Sweetie this isn't something I'm suggesting just to spike up our everyday" Chandler pointed out. "We need the cash!"   
"How much could we possibly earn?"   
"I don't know! With the inflation these days, up to $100-$200 extra a month!"   
"It's not that much money and it's a whole lot of trouble" Monica gently pointed out. "I'm sorry Chandler, but no. I am not going to spend an entire year with a stranger in our home, sleeping upstairs with the children while we're down here, forced to sleep apart."   
She walked out of the small room in the basement and back upstairs. Chandler didn't follow until a couple of minutes later. Monica had gotten ready for bed before he was back upstairs. She crawled into bed right when he came into the bedroom to get a new shirt to sleep in from the closet. She lay down with her cheek against the pillow and closed her eyes. She opened them again and sat up partly, having felt something cold on her cheek. She looked down on her pillow.   
"Oh honey you shouldn't have…" she said.   
"Fine, can we just drop this already?" Chandler said, closing the door to the closet.   
"What? No, not the basement thing, I'm talking about this!"   
She lifted a charm from her pillow.   
"We said no gifts!" she added.   
"It's your freebee gift" Chandler said. "You know that. And besides Monica, this is the only time I can give you that charm."   
"Honey our budget--"   
"I had already bought you that when we did the budget" Chandler said, and sat down on the bed next to her. "And remember my promise, each anniversary that has a certain symbol, you're going to get a charm. I meant it."   
"What's it supposed to be?" she asked.   
"A sugar plant" Chandler said and attached it opposite the log charm. "Happy sugar anniversary."   
"Happy sixth anniversary" Monica replied and kissed him.   
"You know…" Chandler said, kissing her back. "In some languages, the word for six and sex is the same…"   
"Happy sex anniversary then" Monica said with a giggle and forgot about their financial problems as Chandler began feeling her up.   
  
  
They managed to avoid having to rent a room to a student, since Monica managed to get a waitress job at a nearby restaurant which provided some money, and Chandler went through their bank accounts again and found a small account which had some money on it. But they both knew they would need another source of income soon, Monica's waitress job was only going to last for eight months since she was covering for a pregnant woman.   
Joey got engaged on Anthony's second birthday, April fifth, and in the beginning of May Ross got engaged too. The gang decided to combine celebrating the two engagements with Chandler and Monica's seventh wedding anniversary, which was on a Saturday. Monica and Chandler, were going to be 'hosts'. They also decided to celebrate Chandler's 40th birthday, which was in early June, at the same occasion.   
"Okay, so, I want to make a toast!" Phoebe said once they had all sat down around the table to have dinner. She clinked her glass with her spoon and then lifted it. "Okay, first, to Ross. May you be very happy with Erica, may you never call her Rachel, may she never become a lesbian and may she never ditch you at the altar."   
"Ditch me at the altar?"   
"Well I couldn't think of anything Rachel did, except for that!"   
"Okay, to--" Monica began, chuckling, but Phoebe cut her off.   
"I'm not finished! Okay, and to Joey! May Clara keep you from messing around with other women, and may you have a lifetime of happiness with her! And of course to Monica and Chandler, who have been Mr. and Mrs. for seven years today. One more year and you have Ross's record with Carol beaten!"   
"**TANGED!**" Ross objected.   
"Here, here!" Chandler cut in and clinked his glass.   
"So Rach, how long before you and Boris announce your engagement?" Monica asked once they were done toasting.   
"Oh he says he'll never marry me before I start acting like the Jewish girl I was born as" Rachel said.   
"Meaning what, that if you walk barefoot you can't be buried in a Jewish cemetery and then you can't marry him?" Chandler asked.   
"Meaning he's quite religious and he thinks I'm way too influenced by Christianity. You should have heard the angry speech he gave me when we got home from his nephew's Bar Mitzvah."   
"Come on Rach, you've been seeing this guy for what, three years now? And still no proposal?"   
"Well we're living together, is that not enough for you?" Rachel asked, pretending to be annoyed.   
"Hell no" Monica replied and then grinned.   
"By the time Monica had been with Chandler for three years they were already married…" Ross pointed out, taking a sip from his glass.   
"Yeah, get off my case Ross."   
"Let's not talk about Rachel's future or no future as Mrs. Boris White, and instead focus on Joey and Ross's upcoming weddings" Chandler suggested. "With women, not with each other."   
"Oh, you know what would be so romantic?" Rachel asked.   
"No, what?" Joey asked.   
"Double wedding!"   
"Yeah, aw, that would be so cute!" Monica agreed. "Especially since the women you're marrying are best friends."   
"Which makes me feel so out of the loop" Chandler said. "Monica befriend these women."   
"I am friends with them."   
"Well befriend them better!"   
"Guys, do **NOT** have a double wedding!" Phoebe said. "Don't you know that one of the couples always turn out miserable?"   
"Well of course one of the marriages will turn out miserable, we're talking about Ross getting married here" Joey pointed out.   
"Good point" Phoebe nodded.   
They all looked up when they heard a girl cry out 'mommy'. Monica rose.   
"It's Emma. I'll be right back."   
She left to see what the child wanted and the others went back to discussing marriages.   
"You know, I kinda' have to ask, as the only one who's not been married" Joey said. "Is marriage really as great as they say?"   
"That depends, are you asking me or are you asking Rachel?" Chandler joked.   
"You, I guess."   
"Okay, then let me be influenced by the small but still existing level of alcohol I have consumed, and use a rather tacky metaphor to describe it" Chandler said. "Marriage is like a roller coaster. Ups and downs all the way. And just like with roller coasters, the ups seem to last ten times longer than the downs. And it's one hell of a thrilling ride."   
"In English" Joey said.   
"It's not always roses and champagne, but it's so worth it. The good times make it all worth it."   
Monica came back and sat down.   
"Bridget stole her teddy bear" Monica explained.   
"Oh, which parent does she get **THAT** from?" Phoebe asked.   
Monica and Chandler both pointed at the other one with innocent looks on their own faces. The others laughed.   
"We sure don't have many times like this anymore" Rachel said, a bit sad. "I mean, you two have your family life with children and everything," she said to Monica and Chandler, "and you guys have your fiancées…" she said to Ross and Joey. "And with everything else that's going on it seems like we hardly ever meet the whole gang anymore."   
"Ah, those days are just the ashes of our youth" Chandler joked.   
"Well we'll all have some get-togethers around my wedding" Joey said. "Rehearsals and rehearsal dinners… And of course the wedding."   
Everyone spontaneously lifted their glasses and clinked them together. Rachel grinned when she noticed that the bracelet on Monica's right arm had another charm on it, a little sheep. She put her glass down and asked what it symbolized.   
"Wool anniversary" Monica proudly said.   
"Aww, your marriage has lasted as long as wool!" Phoebe said, emotional.   
Monica gave her a strange look, and Chandler chuckled.   
"Yeah, and the sheep is a bit special to us too. See I had sheep at a restaurant on our honeymoon. It kinda' made me feel ba-a-a-a-ad though" Chandler said, bleating like a sheep at the word 'bad'.   
"Well it should" Phoebe said, and then realized he was only making it up to crack a lame joke.   
  
  
By the end of July Monica caved and agreed to let a student rent their bedroom. She felt very uncomfortable with it, but they needed the money quite badly. They had a third single bed down in the basement and they moved it up to the bedroom. Their own double bed was put away in the garage. They wouldn't be able to get it down to the basement.   
Chandler let Monica handle the interviewing of the appliers, since he knew she wouldn't be able to relax for a minute if she didn't feel like she was sure about the person they would let move in. In the first week of August she finally decided on a person, an eighteen year-old girl named Sarah Burrows, from Illinois. Chandler hadn't met the girl yet on the day she moved in, and he was in Boston for business when she did, which made Monica nervous. She really wanted him there for her to lean on, and to seek comfort and trust in. Joey came over instead, just for the day, and mostly to get Monica's help with some of the details for his wedding that would be in November.   
"So…" Monica said, fixing tea for her and Joey while waiting for the student to arrive. "How is Clara doing? Any wedding nerves starting to show with her yet?"   
"Oh are you kidding me?" Joey said. "The other day she called me Esteban!"   
"So Esteban Trueba," Monica said with a smile, sitting down opposite him at the kitchen table and handing him a cup, "how are **YOUR** nerves?"   
"Actually a lot less active than one might think" Joey said. "I mean, I love Clara. And it's time for me to settle down. I'm only a year younger than Chandler, I turn 40 next year. I want a wife and kids. I've been jealous of Chandler ever since he married you, I mean he's so happy and he has the greatest kids."   
"I know, he does, doesn't he?" Monica said with a huge proud smile on her face.   
"And his wife isn't too bad either" Joey said. "No one could tell you're 38, you look more like 35."   
"Well I guess three years younger is always something" Monica said with a nod. Then she smiled again.   
"Speaking of your beautiful kids…" Joey said.   
Bridget and Emma came running into the room, followed by a still slightly toddling Anthony. They had been playing in the girls' room but obviously decided that the grownups were doing something much more interesting. Bridget was six by now and would start kindergarten in a month. Emma was four and Anthony was two.   
"Hey uncle Joey!" Emma said and reached out her hands to be lift up.   
Joey lifted her up in his arms and Monica did the same with Anthony. Bridget sat down on a chair. She preferred to sit by herself, sitting in someone's lap was for babies.   
"So, where did you leave your Daddy?" Joey asked them, knowing very well where Chandler was.   
"He's in Russia!" Emma said.   
"In Russia?" Monica said.   
"Chicago" Bridget said.   
"Oh, right, that's where he is!" Joey said, pretending to have forgotten.   
There was a ring on the doorbell and Monica rose, still with Anthony in her arms.   
"Oh that must be Sarah… The girl who's gonna rent our room…"   
Joey noticed that she wasn't exactly thrilled about it. He got up as well and carried Emma out in the hall, following Monica. Bridget stayed by the kitchen table with a piece of paper and some crayons. Monica opened the door and let in an 18-year-old girl with three suitcases and a backpack. The girl had shoulder length black hair and brown eyes. She was a bit shorter than Monica, and dressed in jeans and a sweater.   
"Hey Sarah, welcome" Monica said, trying not to sound too awkward.   
"Hi Mrs. Bing" Sarah said nervously, starting to take her shoes off.   
Monica had already showed her around and told her what she could use and not use, and what shelf in the refrigerator and in the freezer she could have her own food in.   
"This is Anthony" Monica said, introducing her to the boy.   
"Oh. Hi Anthony."   
"And that's Emmie" Monica continued, nodding at Emma.   
"And you must be Mr. Bing" Sarah said to Joey. "Hi, nice to meet you, I'm Sarah Burrows."   
She extended her hand to him. Joey shook it.   
"Actually I'm not her husband. My name is Joey. Tribbiani."   
"Oh…" Sarah said, and blushed at her mistake and then at the situation she thought she had walked into. "Well how… strange…"   
"Oh, no he's just a friend of the family" Monica said.   
"Yeah, I'm Esteban" Joey said, confused at everything that was going on.   
"Didn't you just say your name was Joey?" Sarah said, confused.   
"Not a very close friend…" Monica said with an apologetic smile. "My husband is out of town in business, he'll be home sometime on Sunday."   
"That's tomorrow" Emma announced, proud to know the days of the week.   
"Very true indeed" Joey said.   
Monica walked back into the kitchen, with Joey and Sarah following in her tracks.   
"And you've met Bridget…" Monica said.   
Bridget looked up and acknowledged Sarah's presence, then returned to her crayons. Sarah then took her things into the bedroom and Monica couldn't keep in a sigh. She and Chandler had slept in that room until two days ago. They had fixed it up for Sarah the day before, right before Chandler had left. Monica had slept on a mattress in Anthony's room that night, and she was going to this night as well. She didn't feel comfortable in the basement, it scared her to be alone there and she definitely didn't want to sleep there without Chandler.   
Joey left after dinner, and Monica wished he had stayed. She decided to stay out of Sarah's way and spend all of her time with her children, to avoid any awkward situations. She did the same the next day, until about an hour before Chandler would be home. She walked out into the kitchen and sat down by the kitchen table with Bridget and Emma, and their coloring books. She colored with Emma in hers, and Sarah sat down next to Bridget to write her parents and friends in Illinois some letters to tell them she'd gotten a place to stay and had moved in, and to leave the address.   
She looked up when she heard the front door open and close, and a male voice calling out 'hey'. She assumed it was Mr. Bing who had come home, and that assumption was confirmed by Mrs. Bing jumping up from her chair and hurrying out in the hall. She decided to go over there too, to say hello.   
Monica threw her arms around Chandler and kissed him long and lovingly. She hated being away from him, especially when she felt unsafe and uncomfortable. Chandler hungrily kissed her back and couldn't wait until they got to be alone together.   
Sarah stopped when she saw them and felt a bit awkward. She liked Mrs. Bing even if she hadn't really gotten any chance to start to get to know her, but she had never even seen her husband before. He didn't look like she had thought he would, she had pictured him being tall and muscular, with a beard. But this man was pretty medium height for a man and there was no beard in sight. He wasn't very muscular either, but he had a sweet look about him. She instantly liked him. He seemed like a very nice man. The two oldest children ran past her and tugged his legs. Chandler and Monica were now hugging each other tight, and they broke the hug and looked down at the girls. Chandler lifted Bridget up and gave her a hug, and then did the same with Emma.   
"Where's the little one?" he asked.   
"Playing with cars in his room" Monica said with a smile.   
Chandler took three steps towards Anthony's room, carrying Emma with him, and then noticed Sarah. He smiled and reached out his hand.   
"Sarah Burrows, I take it? Hi, I'm Chandler Bing."   
"Hi" Sarah said and shook his hand.   
Chandler nodded with a smile and continued to Anthony's room to say hello to him while Monica went back into the kitchen and began making dinner. After dinner she did everything she could think of to postpone having to go downstairs to sleep. She challenged Chandler to a game of Trivial Pursuit when the children had been put to sleep and then tried to get him interested in having a long good talk about everything and nothing. Chandler just yawned and told her he was tired from traveling and wanted to go to bed. Monica swallowed hard but decided to just follow him downstairs and hope she would feel okay when he was with her. They checked on the kids and then went down to the basement and changed out of their clothes.   
"So…" Monica said once they were ready to go to bed.   
She was standing next to him in the doorway of what would be their room for at least a year, and she was glancing at the two beds. Those two beds were very hard to move, so they had decided to let them stay apart instead of pushing them together. It wouldn't be very comfortable to sleep with the beds pushed up next to each other anyway.   
"I guess it's time to go to bed" Monica continued. "In separate beds, for the first time since we got married."   
"Untrue" Chandler pointed out. "We slept in separate beds tonight too."   
"You know how I mean."   
Chandler kissed her on the cheek.   
"Take it easy babe, it will be all right. And besides, I'm really looking forward to visiting you in your bed for some sexual moments" he added with a grin.   
"Sure" Monica said with a nod, trying to hide how uneasy she was feeling.   
Chandler closed the door behind them and closed the lights. They both had a night light on, and Monica went over to her bed and quickly got under the covers. She'd taken the bed to the left, just like she slept on the left side of their bed. It felt better to have him on her left side, even if there was space between them. Chandler got into his bed as well and read a chapter of a novel he'd begun reading on his trip. He glanced over at Monica, who had her lights out and her eyes closed. She was hoping to fall asleep as soon as possible. He put his book down and turned his light off too, and the room got pitch black. There was a tiny window on level with the ground, right below the ceiling, but that didn't provide much light even during the hours of the day. It took Chandler fifteen minutes to adjust enough to the darkness to be able to spot Monica again. It seemed as if she were tensed up and she had an unhappy look on her face. Her eyes were still closed. Chandler got out of his bed and carefully walked over to hers, sitting down on her bedside. She opened her eyes and stroke his back.   
"You know those sexual moments I mentioned?" he asked.   
Monica moved closer to the wall and then lifted the covers for him to get under them. They started kissing which soon led to sleeping with each other. The first time was a bit awkward, since Monica was uncomfortable being in the basement and Chandler was worn out from his traveling during the weekend. But the second time it was just like it normally was between them, and they were happy to be together, even during these circumstances. Monica didn't invite to any small talk afterwards, she closed her eyes and fell asleep as fast as she could. She wanted him to be there with her when she went to sleep. Chandler stayed in her bed for a while after he'd noticed her drifting off, and then went back to his own bed.   
  
  
In October, a week before Monica's 38th birthday, Chandler and Monica were in the middle of yet another discussion. They didn't really fight a lot, but they discussed things all the time. And it was often as close to an argument as they could get without actually calling it that. Their romantic life had been put on hold it seemed, they didn't have romantic dinners together anymore, they didn't rent romantic movies and they still slept in separate beds. Their sexlife had become mostly just a habit, they slept together every Saturday night and on no other days of the week. They both knew that the Saturday nights were just to keep their sexlife going at all, but even though neither of them admitted it even to themselves, they both looked forward to it and made the most out of it. During the days they mostly either bickered or barely even spoke, not out of anger or hurt but because they didn't feel like talking. The silences were never uncomfortable, but they were both very thankful that they had their children who kept the place from being awfully quiet. They didn't notice their tenant Sarah much, she kept to herself a lot. Monica appreciated that, since she didn't feel really comfortable around her.   
"Look Chandler, really, I don't want anything!" Monica said, in the middle of their daily discussion. This time it was about her birthday.   
"Honey how long have you been with me?"   
"Closing in on ten and a half years."   
"And have I ever forgotten your birthday during these ten years?" Chandler asked.   
"Honey this is not about forgetting birthdays" Monica said. "It's about the fact that we're on a very tight budget and buying me presents is unnecessary."   
"I don't care weather I **HAVE** to buy you something or not, I **WANT** to" Chandler said. "You know, you gave me a gift for my birthday."   
"You turned forty honey. Look, please don't buy me anything for my birthday. I don't care about getting gifts anymore, you know that."   
Chandler was just about to reply when Sarah stormed out of her room and into the bathroom. They heard her be sick and they looked at each other with a frown.   
"Is there stomach flu going around?" Monica asked.   
"I'll call your Mom and Dad, if they can come pick up the kids then maybe we can avoid them getting it" Chandler said and lifted the phone.   
"Or we pass it on to my parents" Monica commented. "Go ahead and call them, I'll go see if Sarah's okay."   
Chandler got Judy Geller on the phone, and explained what was going on. After listening to a monologue on how irresponsible it was to let strangers into their home and how it led to things like this, Judy told him she and Jack would come by and pick their grandchildren up. Chandler hung up with a sigh and saw Monica enter the kitchen.   
"Yeah, she's sick all right" she said.   
"I just spoke to your Mom, they're on their way."   
"Good… Good, could you pack the kids' things, I don't think I should be around them too much since I'm more likely to have caught it than you."   
Chandler nodded and helped the children get their things and explained to them that they were going to their grandparents' for a couple of days. Meanwhile Monica helped Sarah get into bed and put out a bucket for her. She barely noticed her parents coming to pick the children up. Chandler walked into the kitchen to talk to her once the kids had left. She was busy pouring Coca Cola into a big glass.   
"Thirsty?" he asked.   
"It's for Sarah" Monica explained. "I'm gonna wait until it's barely carbonated anymore and then give it to her, it helps."   
"Home medicine a la the 21st century" Chandler commented and got out a glass for himself, and began filling it with Coca Cola.   
"Actually the 20th, my Mother always gave Ross and me Coke when we had the stomach flu."   
"I've never heard of that cure before" Chandler said and downed his glass.   
  
  
Monica woke up that night at around 2 AM, feeling nauseous. She sighed heavily and realized she would probably get sick as well. She got out of bed and went to the bathroom down in the basement and stayed there for close to an hour, waiting to throw up. But when she never did she realized how tired she was and she walked back to the room where she and Chandler slept. She fell asleep again but woke up again after thirty minutes and felt even more sick. She went back to the bathroom and filled a mug with water. She knew that drinking water directly from the tap would either make her throw up or make her feel better. It turned out to be the first option.   
Chandler woke up from hearing her being sick. He had slept very lightly, otherwise he wouldn't have been able to hear her and wake up. He got out of his bed and walked to the bathroom. He found her on her knees by the toilet, holding her hair back from her face and taking a couple of deep breaths. One look in the toilet told him he had been right, she had vomited.   
He sank down next to her and wordlessly grabbed her hair, holding it back for her. He had done that many times when she had been pregnant, he was used to sitting next to her while she was sick. But he hated it almost as much as she did. He knew he couldn't do anything to help her, and that he would most likely be vomiting himself by the end of the day, but he knew his presence comforted her so he didn't leave. She threw up a couple of more times and then closed her eyes. She was shivering.   
"Are you done?" he asked. She nodded for an answer. "It's like 4 in the morning" he said.   
"Sorry" she said. "Didn't mean to wake you."   
"Not much we can do about it now" he said. "Come, let me help you get up, you can go back to bed and I'll get you a bucket or something. And some towels for the bedside. And some Coca Cola for you."   
"Thank you sweetie, but…" Monica said, while getting on her feet. "I don't want to lie down here. I want to be upstairs, it's just so depressing down here."   
"Will the living room couch do?" he asked.   
Monica nodded and rinsed her mouth with water to get rid of the taste in her mouth.   
  
  
Chandler thanked his lucky star that he so far hadn't gotten sick himself, and that the children weren't in the house. Monica was quite sick, she was lying on one of the two couches in the living room and she threw up around every twenty minutes. By now she didn't have anything left in her stomach, when she vomited it was mostly just bile. He wished he could do more for her than keep her company and give her anything she asked for. Sarah was on the other couch, recovering from her illness the day before. She looked quite exhausted too.   
"Here you go sweetie" Chandler said, putting a glass of water he had boiled and then quickly cooled off for her on the coffee table.   
"Thanks" she mumbled and took a few sips.   
Chandler gently stroke her hair while she drank. He could see how thirsty she was. He heard her stomach growl and he realized how hungry she must be too. He decided to get her something to eat so that she'd at least not be as hungry for a few minutes, and she wouldn't just get up bile when she got sick. He rose and went into the kitchen where he grabbed an apple from a bowl and got out a grater. He peeled the apple and then used the grater to mash it for her. He grabbed a teaspoon and walked out in the living room to her.   
"Here honey, eat this" he said, sitting down next to her on the couch.   
"I don't want anything to eat" Monica moaned.   
"Come on, eat it. You'll feel better."   
She sighed heavily and sat up somewhat. She slowly ate the mashed apple, having to force herself to swallow sometimes. But she ate it all. Chandler took the small plate from her and dished it in the kitchen. He came back out to the living room and sat down next to her and stroke her hair again.   
"Feel any better?" he asked.   
"A little" Monica said, mostly to make him happy. Then she started to cry. "Oh Chandler I hate feeling this way!" she said.   
"I know" he said, pulling her into a hug.   
"Why do I have to feel this way?" she asked, crying in his arms. "I had enough of nausea when I was pregnant, I've had more than my share of this, I nearly choke when I vomit and I'm both so hungry and so nauseous…" she sobbed. "It's not fair!"   
"I know" Chandler said again.   
He held her silently while she cried for a few more minutes and complained through her sobs. He hated seeing her like this, she had never had the stomach flu for as long as he had known her, he'd never seen her sick in this way. When she had been pregnant it had been whenever her stomach was empty, but now she had been throwing up for hours. And to top it all off she was crying, and he could barely handle that. He knew it took a lot to make her cry, which made it even worse. He wished for the umpteenth time that there was something he could do for her. After a short while she calmed down a bit and took a deep breath. Chandler broke the hug and she leaned over the bucket and vomited again. He held her hair back for her until she was done, and she sat back up.   
"It tasted like apple" she said, almost chuckling.   
Chandler nodded, not knowing what to say. He sat next to her for a while and she ended up falling asleep. When she had slept for forty-five minutes he rose and went into the kitchen to get something to eat. Then he went into the girls' room and fell asleep in Bridget's bed. He was still asleep when Monica woke up two hours later, feeling better than before she'd gone to sleep. She felt hungry and thirsty but didn't want to bother Chandler anymore and got up herself to go get something to drink at least.   
"Mrs. Bing?" she heard Sarah's voice.   
"What is it Sarah?"   
"Are you going into the kitchen? Can I have an apple?"   
Monica nodded and got herself a glass of Coke. Then she grabbed an apple and went back to the living room and handed the fruit to Sarah.   
"I'm really sorry I brought the stomach flu here" she mumbled.   
"Is it going around on campus?" Monica asked.   
"My boyfriend's sister had it… I caught it from her…"   
Monica nodded and went back to the other couch, sitting down on it. She hoped she was done vomiting, and that the children or Chandler wouldn't get the flu too.   
"Is it really true that you get sick a lot when you're pregnant?" Sarah asked, remembering what Monica had said earlier on when she had been crying in Chandler's arms.   
"All pregnancies are different…" Monica said. "When I was expecting Bridget I got sick maybe once or twice. With Emma I threw up every day for… six months, I think. And with Anthony I was sick almost every day for around four months."   
"Gosh, I don't think I ever want to have children…" Sarah moaned. "I hate having the stomach flu."   
"It's not really the same kind of nausea" Monica said.   
"Yeah but still."   
"I guess that means you're on the pill, huh?" Monica said.   
"Excuse me?" Sarah said, blushing.   
"Don't think I'm oblivious, you don't think I know that you sleep with your boyfriend every time he comes over?" Monica said. She saw how embarrassed Sarah looked. "You know, I don't care if you sleep with him or not for my own sake, I remember what it's like to be your age. And Chandler and I were quite active our first years together, and we got together when I was ten years older than you are now… But I do mind for the children's sake. I don't want my children overhearing you, and I don't want them to find out about reproduction by walking in on you two."   
"Mrs. Bing, honest, we're never outside my room."   
"Well the room you're sleeping in is mine and Chandler's old bedroom, the kids are used to finding us there, they might walk in there expecting to find us" Monica told her.   
She rose and went into the kitchen to get another glass of water. She stopped in the doorway between the kitchen and the living room and slowly drank the water.   
"Well like I said…" Sarah said. "I'm not really big on the whole reproducing thing myself. I don't want to get pregnant. I think marriage is useless. No offence, Mrs. Bing."   
"You know Chandler used to say that…" Monica said. "He even said it when he and I were dating, right before he proposed. To throw me off track."   
"I'm not going to propose to my boyfriend."   
"No I know…"   
"I just think the whole concept of marriage is a trap" Sarah said. "I might spend the rest of my life with my boyfriend and have children with him, I don't need a wedding ring to do that. Marriage doesn't make the relationship better, or more real. And besides, fifty years from now our feelings might have changed. Love burns out sooner or later, and if you're not married you can walk away from each other in an easy fashion and just be glad for the years you had, instead of being bitter because you're divorced."   
"I don't think love has to burn out" Monica said. "Passion does, sooner or later… But then again it comes back every now and then. Never as strong as in the beginning, but still. Being married has been much better than anything I've experienced before. And you know, I've looked at him differently since he married me. He's not just a boyfriend, he's my husband. There's a huge difference…"   
"Yes, but the difference is in your head, not in reality."   
"I just love him more with every year that goes by. I don't think our love will burn out. I may not be a world-famous star or a Nobel Prize winner, I know lots of young people want a career before a family, but it doesn't matter to me. I have it all."   
Sarah gave her a skeptic look. The Bings were nice people, but she didn't exactly think they were among the luckiest people in the world. They had little money and exactly the kind of life Sarah had always feared of getting herself. Monica saw her skeptic look and smiled slightly.   
"You don't understand what I mean, do you?" she asked. "I have a husband, who is my soulmate, my best friend, my confidante… Life is good with him, even though we fight and we argue and we bicker I still really love him and I wouldn't trade him in for anything. And I have three great children that are his and mine. Once you get a little older you'll come to realize that the only thing you really need to have is the person you love more than your own life. It's cliché, I know, but there's a difference between being in love and being in love… Compared to what I have with Chandler, what I thought was true love in the past were merely crushes. And as far as marriage or not goes… I think if your relationship is strong enough to begin with, strong enough to last longer, then marriage will make it stronger. If you're in a marriage you have no choice but to try your very best to work things out, if you're just cohabs it's probably easier to walk away."   
She felt another wave of nausea come over her and realized she shouldn't have had so much water to drink. She put the glass down and walked into the bathroom, knowing she would be sick again soon.   
  
  
"As much fun as the rehearsal dinner was," Ross said, raising his glass, "I can assure you my friend, this bachelor party will be better."   
"I'll drink to that" Joey said and clinked his glass with Ross's and then with the other men gathered around the table.   
It was November, the night before Joey's wedding. Joey, Chandler, Ross and four other men had just left the rehearsal dinner to have a bachelor party combined with poker night in Joey's apartment, the one he and Clara would live in together from the next day on.   
"It's been way too long since we had a night like this" Chandler said.   
"Yeah, since your bachelor party" Ross said with a laugh.   
"Well I am gonna party my ass off tonight" Chandler said and started dealing the cards. "I'm going to drink, gamble and cut it loose."   
"Well that surprises me" Rick, one of the other men at the party, said. "I thought men who were married with children had left the party days behind them."   
"Oh are you kidding me?" Chandler said. "I am going to make the most out of this night, it's so relaxing to for just one night not have to be a husband and Father."   
"Maybe you shouldn't say that stuff in front of Joey" Nick, one of the other men, laughingly suggested.   
"Yeah he comes with a lot of big talk now, but when the party is over he'll be happy to come home and snuggle with the Mrs." Joey said, laughing as well.   
"How did the conversation end up on **MY** marriage, I figured Joey's upcoming would be tonight's topic" Chandler said. "Who wants cards?"   
"Not me, I'm out, stupid worthless hand" Ross whined and threw his cards on the table.   
"No more beer for Ross" Joey decided.   
"Come on now guys, we have to play quickly, we have to get Joey drunk and passed out by eleven thirty or we won't be able to put him on that train to Milwaukee to make him miss the ceremony tomorrow" Chandler said with an eye on his watch, pretending to be serious.   
"Nice try, I think Clara's put up guards on all the railway stations" Joey said with a laugh.   
Chandler shook his head with a smile.   
"Let's hope for her sake she's put up guards at La Guardia as well…" he said with a grin. "And as the best man, allow me to play a little song especially for the groom to be."   
He got up from his seat and walked over to the stereo. He put a record in and hit play, then he raised the volume. Europe's 'The Final Countdown' started to play. Chandler grinned and walked back to his seat, while the other guys went 'ba ba ba ba' in rhythm with the sync melody.   
"Am I the only one who thinks this party seems a bit too decent?" Rick asked, looking around. "I see no strippers."   
"I will kill you" Joey said with a sharp glare at Chandler.   
"Don't look at me, you know Ross planned this party" Chandler reminded him. "I've been to busy with fatherhood."   
Joey gave Ross an angry glare and was about to say something evil when Ross cut him off by warning him that if he complained he might end up waking up in Mexico City the next morning. Joey decided to let it go for now and concentrated on the game again. After a while there was a knock on the door and Joey grinned.   
"Aha! I knew you guys could be counted upon!" he said.   
He got out of his chair and hurried over to the door. The other guys followed him. Joey opened the door and saw a female police officer standing there. Joey grinned even wider and nodded in approval.   
"Who-ho, hello miss policeman!" he said.   
The woman didn't look impressed, and told him that she was from the police. The guys laughed, thinking she was just playing a game with them.   
"What's so funny?" the woman asked, looking annoyed.   
"Hey, come on in, feel free to go ahead and do your thing" Joey said, waving the woman in. She entered, looking even more annoyed. "Are you gonna tell us what bad boys we've been?" Joey asked.   
"Go Joe" Chandler said with a laugh. "39 years old and still likes that kind of stuff."   
"I don't know what you think is going on here, but we have gotten complains about your loud music and I'm going to have to ask you to turn it down" the woman said.   
The guys looked at each other and laughed again.   
  
  
"Hope the rest of the evening is as funny as the first half" the policewoman said and closed the cell door.   
"Oh come on now!" Joey whined.   
They had realized a little too late that she really wasn't a stripper, and they had ended up getting arrested for 'working against the police' as she had put it. She was probably pretty offended by being taken for a stripper, and they couldn't deny that they hadn't done what she had asked them to. But they all thought arresting them was quite a bit too extreme.   
"Look, listen lady!" Joey said. "I'm getting married in like twelve hours, I can't be stuck in here!"   
"Actually this is more effective and much more original than the train idea" Chandler said, trying to make a joke.   
"You've gotta let me go" Joey said to the policewoman, ignoring Chandler.   
"Phone call!" Ross said. "We have phone calls, don't we?"   
"I haven't exactly booked you for murder, no charges have been pressed, you don't need to be so dramatic" the policewoman said. "But yes, you can make a phone call."   
"Okay, I'm gonna see if I can get a hold of Erica, she could come down here and help bail us out" Ross said.   
He left with the policewoman and got back ten minutes later, looking very annoyed.   
"She's not at home!" he angrily said. "And officer Hardball here wouldn't let me try and see if I could get a hold of anyone else."   
"Ross how stupid are you, she's Clara's maid of honor, she's out on the bachelorette" Nick angrily said.   
"Why didn't you call Rach? Or Phoebs?" Joey asked.   
"Okay, I'll go and call Monica, I know she's at home" Chandler said. He sighed. "But oh man is she going to be mad…"   
"Well she's bound to get mad once she finds out anyway, since her husband got himself arrested" Nick said.   
"I know, but calling home at this hour will wake up the kids…" Chandler said with a sigh.   
He left to call her and she seemed awfully calm on the phone. Although he knew it was getting late and she had probably gone to bed, and was probably both tired and shocked. She promised to come down to the station ASAP, and Chandler was taken back to the cell. He told the others that she was on her way, and then sat down and waited with the rest. Ross was humming 'The Final Countdown' and two of the others quietly sang the lyrics. When it had been nearly two hours they were starting to wonder if Monica was going to show up at all, but then they heard a door open and saw Monica enter with the policewoman. Chandler got up from the bunk bed he'd been sitting on and walked over to the cell door.   
"Monica!" he said, with a relieved smile. "Boy am I glad to see you."   
"All of a sudden it's not such a relief to get a night off from being a husband and a father, huh?" Joey said.   
Chandler gave him an angry glare. He knew Monica was probably angry with him even if she looked calm, and he didn't need Joey to say things that might upset her.   
"Oh chill out," Joey said, "I can't wait to have my own wife who can bail me out of jail… and other tricky situations…"   
"Not the best aspects of marriage" Monica said through gritted teeth.   
"Sweetie--" Chandler began, but Ross cut him off.   
"What the hell took you so long?" he asked. "Chandler called you like two hours ago!"   
"Well if you think you could just walk out of here for free you were mistaking" Monica said. "I had to find money to bail you out. And then officer Whitaker here and me had a very long and interesting talk about the maturity level of full-grown men."   
"Sorry about the stripper thing" Joey said to the policewoman.   
"Okay, fine, but could you let us out now?" Ross asked.   
"Feel free to go" officer Whitaker said.   
"Great, thanks a million for bailing us out Mon!" Joey said.   
"Thank you, I love you!" Chandler said to her, but Monica didn't look too impressed.   
Officer Whitaker opened the cell door and the guys hurriedly got out. Monica held out a hand and stopped Chandler.   
"Not you" she said.   
"What?"   
"Not you" she repeated. "You're staying put."   
Officer Whitaker closed the cell door again and grinned at him, then left the two alone.   
"Monica what the hell is going on here?" Chandler asked.   
"I didn't have enough money" Monica told him. "I could barely get enough to bail six men out, I was nowhere near getting all seven of you out. So one of you has to stay."   
"And you're letting your husband stay?" Chandler asked, not thinking she was serious.   
"Well it seemed more right than to just pick someone out in random" she said and then got angry. "Chandler what the hell have you done? How on earth did you end up getting **ARRESTED?** How incredibly stupid can a person get? First of all, it was **NOT** fun having to tell the children that you woke up when you called that I was going to have to go bail daddy out of jail, and it wasn't very fun waking Sarah up and ask her to watch the kids, because of the same reason. And Chandler you **KNOW** what a tight budget we're on! You know it just as well as I do! Maybe even better!"   
"Whoa, hold on a second here, it's not like this was all done on purpose!" Chandler protested.   
"You refused to turn the volume down and you called a policewoman a stripper!" Monica said. "What did you expect? I had to take our food money, the money we were saving for Christmas gifts for the children and all the loose money I could find to get you idiots out of here tonight!"   
"They're going to repay you Monica, they can't expect us to just give that money too them" Chandler said. "Just get Joey or Ross back in here and make them cough up the money to get me out of here."   
"I can't do that, neither of them have any loose money at the moment and there's no ATM in the area."   
"Well call your parents, I'm sure they can lend us!"   
"I can't believe you" Monica said, more upset. "How can you expect me to call my parents up at this hour and wake them up, asking them to give me money so I can get my husband out of jail? I won't do it Chandler! I won't! You can stay here tonight. I don't like it, don't think I'm leaving you just to be a bitch, but maybe you need to realize just how tight our budget is! Even with just your bail money we'll be short! I hate seeing you in there, I wish I could do more for you, but at the moment I can't! And don't be mad at **ME**, I didn't get you in this situation. You did that."   
"I'm Joey's best man, I have to be at the ceremony tomorrow!"   
"Yes I know that. But come on, you **KNOW** I would get you out of here if I could. But I just can't. And as much as I hate seeing you in there that does not mean I feel sorry for you, you are on **VERY** thin ice mister! For starters, do you wish to explain the stripper?"   
"It's a **BACHELOR** party" Chandler said. "**JOEY'S** bachelor party. You must have known there would be strippers there."   
"Well it's good to know in what way you spend your nights free from the duty of being a husband and a father."   
"Oh please, don't start" Chandler whined. "Don't give me that crap. I've seen strippers a billion times, since when is that considered infidelity? Besides, I have to look at other women, how would I otherwise know how beautiful you are?"   
"That was probably the lamest excuse of all time" Monica said, not at all impressed by his cheesy line. "And the stripper is a small deal compared to getting a phone call at midnight where you tell me you're in jail and need me to come bail you and the others out."   
"I'm sorry, okay?"   
Neither of them said anything else for a couple of minutes. Monica turned and walked towards the door.   
"No! Monica wait!" Chandler said.   
"What is it?" she asked, turning.   
"Please don't go! Don't leave me here alone!"   
"Chandler what do you want me to do, just stand here all night long?"   
"Please babe, I don't want to be alone in here!"   
"I have to go" Monica said. "I'll see you later."   
Chandler stared after her when she left and felt how angry he was with her for leaving him like that.   
  
  
He was still mad the next morning when Monica came back. He'd spent the night on the bunk bed, only getting a couple of hours of sleep. He didn't bother to hide his anger with her when he saw her, but she didn't seem like she cared. She looked haggard, her long hair looked like she hadn't brushed it in a long while and she had dark shadows under her eyes. She came in with officer Whitaker who unlocked the cell door and let him out. Chandler noticed how simple it was to let him out this time around, and he started to believe that he could have gotten out along with the others but Monica had let him stay because she was mad at him. He walked right past her without saying a word, not even responding to her 'good morning honey', and kept silent while officer Whitaker gave him back his wallet, and while he followed Monica out to the car.   
"You might be interested in knowing that I talked her out of pressing charges at you" Monica said as she started driving home.   
"What would she have pressed charges for?" Chandler asked, talking for the first time. "For mistaking her with someone?"   
"Don't give me an attitude" Monica said.   
"Yeah, why should I?" Chandler asked with a quippy tone. "I mean, after all, you only left me alone in a jail cell all damn night long."   
"Well what else was I to do?" Monica asked, trying her best not to get worked up. "It's not like I went home and had a good night's sleep, for crying out loud! I spent the entire time between I left you there and now trying to find money to bail you out."   
"How long can it take?" he angrily asked.   
"You if anyone should know how hard it is" Monica said.   
"So how did you end up finding the money, did you win the lottery?" Chandler asked, still with his quippy tone.   
"No, I called your mother."   
"You **WHAT**?" Chandler asked, turning to look at her for the first time.   
"I called your mother" Monica calmly repeated.   
"How could you?"   
"Because we needed the money" Monica told him, stating the obvious.   
"Yes but why the hell did you call my **MOTHER**? How could you call her up and tell her I was in jail and needed bail money?"   
"Hey!" Monica said, snapping. "Weren't you the one who wanted me to call **MY** parents to tell them the exact same thing? Don't you **DARE** give me a hard time about calling your mother, it would have been a lot worse for me to call my own folks than for you if I called yours. You got yourself into jail, and I'd rather tell your mother than mine! And if you have nothing nice to say to me than shut up! I don't want to hear one unkind word from you, do you understand that? Do you know what you have accomplished? I have no money to pay the baby-sitter with! I talked to Sarah, she can watch the kids for a short while, when you and I go to Joey's wedding ceremony! But then I'm going to have to go back home and stay with the children. I'm going to miss out on one of my closest friends' wedding reception, and it's all thanks to **YOU**! I would force you to stay at home yourself, but since you're the best man you have to be there! I'm done talking to you now, you've completely ruined today for me, I was looking forward to this so much but now I'm going to miss out on everything! And you have the nerve to be **ANGRY** instead of grateful! Don't bother coming down to the basement to sleep tonight, I won't let you in to the room, you can sleep on the damn living room couch!"   
Chandler was about to give her a poisonous reply, but then decided not to. She was playing the martyr role, she would be able to find someone who could baby-sit for free if she only made the effort. But he knew her well enough to know that she was close to crossing the line of how much she could take from him and he didn't want to push her over it.   
  
  
It was the middle of the night when Chandler got home. Without thinking about it he began taking his clothes off to slip into a t-shirt he slept in, while walking down to the room where he and Monica slept. Just as he put his hand on the knob he remembered what she had said earlier. She had told him to stay away from there, to leave her alone. She didn't want him to be there with her. He suddenly felt very ashamed of himself, and very guilty. He remembered seeing her for a few minutes during the reception before she had had to leave, and she had been hugging Joey with tears in her eyes. He had overheard her tell him how sorry she was that she had to leave and how upset she was that she was unable to stay.   
He decided to do as she had told him, to go and sleep upstairs. He opened the door anyway, to get his t-shirt which he kept under one of his pillows. He snuck quietly into the dark room and tried to be as quiet as he could. He didn't want to wake her. He looked over at her and felt even worse. She had had her hair up in a gorgeous way earlier, now it was just let loose. It was practically screaming to him that she had no use of wearing it up when she was home with the children instead of at the reception. He could see how puffy she was around her eyes and her cheeks looked damp. He knew she had been crying. He knew it wasn't because of how he had acted earlier, he knew it was because she had missed out on the reception. He knew she had probably been walking around in the house, bored out of her mind and changing Anthony's diapers and cooking the children dinner. And that she had all that time been thinking about the reception and about how fun the others were having. He felt like a bastard, like he had cheated her of the night. He almost wished he had been at home instead of her. He hadn't been able to have much fun anyway, he had missed their silent communication and just knowing she was there and was having a good time.   
He grabbed his t-shirt and placed a careful kiss on her forehead. He whispered quietly that he loved her and then quietly left the room.   
  
  
The communication between them almost stopped after that incident. Their Saturday night encounters stopped as well, and Monica stopped mentioning their financial problems. Whenever he sighed over their lack of money she just looked the other way, as if telling him that it was his own fault and that he had placed them all in that situation. It wasn't really fair, they hadn't lost anything with the whole bail problem, since the others had paid them back and his mother had paid his bail. But he got the feeling that she was sending the silent message that the money was his responsibility now and that if he screwed up again they would be out of it. The tension between them lifted somewhat though when Sarah went back home to Illinois a week before Christmas. Monica couldn't feel completely relaxed when she had someone she still considered an outsider in their home.   
On Christmas Eve they went over to Rachel and Boris to have dinner. Boris had rich parents and a well-paying job, so when the two of them had decided to live together they had gone out and bought a house. The house was smaller than Chandler and Monica's, but it was quite big for only two people. On Christmas Eve though it was a good thing they had a house and not an apartment, since it turned out to be a large crowd gathered. Chandler and Monica brought their children, Ross brought both his fiancée and Carol, Susan and Ben, Joey of course brought Clara and Phoebe brought her new flame Niles. They had a nice time at dinner and the subject was mainly the newlyweds and Ross and Erica's wedding plans. They had set a date in April, around Easter, even though Phoebe had warned them that getting married at that time was bad luck.   
Christmas Day was spent without any visitors. Bridget, with Emma in tow, woke Chandler and Monica up early and they got up and made breakfast before they let the children open their presents. They had decided not to buy each other anything, but as it usually went with that type of things Chandler had gotten her a sweater and she had gotten him a CD. The children didn't seem to mind that they didn't get too many presents, they hadn't gotten too many the year before either and Chandler had told them about how they shouldn't get hung up on material things and quantities. Monica made dinner, and felt quite low that they didn't even have a turkey. But when they sat down to eat, in the living room to make it a bit fancier, Chandler gave her a smile, jokingly raised his glass and held a short speech about how the Christmas had been quite all right anyway.   
"And besides," he finished, "I agree with the movie slogan. Better porridge together than filet mignon alone."   
Monica couldn't help giving him a loving smile. His comment sounded a bit silly, but it was sweet. She realized that this was their tenth Christmas together as an official couple. Their eleventh all together, but she didn't really count the first one since they weren't officially together then. She suddenly felt tired of bickering with him, she couldn't even remember what the reason for it all was, but she assumed it was linked to money and that several conflicts had turned into a big issue with his arrest. She just wanted to forget about everything like that just for one day, and judging by the look on his face he felt the same way. She smiled wider and her smile kept a secret promise to him. Once the children had gone to sleep that night she kissed him and enjoyed being kissed back. She led him to the room that had been their bedroom and fell down with him on the bed there. They hardly stopped kissing while they made love, and when he later on initiated sex a second time she sought out his mouth and kept it locked with hers. She felt more in need of his kisses than of anything else.   
When he fell asleep with his head on her shoulder later on she felt queasy. She somehow knew that this had only been a one-night thing. That the next morning the distance between them would be right there again. She closed her eyes and felt miserable.   
  
  
Things seemed to be even worse after that than Monica had predicted. Partly it was because they both had Christmas in fresh memory and how wonderful it had been. They both longed to get through to the other, but it seemed as if it was impossible. They started bickering again, they had their first real fight in almost a year, not counting the incident around Joey's wedding. They never chatted with each other at night and they barely even spoke during the day. And when they did it was as if they were strangers to each other. Finally one day, the day before Emma's fifth birthday, Monica reached her limit and broke down. Luckily enough it was only the two of them at home, the children were off with Phoebe and Niles during the day and Sarah was at a lecture. Chandler and Monica had started fighting again, this time over something as small as who would do the dishes. Their fights always started over small issues these days and led to bigger fights, and this time it led into a huge argument where they both vented a lot of their anger, hurt and frustration. And after over an hour of yelling at each other Monica couldn't take anything more and she sank down on a chair by the kitchen table and started crying.   
"Oh God…" she sobbed. "Chandler I can't handle this, I just can't take this no more, I just can't, I cannot live like this… I can't live like a stranger to you, only communicating with you when we fight. I can't walk around being mad at you, disliking you or even being hurt by you, because god I love you… But it's like our marriage has ceased to work, it's like we can't function together anymore…"   
"What does this mean?" Chandler asked, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning back against the kitchen counter. He felt almost as sad as she looked. "Do you want to throw in the towel?"   
"We can't, we have too much invested in this marriage" Monica said through her sobs. "And we have the kids to think about. And I couldn't forgive myself if I let it all be over without the both of us fighting to save it."   
"You can't fight only when it suits you!" Chandler angrily said. "You have to give and take, but you haven't bothered to try and read any of my signals or silent messages to you! And when I try to respond to yours you just push me away! Don't toy with me like that! If you want something to play with then go and find yourself a toy."   
"See? This is what I mean!" Monica said, even more upset and not bothering to try and dry her tears. "It's only anger and fighting all the time. No attempts to try and solve anything without getting angry. The children must be feeling so terrible about the way their parents are acting towards each other, especially Bridget, you know how she gets! And we don't have any money, we don't have anything! And I'm fucking pregnant again!"   
"Excuse me?"   
"I'm pregnant, I'm pregnant, I got pregnant when we had sex on Christmas Day… And I just can't handle that, I can't bring another baby into this marriage the way things are right now…"   
"Whoa, hold your horses, what the fuck are you trying to tell me?" Chandler asked, getting frustrated. "First you tell me you're expecting again, and now you tell me you don't want the baby?"   
"The three children we have are suffering enough, I cannot believe I have to bring a fourth one into this whole mess. But if you're asking me if I want to give the baby up, then the answer is no. I could never do that." She started crying harder. "But it's just so unfair!"   
Chandler walked over and sat down next to her. He reached out his hand and silently caressed the back of her head for a few seconds, and then played a little with her hair. He put his arm around her shoulder and pulled her closer to him. She didn't object, she let him pull her close and she rested her head against his chest. It wasn't so much that he pulled her close that comforted her, it was the knowledge that he wanted to comfort her and make her feel better.   
"Monica honey…" he gently said. "You know, maybe this is a strictly G**GOOD** thing."   
"Chandler you know that's not true. We are very unstable together right now, how can we bring another life into this? An innocent little baby?"   
"That's an insult" he said. "It's an insult that you'd think I would just let things go on like this between us, especially knowing that we're going to become parents again. Don't you think I will do whatever it takes to work on this and make us find out way back to where we used to be?"   
"That doesn't help" Monica said. "If our only reason for being able to make it work is that I'm pregnant again, it will just put off the inevitable. Once the baby gets older, or even as soon as it's born, we'll fall back in our old patterns and things will just be bad between us again. And what do we do then? Get me pregnant again?"   
"I am trying very hard not to lose my temper with you again here" Chandler warned her. "If that's the way you feel then I won't even bother trying to save anything. I want to save this because I love you and because I don't believe that there's anything that we can't work past, except for one of us not wanting to work things out. If you don't want to honestly try then it will never work. I want to work things out because I love you and because when the children are grown and are living their own lives, I still want to be with you. If you can't see that then why are you still here?"   
"I'm afraid that **YOU** only want to work things out for the baby's sake, okay?" Monica said, trying to dry her tears. "There's just this huge distance between us now, we can't communicate in the same way we used to, it's like we've grown apart. I used to always know what you wanted, but now I feel unsure. But I can tell you what I want, what I want is for us to be like we used to be. I want to have a good marriage again, one with hardly any fights and where you and I are best friends. You've been more like a stranger than a best friend recently, and I know I haven't exactly been a best friend to you either. But I want to get back to what we used to be. And not for the children's sake, but for my own. I don't want to lose you."   
"And I don't want to lose you" Chandler said and kissed the top of her head. "Listen babe, everything is going to work out…"   
"I'm not sure" Monica told him. "With a forth baby we're going to have even less money. I don't understand how we are going to have any time for anything else than working to earn more money."   
"I'll talk to my parents" Chandler said. "Mom should have enough money to go around, and my Dad… I haven't asked anything of him since I turned eighteen, I don't think he'd be able to deny me money if I really needed it… Listen, whichever way it goes we C**CAN** work things out. I think we just need to remember that we can't set us aside like we have done pretty much ever since we moved, we can't forget that if we don't have us then there's no use having the other stuff."   
Monica nodded. He put his other arm around her too, squeezing her lightly. She felt so relieved, she had really needed him to set aside his anger and comfort her, show her his support. And that was what he had done. When she had needed him he had set his anger aside and come over to her and hugged her. It felt like a sign that she hadn't lost him yet, she hadn't even been close, he had still been there for her even though she hadn't noticed it. And she had still been there for him.   
"I love you" she said with her voice full of emotion. It had been a while since she had felt flooded with love for him, but now the feeling was back and as strong as it ever had been.   
  
  
When Sarah came home a couple of hours later she was surprised to hear music playing and no voices talking to each other with annoyed tones. She felt creeped out each time she overheard the couple she rented a room from discussing things and sounding mad at each other. She knew that the music came from the living room and she recognized it as Peter Cetera's 'Glory of Love'. She quietly walked towards her room and stopped when she passed by the living room. Chandler and Monica were dancing closely together, seeming oblivious to everything around them. When she had left that morning they had barely spoken, now they seemed like everything was just fine. For the first time she actually saw them as a couple in love, he seemed to be worshipping her and meaning every word Cetera sang. And she seemed to be clinging to him like he was the only thing that kept her up in life. Sarah noticed the song fade out and another song start to play. The dancing couple didn't really seem to notice that there was no music for a couple of seconds, they didn't miss a single beat. The song that started playing, 'No Explanation', was about breakup and Sarah went into her room instead of continuing to look at them. It didn't really seem to suit them to dance to songs about heartaches and lost loves.   
Chandler smiled when Monica tilted her head back and looked at him.   
"The children will be back soon" she whispered.   
"Yeah I know" he replied.   
She smiled and kissed him. It was amazing what a few hours of working on their relationship could do, once they had made up their minds and come to a decision together. They had much more issues left to deal with, a couple of hours was in no way time enough for them to work everything through, but somehow it seemed as if just getting started with the process was enough to make them find their way back to the loving and romantic side of their marriage. They could set aside their anger and their hurt over different things, they knew it would be dealt with soon enough anyway, they just enjoyed being in each other's arms again. Monica reached for another kiss when they heard the doorbell ring and then the door open.   
"Hello?" Phoebe's voice said.   
"Hi" Monica said back.   
She walked out to the hall and greeted Phoebe, Niles and the children. Chandler came behind her and lifted Anthony up to go get him ready for bed while Monica talked to Phoebe for a while. Chandler had gotten Bridget ready for bed too by the time Phoebe and Niles left, and he was sitting in the living room with Emma, reading a book to her. They let her stay up later than her siblings since it was her birthday the next day. Monica decided to get her ready for bed though, and then let Chandler continue reading to her. Emma ended up falling asleep in his lap and Monica lifted her up and took her to bed. She then went back to the living room where Chandler started the stereo, with a low enough volume to keep the children from waking up.   
"One more dance before we hit the sack?" he asked.   
"Sure" she grinned. "What song did you have in mind?"   
"Actually not a song" he said.   
She looked a bit confused but walked closer to him and leaned against him as they started to dance. After a few seconds he explained what he meant.   
"It's purely instrumental. It's actually the theme from 'Jurassic Park'."   
"And that is romantic to you?" Monica asked.   
"Actually it is."   
She decided to focus on listening to the music. She thought she recognized it as what played in the background when the main characters first saw the dinosaurs but she wasn't sure. She realized what he meant though, it was a beautiful piece. And she had never danced to classical music before, especially not cheek to cheek, and it was a new experience for her. But she found it romantic and soothing. She closed her eyes and just listened to the music, feeling Chandler's lips against the top of her head.   
"Thank you" she whispered when the music had ended. "I've never done anything like that before."   
Chandler just nodded and led her with him down to the basement. From some silent agreement they both lay down on her bed, Chandler on top of Monica, kissing with a few seconds between each kiss. The kisses didn't lead to sex this time, but before Chandler left her bed to go to his own, they shared a look which made them both wonder why they let it end at a couple of kisses.   
  
  
A couple of nights later Monica was in bed a while before Chandler, and when he entered the room he looked around with slight confusion.   
"Mon?" he said.   
"Yeah?" she said, knowing what he was wondering.   
"Why… Aren't there any sheets or pillow cases on my bed?"   
"If you want to you can go and get some" Monica said. "But actually I was kind of hoping you would stop sleeping in that bed and come sleep here with me. I keep feeling like we're somehow not a real married couple when we sleep in separate beds. I know it's insane, but…"   
"Well sure, I'll come sleep next to you" Chandler said. "But Monica I have to admit, I'm not so sure there's enough room for the both of us."   
"You've slept here with me before."   
"Yeah…"   
He came over and she lifted the covers, inviting him in. He got under the covers and turned the light above their heads off. The room got dark, he couldn't really see her at first even though they were so close they were touching. He felt a bit uncomfortable, like he could fall off the bed at any time if he didn't lay on his side, but decided to at least give it a try for a couple of weeks, for Monica's sake. He put an arm around her waist and as if she somehow sensed that he was bothered by the lack of space she moved as close to the wall as she could get and laid on her side. There was room enough for one of them to lie on the side and one of them to lie on the back or the stomach. He moved further in on the bed and decided to lie on his back. He sighed and looked up at the ceiling. He was so used to how it looked from the other bed, but it seemed like a different ceiling from this one. Monica put an arm across his chest and leaned her head against him. She pulled up her right leg and ended up draping it across his hips and legs. The touch of her leg against his crotch turned him on and he lifted her head up to kiss her.   
"Chandler" she said before he had the chance to kiss her a second time. "Listen… I know you really want sleeping space… and you don't have to stay here every night, I can make your bed for you tomorrow… But I would really like it if you slept here with me at least a few nights a week."   
Chandler kissed her again and showed her in every way he could think of that this was where he wanted to be. Monica felt happier than she had in a long time and for the first time since she'd discovered she was having another baby she thought about it with a smile on her lips.   
  
  
Chandler ended up staying in her bed every night. He felt like she needed him to, and he appreciated the physical closeness with her after the months they'd spent being like strangers to each other. And it was a lot easier to have friendly chats about everything and nothing when they were in the same bed, and having her so close sparked his sex lust again and they slept together almost every night.   
"You know something?" Monica said late one night, when Chandler was really close to falling asleep.   
"What?" he mumbled, barely opening his mouth to form the word.   
"I should be so miserable right now… We have almost no money, we have to rent a room to a stranger and sleep in the basement, I'm in the middle of another pregnancy with morning sickness and everything else that comes with it and I have three children to look after, the one I'm carrying excluded. But the thing is, I have to tell myself to feel miserable and depressed, because the truth is I don't. I don't feel miserable. Or depressed. I'm happy. Sure, this is not the way I thought our life would be, but as long as it's **OUR** life I'll be happy. Waking up every morning with you this close to me makes me happy. Having you here, greeting you every day when you come home from work, eating my dinners with you, watching you with the children… And then going to bed with you right there next to me, so close that I'm always touching you. All of that makes it impossible for me to be miserable. As long as I have you I'll be happy. As long as we're fine I will be too."   
Chandler didn't say anything to that, but he turned around in bed and put his arm around her waist.   
"You said when you proposed that I make you happier than you ever thought you could be…" Monica continued. "I never thought I could be this happy in this type of situation. It's all thanks to you."   
"Thank you" Chandler said.   
"For what?"   
"For saying that. I've been feeling so lousy about myself, it feels like I've let you down. I promised in my proposal that I would do anything to make you happy. And I've watched you being unhappy now and… and it just means so much to me to hear you say that I'm what's keeping you from being miserable."   
"What makes me miserable and unhappy is when things aren't right between us… when I feel I can't reach you. That makes me unhappy."   
Chandler nodded and kissed her neck. As a response she sat up and pulled the covers off them, and then pulled his underwear down. He grinned as she bent down over him, and he realized for the hundredth time how lucky he was for finding someone like her, who would give him so much joy and pleasure and receive the same from him.   
  
  
"Are you going to talk to me at all?" Monica asked Emma, who had come and sat down where Bridget had been sitting earlier.   
"I… don't know" Emma said.   
"I don't understand" Monica said. "Did I do something wrong?"   
"Yes" Emma said, fighting to keep her tears back.   
"Well what did I do?" Monica asked. "Don't be anything else but honest with me Emma, this is my husband's wake and I'm facing as much sorrow as I can take, knowing that my daughter is keeping things from me would only make things worse."   
"You promised!" Emma said.   
"Promised what, dear?"   
"To call us if Dad got any worse!"   
Monica nodded slowly, realizing.   
"You're mad at me for not calling you."   
"I never got to say goodbye!" Emma said, starting to cry. "I never got to tell the man I've loved since my birth how much I love him, I never got to say to my Father how much I have to thank him for."   
"Oh come on now honey…" Monica said softly, trying to put her arm around Emma, but got shrugged away. "Do you think I kept you from being there? That I didn't call you because I didn't want you to get to say goodbye?"   
"You can't blame age and memory" Emma sobbed.   
"Well what do you think then? That I wanted him all to myself in the end? That I wouldn't want him to get to see the faces of his children before he died? Emma it wasn't like he got slowly worse. He kept saying he wouldn't live much longer, but he had no idea himself when exactly he would die. If I had gotten the chance I would have called you, but when I understood what was happening I couldn't leave him. And it wouldn't have mattered either way, he would have been dead even before I got back from calling you all. And I thought it was best to sit next to him, that that was better than to leave him alone and call you up, letting him die alone."   
"I don't believe you" Emma sobbed. "You must have seen it coming much sooner than just a matter of minutes before!"   
"I've known he was dying sweetheart, but not when" Monica said. "You know, if you put a frog down in boiling water it jumps up, but if you put it in a pot and start heating the water it will stay in the pot and be boiled alive."   
"Gross, Mother" Emma said.   
"You don't see what my point was?"   
"How to kill a frog?" Emma quipped.   
"I've been by his side every day for the past twenty years, and I mean every single day. I've watched him get older, watched the man I love grow weaker and sicker, and closer to dying. But I have also gotten used to it all, that's why I at first didn't realize that he was really going to die."   
"Fine…" Emma said, still crying.   
"He asked me to tell you children something before he died" Monica said.   
"What was it?"   
"That he loves you. Very much. Even though you weren't there he knew he was on your minds. And you were on his. And trust me on this Emma, he needs no thanks for what he has given to you, because you have given him so much in return."   
"Have we?" Emma asked in a whisper.   
"Of course you have. And he has always been proud of you. Don't go around being mad at me darling, who knows for how long I will be around? I know that you don't mean anything deep down, I know that you love me. But if I were to die and you were mad at me, it would scar you. Trust me."   
Emma nodded and dried her tears.   
"I love you mom" she said.   
"I love you too honey…" Monica said and hugged her. "You look so much like your father that it's almost scary. And your children all have his eyes. That's the beauty of reproduction, it keeps you from completely losing someone."   
Emma nodded and broke the hug.   
"What are you going to do now Mother?"   
"Your sister asked me that earlier…" Monica said. "I haven't even fully understood that I'll never get to see my Chandler again, I haven't gotten as far as thinking out what to do from here on."   
"It really hasn't sunken in with you yet, has it?" Emma asked.   
"His death?"   
"Yeah."   
"Is it that obvious?" Monica asked.   
"To those who know you…" Emma said. "You're… too happy, sort of. Not that you're happy, but it's just that I would have thought you'd be much more of a mess."   
"Chandler told me not to cry" Monica said. "Right before he died. He can't stop me from crying no more than he can stop me from missing him for the rest of my life, but I understand what he meant. He's never handled my tears very well."   
"Is that why you're not crying?"   
"I will cry… I will cry a lot… But not crying is not the same as not grieving… But this far it has only struck me a few times. That I'm a widow. That I'll never get to see him again. And whenever it has I just want to drop dead on the spot. I don't wish to be one of those women who become widows at an old age and still live on for years, moving on with their lives. I built my life around him, around us. It's too empty without him. But at least I have one last thing left from him, sort of a last gift from him to me…"   
"What is that?" Emma asked.   
"It's between your father and myself" Monica said.   
"Okay…"   
Monica glanced over at the coffin next to her. She felt a strike of panic as the realization was coming back to her. She would never get to be with him again, he was gone for good. She closed her eyes and started crying. Emma put her arms around her and after a few seconds she felt one of her other children's arms around her from behind.   
  
  
  
Part 3 coming along shortly, I hope. Hopefully it won't be this long. Please review, if there's something you dislike then let me know what it is and how I could have done it better. And if there's something you liked you could always feel free to tell me that too :). E-mail me at [annapanna__@hotmail.com][1], and note that it's 2 underlines in the address… 

   [1]: mailto:annapanna__@hotmail.com



	3. Chapter 3

For Better, For Worse

For Better, For Worse (3)

  
  
  
  
Originally I had planned on four parts, but at this point I think it's going to be closer to five or six parts, plus an epilogue. Like with the last part I don't suggest anyone to read this unless they have lots of time on their hands. I'm going to do my best to make sure I don't make the parts so long in the future… Oh, and happy Syttonde Maj (which I totally don't know how to spell, so forgive me for that) to all Norwegians out there (it's pretty sad that I know more about their National Day than my own country's). And happy wedding day to Chandler & Monica (can't believe I'm wishing two made-up characters a happy wedding day…), I think that's today.   
  
  
Monica's head was spinning. She was starting to feel like she was going crazy. She kept hearing his voice inside her head, not saying things she remembered him say from their life together, but trying to coach her through it. Trying to support her through the ordeal of his funeral. She didn't know whether she was actually going crazy, whether it was just her mind's way of comforting her or whether it was Chandler himself. He had always, always been there for her to lean on when she needed support, even if things were bad between them he had been there with his support when she had needed it. But now, when she needed it more than ever, he wasn't there. Only in her mind. But partly it made it worse. It just emphasized that no matter how much she had been able to depend on him in the past it was all over now, she would never, never get to feel his arms around her again or hear him whisper soothing words while rocking her back and forth. The days when just a loving look from his eyes would make her feel like she could get through anything were gone.   
She couldn't help feeling abandoned. She had had some great losses in her lifetime and some rough times, and ever since he came into her life he had been there and supported her, he had always helped her through it. But nothing she had been through had been as difficult as this, not even coping with the loss of a child had been as hard as this, and this time she had to face it alone. He had left her and she would be alone until she died too. And she was afraid of death, she was afraid that dying meant ceasing to exist in more ways than the physical. If dying meant that everything went black and then there was nothing anymore, she would never get to be reunited with him. She was terrified that she had seen him for the last time, the knowledge that everything might really be over was tormenting her. Everybody around her seemed to think that she had nothing to worry about, she would be reunited with him after her death, but she wasn't so sure of that herself. She was also scared that they would both be reborn, would have new lives at other places in the world. She was scared that maybe then she wouldn't find him again, she was scared of having to throw away precious time looking for him without even knowing what she was searching for. And she didn't want to find him again in some other body, as some other person with some other history. She wanted the Chandler she had married in this lifetime. And she was scared that he would be with someone else, or that she would be, if they both got reincarnated. Maybe they wouldn't find each other until it was too late. Either way she would be apart from him for at least another two decades, and she didn't know if she could go through that. The past week had been hard enough, 1039 more would be too many for her to go through.   
She tried to get those thoughts out of her head, and instead just focus on saying goodbye to him. To thank him for the years he had given her, for the love and for the life. She knew it was unnecessary, Chandler had known when he died exactly what she wanted him to know, there was nothing more that she could say to him. She wasn't supposed to talk during the ceremony, nobody had asked her to give a small speech, they probably didn't want an old foolish woman to go up there and talk. They probably all thought she wasn't clear enough to manage it. But she was surprisingly clear, she had always been. She had refused to let her mind age in the same pace as her body, and her memory was surprisingly good for an 83-year-old.   
She was sitting in-between her oldest child and her youngest one. She still thought of them as her little children even though Bridget had turned 50 the year before and had a 21-year-old child who was sitting next to her Father, who was on Bridget's other side. Monica had her children's lives like stories in her head, she could see them all from the age of only a couple of hours to the age they were now. It seemed impossible to her that her firstborn, who had been so little in her arms and had screamed loudly at her birth, was now a woman old enough to have grandchildren. She had lived for more than half a century. She didn't look that old in Monica's eyes, but that was much thanks to the skin treatment these days that slowed down physical aging with over a decade. Monica herself didn't look much like a woman her age would have back in the 20th century, she looked more like she was around 70. Chandler had looked old though.   
She felt another stab of pain while thinking of him again. On the day of his death, and a while before, she had been willing to let him die, she had even at times wished that for him. She had known he was suffering and she wanted him to get relief. But it was different now that he was gone. She hadn't understood how painful it would actually be to lose him, she had never been able to picture the feeling. She nearly panicked each time it hit her that she couldn't see him anymore, that she couldn't touch him again. She often thought of something and decided to tell Chandler about it, and then realized that she couldn't. She had once gone back to the hospital to see him, not realizing that he wasn't there anymore until she had entered the room where he'd died and found someone else lying there. Her children had made sure she wasn't alone after that incident. And even though it was frustrating for her never to get a moment to herself to grieve, she was thankful that they were there to keep her mind off it. But it didn't always work, they were a lot like their Father and a lot of things they said and did reminded her of him. They kept bringing him up without even knowing it themselves, and it made it harder for her. At first they had tried to talk to her about other things, but it hadn't taken them long to realize that everything in her world was linked to him, and every memory they tried to talk about featured him in some way. After a while they had gone over to only talking about their memories with each other, never with her.   
Monica was living more in the past than in the present, to keep herself from completely going crazy she often thought about things that had happened decades ago, even though most of the memories made it painfully obvious that she would never get to experience him doing something sweet like that for her again. And he had done many sweet things over the years, it seemed as if he always knew what to do and say to cheer her up. Memory after memory came back to her sporadically, she only saw short images of each thing, until she finally landed on one event that had taken place on their eighth wedding anniversary.   
  
  
"Okay kids…" Chandler said to the three children. "Don't say anything to her until she comes in here, you understand?"   
The three children nodded and Chandler smiled. He felt pleased with himself, the living room table was set with their finer china, complete with wine glasses for him and Monica. Candles were lit and all other lights were off. He had dressed the children up and then put on nicer clothes himself. While waiting for Monica to get home he had cooked one of her favorite meals that she never seemed to manage to do well on herself, but that he mostly succeeded with. It was gratined potatoes and a special kind of beef. He made a less advanced meal for the children at the same time. Then he seated them by the table and told them not to ruin the surprise when their Mother got home.   
All four looked up when they heard someone enter, and they knew who it was. Monica's voice called out a hello and Chandler grinned, giving the children a reminding look not to say anything.   
"In the living room honey" he called out to her, to let her know where he was.   
Monica hung off her jacket and took her shoes off, then walked into the living room. Her eyes widened at the surprise of finding the table set like that and the dressed up children waiting nicely for her to enter.   
"Oh my goodness…" she said and walked over to Chandler, staring at the lit table.   
"Eight years, happy anniversary" Chandler said and kissed her.   
"Yeah, likewise" Monica said, barely paying attention. Her eyes were locked on the scenario in front of her. "Chandler what is all this?"   
"An anniversary surprise" Chandler said. "Was that not clear?"   
"Hey Mommy" Anthony said.   
"Hey sweetie…" Monica said, still not paying attention really.   
She walked over and kissed him on the forehead, then did the same with her two daughters, who said hi to her as she did. She then turned back to Chandler and stared at him.   
"I was expecting a surprised reaction, but I have to admit that this might be a bit over the top…" Chandler said.   
"Well it's just…" Monica began, and then got quiet for a couple of seconds. "With your Dad dying just two weeks ago I didn't think you would be in much of a mood to celebrate! And with the money it cost us to fly to his funeral I can't believe you actually did this, I can feel the smell of dinner, I figured this anniversary would be pretty much just an evening of talking and…" she glanced at the children. "Well, and some other things."   
"Actually this isn't the real surprise" Chandler said. "It's… just sort of to set the scene… or the mood…"   
"Honey in that case I don't think you ought to give me that surprise today, one more surprise like this and I will faint."   
Chandler frowned.   
"I've really been neglecting you, haven't I?" he said.   
"That's not how I meant…"   
"Mommy sit, you have to sit so we can eat!" Emma said.   
Monica obediently sat down and Chandler went into the kitchen to get the food. Monica looked touched when she saw what he had made her, even though she had been able to tell by the scent what food had been cooking. He served the children their food first and then Monica and last of all himself. He then poured some champagne in his glass and a little in hers.   
"I know you're pregnant, but a little alcohol won't do any damage" he said.   
"Okay… I'm sitting, we're eating, can I know what the other surprise is now?" Monica asked, looking at him.   
"Well… Actually it has to do with my Father."   
"You have a positive surprise that has to do with your **Father?**" Monica said in disbelief.   
"Nobody said it was positive" Bridget said sarcastically.   
"Oh so you're in on this whole thing huh?" Monica said.   
"Do you wanna know what it is or not?" Chandler asked.   
"Sorry…"   
"Well… I got a call from my Dad's lawyer right before we left for his funeral… And while you were with my Mom meeting my Dad's side of the family, I went to see him. The lawyer, that is. And it turns out my Dad bequeathed all of his earthly possessions to me. Surprisingly enough…"   
"You inherited everything?" Monica said, dropping her fork in surprise. "How come you didn't tell me?"   
"Well I would have, but that would have made it quite hard to surprise you tonight" Chandler said.   
"I thought you only got the stuff we gathered from his apartment" Monica said.   
"Well I sort of decided that I have no use of the stuff he has in Vegas, like the apartment for example. So I brought you there to help me pick out what stuff to keep other than photo albums and my Dad's diaries and stuff like that. And to let you pick out anything you might want to keep. Plus the things I got for the kids. And the rest is being sold, Dad's lawyer is taking care of the whole thing. And it also turns out that my Dad had a bit more money than he let me know…"   
Monica looked up from her meal and straight into his eyes, with a suspicious look on her face.   
"How much?"   
"Close to $2,000, 000."   
"**Wow!**" Monica exclaimed. "How come you never knew that?"   
"The subject didn't exactly come up a lot" Chandler said. "And Viva Las Gaygas was apparently a lot more successful than any of us realized."   
"If your Father had that much money then yeah, to say the least!"   
"I don't know why he left it all to me, his boyfriend was pretty upset about it… But I guess he felt bad about not being there for me and maybe wanted to somehow make it up to me after his death."   
"Maybe he didn't know how to do it while still being alive" Monica suggested.   
"Yeah, maybe."   
"But Chandler, do you realize exactly what this means? $2,000,000, I mean, we don't have to worry about money anymore!"   
"Well, it's a bit trickier than that…" Chandler said. "A lot of the money isn't loose, it's in stocks and bonds and stuff like that. But I gave the poor lawyer the job of selling those stocks for me, except for four. I kept one for each child, you never know when they could have the use of it... And I had all the money on his accounts transferred over to ours."   
"How much do we get in the end?"   
"I don't know for sure. But I put 12,5% on an account I'm opening up for the unborn baby. And the same amount on the other children's accounts. That means they'll get up to $250,000, and hopefully that will cover them for a while in the future. I'd really hate it if they ever had to live like this again…"   
"Live like what?" Emma asked.   
"Emma don't talk with food in your mouth" Chandler said, ignoring her question. He turned his attention back to Monica. "And the remaining 50% is yours and mine. Sort of… I figured we could sell this damn house and buy another one. No more renting out a room, no more sleeping in that bed that's not even big for a single bed… Plus, when the baby comes along he or she won't have to share a room. And I think we can get a big enough house to let Emma and Bridget have their own rooms too."   
"Wouldn't that be quite expensive though?" Monica said. "I don't want to use up too much of the money, I want to set some aside to make sure we never end up on such a tight budget again."   
"Well actually I wasn't finished with the surprise yet" Chandler said. "Guess who got a major promotion just this morning?"   
"Oh my God!" Monica exclaimed, hurrying up from her seat and going over to him. She put her arms around him and hugged him tight. "Sweetie that's great!"   
"What's going on?" Anthony asked, confused at the sudden activity.   
"You got a promotion, I'm so happy for you!" Monica said to Chandler and kissed him lovingly.   
Bridget moaned and Emma and Anthony looked away. Neither of them liked it when their parents showed affection towards each other in that way, they always got embarrassed when the two kissed, or hugged for a longer time.   
"I am now the head of the whole damn department" Chandler told Monica. "The only ones I have to answer to are the partners. And I got a major raise, an additional $2500 a month plus a bonus at $6000. We're as close to rich honey as we've ever been."   
"Can I tell you my little news now?" Monica asked.   
"What, you have news?" Chandler asked.   
"Yeah. Rachel and Boris… getting married."   
"Well finally" Chandler said. "Yikes, I had you wedlocked after three years, those two have been together--"   
"For three years, almost four."   
Monica chuckled and kissed him again. Just as they were getting into the kiss they heard another annoyed moan from Bridget and pulled apart. Chandler gave her a light kiss on her stomach as she rose, although it wasn't exactly like kissing a pregnancy bum. Monica then went back to her seat and finished dinner, talking about their newfound money with Chandler and at the same time chatting with the children about how their day had been. Chandler then had Bridget help him clear the table and then he let the children go play in their rooms.   
"So…" Monica said as he sat down next to her on one of the living room couches. "Do you have any other surprises in stall for me tonight?"   
"Well, one" Chandler said. "I forgot to buy you your charm."   
"You didn't!" Monica said, raising her eyebrows and getting a worried look on her face.   
"No," Chandler admitted with a laugh, "but the look on your face was worth the lie."   
"Be nice to a pregnant woman!" Monica said and hit him jokingly on the arm.   
"Fine, you're the boss" Chandler said. "Here's the charm." He lifted it up from his shirt pocket and handed it to her. "It's supposed to be a rubber raft, although it may not be too obvious… But it was either this one or one in the shape of a condom, and I figured you'd like this one better."   
Monica chuckled and nodded, holding out her arm so that he could attach it opposite the sheep she'd gotten a year ago.   
"So it's… rubber anniversary?"   
"Yepp."   
"When are we gonna get to the fun ones?" Monica complained. "Like… like some sort of mineral or something."   
"In a few years" Chandler said. "Patience is a virtue, you tell the children that almost every day."   
Monica growled and playfully hit him on the arm.   
"Does that mean I'm getting no present from you this year?" Chandler asked jokingly.   
"You're getting it, only it will arrive in September and go by the name of 'newborn child'."   
"I don't want to name our kid that" Chandler said, feigned seriousness.   
"Well too bad" Monica said, pretending to be annoyed.   
"I'm really not getting anything, am I?" Chandler sighed. He took a glance at her. "Hey can I ask you a question?"   
"Chandler I **did** get you a present" Monica said with a slight sigh.   
"No, actually it wasn't about that. I wanted to ask you, what is up with your pregnancy?"   
"What about my pregnancy?" Monica said with a raised eyebrow.   
"Well, I have to admit, I'm not even sure you're pregnant" Chandler said, and continued before she could protest. "It's May now, the baby's due in September, that means you're in your fifth month… And I can't tell if the bum on your stomach is from being pregnant or because you just ate. You've always started showing in your fourth month, with Anthony you were showing in your third… And this time nothing."   
"Honey all pregnancies are different" Monica said.   
"Yeah, but is this gonna be like a miniature baby or something?" Chandler asked.   
"I don't know how come I'm not really showing yet" Monica said. "But relax… I'll probably be big as a house in just two or three months."   
"Well let's hope so" Chandler said and kissed her on the cheek. "Being pregnant makes you look so cute."   
"Good to know I look cute **some** times" Monica said and hugged him.   
  
  
On Chandler's birthday in early June they found a house that they both liked. It had two floors and no basement, which Monica said was the best thing about it. Downstairs it had a kitchen and a small dining room, a bathroom and three bedrooms. Upstairs it had a living room, a bathroom and two bedrooms. Even Chandler, who didn't really care where they would live, loved it. And he especially liked the fact that with the money they would get from selling their old house they would be able to afford this house without taking loans and without emptying their bank accounts, although they didn't have many thousand left after buying it. Monica, who felt a little bad about leaving Sarah without someplace to stay during the next year, helped her get a hold of a small apartment where she would move in after she got back from her summer vacation back in Illinois. It took them a little over two months to sell their old house, but they moved in to the new one on the forth of July.   
  
  
Chandler couldn't stop smiling the day they moved in, he hadn't seen Monica that happy in a while and the children seemed to love their new home. Bridget immediately claimed her right as the oldest sibling to choose her room first, making Anthony start to cry when she chose the room he wanted. It was the upstairs room next to the living room. And he wouldn't stop crying until Chandler promised him the other bedroom upstairs, making Emma angry since she'd wanted the other one. But it wasn't very difficult to convince her that having her room downstairs was better, especially since Monica pointed out that she would get to choose which one of the three rooms she wanted. She ended up choosing the one closest to the door, and Monica and Chandler decided to take the bedroom right next to the kitchen. The last bedroom would be the new baby's in six months or so.   
"Who ever thought siblings could fight like that?" Chandler sighed and sat down for a quick cup of coffee with Monica at the kitchen table before they would start unpacking boxes. "Does it really matter who gets what room?"   
"Oh believe me, it matters a lot" Monica said with a grin. "You don't have any siblings, but Ross and I could fight for hours about stuff like that. The room is like a status thing, the better room the better status."   
"Honey… All the rooms look pretty much the same."   
"Yeah, but still, Bridget and Anthony get to sleep upstairs. They've never lived in a house that had 'upstairs' before, the apartment doesn't count. On the other hand, Emma gets to be the only one who sleeps downstairs, so she can feel a bit special…"   
"For about two months, because then her new sibling comes and ruins it" Chandler said with a grin. "Although maybe it won't be just two months, maybe it will be closer to four or five."   
"Oh not that again…" Monica moaned, tired of hearing it.   
She hadn't begun really showing until two weeks earlier and she looked more like she was in her first trimester or in the beginning of her second, than like she was in her third. Monica had no idea why she wasn't any bigger, but she was sure that the baby was due in September. And unlike Chandler she was glad that she wasn't any bigger.   
"Mommy, where's Turtle?" Emma asked, sounding whiny when she entered the kitchen. "I want my turtle."   
"It's in one of the boxes sweetie, and I don't know which one" Monica said. "You're gonna have to wait."   
"I want it **now!**" Emma demanded.   
"Emma" Chandler said firmly and hoped she wouldn't continue bugging them about the turtle. He hated it when the children refused to listen.   
Emma looked at him for a second and made a face. She wanted the stuffed turtle her Father had given her for her first birthday. All of her other stuffed animals had human names, but when she had been little her parents had always just referred to it as her turtle and she hadn't felt like changing that 'name'. Emma turned and went back to her new room, which seemed way too empty without her toys and her sister. For as long as she could remember she had shared a room with Bridget, now she wasn't even sleeping on the same floor. She felt a bit lonely and would have preferred to have her older sister there since the house didn't feel like home to her after only a couple of hours.   
"I think I'd better go find a certain turtle…" Monica said and got up from her seat. "Something tells me that Emma's cranky and it would be a lot easier to just give her the toy and let her walk around with it…"   
"You know, when I was her age I had a stuffed animal I carried around everywhere" Chandler said. "It was a little alligator."   
"Aww, how cute!" Monica said. "What happened to it?"   
"To be honest I don't know. It got lost somewhere along the way after my parents split up and I was going like a ping pong ball between NYC and Atlanta…"   
"Atlanta?"   
"My Dad lived there for a year or so. Then he went to Vegas."   
Monica nodded. She saw a frown come over his face when he thought about his Father, but decided to leave him alone for a few minutes instead of asking him if he wanted to talk about it. He knew where to find her if he wanted to talk.   
She found the boxes with Emma's name on them and first started to lift one and then realized Chandler would get worried if she lifted anything heavy. She called out for him and he showed up, and realized what she wanted. He began carrying Emma's boxes to her room and Monica started to help their daughter out with unpacking them. The turtle was soon found and Emma held it in it's tail while trying to help her Mother unpack the boxes and put clothes in their right places and toys in plastic baskets that Chandler had gotten from IKEA along with some of the furniture.   
By the end of the day Chandler had carried out all boxes to where they belonged and Monica had unpacked all of the children's things and most of hers and Chandler's, as well as some things for the kitchen and the bathrooms. Chandler carried Anthony upstairs after dinner to get him ready for bed, and Monica suddenly realized that there would be stairs in the way if he or Bridget woke up and wanted something in the middle of the night. Bridget was seven by now, Monica assumed she would be able to handle the stairs without problem, but Anthony was only three. After tucking the children in, Monica told Chandler what she was worrying about.   
"God bless IKEA" Chandler said and went into the dining room which served as a storage room at the moment.   
"Huh?" Monica said, confused.   
Chandler came back after a couple of minutes with a pair of fence like gates, one for the top of the stairs and one for the bottom of them. The children would have to open them to get on the stairs and they had a lock that was a bit tricky, so hopefully the children wouldn't be able to open them in the middle of the night.   
"See, now this is why I love you" Monica commented as Chandler put up the two gates. "Every time I realize something and panic that we don't know what to do about it, you've already realized it ahead of me and found a solution."   
"Actually I only thought about it since I happened to see these when I was at IKEA" Chandler said. "But if you feel like you need to reward me for this, then I won't exactly get mad at you…"   
"Oh you wouldn't, huh?" Monica said and grinned. "Good, then meet me in the bedroom in fifteen minutes. We've got to celebrate the forth of July **somehow**."   
"Let's make love, all night long. Until all our strength is gone. Hold on tight, just let go. I wanna feel you in my soul. Until the sun comes up, let's make love." Chandler sang, and added speaking, "I'll be Johnny Logan if you're Natasja Crone."   
"I think I can safely say they're not an item, or have ever been" Monica said with a grin, pretending not to know what he was referring to.   
"Goodness woman, don't you have any romance in you?" Chandler said, pretending to be annoyed. "It's getting exhausting to provide all of the romance in this marriage. Good thing you make it worth it…"   
"You like providing all the romance?" Monica asked, playing along.   
"Well it sure gives me an advantage…"   
"Okay then" Monica said with a grin. "Well in that case I'll just forget about the idea I had about eating stuff off each other's bodies… with me dressed in a raff-set."   
"Sweetie you couldn't get into one of your raff-sets if you tried" Chandler said.   
Monica made a face and elbowed him in the side and walked into their bedroom together with him.   
  
  
By the end of July Monica was getting very stressed out. Chandler was back at work from his summer vacation and the children didn't have any school to go to since it was summer, so she had her hands full watching over them as they ran around in the new house. Bridget was starting second grade in just a little more than a month and Emma was starting kindergarten, both of them were nervous and cranky about it. And Anthony was cranky since he was the only one who didn't get to go to any form of school. The three children seemed to be fighting a whole lot with each other, almost every day Monica had to get angry and settle an argument between two of them or all three of them. And she wasn't feeling well, she had never been very pregnant during summer, and even though she didn't look like she was a day more than four months along the pregnancy made it hard for her.   
"Mommy!" she heard Emma yell angrily.   
Monica looked up from the stuffed dog with a small hole by the ear that she was fixing for Bridget and sighed heavily. What on earth was going on this time? Anthony came running in to the kitchen with Emma's turtle and Emma followed shortly behind, looking very angry.   
"What on earth is going on here?" Monica asked with a sigh, sick to death of their constant fights.   
"He stole Turtle!" Emma yelled. "Mommy he won't give it back!"   
"Anthony" Monica said firmly. "You know you can't take your sisters' stuff."   
"She stole my teddy bear!" Anthony said with tears in his eyes, pointing to Emma.   
"Well that doesn't mean you have to take her turtle."   
"But she stole first!" Anthony yelled, apparently upset that he got told off but not Emma.   
"Mom!" Bridget whined, entering the kitchen as well. "Where's Dodger?"   
"In a moment sweetie" Monica said and turned to Anthony. "Give Turtle back to your sister and she'll give you back your teddy bear."   
"Mom! Dodger!" Bridget insisted.   
"Bridget I said in a minute!" Monica said, stressed out and reached out her hand to Anthony. "The turtle, Anthony."   
"No!" Anthony yelled.   
"Give me Turtle or I'll throw your teddy in the trash!" Emma said.   
"Emma!" Monica angrily said.   
"Come on Mommy, where's Dodger?" Bridget continued.   
"The turtle, **now!**" Monica commanded Anthony, trying her best to shut out the whines and the yells from the three children.   
"**No**!"   
"Give me my turtle!" Emma yelled.   
"Mom how long is this gonna take?" Bridget angrily asked.   
"Well just take the stupid dog!" Monica yelled, snapping.   
She angrily grabbed the dog from where she'd put it on the table and threw it in Bridget's direction, and then she stormed off to hers and Chandler's bedroom, leaving the three children to settle the mess on their own. She didn't want to stick around and get even more angry, she might end up saying or doing something she didn't mean.   
Bridget just stared at the dog and then turned and left it lying on the floor. Then she returned again and angrily moved it to the couch, just like her Mother she couldn't stand things just lying around. Then she ran up to her room. Emma and Anthony didn't move for a while, Anthony was crying and Emma soon started doing the same. She went over and yanked her turtle back from her brother.   
"See now what you did?" she angrily said and then stormed off to her own room.   
Anthony cried harder and wanted to go to his Mother for comfort, but he didn't dare to. And he didn't dare to go to his oldest sister either since she was pretty mad too. He ended up sitting at the bottom of the stairs, waiting for someone to come and comfort him.   
In the bedroom Monica grabbed one of Chandler's pillows and pressed it hard against her ears to shut out the sound of her son crying. She was crying herself, frustrated with the situation.   
"Oh my God, how on earth will I be able to do this?" she said through her sobs. "Three children is almost too much, how on earth will I be able to handle four? I'm going to end up losing my temper all the time, what kind of a Mother will I be?"   
  
  
Chandler came home three hours later and the first thing he saw was Anthony sitting right by the gate at the bottom of the stairs.   
"Hey there…" Chandler said. "What's up with you?"   
"Everyone's mad" Anthony said, sounding ready to start crying again.   
"Come here" Chandler said and lifted him up. He called out for Monica but got no answer, so he turned his attention back to his son. "Nobody came to help you with the gates, huh?" he said. "Want me to follow you upstairs?"   
Anthony nodded and let his Father carry him up to his room. It seemed as if his Dad was the only one who wasn't mad, but he was still afraid of saying anything in case that might end up angering Chandler too. His Mother's outburst earlier had scared him, he had never before seen her lose control of her temper.   
Chandler carried him to his room and stayed for a couple of minutes, helping Anthony get his toy cars out. Then he went over to Bridget's room and found her sulking on her bed.   
"What's up, sunshine?" he asked her.   
"Nothing" Bridget said in a grumpy tone.   
"School nerves?"   
"No."   
"Wanna talk to your old man?"   
"No" Bridget hissed.   
Chandler nodded and walked over to her.   
"Well give me a hug at least."   
Bridget seemed to feel a bit bad about taking her anger out on him and hugged him tightly. Chandler got even more confused, something seemed to have happened but he couldn't figure out what it was. He left Bridget's room and went down to Emma's. Emma was asleep with her turtle in a secure grip, and he didn't have the heart to wake her up. He covered her up with the blanket Phoebe had given her for her fourth birthday and then went to the bedroom to change out of his clothes. He found Monica there, sitting on the bed and hugging one of his pillows.   
"So this is where you are" he said. "I called out for you when I got home but I got no answer. What's going on?"   
"Nothing" Monica said in a monotone.   
"Don't tell me nothing, something's gotta be wrong."   
"Chandler don't push it."   
"That's a **clear** sign something's wrong."   
"I said don't push it!" Monica snapped.   
She turned so she was facing the wall and tried her best to ignore him. Chandler eyed her in confusion while grabbing a pair of jeans and a shirt from the closet. It was obvious that something was wrong and he was wondering if it was something he'd done, since she didn't want to talk about it.   
"Monica…"   
"What part of the sentence 'don't push it' is unclear to you?"   
"Honey I wasn't pushing--"   
"Well good, leave me alone then!"   
Chandler shook his head and got down on the bed with her. She shrugged away from his gentle touch and angrily said his name when he placed his hands on her shoulders.   
"Oh come on!" he angrily said. "What have I done?"   
"When I say I want to be left alone I **mean** it!" Monica angrily said, turning to look at him.   
"And when I say that I want to know what I've done, I mean it!" Chandler replied.   
"Damn it I don't have a **minute** to myself at any part of the day, now I'm asking for some privacy, can't you **respect** that and just leave me alone?"   
"You--" Chandler angrily began, but got interrupted by the doorbell.   
Monica got off the bed as quickly as she could in her pregnancy and hurried to answer it. Chandler sighed heavily and took his tie off. He hated it when she was angry and wouldn't tell him why. And coming home to three grumpy children and an angry wife wasn't what he needed at the moment.   
  
  
Six more weeks went by and Monica came closer to her due date. She was feeling terrible at the time, she was starting to feel like the worst Mother in history, and it didn't cheer her up to think about how her own Mother had acted. It only made her convinced she would end up the same way herself. And she was sick of the kind of life she was living, the only new thing that would happen in her life until Christmas would be another birth which meant yet another child to take care of. And she felt bad about taking all her anger out on Chandler, but not as bad as she had at first because he had pretty soon responded with giving her the cold shoulder. He didn't even ask her about her day anymore, he seemed to avoid any questions that weren't related to her pregnancy, his work or one of their friends. Instead he seemed to be focusing all of his energy on the children, making Monica feel even worse about her own job as a parent. So in the first week of September she decided that they couldn't keep that up when the new baby arrived, and signed them up for group counseling for people with marital problems. Chandler had muttered something when she told him that she hadn't been able to hear, but judging my the tone of his voice it hadn't been very flattering.   
Two days before they were supposed to go to their first session Ross and Joey took the children out to a carnival in Central Park with a few merry-go-rounds and other things like that. Monica didn't fail to notice that Chandler stayed an extra hour at work that day, probably to postpone having to go home to his cranky wife. When he did get home she didn't say a word to him at first, she just angrily started peeling the potatoes.   
"Hey" he mumbled, walking past her to go to their bedroom to get changed.   
"Hello husband dearest" Monica muttered back.   
He returned after a couple of minutes, dressed more casually, and opened the refrigerator. Monica gave him an annoyed glare.   
"To think that you turned 41 earlier this year and I still have to tell you not to spoil your appetite."   
"I thought dinner would be ready when I got home."   
"Sorry master."   
Chandler gave her a confused look and closed the refrigerator door again.   
"Oh by the way, don't forget the counseling thing the day after tomorrow" Monica said.   
"Do we really have to?" Chandler complained.   
"Yes, we do."   
"If we really need to go to family counseling don't you think it would be a lot better to do it **alone**, and not with like ten other couples?"   
"They sent us some information sheet" Monica said, ignoring his question. "For the first session."   
"And how much is it gonna cost?" Chandler asked with a sigh.   
"It didn't say, it just gave us an assignment."   
"To check which states have the highest divorce rates?" Chandler said sarcastically.   
"No, we're supposed to think of five things about our significant other that annoys us" Monica said.   
"Oh god, this is **ridiculous!**" Chandler said. "Monica can't you hear it yourself how ridiculous this sounds? How is naming five things about each other that annoys us going to make things **better**? Is rambling about our problems in any way going to help? Don't you think it's a hell of a lot better to try and focus on the parts we **love** about each other?"   
Monica put the potato she was holding back down on the counter and turned around to face him. He was standing by the kitchen table, a couple of meters away from her. She felt the baby kick and automatically placed her hand on her belly.   
"Don't you think that talking about what made us fall in love with each other is a lot smarter?" Chandler asked. "Wouldn't that help us out a lot more? I mean, if we focus on those parts then we'll probably be able to see past the things that we get annoyed over. For example, let me tell you why I fell in love with you, what it was about you that made me fall. It was of course partly the fact that you were sweet, and loving, and charming. But a lot of women have those qualities and I only fell for you. There was just something about you that made you irresistible to me, did you know, did I ever tell you that I had a small crush on you before we got together? I never thought it would lead to anything, but it did. The way you acted when we were alone together after London made it so hard for me not to fall in love with you. You're passionate and you're loving and you have this way of making all of my worries go away that I can't even understand. I love how you get upset over the little things, but the larger things you handle with an amazing calmness, you're the strongest woman I have ever known and I don't mean that just physically. Even though you're a Mother of three, soon to be four, you still manage to be my wife at the same time. But what I think attracts me most is that no one has ever honestly cared about me except for you. Nobody, not even my own family, has ever loved me not for who I am but **because** of who I am. You knew me well enough when we got together, you know who it was you fell in love with. Unlike everyone else I've ever been with you fell in love with the Chandler that I am, not with the Chandler I would like to be or pretend to be. You knew about my quirks, my insecurities, my faults, and you fell in love with me anyway. Nobody has honestly cared about me in that way except for you. I mean the children don't count, they love me since I'm their Daddy. You're different from them, you love me even though I wasn't your family to start out with."   
"Long monologue" Monica said.   
"Would you rather listen to one where I list five things about you that annoy me?"   
"No."   
He had walked closer to her while he was talking and now she took a step closer to him. She didn't look angry anymore and he had a look in his face that was silently saying that he was hoping she would tell him why she fell in love with him.   
"I have to admit what you said surprised me" Monica said. "Personally I can't tell you why I fell in love with you, what made me fall in love. Honestly I don't know why it was."   
Chandler looked down with a surrendering smile on his face. It wasn't what he had wanted to hear, and it made him confused. He was for the first time starting to doubt how strong her feelings were for him.   
"You wanna look me in the eye?" Monica said.   
Chandler looked up at her.   
"The truth is, I can't put my finger to a special thing about you that made me fall in love, like I just said. All I know is at what time I realized I was in love. It was the night we'd gone to your boss Doug and his wife, Carrie or whatever her name was, for dinner. And I had gotten annoyed with your work-self and told you that I disliked it. And your boss had told some lame joke and you hadn't laughed your fake laugh. And when we were sleeping together that night I suddenly, out of nowhere, realized why you hadn't laughed at the joke. It was because I had said that I disliked it, and that I respected you when you weren't your work-self. You had probably known how annoyed your boss would get if you didn't laugh at his joke, but you told him anyway that you didn't find the joke funny."   
"And then you saved me out of the situation…" Chandler said, remembering.   
"Yeah, I did. And as I said, when we were having sex, I thought about that and about how touched I was by it. And then I realized that I was in love with you. And I have rarely been that freaked out."   
"Thanks, babe" Chandler muttered.   
"I was so convinced you didn't feel it back. That for you it was still just the original deal, lots of sex with no strings attached. And I was very well aware of your fears of commitment, I thought if I told you how I felt you'd be scared away. I figured I would just put off dealing with it… But since then I was always afraid of opening my mouth when we slept together, I was scared I would say that I love you in the middle of everything without thinking about it, and I didn't want you to find out that way. So you have no idea what it felt like to hear you loudly declare that you couldn't have sex with Phoebe because you're in love with me."   
Chandler nodded his head. This was still not what he had hoped to hear. He didn't want to hear about what she had felt back then, he wanted to hear her tell him what she loved about him. He was feeling very insecure and he needed the affirmation.   
"And to this day I don't know what it is about you that makes me love you" Monica continued. "And I think that's because it's too many things. I think it's everything about you. Because if I land on one thing, like your tenderness, I just realize that it's just as much your wit that makes me love you, and then I realize another thing, and another, and I could keep on all day long. But just because I can't pinpoint what I love about you it doesn't mean I don't feel so strongly for you that I would do anything to keep you…"   
By now she had gotten so close to him that they were almost touching. They looked each other in the eye and she could tell that he was still a bit disappointed, that there was still something he wanted or needed to hear.   
"Chandler…" she said, putting her arms around his neck. "Trust me, okay? I love you and I would never leave you." She saw that that didn't seem to make him feel any better, so she decided to give him an example of something he did that she loved him for. "Do you know how comforting it is to know deep down that I can always rely on you? That you just won't give up on you and me? I mean just look at us right now, fifteen minutes ago we were barely speaking and now we're declaring our love for one another. And it's not thanks to me, it thanks to you. And that's one of the many things that makes you so special…"   
Chandler smiled slightly and gave her a tender kiss. She kissed him back and he put his arms around her, pressing her as close as she could get with her pregnant belly. They both forgot about the fact that it was close to two hours later than when they usually ate dinner, and that they were actually very hungry, when Monica took his hand and led him to the bedroom. They hadn't slept together for a couple of weeks and since she seemed willing to have sex Chandler gladly went along with it. During her earlier pregnancies she had lost her sex lust around her eighth month but now she was in her ninth and apparently more than willing. She didn't feel as big and unattractive as she had done before, since this time her pregnancy wasn't showing as much. They stayed in bed until they both realized how starving they were, and that their children might be back home in a short while. Then Monica got out of bed and made them a chicken salad instead of what she'd had in mind at first, and brought the food back for them to eat in bed.   
"You want to know something?" Chandler said when she climbed back into bed.   
"Sure."   
"I don't like sleeping space anymore."   
"Yeah, sure" Monica said in sarcasm.   
"I'm serious" Chandler insisted. "We slept so close to one another this year in that small old bed… I got really use to having you so close I touched you. And you know what else? Ever since we moved here and started sleeping in our big bed again I've been cold on the side I usually had against you. I'm used to your body heat warming me there, but now you're too far away…"   
"It's called arm's reach" Monica said.   
"Yeah, what do you say we throw that out the window?"   
"I say it can't hurt."   
  
  
A week went by and Monica was starting to get nervous. Since she knew the baby had been conceived at Christmas she was expecting it around the 24th, and that was only a little more than a week away. Going through labour again wasn't something she was looking forward to, but at least she didn't feel anymore like it would be extremely hard to take care of four children.   
She got out of the Porsche that she had parked outside of Bridget's school and walked inside. She always picked Bridget and Emma up after school, since she didn't want them walking home alone. She knew how long Bridget could take when she started chatting with her new friends in the class, and today Monica didn't have time since she was supposed to pick Emma up just fifteen minutes after Bridget, so she went over to Bridget's classroom and waited outside for her lesson to end. Monica knew that if Bridget saw her she would hurry up and not get drawn into conversations with her friends.   
The school bell rang and shortly after the doors to the classrooms opened and the children came hurrying out. Monica noticed that Bridget didn't see her, so she walked over and lifted her up, even though she knew she wasn't supposed to in her condition. Bridget gave a surprised cry when she got lifted up, then felt the bum on her Mother's stomach and realized who it was.   
"Mom! Daddy's gonna be mad if he found out you lifted something!" she said.   
Monica laughed and let her down.   
"Hurry up, will you" she said.   
Bridget hurried off to get her jacket and backpack. Bridget's teacher, Mrs. Hoover, came out of the classroom and Monica smiled and nodded at her.   
"So, who's Mother is this?" Mrs. Hoover asked.   
"Bridget Bing's" Monica said. "Hi, I'm Monica."   
"Nice to meet you Monica" Mrs. Hoover said and shook her hand. She didn't fail to notice the bum. "So, Bridget never told me she's having a sibling… When's the baby due?"   
"Next week, actually" Monica told her, getting a look of disbelief from the other woman. "Yeah I know I don't exactly look it, but my due date is September 24th."   
"Mommy don't talk to my teacher" Bridget whined, coming over and taking her Mother's hand.   
"Oh I shouldn't talk to her, huh?" Monica said with a smile. "This usually means she knows about something I don't that involves you being naughty."   
"Aren't we in a hurry?" Bridget tried.   
Monica laughed and said goodbye to Mrs. Hoover, and walked out to the car with Bridget. While driving over to Emma's kindergarten a thought came to her. She was getting really sick of being a housewife, she didn't feel like it suited her even though she hated being away from the children all day long, which she would be if she worked. She hadn't thought about it much lately since she was pregnant again and would either way be at home for a couple of months with the new baby. But when she thought more closely about it, it felt depressing that she wouldn't have a job to return to. She didn't even know where to begin looking for one either, she had been unemployed for quite some time now. She wasn't sure if she wanted to go back to being a chef at some fancy restaurant, that would most likely mean long hours and working evenings and nights. She and Chandler had too little time together as it was, she didn't want to make it worse by working while he was at home and vice versa, even though that would make sure that someone was always at home with the children.   
  
  
Chandler called out her name when he got home that afternoon but couldn't hear if she replied or not. He walked to their bedroom but didn't see her in there or in the kitchen. He could hear Bridget and Emma bickering about a Barbie doll in Emma's room, but decided to leave it up to them to solve, and walked upstairs since he realized Monica was probably up there with Anthony.   
"Hey" he said, finding her on the living room couch with some paper sheets in front of her that she seemed to be studying closely.   
"Hey honey" she said. "Guess what I'm gonna be doing during this 'maternity leave'?"   
"Give birth?" Chandler suggested, and got himself one of the 'fancier' beers that Monica kept with the more alcoholic drinks in the bar in their living room.   
"Well, that, but something else as well. And I'd appreciate it if you didn't drink the Coronas without a meal to go with it when we have regular Bud Ice in the fridge."   
"You're just jealous 'cause I can drink and you can't, that's all" Chandler commented, not hinting with his voice that he was joking. He started looking through a stack of bills that for some reason were by the bar.   
"I'm going to take some classes at NYU this year, and become a home-ec teacher."   
Chandler looked up with a casually raised eyebrow and then returned to the bills.   
"Honey are you listening to me?"   
"Do you even need a college education to teach home economics?" he asked.   
"These days you need a college education to work at McDonalds."   
Chandler shrugged his shoulders and eyed through their phone bill.   
"So what do you think?" Monica asked.   
"Mmhmm" Chandler mumbled, obviously not listening too much.   
"Thanks for taking such great interest in my life" Monica sighed.   
"Wouldn't teaching home-ec be a step **down** for you?" Chandler asked.   
"What, you can't take it seriously because I used to be a chef and now I want to become a teacher? I don't care, as long as I get to work with food. And don't give me any quips about it, you know better than to mess with pregnancy hormones."   
"Well you know I'll support you if that's what you really want to do…" Chandler said. "But I wouldn't advice you to do it."   
"Honey I'm actually **excited** about this! I'm so sick of just being home all day long, I want to start working again."   
"So then send out a résumé to restaurants around here."   
"But I want to try something **new**."   
"Then write a book" Chandler said and shrugged his shoulders.   
"How come I have to love you?" Monica moaned and Chandler laughed.   
"Because otherwise I'd be out the door for drinking the Coronas."   
"Oh yeah, you're right" Monica said, pretending to be serious. "That's the one and only reason."   
"Ah, the love between a woman and her beer…" Chandler joked. "Who am I to compete with that?"   
Monica laughed and threw a pillow on him,   
  
  
Monica went into labour on September 28th, waking up with contractions at five in the morning. It took her a moment at first to realize what had woken her, but then she felt another contraction and knew what was up. She gently shook Chandler awake.   
"Honey wake up… Time to become a Dada…"   
"I already am a Dada" Chandler mumbled from somewhere under the quilts. Then suddenly he sat up so fast that most of the quilts flew off him. "Is it time?"   
"Yeah, I'd say so…"   
"Okay, okay…" Chandler said and got out of bed. "Christ, how can you be in labour, you don't even look like you've been pregnant for half a year" he mumbled under his breath has he pulled a pair of pants on.   
"Will you wake Phoebe up?" Monica asked, getting out of bed herself.   
"Sure, I'm on my way" Chandler said while pulling a sweater over his head.   
He hurried out of their bedroom and went to the room that would soon be a nursery. Phoebe was asleep in the room, she was staying over until Monica went into labour, so that she could watch the children while Monica and Chandler were at the hospital.   
"Wakeup call Phoebs" Chandler said, turning the lights on. "If we have a daughter we'll name her Phoebe as a middle name."   
"Big deal" Phoebe yawned, trying her best to wake up. "You named Bridget and Emma Phoebe as a middle name too. Why not name this one Phoebe as a first name?"   
"We can discuss this later, I have to go call a cab."   
Phoebe nodded and yawned again. She sat up in bed and stretched. She could go back to sleep if she wanted to, since neither of the children needed anything at the time, but she was feeling a bit anxious about Monica's delivery and she knew she wouldn't be able to go to sleep again.   
She found her robe and put it on, and then walked out in the hall and then to the kitchen where Monica was sitting on the kitchen couch, dressed in a maternity dress that Phoebe knew she'd worn when they left for the hospital to have Bridget. Phoebe sat down next to her and put an arm around her shoulders.   
"Chandler's calling a cab" she said.   
"I know" Monica said.   
"You in pain?"   
"No, I'm not having a contraction right now… I haven't had more than one since I woke up, I think they're at least twenty minutes apart."   
"Well that's good."   
"Actually not, I'd rather it went quickly."   
"True…"   
"Mommy?" Emma said with a yawn, appearing in the doorway. "Why is everyone up?"   
"Sweetie what are you doing out of bed?" Monica asked.   
"I woke up. Why are you dressed, are you going somewhere?"   
"Yes, Daddy and I are going to go and have the baby… You'll stay here with Phoebe and your siblings."   
Chandler entered from the bedroom carrying a baby monitor and handing it to Phoebe.   
"This one goes to Anthony's room, we keep it so that he can call for us if he needs anything instead of walking down the stairs or screaming so loud he wakes up the other two."   
"Great, thanks" Phoebe said and took the monitor.   
"Mon, the cab is here" Chandler said.   
Monica nodded and rose, but sat down again when she got a contraction. She smiled slightly at the familiar pain that she knew would get a lot worse before it got any better. She put her hand on her belly, and it felt weird that it was so small compared to how big it had been the three previous times she had felt this pain.   
Chandler helped her to her feet once the contraction ended and they walked into the hallway along with Phoebe, who was carrying Emma. Monica and Chandler got their outdoor clothes and the bag Monica had prepared.   
"Mommy? Daddy?" they heard Anthony's voice from the top of the stairs.   
"Anthony honey go back to bed!" Monica said, looking up at him.   
"Where are you going?"   
"To get the baby" Chandler said. He knew Monica had told him some story about how parents go and choose a baby when they want one, instead of telling him about labour.   
"Okay…" Anthony said.   
"So go back to bed honey" Monica said.   
"No I want to come."   
"You can't come with us" Chandler said.   
"Why not?"   
"Only Mommies and Daddies are allowed to come" Monica said with a sigh, hoping this wouldn't take long.   
"Well then…" Anthony said. "Don't take a girl. And don't take one that cries all the time."   
"We'll do our best" Chandler said, and ushered Monica out the door before any other requests came.   
"Call me once it's, you know, over!" Phoebe said. "I wish I could go with you!"   
"I wish you could too" Monica said, remembering that only during her first birth had all of her friends been there.   
"Good luck" Phoebe said.   
"Thanks. Bye Phoebs" Chandler said and closed the door.   
"So…" Phoebe said to Emma. "Are you tired? What do you say I go put your brother back to bed and then you and I make some hot cocoa and tell stories?"   
  
  
"Looks like our fourth one will be sharing a birthday with quite a few" Chandler commented, looking around in the room.   
The first three times she had given birth, Monica had done so without any other women in labour in the room, but this time she had to share a room because of how many women were in the middle of giving birth.   
"Either it's this neighborhood, or Christmas is just a really romantic time of the year" Monica added.   
Chandler nodded.   
"I'm gonna go get you some ice chips, we should have had you eat breakfast before we left."   
"I'll be okay, I've got the IV to rely on…"   
Chandler grinned and kissed her on the forehead.   
"I'm not too comfortable leaving you, even for a short while, but you know what you're doing and you can cope alone for a few minutes" he said, and then left.   
Monica looked over at the other woman in the room. She was quite young, around twenty-one or twenty-two, and her boyfriend or husband seemed to be around the same age. The guy rose and said he had to go to the bathroom. The girl looked quite scared and Monica gave her a smile.   
"First baby?" she asked.   
"Uh-hu… And right now I really don't want anymore children!" the girl said, sounding quite anxious.   
"It's my fourth" Monica said with a smile.   
"When are you due?" the girl asked.   
"Right now."   
"Really?" the girl said. "You don't look like it."   
"Yeah I know…" Monica said and stroke her stomach. "But I got pregnant around Christmas and now I'm in labour."   
The girl nodded.   
"I actually got pregnant in January, I guess I'm a bit early…"   
"What's your name?"   
"Dionna."   
"Cute name. I'm Monica."   
Dionna nodded and gave a cry, getting a contraction. Monica watched wordlessly as she got a painful expression on her face and cried out in pain. She silently wondered if that's how she herself acted during her contractions, and in that case how Chandler endured it. She thought it was tough enough watching someone she barely knew like that. She felt a contraction of her own coming and she closed her eyes and focused on her breathing. After a while it faded out and she opened her eyes again, and looked over at Dionna.   
"Is the guy you're with your boyfriend, or your husband?" she asked. "If you don't mind me asking."   
"My boyfriend" Dionna said. "What about yours? Husband, I assume."   
"Yeah."   
"Yeah, I figured… with four children and all. It must be quite different to plan a pregnancy. I got pregnant by accident."   
"So did I actually, this time and the last" Monica said. "Actually we never planned pregnancies, we just… didn't use birth control."   
"How are we doing?" Chandler asked, returning with her ice.   
"Just fine, you missed one" Monica said.   
"Oh well, miss one and there'll always be another."   
"Watch it" Monica said with a glare, then smiled.   
Chandler sat down next to her and handed her the ice. She smiled at him and suddenly felt thankful that he wanted this baby. She got the feeling that maybe Dionna's boyfriend didn't want the baby he was going to get pretty soon.   
"What else did I miss out on while I was gone?" Chandler asked.   
"Me striking up a conversation with the girl in the other bed" Monica said. "Chandler this is Dionna, Dionna this is my husband Chandler."   
"Howdy" Chandler said.   
"Hi" Dionna said, sounding quite shy.   
Her boyfriend returned and sat down next to her, not saying much. Chandler was in a much more social mood, he told Monica to scoot and then climbed up on the bed with her. He started talking about some incident that had occurred while he was getting the ice, and then got out a crossword puzzle from his back pocket.   
"They had more things than just ice down at the nurse station" he said and grabbed a pen from the nightstand. "Let's see if we can finish this before we're parents of four."   
Monica nodded and leaned closer to him while they started working on the crossword puzzle together. They both looked up when they heard painful cries from Dionna. They shared a look and then Monica got a contraction as well. She leaned forward and Chandler placed one hand on her shoulder and massaged the small of her back with the other. Monica once again felt how strange it was to have such a small stomach even though she was in the middle of giving birth.   
When her contraction faded out she leaned back again and Chandler asked if she was doing okay. She told him yes and they went back to the crossword puzzle. Monica's contractions started coming closer quite soon, and each time she heard a cry of pain from the bed next to hers she felt thankful that at least she herself had a man who knew what he was doing when he helped her out. Dionna's boyfriend mostly just looked out of place.   
Right after 2 p.m. the obstetrician announced that it was time for her to push, and Chandler got off her bed for the first time since he'd gotten up on it. Monica cried out in pain and felt his hand gently squeeze her shoulder, which seemed to make it all easier. She turned to look at him but stopped moving her head when she caught Dionna's eyes. The girl looked even more terrified now, she still had a few centimeters to go herself but Monica having to push seemed to scare her. Monica gave her what she hoped was a reassuring smile and for some reason felt like she had the responsibility to comfort the scared mother-to-be. She decided to try her best not to scream and to make the whole delivery go as smoothly as possible, to not scare the poor girl even more. She didn't realize that she probably only felt like she had to do that so that she had something else to focus on than the pain.   
"Okay now babe…" Chandler whispered in her ear. "This is it, you know what to do. In just a few minutes you're going to be a Mama again."   
"Uh-hu" was all Monica managed to say without screaming.   
She blindly reached out for Chandler and got a hold of his neck. She pulled him closer and started to squeeze him hard before he managed to move her hand to a less vulnerable place than his neck.   
"Okay, just keep focusing on the baby and this is going to be just fine" he said with a more calm tone than how he was really feeling.   
"Okay Monica, push!" the obstetrician said.   
  
  
"Bing residence, how may I help you?" Phoebe answered the phone, loving each opportunity she got to answer it like that.   
"Hey Phoebs, it's me" Chandler's tired voice said.   
"Chandler, oh my God, how did it go?" Phoebe asked, unable to hide her excitement.   
"Is it Daddy?" Bridget asked, looking up from her coloring book.   
Phoebe nodded.   
"We have a baby girl" Chandler told her.   
"Aww, that's so great! And everything went well?"   
"At first, yes. But during the delivery there were complications."   
"Oh no…"   
This time both Bridget and Emma looked up, not liking the sound of the 'oh no'.   
"Nothing life threatening or anything… Monica's okay now… Although they don't think she's able to conceive again."   
"Well lucky it wasn't anything worse" Phoebe said. "You got off easily. I mean, four is a good number isn't it?"   
"I think I'll call it my lucky number" Chandler said. "How have the kids been?"   
"Little angels, the girls are coloring by the kitchen table and I think Anthony's having his own Monza race in his room."   
"Good…" Chandler said. "Tell them that I miss them, tell them that Monica does too… I'll be coming home for a short while, but I'll go back here later. Monica isn't feeling really well, she got quite a scare from the complications and so did I, but it's worse for her. And besides, if you saw what a cute, and surprisingly big, baby girl we have you wouldn't want to leave here either."   
"So the baby wasn't really small then?" Phoebe asked.   
"No, it's just psychedelic stuff apparently" Chandler said. "How big the pregnant stomach gets, I mean. And apparently this little one lay closer to her spine, which made the bum smaller."   
"Phoebs I want to talk to Daddy!" Bridget said.   
"Me too!" Emma said.   
"No, me!"   
"Why do you always get to do everything?"   
"Because I'm seven and a half years old, I'm grown" Bridget said.   
"Someone here wants to talk to you" Phoebe said to Chandler with a grin. "Hang on."   
She gave the phone to Bridget.   
"Hi Daddy!"   
"Hey Bridget" Chandler said, smiling at the sound of her voice. "Guess what? You're Mother's given birth to another baby!"   
"Cool!" Bridget said, as if she hadn't had the slightest idea that was the reason her parents weren't at home when she woke up that morning. "What kind did you have?"   
"A girl!"   
"Haha, I know what kind it is" Bridget said teasingly to Emma, who stuck her tongue out at her.   
"Hello?" Chandler said.   
"I'm here!" Bridget hurried to assure.   
"Listen honey, I have to go now, but I'll be home soon to get some things, and say hi to you guys of course."   
"When's Mommy coming home?"   
"End of next week. Say hello to the others, bye now."   
Chandler hung up and went back to the room where Monica and the baby was. They now had their own room, Monica had been moved very hastily to the ER room when the situation had gotten critical during her delivery. Chandler was thankful that they had their own room, he wasn't very good at public affection and he didn't want to have to hold back on his affection and emotion towards Monica and the newborn child.   
"Hey…" Monica said, with a pale face and a tired voice, when he entered.   
"Hey" Chandler echoed and sat down next to her, taking her hand.   
During each of her monthly checkups Monica had left some of her blood in case she would need it during the delivery, and it had come in handy today. She had lost a lot more blood than during her previous deliveries, but Chandler thought she was doing surprisingly well. She was shocked, but he only felt that was natural. The infant was asleep in a small crib right next to her and Chandler took another good look at the little child. He had never found babies to be anything special, except for his own children. With them he hadn't been able to take his eyes off them, and he never wanted to be apart from them.   
"What should we name our little goldilocks?" Chandler asked, gently caressing the baby's head that had black hair, not blonde.   
"Goldilocks?" Monica asked in a tired voice, obviously confused.   
"I couldn't think of any nickname with black haired people" Chandler excused himself. "You know, I think I'll just call this one goldilocks, whether she actually gets blonde hair like Bridget or not."   
"You and your nicknames…" Monica said.   
"Nicknames aside though… What should we name her?"   
"Can we talk about this later?" Monica said. "I just want to go to sleep…"   
Chandler nodded and kissed her lovingly on the forehead.   
"I'm gonna go home for a while and say hello to the girls and to the one who's now an older brother. I'll be back before you know it."   
Monica nodded, more asleep than awake.   
  
  
The next Saturday Monica sat up in bed, feeding the little girl who still didn't have a name. Chandler was sitting right next to her, looking on with a loving expression on his face. Monica had come home earlier that day and the three older children had demanded her attention all day long. But she wasn't as tired and worn as she'd expected to be. She was a lot happier being back home than being at the hospital.   
"You know…" Chandler said, stroking Monica's hair with one hand and holding the baby's foot with the other. "We can't just call her Goldilocks forever."   
"I know" Monica said with a giggle. "What do you want to name her?"   
"I promised Phoebe we'd name her Phoebe as a middle name."   
"I had already decided that if we had a girl she'd have that middle name" Monica said. "Her older sisters have that middle name and I think it's cute when they all have the same name."   
"Do you want to name her Rachel for a first name?"   
"No, Rachel is way too ordinary" Monica said. "It sound be a bit more unusual. Unusual and pretty."   
"How about Chandler?" Chandler jokingly suggested. "Which gives me an actual idea… Can't we name her Monica after you?"   
"Aww, that would be sweet…" Monica said. "But in the long run I think it would get confusing."   
"Such a shame, 'cause that's truly one of the most beautiful names in the world" Chandler said and kissed the top of her head.   
"You're just saying that because you're in love with me" Monica said with a smile.   
"Totally untrue, my friend. If I had married someone else I would have wanted to name one of our daughters Monica."   
"Yeah, you can try and bullshit me…"   
"Well how about… Yvonne?"   
"No, sounds too… snooty…"   
"Too snooty?"   
"I just don't like it."   
"Well then how about Jessica?"   
"Too common."   
"Helen?"   
"As in your first secretary?"   
"Fine, you suggest something."   
"How about…" Monica said, thinking for a second. "Marjorie?"   
"No, I don't really think she looks like a Marjorie."   
"Myra?"   
"Not that either."   
"What do you think she looks like then?" Monica asked.   
"A… Mallory."   
"I don't know honey, Mallory sounds too much like mallard duck."   
"How come an argument like that sounds rational coming from you, but crazy coming from me?" Chandler asked. "I want to name her that."   
"You know what name I've always liked?"   
"No."   
"Charlotte."   
"As in 'Charlotte's Webb'?"   
"Or Charlotte Brontë…"   
"So it's either Charlotte or Mallory then" Chandler decided. "Why don't we make it a double name. You know, like they do a lot in Scandinavia."   
"You want to name the poor thing Mallory-Charlotte?" Monica asked. "Or Charlotte-Mallory? Don't you think that will make children pick on her?"   
"Fine," Chandler sighed, "let's not give her either name."   
"What other suggestions do you have?"   
"Uhm, I don't know… Candice."   
"Sounds like a porn actress or something."   
"Or like Candice Cameron. But okay, other suggestions…" He thought for a second. "Annie, Mona, Amber, Denise, Christina, Thelma, any of those names good?"   
"Possibly…" Monica said, thinking about it. "Give me more suggestions."   
"Why don't I just call Ross and ask him to come by and drop of 'The Big Book of Children's Names'?" Chandler quipped, and then went back to trying to figure out names. "Madeleine, Catherine, Polly, Sue, Francesca, Dana."   
"Wait, back up there!" Monica said. "I liked Francesca."   
"You did?" Chandler said, looking surprised.   
"Yeah. It's pretty, it's not too common…"   
"Maybe that's for a reason" Chandler quipped.   
"Well you suggested it, don't you think it's pretty?"   
"I've never thought about it" Chandler said. "But yeah, it's nice."   
"So what do you say?" Monica asked. "We name her Francesca?"   
"Then half the family has two-syllable names and the other half has three" Chandler said. He smiled. "You know what, the name kinda' grows on you… I like it."   
"Francesca…" Monica said lovingly, with a slight pondering tone, as she moved the baby over to her other breast. "Phoebe Francesca Bing… It sounds better than Francesca Phoebe."   
"So the middle name first?"   
"Yeah."   
Chandler smiled and stroke the baby's head with the hand that had been holding her foot. She had lots of hair on her head in the same color as Monica's, that was now cut a bit shorter. It had reached below her hips but now it was right by her waist. At the moment it was hanging loose and Chandler loved it. He was crazy about her hair. He returned his attention to the baby, instead of his wife's hair, and stroke her head once again. Francesca had her eyes closed, but she opened them again and Chandler for some reason wondered what she was seeing, what things looked like from her perspective. He wondered if she could see color yet. If she could, it was most likely just yellow. Her eyes were blue, like any infant's, but he could tell they would end up with the same color as Monica's eyes. Francesca stopped sucking on her Mother's breast and yawned. Both Monica and Chandler chuckled lovingly and Chandler carefully wiped off a small milk moustache on her upper lip.   
"Sleep tight little one" Monica said and lifted her up to her shoulder to burp her, even though the baby was close to falling asleep. "The longer you sleep, the longer your Dad and I get to sleep."   
"Sometimes I can understand why my parents had a nanny who got up when I screamed in the middle of the night" Chandler said.   
"I can't imagine my Mother getting up in the middle of the night to take care of me when I was an infant" Monica said and got off the bed. She walked over to the cradle and put Francesca down. "At least not doing it with love. Sometimes I wonder if she's ever looked at me with the love I feel when I look at our kids."   
"Some people aren't good at expressing love" Chandler said and pulled her in to a hug when she came close enough. "That doesn't mean they don't feel it."   
"But then how come she could show it to Ross?"   
"Well…" Chandler said, searching for an explanation. "Mothers tend to favor their sons and Fathers tend to favor their daughters. I guess it's because a man sees himself in his sons more than in his daughters and vice versa with the women, so they expect the child that… well, the dads expect their sons to be more like themselves, and mothers the same with their daughters. Maybe she wasn't too pleased with the person she was and wanted to get sort of a second chance through you, but you were your own person and wouldn't be her… marionette…"   
"I don't know. Maybe. And you might be right about the thing you said about favoring the child that doesn't have your gender…"   
"Even I have to be right sometimes" Chandler said with a grin. "Now let's go to bed and make out for a while, before we go to sleep. What do you say?"   
"I say just give me a second to turn off the lights" Monica said with a grin.   
  
  
Two months later Monica woke up and got out of bed to check on Francesca. The baby was the only child at home at the moment, the other three were away for the week together with Chandler's Mother, who had taken them down to Disneyworld. Monica hadn't wanted to let them go away without her and Chandler, but eventually Chandler had talked her in to letting them. He knew how much the children wanted to go, and that his Mother really wanted to take them. And he thought it would be a good break for all of them, letting the three older children have a week off from being around the crying infant, and at the same time giving him and Monica a chance to concentrate completely on their youngest child.   
Chandler had taken the week off, but had gotten called in to work this morning. Monica remembered that she had woken up when the telephone had rung, and that Chandler had gotten out of bed and told her where he was going. She felt a bit sad that he had to work, it had been a great week just being the two of them and little Francesca, but at the same time it felt good getting a day almost to herself.   
She got dressed, then dressed Francesca in a romper suit and carried her with her in a carry-reins for small children. She went into the kitchen and made herself some breakfast while chatting with the baby who was looking at the kitchen, with her right cheek resting against her Mother. She occasionally made a noise, but she didn't start crying.   
Monica took the opportunity to get some cleaning done, carrying Francesca with her all the time, and then decided to go take a bath. She realized how late it was, it was past three p.m., and decided to take the cordless phone with her in case the other children would call.   
"I don't take enough baths" Monica moaned when she sunk back in a foam bath in the upstairs bathroom.   
She lowered her head so it was completely under the surface and then lifted it up again. She looked at Francesca who was still in her romper suit and her Mickey Mouse socks, sitting in the old baby-lift that had started out as Bridget's. Monica remembered sentimentally how she had often taken baths when they only had Bridget, and how she had always put the child in the baby lift and placed it on the toilet like she had done with Francesca now.   
She hummed on a new ballade that was very popular at the moment, and even tried her singing voice a bit even though she knew she wasn't exactly a new Celine Dion. She laughed at the disapproving look on Francesca's face when she sang a few tunes. Then she heard the front door open and close, and Chandler's voice calling out for her.   
"Upstairs bathroom!" she called back.   
She heard him walk up the stairs and then he entered the bathroom, wearing one of her favorite suits and a tie she had given him for his birthday, saying it was from the children. He smiled when he noticed her and the baby and walked over to her. He sat down on the side of the bathtub and reached in for a kiss.   
"Don't get me wet now" he warned her. "This is a nice suit, you know…"   
"I love that suit. If you don't want it wet, take it off."   
"Don't say things like that, it just makes me horny and now is not the time or place…"   
Monica giggled and playfully splashed water at him.   
"Yikes, I had no idea you were so immature still at 39" Chandler said, imitating the voice of a snooty British professor that worked with Ross.   
"Well what had you expected, I spend my days at home with four kids" Monica said with a grin.   
"Speaking of, Mom called, they're coming back early."   
"They are? How come?"   
"She didn't say. But they'll be back sometime tonight."   
"**That** early?"   
"Yepp…" Chandler said. "Now you stay in the bath and Franchie and I will go cook dinner." He lifted the baby lift up and walked out of the bathroom. "Now what pizza do you think Mommy wants?" he asked the baby, as he walked down the stairs.   
  
  
That evening Monica and Chandler were seated by the kitchen table with a cup of coffee each, in the middle of a conversation, when the front door opened and they could hear Chandler's Mother enter with the kids.   
"Hello there" Nora Bing said about thirty seconds later, showing up in the doorway. "I don't have time to chat, I'm just gonna take their outdoor clothes off and then I have to run."   
"What's up Nora?" Monica asked.   
"Leno got a cancellation on one of his guests tonight, so they called and asked if I could come on the show today instead of on Monday" Nora explained, while walking back to the children who were busy trying to get their outdoor clothes off.   
"You'd think Leno would have handed over the job of hosting the 'Tonight Show' by now" Chandler muttered.   
Bridget came running in to the kitchen.   
"Hi Mom, hi Dad!" she said. "We had the **best** week, you should see the castle Cinderella has!"   
"Yay, maybe we can all go sometime" Monica said with a smile, giving her oldest child a hug. "I missed you guys."   
"You don't have to get mushy on me Mom…"   
"Aww, come on now…" Chandler said and hugged her as well. "Didn't you miss Daddy? No crying out for me in the night? No missing my bedtime stories?"   
"Okay, but only a little" Bridget admitted.   
"Bye now you guys" Nora said, reappearing in the doorway. "Really sorry about the haste, but I have to be in LA in only a matter of hours!"   
"Good thing it only takes three hours these days" Chandler said. "Bye Mom, thanks for giving them a week they won't forget in a long while."   
"I love you guys, see you later!"   
With that, Nora was gone. Emma came into the kitchen as well, and both Monica and Chandler stole hugs from her.   
"Where's Anthony?" Monica asked.   
"He's not feeling good" Emma said.   
"Grandma' says he's airsick" Bridget filled in.   
"Yeah, I used to be airsick when I was little…" Chandler said.   
Anthony showed up in the doorway, looking a bit dizzy.   
"Anthony, honey, come here…" Monica said gently.   
Anthony looked up at her and looked like he was trying to focus his eyes. Monica thought he looked awfully pale. Then suddenly he fainted, and Monica darted up from her chair and hurried over to him, followed by Chandler.   
"My God, Chandler's he's passed out, I think he's unconscious!" she said, lifting the boy up. "What do we do, what do we do?"   
"Easy, take it easy" Chandler said, hoping she wouldn't freak out. "It could be anything, maybe he's just a **very** airsick child, he might have not eaten enough… Jetlagged perhaps…"   
"Jetlag? From Florida to here?" Monica said in disbelief.   
"Look, it's nothing, I promise you…"´Chandler said, trying to be calm.   
"Nothing? Chandler he's **unconscious!**"   
"What's wrong?" Emma asked, sounding scared.   
"Is Anthony okay?" Bridget asked.   
"He's fine, he'll be fine" Chandler repeated.   
"He's **not** fine!" Monica cried.   
Chandler silenced her with an angry look to remind her that she was scaring Bridget and Emma. She took a deep breath and tried to keep the panic at bay and the tears from starting to fall. Chandler took Anthony from her and walked back to the hall, putting his jacket back on.   
"I'm going to take him to the hospital, just to check it out. He'll probably wake up in the car, but I don't think you'll be able to take it easy until you know for sure that nothing's wrong" he said, putting his own jacket on.   
"I'm coming too" Monica said, and reached for her jacket.   
"And leave the girls? What if Francesca wakes up? No you stay here, I'll be back real soon" Chandler said and left.   
  
  
Monica flew to her feet when she heard the front door open, and ran out to the hall. It was late, the girls were in bed, and she was worried sick by now. Chandler had called and told her it would take a while but he hadn't said how long it would be, and by now she had started to fear the worst. She walked over to him and lifted the sleeping Anthony over to her own arms so Chandler, who looked tired, could get his outdoor clothes off.   
"How did it go?" Monica asked.   
"They've asked us to come in again tomorrow" Chandler said. "They took a bunch of tests but it would take a while… They said we could go home, but that he needs rest."   
"Could it maybe be something more simple?" Monica asked. "Like diabetes?"   
"Does that qualify as simple?" Chandler asked, and walked upstairs, followed by Monica. "It's probably nothing serious" he added when he sat down on one of the living room couches, but Monica could hear that he didn't sound so sure this time.   
"You think so?" she asked anyway, and sat down next to him.   
"Yeah" Chandler lied. "He's a tough kid, he's going to be just fine…"   
Monica nodded and kissed the top of Anthony's head.   
"Maybe you should get him to bed" Chandler said. "I'm gonna go check on the girls. Then I suggest we go to bed, it's getting late and I've been up since six… And it's been quite a rough day."   
Monica nodded and went into Anthony's room with the boy. She put him down in his clothes, instead of taking them off and putting a pajamas on, since she didn't want to risk waking him up. She lovingly kissed him on the forehead and sat by his bedside until Chandler came in to give the boy a kiss goodnight, and then led Monica back downstairs to their own room.   
  
  
Twenty-four hours later Monica was watching Anthony sleep again, this time it was in a hospital bed. She was sitting on a chair next to his bed in the dark room, and she shuddered at how small he looked. It was scary to see him in a hospital bed, neither of her children had been to the hospital for anything else than checkups since they were born.   
She didn't look up when someone entered. She knew it was Chandler. He was carrying Francesca in the baby lift, and he put her down on a small table opposite the bed. Anthony had gotten a room to himself, neither Monica nor Chandler had asked why, they were glad they didn't have to share a room. They wanted their privacy.   
"I'll stay here tonight" Chandler said, placing his hands on her shoulders. "You go home to Emma and Bridget."   
"No, I'll stay, you can go home" Monica protested. "I don't want to leave him tonight."   
"Neither do I."   
"Then we can both stay. Ross and Erica can easily take care of the girls."   
"I don't think we should do that" Chandler said. "They're probably scared, they're old enough to know that something's wrong with their brother. Having both their parents gone tomorrow morning, or if they wake up in the middle of the night, would probably be bad for them. And Francesca shouldn't have to spend the night here."   
"And you're going to say that I should leave, since it should be her Mother at home with her, aren't you?" Monica stated.   
"I can't nurse her, you know that. And you don't have any milk pumped out. And we've never given her formula."   
"Fine…" Monica said with a sigh. "But I'm not leaving yet."   
Chandler nodded.   
"We should probably try and make some sort of schedule while--"   
"Shit!" Monica exclaimed.   
"What?"   
"Schedule! I start at NYU on **Monday!** Shit Chandler, I'm going to have to drop out!"   
"Can't you study through the Net?" Chandler suggested. "I could set up my laptop here… You could surf from here, you wouldn't have to miss anything. And then you could be here with Anthony during the days. Francesca can be here with you, Emma and Bridget are in school, we'll find someone who can pick them up."   
"And you during the nights?" Monica said. "You can't stay here every night, you have to work during the day. No, it's better that I take nights and you…" She drifted off when she realized he couldn't be at the hospital and at work at the same time.   
"I still have eight of my ten weeks of paternity leave" Chandler said. "I'll take those weeks off now, he should be back home in eight weeks after all. Or I'll just say my son is sick and try to get some time off with that. Mothers can take however much time they want when their kids are sick, why shouldn't I get to do the same? But if it doesn't work then at least I'll have eight weeks and he'll get better in that time."   
"Well what if he isn't?" Monica asked. "What if he's still here over Emma's birthday? What if he's here over his own? What if he never comes home again Chandler!"   
Chandler shushed her gently and rubbed her shoulders.   
"Don't think like that…"   
"I just don't get this… How could he have gotten this, this streptococci… thing?"   
"I don't know" Chandler said. "Who knows? But listen honey, he's going to be just fine. Medicine has come a long way in just the past couple of years, I'm positive they can help him."   
But he wasn't as sure as he sounded. And when Monica left with Francesca an hour later he sat down on the chair she'd been sitting on, and watched his sleeping son. He wondered if he would ever get to see him sleeping in his own bed again.   
  
  
Monica managed to dry her tears, but she knew she would probably start crying again any minute. She didn't understand fully what was going on, she hadn't had the time to sit down and find out more about the disease that Anthony had, which was more of an infection than a disease anyway. He had just recovered from critical condition, and Monica was afraid to close her eyes even for a second. Chandler was there too, but she hardly noticed him. All she could think about was how close she had come to losing her son, and how tiny and vulnerable he looked.   
"Mon, it's okay now" Chandler said softly, trying to comfort her.   
"No it isn't" Monica said, starting to cry again. "No it's not. He could have died today Chandler."   
"I know but he didn't, and you have to focus on that bit" Chandler insisted.   
"But I can't! He's so small, he's just a three year old little boy, what happens the next time his fever rises again and he gets worse? What happens the next time he starts hallucinating?"   
"I don't know" Chandler honestly said. "But until then try not to think about it too much. It will drive you crazy."   
"I can't take seeing him like this!"   
"I can't either" Chandler said, near tears as well. "But I can't take seeing you in this state either. You have to pull yourself together Mon, for my sake, for his sake, for our daughters' sake."   
"He's my only boy" Monica sobbed. "I can't lose him!"   
"No more than you can lose one of your girls" Chandler said.   
As if on cue, Francesca started to cry. Chandler recognized it as her hunger cry and waited for Monica to get up and walk over to her. But Monica didn't move. Chandler said her name twice, but got no reaction. She stopped sobbing but tears kept falling down her face. She seemed to go catatonic, her eyes were locked on Anthony and she didn't appear to move a muscle.   
"Monica Francesca needs you!" Chandler said firmly.   
Monica didn't make a single move to have heard him, or the crying child for that matter. Chandler groaned in frustration, not knowing what to do. He couldn't help the baby, no matter what he did she would keep screaming until she was fed. And he couldn't stand listening to her cries. He rose and walked over to the table where the baby lift was standing. He lifted it up and carried it over to the bed and put it down to Monica's left, below Anthony's feet. Then he left the room. He realized that no matter how focused she was on Anthony at the moment, and how much she tried to shut out everything else, she wouldn't be able to ignore a crying baby for long, especially not when it was her own baby.   
Monica didn't react at all. Her head was full of blame, she blamed herself for everything that hadn't been perfect in her son's short life, blamed herself for him being poor almost his entire life, blamed herself for every scratch he had gotten. She blamed herself for not being with him when he first got sick, for letting him go to Disneyworld without his parents, and she was feeling terrible over every time she had told him off or been mad at him, or the few times she had just ignored him when he had gotten too unruly. And she was terrified that she would lose him now, even though she loved all of her children equally he was her only son, and that made her more afraid of losing him. At least she told herself that now, she didn't know if she would be any less scared if it was one of the girls. She kept shutting out everything else than him. Then suddenly she snapped back to reality. The sound of Francesca's crying finally seemed to get through to her and she felt guilty again, this time for ignoring her baby like that.   
"Come here, come here" she said to the baby and lifted her into her arms. "Oh my God I'm so sorry, I am so sorry sweetie… I didn't mean to ignore you, how could I do that? I'm so sorry, Mommy's so sorry, please forgive me Francesca…" She opened her blouse and gave the baby her breast, and while Francesca slowly stopped sobbing when she got the comfort and food, Monica's tears began falling again. "I'm so, so sorry…" she whispered. "Please forgive me honey, I didn't mean to ignore you. How could I treat you that way? I'm so, so very sorry…"   
Chandler was leaned against the wall outside of the room with his eyes closed. He had just reached the point where he thought he couldn't take listening to the baby's cries any longer when he heard Monica's voice talking to the baby, and Francesca getting quiet. He knew Monica had begun nursing her, and he sighed with relief. He only hoped she was concentrating on the baby at the moment, instead of just holding her while she nursed. He opened the door and walked back inside again. He came close to smiling when he saw Monica nursing with her back against him, whispering to the baby, but one look at his son kept the smile away. He walked over to his wife and put his hands on her shoulders, leaned in and kissed her on the top of her head.   
"They're my children too, you know" he said in a low voice. "Please don't ignore one of them, or three of them. They all need you."   
"I'm sorry" Monica said in a sob.   
"It's okay… I know how you're feeling, trust me I do. I'm scared too, very scared. But Francesca is just an infant, she needs you more than Anthony does, whether you know it or not. And Bridget and Emma need our support, they need us to be able to act like everything's okay sometimes. They're too little to fully understand, especially Emma, and they need to get a chance to live as if everything was as it should."   
"I know" Monica whispered.   
"I love you."   
"I love you too… I just can't go through this, each time I leave this room I never want to come back again, and each time I get home I just want to come back here to Anthony. And I just keep thinking that it can get worse at any point… This Christmas we might be only five in the family, instead of six."   
"We'll be six" Chandler mumbled and kissed the top of her head. "Just don't be so sad all the time… Focus on the good parts. Appreciate Bridget and Emma. And when Anthony is awake, don't be mushy and cry, be strong for him."   
"I promise. To try at least."   
"That's all I wanted to hear…" Chandler said and kissed the top of her head again. "That's all you ever have to say…"   
  
  
"Dad, when's Mom coming home?" Emma asked, trying her best not to sound whiny or sad. "It's Christmas Eve after all…"   
"I don't know, sweetie" Chandler answered, even if he knew that the answer was that she would come home as soon as Chandler arrived at the hospital to 'take over the watch'. But he didn't have the heart to tell Emma that. "She'll be home before you know it" he said instead.   
"She's not coming home, is she?" Bridget asked, being a true pessimist. "She's going to stay until after you've left home and gotten to the hospital, just like always."   
"Yeah, probably" Chandler admitted with a sigh.   
"But it's Christmas" Emma said, trying hard not to cry. "We're supposed to be together, that's what you've always told us Christmas is about."   
"I know, and that is the truth" Chandler said and sat down next to the girls around the dining room table. "And I hate as much as you that we're separated. You two and me at home, Mommy, Anthony and Francesca at the hospital."   
"Poor Fran, spending her first Christmas at the hospital" Emma said, using the nickname she had for her little sister since she found her full name too long.   
"I wish she could be here at home too" Chandler said, and ran his hand through her hair. "But you know, maybe it will be okay anyway… It's almost six o'clock, you two are soon going to bed and tomorrow morning Santa will probably have left you gifts."   
"That's not the point of Christmas" Bridget whined. The two past Christmases had given her a whole different look on the holiday than all of her friends had.   
"No I know" Chandler said. "But at least it's something."   
Bridget gave him a smile that didn't seem to honest. He knew they missed Monica, they had never spent Christmas without both their parents before, and he knew they disliked the situation enough as it was. The first hour or so after he and Monica had switched between hospital and home Emma and Bridget were thrilled to have the parent who was home at the time, but then they just started missing the one who wasn't there. And it went on like that day after day.   
"Come on girls, finish your cocoa and let's get you two to bed" he said.   
"This early? Dad!" Emma whined.   
"Hey, you're five years old, I'm 41, I have the right to decide when it's time for bed" Chandler said, smiling slightly. "Now hurry up girls…"   
  
  
By nine that evening Chandler had made a decision. Emma woke up when he shook her awake and she grunted, annoyed that she had gotten woken from her sleep. She opened her eyes reluctantly and squinted at the light coming in from the hall.   
"Come on Ems, wake up" Chandler said.   
"What's going on?" Emma whined. "Is Santa here already?"   
Chandler didn't answer, he lifted her up to sitting position and started dressing her. Bridget was slowly getting dressed sitting on a chest with toys in the corner of the room. Once Emma was dressed Chandler lifted her up from the bed and put her down on the floor, while he hastily made her bed.   
"Dad, what's going on?" Emma asked groggily.   
"Come on now, go put your jacket on" he urged them both.   
He followed them into the hallway and put his jacket and shoes back on. He had already been out a couple of times to the car with the presents, so his outdoor clothes were thrown over a chair. Once he was done with his clothes he helped Emma and Bridget with theirs, since they were too tired to do much on their own. Then he ushered them out the door and locked it.   
"Dad what are we doing?" Emma asked again.   
"We're going somewhere" Chandler said, stating the obvious as he walked to the car with them in his heels. "If Mommy can't come to Christmas, then Christmas is going to have to come to Mommy. Come on, get in the car, you can sleep at the hospital."   
"We're going there?" Bridget asked.   
"You bet we are" Chandler said and started the car.   
  
  
Monica looked up when the silence was broken by the door opening. Anthony was asleep and she had put Francesca down twenty minutes earlier. She wasn't expecting anyone to come by at these hours, and the sound of the door opening scared her. A doctor or a nurse rarely meant good news at these hours.   
A feeling she hadn't felt since Anthony had gotten sick, the feeling that she was flooding with love for Chandler, came back to her when she saw that it was him. He was carrying four bags with presents and he was followed by Bridget and Emma who were carrying a bag together. The two girls looked ready to fall asleep, but Monica felt more awake than she had in a long time. She rose from her chair and walked over to them.   
"May I be the first one to wish you a merry Christmas?" Chandler asked.   
"Only if you do it with a kiss" Monica said.   
Chandler gave her a kiss and put the bags down next to where the girls had put their bag down. Monica gave him a tight hug and then kneeled down to help Bridget get her jacket off. She gave her a tight hug too and a kiss on the forehead.   
"Merry Christmas honey" she said with a honest smile on her face for the first time since Anthony had gotten sick.   
"Merry Christmas Mom" Bridget replied and yawned big.   
Monica gave her another hug and then hugged Emma too, who was out of her outdoor clothes as well. Monica turned to look at Chandler, who had walked over to Anthony and placed a kiss on his forehead. Then he gave the sleeping infant a gentle kiss as well.   
"I'm tired" Emma said.   
"Come here" Monica said and lifted her up. "We have an extra bed that Daddy and I sleep on when we get tired" she said. "You and Bridget can share it."   
"Where will you and Daddy sleep?"   
"Don't worry about us, we'll be fine" Monica said.   
She put her down in the bed and tucked her in. She lifted Bridget up and put her down next to her sister and tucked her in too. The two girls yawned at the same time and then closed their eyes. Chandler came over and kissed them goodnight, then he kissed Monica again.   
"I can't believe you're here!" she whispered. "And with the presents and all!"   
"We've been teaching them that Christmas is about being with family… They didn't think it would be Christmas without you guys, and I fully agree with them. Worst case scenario, this is Anthony's last Christmas. I had to be here. And in any scenario at all this is Francesca's first, I can't miss that either."   
"I can't believe it was just a year ago we were barely speaking" Monica said. "We were poor… I remember the dinner we had just the five of us… You said something about how it's better to have porridge together than filet mignon alone. You kinda' had a point."   
"I was quoting a movie slogan…" Chandler said and kissed her again.   
"Just think about how much has happened in only 365 days" Monica said. "Francesca's birth… Anthony's disease… Getting more money, moving…"   
"Who knows what next year will have in stall" Chandler said.   
"Yeah…" Monica agreed.   
"You know, when I looked at Francesca, I just got to thinking… She was conceived a year ago tomorrow. She hasn't existed at all for a year even…"   
"She and Anthony are kind of special that way" Monica said. "We both know exactly what date they got conceived…"   
"True, but I don't like it really… Not when I think about what the reason for that was."   
"What scares me is the thought of if we hadn't slept together that Christmas Day or that July 4th… Then they wouldn't be alive."   
"Useless thoughts" Chandler said. "Now let's get the presents and the stockings from the bags and show the kids that Santa comes to the hospitals too."   
  
  
Monica gave Anthony one last kiss on the cheek before she left his bedroom. She felt both relieved and happy. Finally it was over. Finally he was okay again. The infection that had made him so sick had taken ages to blow over, but now he was finally at home again. For the first time this year she would get to go to bed with Chandler, and with all of her children safe in their bedrooms. They still kept Francesca in their bedroom, but she usually slept like a log between nine p.m. and six a.m. Then she spent larger parts of the day being awake.   
"You coming?" she heard Chandler's voice from the bottom of the stairs.   
"On my way" she said with a big smile, and walked down to him. "He's home" she said triumphantly.   
"Didn't I tell you?" Chandler said, just as happy as she was. He gave her a kiss on the lips and then grinned again. "Each and every one of our cubs are home safe. And you know what I want to do?"   
"I have no idea whatsoever" Monica said with a grin.   
"I haven't had two minutes alone with you in God knows how long" Chandler said. "We have some serious catching up to do on the lovemaking front."   
"With Francesca in the room?"   
"Honey she will sleep through it."   
"Not like you scream" Monica said with a grin.   
"You should hear **you**."   
He backed towards the kitchen with her, and kissed her neck.   
"Mmm…" Monica moaned. "Maybe it's time we move her to the nursery."   
  
  
Monica was getting a headache. The smell inside the church was the reason, she decided. She loved churches, but she couldn't help connecting them with death. Most people she knew that were dead, had all been inside churches the last time she'd seen them, lying in their caskets. And the very fact that all churches had crucifixes everywhere made her think of it, the church's symbol was a man being executed.   
"You okay?" she heard a low whisper from Bridget.   
"I'm fine" she whispered back, not sounding too convincing. But it was a stupid question anyway. Everyone knew she wasn't okay.   
She had tried very hard at first to listen to everything that was said, but by now she had almost lost concentration completely. Not just because of her age, but because all the priest had been doing was reciting parts of the Bible that seemed meaningless to her. She had stopped believing years ago, on the day she had watched a child of hers being lowered into the ground in a coffin the second time. She had never been able to let go of the feeling of guilt after that, she had never gotten past the feeling that she should be there with them to protect and care for them. But she didn't worry about that now. Chandler had said on his deathbed that be would look after them for her. And she knew he meant it.   
She was having a hard time adjusting to the new life she would be living. For the first time since she had started dating him she was just thinking for one again. She had been thinking for two in every matter ever since they had gotten together but now he wasn't there for her to think for anymore. And it was a hard adjustment. She was so used to always thinking about how something would affect Chandler that it was like an instinct for her now. She had gotten so used to the life of twosome that she didn't know if she could ever get back to living just for herself again. She would probably be dead before she adjusted.   
She casually started twirling her wedding ring. She always did that when she had something important on her mind. Chandler had pointed out once and said he loved it. Mainly because it was such a small thing that only a husband would notice it. And he loved the things that were exclusive between a married couple. Often Monica had also taken it off and read the engraved line on it's inside. They had both had the rings engraved with a line they had each thought of themselves. Monica had thought the line she'd had engraved in his ring had been sweet when she had thought of it, but soon she had just felt it was a bit embarrassing. She loved Chandler's phrase to her though, and she had known it by heart during her entire marriage. Which was fortunate now, since she couldn't see well enough to read the small letters. There were some things even modern medicine couldn't fix. It felt good to know that she would never have to wonder what the line on the ring said, she knew it almost as well as she knew her own name. There wasn't really anything special about it, it wasn't a magnificent and romantic line, but it was from him and that was enough.   
She started concentrating at the service again when Emma got up from her seat and walked up to the small podium where Chandler lay. There weren't a lot of people who had been asked to say something about Chandler at the service, mostly because almost all of the people who had known him as anything else than a parent of a friend or a parent-in-law were dead. Monica hadn't been asked, but she didn't feel bitter about it anymore. She had already said all she wanted to say to him, and the rest of the people could either realize that or think that she was just some old lady who didn't care too much anymore. She didn't care which alternative people chose to think. But all of the children had been asked to say something, and Emma had asked to go first, since she had been closest to her Father. Monica knew Joey had suggested that in that case she should go last, but she had insisted on getting to speak first.   
Monica listened to the first part of Emma's monologue, but it seemed to take Emma a few minutes to figure out exactly what she wanted to say, even though she had written a speech already. Emma seemed to make her way through the card she had brought up with her to read from quite quickly, Monica almost got the feeling she wasn't reading all of it, just some selected parts. She was talking about what her Father had meant to her during her childhood and once she was grown up as well. She seemed to be summing it up mostly, but there was one incident that she took her time telling. Monica knew the incident far too well, and felt herself drift back in memories once again, this time of what had led up to what Emma was talking about, and what had happened after that.   
  
  
For the first time in years Monica didn't know what to say to Rachel. It was late February, just a week after Anthony had gotten home. It was supposed to be Rachel's wedding day, but things hadn't end up the way they'd planned. For one thing Boris had wanted them to get married on Rachel's birthday in the end of June, but for reasons Monica didn't know, they had decided to move it up to late February. Both Monica and Chandler had taken that as a sign that Boris and Rachel were eager to finally settle down and get married, since they would both be over forty this year. So now neither of them could understand why Boris hadn't shown up at the wedding until an hour after the ceremony was supposed to start, and that he'd only come to tell Rachel he couldn't go through with it.   
"How can this be happening, it's so unfair!" Rachel sobbed in Monica's arms.   
"I'm gonna kick that guy's ass!" Joey angrily said, pacing back and forth in Chandler and Monica's living room.   
The entire gang was there, minus spouses, and it was the first time they had spontaneously gotten together in two years. Chandler and Monica had taken Rachel home with them once it was clear that the wedding was off, and Phoebe and Ross had stayed to take care of everything that needed taking care of at the reception. Joey had gone home, but shown up at Chandler and Monica's after an hour. Monica had gotten Rachel out of her wedding dress and into a pair of jeans and a bright pink sweater, hoping the bright color would at least not bring her down as much as a dark color would.   
"I have rarely been this shocked…" Ross said, leaning against the wall.   
"What's going on?" Emma asked, in Phoebe's arms.   
"Hey, your Mother tells me you love to watch the Disney Channel, why don't you go downstairs and see if there's anything good on?" Phoebe suggested and let her down.   
Emma gave her a strange look and then obediently walked down the stairs. Phoebe sat down in one of the two armchairs.   
"I know I shouldn't be one to complain perhaps," Rachel sobbed, "I did the same thing to Barry, but this is **different**!"   
"I know it is sweetie…" Monica said, stroking her head like she did with the children when they were crying.   
"I mean, I didn't love Barry enough! He didn't love **me** enough! We were both aware deep down that it wasn't right. But with Boris, it was different! I love him! I thought he loved me! I really thought he loved me!"   
"Rachel, of course this is different…" Chandler said, holding Francesca. "You and Barry, that was a whole other situation."   
"Do you think Barry felt this way when I left him?"   
"Okay, Barry was a snob!" Phoebe said. "He was mostly concerned of what people would think. You didn't even say 'what am I supposed to tell everyone?' when Boris called it off today."   
"Yeah, and besides," Chandler said, "Barry had an affair with Mindy! He even went to your honeymoon with her! No way could he have been this upset."   
"You think that comment helps?" Ross asked.   
"Listen Rachel…" Monica said. "No matter how bad things look right now, it's better to not get married at all than to get married when one person doesn't know if marriage is truly what he wants. Better find out now than after you're married."   
"And look, this doesn't have to mean it's over between you two now" Chandler filled in. "Maybe he's not ready for marriage? I don't even understand why you moved the date up, maybe he felt stressed about it. This doesn't have to mean you can't be together."   
"Chandler I'm almost forty, I want a marriage now!" Rachel angrily said.   
"You know, you don't have to have a **marriage**" Monica said. "You two can still be together for the rest of your lives without rings on your fingers."   
"You wish to go back in time and tell Chandler that on your wedding day?" Rachel angrily asked.   
"No" Monica admitted. "But I'm just saying that maybe he's not…"   
"Not likely to take a wife" Joey finished her sentence.   
"There are just some people who can't commit like that" Monica said, knowing it sounded lame.   
"How come you managed to make one of those people commit when I can't?" Rachel asked.   
"He might be scared you're only doing this to be married before you turn forty and he turns forty-five" Ross suggested. "Maybe he's not sure that that's the best reason to get married. Give him some time…"   
"It's out of my hands" Rachel said, trying to dry her tears. "He told me it was completely over."   
"Give him the chance to regret it" Phoebe suggested. "Give him the chance to realize it's stupid to let you go."   
"Yeah… And until then, if you don't want to go back to your house you can stay here with Chandler and me" Monica said.   
"Sure" Chandler agreed. "We can move kitten back to our bedroom for a while" he added, looking at Francesca. "Yeah, you can go back to sleeping with your Mommy and Daddy, can't you?" Francesca made a sound that sounded like an agreement and Chandler kissed her on the cheek.   
"You sure it's okay?" Rachel asked. "This place is crowded enough without me…"   
"Oh come on, I took you in once, I can do it again" Monica said.   
"Thanks… I'll only stay a week or so though, I want to find my own place as soon as I can. I don't want to mooch…"   
"Rachel, you know you're welcome to stay for as long as you need to" Chandler said. "We wouldn't consider it mooching."   
"Thanks you guys" Rachel said. "But I think I'll feel a lot better once I get a place of my own, and get the chance to start over. Or at least to think this whole situation through."   
"Stay for as long as you'd like" Monica said.   
  
  
Chandler looked up when he heard the front door open. He was in the middle of doing the dishes while Monica was reading by the kitchen table. He couldn't figure out who had entered, the children were in their rooms and him and Monica were together in the kitchen. Then Rachel entered the kitchen and he figured it out. She had moved out a week earlier, it was the second week of March by now, and her relationship with Boris was over for good now. It had turned out he had been seeing someone else on the side, and even though Rachel had been furious it seemed as if she had decided that it was better this way in the end.   
"Hey you two" Rachel said.   
"Hi" Monica said, slightly confused. "Wow, I haven't seen you looking this happy since…" She trailed off, unsure of she could continue. The look on Rachel's face seemed to say it was okay though. "Well, your wedding day."   
"Yeah I know… It hurts, it hurts like hell… But at the same time it's a relief. That we didn't get married I mean. I would have been more hurt in the long run finding out about his other woman after we were married."   
"I have to admit I'm surprised you got over it so fast" Chandler said.   
"Don't misunderstand me here, I'm not over him… Or the situation… Not really. But I've chosen not to dwell on it."   
"Good for you" Monica said.   
"So what brings you by?" Chandler asked.   
"Actually… I kinda' have a favor to ask of you Chandler. Of both of you, actually… But mostly Chandler."   
"Well whatever it is, we're there for you" Chandler said with a shrug to the shoulder, and finished drying the last plate.   
"That's what I'm hoping…" Rachel said.   
"Well then tell us" Monica said, rising from her seat. "Just hold on, I wanna put this book back."   
She walked into the dining room, and Chandler and Rachel followed her. Monica frowned slightly when she noticed how nervous Rachel seemed. She wondered what was up. She put the book back in the bookshelf and sat down in a gray armchair that Chandler had gotten from his Father's apartment. She looked at Rachel and then at Chandler. He seemed a bit confused as well.   
"What's up?" she asked Rachel.   
"Well, I… I'm going to have a baby."   
"You're **pregnant?**" Chandler asked, shocked at hearing it.   
"Soon, hopefully…"   
"Huh?" Monica said.   
"I've decided to have a child."   
"We're not really following you here" Monica said.   
"I want to have a baby" Rachel said. "And I want to have one before it's too late. I mean, even as it is I'm going to be old for having my first child, but that just makes me more sure that I want one now. Before it's too late."   
"But Rachel…" Monica said, slowly rising. "You, you just broke up with someone. You just called off a **marriage**. Are you really sure a new relationship this soon, especially with children involved, is a good idea?"   
"I don't want a man" Rachel said.   
"Well you're gonna need one" Chandler said.   
"Look you guys, I've already tried the dating thing numerous times, the whole relationship gig. And it's gotten me nowhere. Even the marriage thing took me nowhere, and I've done it three times by now. Barry, Ross and Boris. And I can't keep thinking that I'll give it some time, because time is a luxury I'm running out of!"   
"So what are you saying here?" Monica asked. "You're going to go to a sperm bank? Have a baby all on your own?"   
"I wouldn't be all on my own" Rachel protested. "I have you guys, I have Ross, Joey, Phoebe… Plus my family! Sure, I would be a single mother, but these days it's almost more uncommon to **not** be one!"   
"So you and a frozen sperm pop are gonna have a baby?" Chandler asked, crossing his arms.   
"Well I guess… But I don't like the idea of a sperm bank."   
"To be honest I don't like this idea **at all**" Monica said. "But if this is what you want to do, then this is what you want to do… As long as you know what you're doing…"   
"How are you going to have a baby if you don't go to a sperm bank?" Chandler asked. "You can't just have unprotected sex at random."   
"Chandler did you really think I was gonna do that?" Rachel asked.   
"No, but I didn't think you'd ever decide to have a baby without having a man" Chandler said. "I thought that would be more something that Monica would do."   
"Did you ever notice how comfortable the couches upstairs are?" Monica said warningly to him.   
"Look you guys, I realize I'm not choosing the ideal way" Rachel said. "But I don't want to keep searching for something like what you have. Before I can find that I'll be too old to have children. This might be my only shot, you guys!"   
"Isn't there some sort of medication these days that puts off menopause for a few years?" Monica asked.   
"Monica, I don't want to become a mother at 50 anyway" Rachel said. "I don't want to be sixty before my kid is a teenager."   
"How are you even going to get pregnant if you don't turn to a clinic?" Chandler asked. "It seems to me like your best alternative would be going to one. If you absolutely have to do this."   
"I don't want to go to a sperm bank, I don't want to have a baby with someone I don't know. I don't want to have to tell my son or daughter that I've never even **met** his or her Father!"   
"So then what are you planning on doing, I don't follow" Monica said.   
"That's where I need your help" Rachel said.   
"Our help?" Chandler said. "You mean you want us to help you find some eligible guy that you can date for a while and then have father your child?"   
"No, not exactly."   
"Well good" Monica said. "Because I don't think you'd get anyone to agree on that, to father your child after just a couple of dates."   
"And I believe we know you better than to think you'd tell him you were on the pill and then actually you're not, and all of a sudden you're pregnant" Chandler added.   
"Good that you don't think that, because I would never do that" Rachel said.   
"Okay so… What do you need our help with?" Monica asked.   
"I… I want…" Rachel took a deep breath. "Okay, I know this might sound weird, but I would want for you Chandler to give me the sperm."   
"The what?" Chandler asked in shock.   
"Look I know it sounds crazy and I know it's a lot to ask" Rachel said in a pleading tone. "But you have no idea what this means to me!"   
"Rachel…" Chandler said. "Giving you my sperm would mean that I would be your baby's Father."   
"I know, I'm aware of that. But that's what I want."   
"I don't really like you that way" Chandler said, sounding shocked.   
"No I don't mean we should have sex, God no! I just need you to donate the sperm."   
"I… I… I can't figure out what to say!" Chandler said.   
"Monica, what do you think of this?" Rachel asked.   
Monica, who had sunken back down in the armchair, looked up at her with a shocked expression on her face.   
"Why him?" she asked.   
"Because he's someone I know, he's someone I love, even if it's just as a friend!"   
"But he is not the only one you're friends with!"   
"He's the best Father I know of!" Rachel said.   
"Listen Rach…" Chandler said, still in shock. "Although it's flattering… in a very weird way… I don't think you understand what you're asking of me here. I would be the baby's **Father. Father** Rachel!"   
"You don't have to pay anything, you don't have to **do** anything except for giving me the sperm, you don't have to take any part in the child's life whatsoever unless you want to!" Rachel said.   
"Well I **would** want to" Chandler said. "We are talking about a child here Rachel, a child that would be as much mine as Bridget, Emma, Francesca and Anthony!"   
"Well if you want to you can be as much part of the baby's life as possible, I wouldn't mind at all!" Rachel said.   
"No I can't" Chandler protested. "It wouldn't work like that. Look I'm sorry, but--"   
Chandler got interrupted by Francesca starting to cry in the nursery. Monica darted up from her chair, happy to get an excuse to leave, and hurried to go check on the baby. She didn't say anything and she tried her best not to think about anything. She couldn't help but feeling desperately that Chandler should tell Rachel 'no'. But she didn't want to think about it because it would only make her feel selfish. She didn't realize that in this situation it wouldn't be.   
"--look just please don't say no right away!" she heard Rachel plead when she returned to the dining room, this time carrying Francesca who was clingy. Monica was just as clingy herself at the moment.   
"I think telling you straight off that I can't do this is a lot better than saying I'll think about it" Chandler protested to Rachel.   
"Just **promise** me to think about it!" Rachel said. "You don't know what this means to me! I know it's not easy for you, but please think it over!"   
"No Rachel!" Chandler said, and looked at Monica with the baby. "The only woman who I want carrying my children and giving birth to them is Monica."   
"Please don't blow me off with a reason like that" Rachel said. "Just think about this, this means everything to me!"   
"Fine" Chandler sighed, just to get an end to the discussion. "Fine, I'll think about it."   
"Oh thank you!" Rachel said and hugged him. "Thank you so much!"   
Chandler tried to catch Monica's look but she looked the other way. He broke free from the hug and walked Rachel out. Monica sat down in the armchair and hugged Francesca tight, and for the first time in years felt glad Rachel had left. She obviously wasn't thinking straight, and there was no way Monica would approve of Chandler donating sperm to her. But she knew it was his decision in the end.   
  
  
Monica got home from NYU earlier than usual the following Tuesday. She did most of her studying over the Web, since she felt Francesca was too little to be left at daycare and she didn't feel comfortable leaving Anthony there either. She knew it was foolish, but she couldn't help feeling like he might get sick again as soon as she let her guard down. Without realizing it she was treating him like a piece of porcelain that might break. She kept dressing him up really warm whenever he went outside, even if there was no need for it, and she kept warning him of this and that and telling him what not to do and what to do.   
"Hey there Melissa" she said to the baby-sitter who came by for a couple of hours whenever Monica had to be at the school.   
"Hi Mrs. Bing."   
"How have they behaved?" Monica asked.   
"Splendid, as usual" Melissa said. "Anthony just watched 'The Black Cauldron' over and over."   
"And Francesca, did she wake up?"   
"No, she slept like a log."   
"Fantastic. Thanks Melissa."   
She gave her the money for baby-sitting and said goodbye to her as she left. Then she walked up to the living room and said hi to Anthony.   
"Don't sit so close to the TV, dear" she said, even though he was sitting further away than Bridget usually did.   
"Okay Mom" Anthony said and backed.   
Monica smiled and sat down next to him, hugging him. He squirmed, wanting to get loose so he could continue watching the movie.   
"Is Taran winning this time?" she asked with a smile.   
"Mom, you're in the way!" Anthony complained.   
"Sorry" Monica said, still smiling, and got to her feet. "I'm gonna go check on your sister. Are you sure you're not hungry? Or thirsty?"   
"Can I have a lollipop?"   
"No sweets on Sunday through Thursday."   
"Dad ate candy yesterday."   
"Yes, but Dad's beyond hope" Monica said. "I'll check up on you later sweetie."   
"Uh-hu" Anthony said, turning his attention back to the movie.   
Monica walked downstairs and found Francesca awake in her crib.   
"And not a sound did you make to tell me you'd woken up…" Monica said and lifted her up. "What about you, are you hungry?"   
She sat down in the rocking chair, the same old one that they'd had ever since Bridget was little. She started nursing Francesca, while rocking back and forth and humming an old U2 song to herself. Her first three children had all been weaned after around three months, but with Francesca Monica had for some reason continued nursing her sometimes even though she mostly got formula instead. It was comforting for both her and the baby, and right now she really felt like she needed comfort. She was still feeling uncomfortable about Rachel's request, but when she nursed she could at least feel the comfort of knowing that at least this far she was the only Mother to any child of Chandler's. Rachel had called her a couple of times during the week, mostly to suggest a shopping round or just meeting up for coffee, but Monica had always found a reason to say no. She didn't feel like she could be around Rachel right now, she needed to figure out her own position in this matter.   
There was a knock on the door and she got out of the rocking chair, and lifted Francesca up to her shoulder. She quickly fixed her clothing and went to answer the door.   
"Rachel!" she said once she'd opened. "What a surprise."   
"Why have you been ignoring me?" Rachel asked straightforward.   
"I haven't" Monica said.   
"We both know you have" Rachel said. "Can I come in?"   
"Yeah, sure" Monica said after a second's hesitation. "Just let me put Francesca in the reins…"   
Rachel nodded and stepped in. She took her jacket and shoes off and went into the kitchen to wait for Monica there. Monica came back after a couple of minutes, with Francesca in the reins and a bottle of formula that she quickly heated in a hot water bath.   
"I think I know what this is all about" Rachel said. "It's about me asking Chandler to father my child."   
"Why him Rach?" Monica said, not bothering to play any games and pretend she wasn't upset about it. "Ross is a good father, why not him?"   
"With our history? It would never work."   
"Well then what about Joey?"   
"Joey has Clara and the baby…" Rachel said, referring to the son Joey's wife had given birth to in December.   
"And Chandler doesn't have a wife and an infant?" Monica angrily asked, turning around to face Rachel so fast that Francesca made a complaining noise. She mumbled a 'sorry' to the baby.   
"That's not what I meant…"   
"Rachel do you even understand what it is you're asking of us? Of **me**? Sure, call me selfish, but this is **my** husband you want to use to produce your baby, your child would be half-siblings with mine!"   
"I know!" Rachel said, sounding excited.   
"I don't want that."   
"Come on, seriously" Rachel said. "It would be so amazing if your children and mine could be siblings!"   
"No it wouldn't" Monica protested. "As I said, call me selfish, but I don't want my children and yours to be siblings! I don't want my husband to have babies with another woman."   
"Even if it's your best friend?"   
"What the hell does that change?" Monica asked. "They wouldn't be anymore mine just because you're their Mother! Don't you understand how that would feel?"   
"You're right, you **are** being selfish" Rachel said. "This is something that really matters to me Monica. You have four children with him, is it really so bad if I had one with him too? It would only be the sperm Monica, I wouldn't sleep with him! It wouldn't be a, a product of his and mine love, you wouldn't have to worry about that. It would be a baby that I would love with all my heart, and that I would know was a part of someone I love. Would that be so very bad?"   
"It would be so bad if my husband had more children than I do!" Monica said. "I can't possibly imagine carrying some other man's child, and I can't imagine some other woman carrying Chandler's! Don't you get it Rachel? Chandler would have a **child**, one that I'm not the mother of, one that would take up his time, concern and love and I wouldn't be a part of it, it would just be awkward if I tried to take part. Some other woman's son or daughter would call him Dad and be just as much a part of him as the one I'm carrying in reins as we speak! I'm not a big enough person to not get insanely jealous in a situation like that. Just seeing you pregnant with his child would probably kill me, not to mention the two of you leaving for the hospital for your birth! I wouldn't be able to come, I would just make it all awkward. It would really put a heavy load on our marriage, and I would feel awful about it since the poor child would be innocent!"   
"I didn't just pick Chandler out because I figured he might agree to this" Rachel said. "I thought long and hard before I decided to ask you, and it took a lot of courage to do so! Don't push me away now, don't deny me this!"   
"First of all it's not up to me, it's up to him. Second of all, did you ever include **my** feelings when you thought about this? Believe it or not, but Chandler and I are too close for something to be able to happen to one of us without the other one getting affected. Whatever happens to him happens to me."   
"So what you're saying is you won't give this your blessing?"   
"Think about what you're asking me to accept. It's not just sperm you're asking for, it's parenthood."   
  
  
Chandler grunted and glanced at the time. Monica pulled a pillow over her head and moaned.   
"Who in heaven's name knocks on a door at these hours?" Chandler complained.   
He got out of bed and grabbed his robe and his glasses, then stumbled out to the front door while pulling the robe around him. He opened the door and sighed.   
"Rach…"   
"Hi, I know it's after hours, but can I come in?"   
"After hours? Does a whole line of Zs tell you anything?"   
"Chandler come on, it's eleven p.m., you can't possibly tell me you guys were sleeping."   
"Welcome to the life of the parents of small children" Chandler said and led her to the dining room. "What do you want?"   
"Actually, on the subject of parents of small children…"   
"Rachel…"   
"Chandler I just wanted to hear if you've come around yet."   
"No and I don't think I ever will."   
"Has Monica said anything to you?"   
"Just that I should remember that everything I do, I do for two."   
"Cute" Rachel said sarcastically. "Chandler you know how serious I am about this. You know how much it means to me. You know I wouldn't be asking this of you if I wasn't serious."   
"No I know…" Chandler said. "But Rachel, you **are** asking an awful lot of me here. I can't just… donate sperm to you and then that's it. It would be my child."   
"I know."   
"Think about Monica. You know, part of what we have is that we play a part in the other's life that on one else will. And that includes her giving birth to my children. I can't take that away from her."   
"Chandler you have valid reasons to say no to me, but I don't think that's one of them" Rachel said.   
"I love Monica. And I can't hurt her like that. I don't want someone else than her to be the Mother of a child of mine. I don't want anyone else to be pregnant by me. Look, you and I go back a long way, we're close friends, but friends don't have children together. Couples do."   
"I'm **desperate** Chandler!"   
"Why me Rachel?" Chandler asked. "I don't get it, why me? Why your best friend's husband?"   
"Maybe because I thought you guys would understand. And because I would honestly be proud to be able to tell my child that you're his or her Father. Don't get me wrong, I'm not in love with you. But you're a good person and a great Father."   
"I don't want more children" Chandler said. "Four is a nice even number."   
"What's going on?" Monica asked sleepily, walking in while pulling her robe tighter.   
"Hey honey" Chandler said, slightly nervous for some reason.   
"So did you convince him yet?" Monica asked Rachel. "I take it that's why you're here… To convince my husband to let you have his baby…"   
"Guys **please**!" Rachel said. "I mean God, would I be bringing this up over and over if it didn't truly mean a lot to me?"   
"Well what do you want me to do Rach, just go to the bathroom with a cup and then give it to you, and then be there nine months later to hold your hand?" Chandler said. "It doesn't work that way. I don't want to become a father by masturbating with a cup! I want to become one by sleeping with my wife. And don't suggest we do that with the cup in reach, because that would just be--"   
"Of course I wouldn't suggest that!" Rachel angrily said.   
"Rachel I think it's time you took no for an answer" Monica said with a yawn. "This is too inappropriate."   
"Well I can't take no for an answer!" Rachel protested. "Not yet! I don't know how many times I've told you how desperate I am, I just can't give up on this without you thinking it through more!"   
"Rachel this isn't like surrogating" Monica pointed out. "It's parenting."   
"You are my best friends in the entire world…" Rachel said. "I came to you because I thought you would at least give it some thought! Listen, there's a pretty big house in LA that Boris gave me as an engagement gift."   
"Wow, I just got Monica the ring…" Chandler said.   
"Where does a house fit in all of a sudden?" Monica asked.   
"There's a clinic in LA that specializes in this kind of thing" Rachel said.   
"There have them here too, they call them hospitals" Chandler dryly said.   
"No, they specialize in artificial insemination" Rachel said. "And they're very good. 100% chance of success and no multiple births unless you want one. So you wouldn't have to worry that all of a sudden I'm expecting triplets, like Phoebe did! I've gotten an appointment in April, and I would really love it if you guys could at least come with me over there. And see if you change your minds, which I think you might if you gave it some thought."   
"No Rachel, we stand firm at our decision" Chandler said.   
"Please you guys! Come on, you can bring the children, it will be fun!"   
"What about my education?" Monica asked. "What about Chandler's job? And how would it be fun to fly with an infant?"   
"Francesca's not **that** small" Rachel said. "Look, please just come with me okay!"   
Chandler and Monica looked at each other and then reluctantly agreed.   
  
  
"Ah, I love California!" Rachel said cheerfully, looking around in the big sunny house. "Don't you just love California Monica?"   
"Sure" Monica said. She was less than cheerful. She hated being there, she couldn't forget the reason why.   
"Mommy, Mommy, come see!" Anthony cried, running down the stairs. "The rooms are **huge**, and there's carpet everywhere!"   
"Anthony don't run in the stairs!" Monica said in a near panic tone. "Don't ever do that, you can fall and hurt yourself!"   
"Come see!" Anthony repeated.   
Monica lifted up two of the bags and followed him up the stairs. Rachel had told her that her own bedroom was downstairs, so she, Chandler and the kids could choose whichever rooms they wanted. Monica quickly decided on the biggest one, which was closest to the stairs.   
"I could so get used to this!" Bridget said, entering and throwing herself on the bed. "Mommy, do we have to go back to New York?"   
"You only got a month off from school, and that's quite a lot considering you don't want to miss too much" Monica said. "We're not staying a minute longer than we have to."   
"Aww, Mom!" Bridget complained. "Could this place **be** any better? No school, lots of sunshine, beach right outside. Not to mention Disneyland."   
"Did I hear Disneyland?" Chandler asked, entering with the last bags.   
"Daddy can we go?" Anthony asked.   
"We'll have to see" Chandler said and lifted him up. "Since I know how much you hate Disneyland we might just leave you here with Rachel and the rest of us will go."   
"No, no, I don't hate Disneyland!" Anthony cried.   
Chandler grinned and put him back down. "Where's Ems and Francesca?"   
"Emma's checking her new room out" Monica said. "And Francesca was still asleep so I left her downstairs in the lift."   
"Daddy can we move here?" Bridget asked.   
"Well you can live here if you want to, I intend on living in Cinderella's castle" Chandler joked.   
"Yay!" Bridget cheered.   
"Chandler don't get sidetracked here, remember why we're in Los Angeles in the first place" Monica said. "I can't get it out of my head for a second."   
"Well you just wait until I have you to myself tonight" Chandler said, lingering his arms around her waist from behind and kissed her neck.   
"Ew, Dad!" Bridget complained.   
"I don't think I'll be much fun tonight" Monica said. "I can't get this thing out of my head, I'll probably think about it while we're together."   
"Hey, just do what I do, choose to ignore it" Chandler said. "Listen honey, I told her no and I meant it."   
"Did you?" Monica asked. "Did you really? Because if you did, what on earth are we doing here?"   
"Vacation" Chandler said. "You know, I used to love to travel when I was a kid. And just one look at the kids tells me they do too."   
"They're much like their Father…" Monica said, trailing off.   
"Yes, and don't worry, no half siblings" Chandler mumbled in her hair.   
"Mom can we go swimming?" Emma asked, walking in. "It's so warm!"   
"Absolutely not!" Monica said. "We don't know how cold the water is!"   
"Yes, and there might be sharks" Chandler said while rolling his eyes. "Lighten up Mon, if the water is too cold they'll come up."   
"Oh no they won't, they're children" Monica said. "Anybody under the age of ten doesn't care if the water is warm enough. Poor Anthony could get a pneumonia."   
"And only Anthony?" Chandler asked. "Monica quit treating him like he's sick."   
"They can play on the beach, but no going in the water" Monica said firmly, and angrily broke free from him.   
The phone rang and Chandler and Monica shared a confused look. They didn't know anyone had the phone number. Then Rachel called from downstairs that it was for Monica, making them more confused. Monica picked up the phone.   
"Yes, this is Monica Bing" she said.   
"Hey sis, it's Ross" Ross said.   
"Ross! How did you get our number?"   
"Who do you think, Rachel gave it to me."   
"Well you shouldn't call, long distance costs!"   
"Not anymore. Haven't you made any long distance calls the past three years? It's no more expensive than local calls."   
"Called to tell me that?" Monica said and rolled her eyes.   
"Actually I called to tell you something about Mom and Dad."   
"Why, what's wrong?"   
"Nothing's wrong" Ross said. "It's just that Dad's **finally** retired, and he's celebrating it with a bang."   
"Uh-oh" Monica said. "What did he do?"   
"He bought a Corvette - over the Internet."   
"Big deal, Chandler and I bought most of our furniture from www.ikea.com…"   
"Well the car is in San Diego" Ross told her. "So he and Mom are flying over to pick it up, then they're going on a road trip home."   
"Oh Christ, Dad is way too old for stuff like that…" Monica said, not wanting to picture her Dad out cross-country driving.   
"I know… But actually I called to warn you."   
"Let me guess…" Monica said. "He wants us to see this car, so he's coming by to show it to us."   
"Exactly. And Mom wants to come by to make sure you have enough food in your fridge and that you're using sun block."   
"Parents…" Monica sighed. "I'm like never gonna be one…"   
"I've gotta go, it's getting late over here" Ross said, smiling at her comment. "Later sis."   
"Bye Ross.. Say hi to Erica from us… And Ben."   
"Bye."   
"What's going on?" Chandler asked. "Let me guess. Your parents are coming by, Jack bought something over the Web that he had to pick up in California, and he wants us to take a look at it."   
"You're such an eavesdropper" Monica said.   
  
  
Rachel looked up and covered her mouth with her hand as she yawned. She was really bored. She had loved tanning in her younger years, but now she just felt silly. Emma was building sand castles a few feet away and Rachel assumed people thought it was her daughter. And she didn't mind people thinking that. It was better that they thought she was a Mother just sunning to be able to keep an eye on her playing child than that they thought she was an overgrown nanny.   
She looked at Emma and smiled slightly. Emma looked so much like her Father that she was almost like a female version of him. It was just the hair that seemed to be Monica's, the rest looked so much like Chandler. Rachel could almost pretend Emma actually was her child. She started to think about how her own baby would look if Chandler agreed to donate the sperm. She wouldn't mind having a little girl who looked like Emma, and Anthony was one of the cutest little boys she had ever seen. She had a strong feeling that it was Monica that was keeping Chandler from agreeing, consciously or not. Rachel knew it was hard for her friend, she didn't hold anything against her, but at the same time she tried to think of what she could say or do to change Monica's mind. She would love to have a child that was siblings with Monica's children, she was sure it would bring them closer.   
Monica took her eyes off Emma for a second and turned back to her Mother. Rachel and Emma were about two hundred meters away from the house, on the beach but not too close to the water. Monica trusted Rachel as a baby-sitter but it was such a strong instinct for her to always keep tabs on where her children were. Francesca was asleep up in the bedroom and Bridget and Anthony had gone for a test ride in their Grandfather's new car, along with Chandler. Monica was alone with her Mother in the house.   
"How it can be so thrilling to drive a new car is completely beyond me" Judy Geller said and sat down on the comfortable couch in the big living room.   
"Chandler and I have to buy a new car…" Monica said. "We always have to take two cars since we can't fit all the children into one. We should get ourselves a minivan or something, but those things cost money."   
"Sell the Audi" Judy suggested. "You know, you and Chandler should really consider living like this…"   
"Something wrong with the house we live in Mother?" Monica asked, trying to hide her irritation.   
"No" Judy said, not sounding too convincing.   
"Because you know Mom, we could move in here, but then you wouldn't get to see your grandchildren very often…"   
Francesca woke up upstairs and started crying. Monica hurried upstairs to tend to her, and Judy walked out on the balcony that led down to the beach. She realized that nobody had explained why Monica and Chandler had taken the kids and gone on a sudden vacation across the country together with Rachel. She walked down on the beach, trying not to get annoyed that she got sand inside her sandals, and walked closer to Rachel. Rachel saw her coming and got up from her chair. She took a few steps until she reached Judy.   
"Hi Mrs. Geller" she said.   
"After all this time I think you can call me Judy…" Judy said.   
"Okay" Rachel said with a smile.   
"So nobody has told me what it is you're all doing out here…"   
"Oh, Emma's just playing in the sand and--"   
"Out here in California."   
Rachel hesitated for a moment. She wasn't sure she should be talking about this with Monica's Mother. She stuttered for a second before she started making up a story about how she needed a medical exam by a specialist, and Monica and Chandler had been kind enough to come with her. It was partly true, anyway. She didn't want Judy to ask what the exam was for, so she made sure to sound really emotional and private about it.   
They both turned when they heard a yell from the house. They saw Bridget wave at them and waved back.   
"Looks like they're back" Judy said.   
"Yeah, looks that way" Rachel agreed. "Did you hear that Emma?" she said and turned to look at the child. "Emma?" Emma wasn't there. "Emma! Oh God, Emma? Emma where are you?"   
"Wait a minute, Emma's not here?" Judy asked worriedly.   
"Well she's got to be around here somewhere… I only turned my back at her for a minute, she can't have gone anywhere! Emma?"   
Back at the house Monica walked out on the balcony with Francesca and frowned when she saw her Mother and Rachel out on the beach. They seemed to be looking for something. They both looked really nervous.   
"I wonder what's with all the commotion down at the beach" she said to Bridget. "Stay here sweetie, I'm gonna go find out."   
She walked down on the beach and towards Judy and Rachel. She was still holding Francesca and when she thought about that she realized that she couldn't see Emma anywhere.   
"Damn it, did Rachel let her go in the water?" she muttered. "What's going on?" she asked when she reached the two women.   
"Okay, Monica please don't hate me!" Rachel began.   
"What's this about?" Monica asked, getting scared. "And where's Emma? Where is she Rachel?"   
"She is **just** nearby!" Rachel said.   
"Well where?" Monica asked. "I can't see her anywhere!" She called out Emma's name once and then waited a few seconds before she called out again. "Emma! Come here, come to Mommy!" She turned to Rachel, starting to feel panic coming creeping. "She's not coming!"   
"Monica she's got to be here, she's got to!" Rachel said.   
"You mean you don't know?"   
"I just… turned away for a second and then she was gone!"   
"Oh my God!" Monica cried.   
"Dad, something's going on down at the beach" Bridget said inside the house to Chandler, who just entered with Jack and Anthony.   
"Oh yeah?" Chandler said. "Are the lifeguards running?"   
"No, Mommy is looking angry or something, and I can see Grandma' and Rachel but not Emma."   
Chandler figured Rachel had probably let Emma go in the water, and Monica was furious about it. He hurried down on the beach, followed by his father-in-law, to get Emma out of the water and get Monica to calm down. But when he got closer he realized that no one was keeping a lookout for any child in the water, and he couldn't see anyone looking like his daughter anywhere in the water.   
"What's going on?" he asked, reaching Monica who was starting to panic.   
"Emma's gone!" she cried.   
"What?"   
"She's gone, she's gone, she doesn't come when I call out for her, she's gone!"   
"Emma!" Chandler yelled, hoping Emma would hear him and come running.   
Francesca burst out crying, scared by her Mother's fear, and that made Monica start to cry as well. Rachel was looking all around, scared to death that she had just lost her best friend's child.   
"She's not here, where is she?" Monica sobbed.   
"Shit, this is terrible!" Chandler said, then he noticed Jack. "You came down here too? Then who's at the house with Bridget and Anthony?"   
"You left them alone?" Monica yelled.   
"Rachel, go up to the house and stay with them" Chandler told Rachel.   
"No!" Monica protested. "Not her! Mom, you go."   
Rachel stared at Monica as Judy hurried off to the house. She didn't know if Monica had told her not to go just as a reflex or not, but she thought she knew that Monica didn't trust her to baby-sit at the moment.   
"Guys, I just turned away for a **second!**" she said, ready to start crying too.   
"Chandler out baby is missing!" Monica cried.   
"Calm down, we have to think!" Chandler said.   
Monica didn't protest but didn't seem to calm down much either. She hugged Francesca tighter and watched Jack start to call out for Emma and ask people if they had seen if she had walked off and in that case in what direction.   
"What if she's been kidnapped?" Monica cried.   
"Or even worse…" Chandler said.   
"What could **possibly** be worse than kidnapped?" Monica asked. Then she followed his look and realized that he was thinking she could have walked in the water and drowned. "Oh God!"   
"We need to think, and we need to think fast!" Chandler said. "Rachel you hurry to the nearest lifeguard tower and ask for help! Monica, you go inside with Francesca, and stay by the phone in case someone calls."   
"Who would call?" Monica angrily asked.   
"I'll go get your Dad and we'll take his car and drive along the beach, looking for her" Chandler said, ignoring her question. He was getting very scared.   
"But you can't go the same way, what if you go one way and she walked the other?" Monica asked.   
"If Rachel had her back turned when Emma walked off it must mean Emma walked that way" Chandler said and pointed. "Otherwise Rachel would have seen her."   
"Chandler what if she's walked off the beach and up among the houses?" Monica asked. "If she starts walking around in the town we're never ever going to find her!"   
"Don't say that" Chandler said and pulled her as close as he could with the child in the way. "Don't ever say that."   
"Chandl--"   
"Just go up to the house with Francesca, stay with Bridget, Anthony and your Mom, the lifeguards will probably come talk to you and they will help us out, okay?"   
"No, I can't just sit around, I have to help looking!"   
"What if she comes back home?" Chandler asked. "One of us should be there, to call the other one. I've got my cell phone, I'll call you if I hear anything and you do the same." He gave her a kiss and placed one on Francesca's head, and then called out to Jack. "Okay, now go back to the house" he said to Monica, and then hurried off with Jack to drive along the beach in search for Emma.   
  
  
"Where is she, where is she?" Monica asked, trying her very best not to lose control. It had been over an hour and Emma hadn't been found.   
"I'm taking Bridget and Anthony upstairs" Judy said and led the children to the stairs. "I think it's better for them."   
"No, Mom, stay, I need you down here!"   
"Rachel, will you take them up?" Judy asked.   
"No!" Monica said. "No, not Rachel."   
"Look, I am **sorry** Monica!" Rachel said, with new tears falling down her cheeks.   
"She can't lose them in the house Monica" Judy pointed out.   
"I'm just scared, okay?" Monica said. "If anything happens to Emma, if anything happens to the other three--"   
"But it won't!" Judy said.   
"How do we know?" Monica asked, barely able to see through her tears. "Christ, Emma could already be gone for good, she could be in the hands of some lunatic, she cold even be sold off to someone! By tomorrow she could be in **Yemen** for crying out loud! Anyone could have taken her anywhere! She could be drowned, road killed, hurt! My baby girl is missing and we may never get to see her again!"   
"Monica please, please calm down!" Rachel begged, getting more scared with each minute.   
"And why hasn't Chandler called? Why hasn't the phone rang?" Monica went on. "What if Chandler found her but he doesn't want to call me because he found her **dead!**"   
"This is not going to do any good!" Judy said firmly. "Listen honey, I know how scared you are, but you have got to pull yourself together. For all of your children's sake."   
"I came so close to losing my little boy this winter, I can't handle losing one of my girls!" Monica said, and sunk down on the couch sobbing.   
"Sweetie, Dad and Chandler are out there looking for her, they won't come back until they've found her" Judy said.   
"Of course they will!" Monica said. "Sooner or later they'll have to, even if they don't find her. She is so sweet my little girl, and God I have neglected her!"   
"Monica you have done no such thing!" Rachel said.   
"Yes I have! I have! I've been so focused on Anthony and Francesca that I've completely neglected Bridget and Emma! She's so precious, she is so much like her Father, she has always been such a wonderful daughter…"   
Monica hid her face in her hands and cried. She looked up when she felt a small hand on her leg and saw Bridget by her side. Bridget crawled up next to her on the couch and Monica pulled her into her lap, hugging her tight.   
"Thank God I have you sweetie…" she mumbled through her tears. "You're my little pillar of strength…"   
Bridget let herself be hugged even though her Mother was hugging her a bit too tight. She knew she was helping her Mother out the most by just being quiet and being there for Monica to hold. Monica slowly stopped crying and glanced over at the phone. She wished it would call, that she would at least get to hear Chandler's voice to comfort her. But she knew he probably didn't have the time to stop and make phone calls, and he needed just as much support as she, she was not going to allow him to forget about his own emotions just to be strong for her. He had done that enough times already. She slowly rocked back and forth and kissed Bridget on the top of her head. She noticed that her Mother was sitting in an armchair with Anthony in her arms. Francesca was asleep again, upstairs. Monica lifted Bridget up and rose.   
"Come here…" she said. "Let's go upstairs you and I."   
"I'm coming with you" Rachel said. "You and I need to talk."   
"I don't want to talk right now Rachel."   
"No I realize that, but we do need to talk."   
"You don't get it!" Monica said, getting upset again. "My baby girl is missing, she's missing and she was **your** responsibility to look after this afternoon! I don't know if I have the right to blame this all on you, but right now I'll probably end up doing just that if I'm around you much longer, and then I'm gonna be spending ages hating myself for it! So I'm just gonna do us both a favor and go upstairs where you're not."   
"Monica I'm so sorry" Rachel said, starting to cry again.   
"Sorry changes nothing!"   
The phone rang and Monica quickly put Bridget down and grabbed the phone.   
"Chandler?" she said when answering.   
"Has she come back to the house Mon?" Chandler asked on the other end.   
"You haven't found her" Monica said and started to cry again.   
"No" Chandler said, taking deep breaths to try and calm down. He hated hearing Monica cry.   
"Chandler bring her back!" Monica sobbed.   
"Your Dad and I are looking everywhere, but it's a pretty long beach!"   
"How far could she have gotten?"   
"We don't know, we can't drive very fast, we don't want to miss her" Chandler said. "And now we've run out of road so we have to walk."   
"Chandler she has to come home again" Monica sobbed. "There's nothing I wouldn't do! I would gladly let you father enough children to let Rachel have a whole day-care full, if only I get my daughter back…" She knew it was a ridiculous thing to say to him, he had no control of whether or not Emma would come back. But she wanted to say it out loud anyway. "Just as long as Emma comes back…"   
"Honey I am going to find her, I won't give up okay?" Chandler said. Monica could hear his voice trembling. "I have to go now."   
"Chandler wait, just one more thing!" Monica said. "I just want you to know that… If you don't find her… if you can't find her… I won't hold anything against you. Please don't feel like you have to find her or I'll hate you forever. I know you're doing everything you can."   
"Thank you. I love you."   
He hung up the phone and followed Jack down on the beach. He called out Emma's name a couple of times but he was starting to feel like it was useless. It had been an hour. She could be anywhere by now. The lifeguards had gone in the opposite direction with photos of Emma but they hadn't found anything either. But it gave him an idea.   
"Jack!" he yelled.   
Jack turned and walked back to him. Chandler had gotten out his wallet and was searching through it until he found what he was looking for.   
"Here" he said, handing Jack a picture. "This is a picture of Emma on her sixth birthday. Show it to people."   
Jack nodded and hurried off. Chandler got out a recent photo of her for himself and started asking around for her. But after fifteen minutes he was starting to feel like it was useless. He had no way of knowing how long the people he asked had been at the beach, if they had been there long enough to have seen her.   
"Excuse me, have you seen my little girl?" he asked someone for the umpteenth time. "Her name's Emma, she's, she's wearing a purple bathing suit with a checkered sundress over it, and, and a straw hat? Please, have you seen her?"   
The man he asked shook his head and said he was sorry. Chandler felt ready to give up, this was going nowhere. He couldn't just walk around like this, asking people for help when he knew it wasn't likely anyone had seen Emma and remembered her. He went over to the next person he saw, a teenager sitting alone on a towel.   
"Hi, excuse me, have you seen my daughter?" he asked the teenage boy. "This is what she looks like" he said, showing the guy Emma's photo.   
"Nope, sorry man."   
Chandler walked towards the next towel he saw, but stopped halfway there and closed his eyes hard. He opened them again and realized he was giving up, which scared him very much. He couldn't give up.   
"Has anyone seen my little girl?" he yelled, to anyone who was interested in listening. He turned and saw someone who looked like a lifeguard hurry up to him.   
"Sir, are you looking for a young girl?" the man asked.   
"Yes, have you seen her?" Chandler asked, desperate to find out anything he could. "Here, this is my daughter's photo" he added, showing the man Emma's picture. "Her name's Emma, she's wearing a purple bathing suit with a, a checkered sundress over it. And a straw hat."   
"I don't know about the hat, but yeah it sounds like the girl we found."   
"Oh thank you so much, thank **God!**" Chandler said and put his fingers to his mouth and whistled. He whistled again and got Jack's attention and waved him over. He hoped it would be the right girl, he didn't know what he would do if it turned out to be some other lost little child.   
  
  
"Emma?" Chandler said, storming in to the lifeguard headquarters with Jack in his trail.   
He saw her immediately, she was sitting on a desk with a man in a police uniform standing next to her. Just like the lifeguard had said her hat was missing, and she was crying hysterically, but she seemed to be okay. Chandler walked over and lifted her up.   
"Oh thank God…" he said, kissing her all over. "Thank goodness you're all right. I was so worried about you Emma, I thought I'd lost you."   
He stroke her over the head and pulled her two braids away from her face, talking soothingly to her. Her crying ceased a lot, and she went over from her loud cries to more complaining and stubborn ones.   
"Yeah, you look like the Father all right" the policeman said. "Never seen a girl look more like her Dad. But just to make sure we have to test you, we can't let you walk out with her unless we're sure you're the Father."   
Chandler nodded and reached out his arm. The lifeguard took a quick blood test and ran it through a machine that determined such things as paternity in a minute. They had already taken blood from Emma when they'd found her, which was one of the reasons why she was crying so hard. The other reasons were that she was scared, she had been scared of what would happen to her and what her parents would say.   
"And who are you?" the policeman asked Jack while waiting for the machine to prove that Chandler was Emma's Father.   
"The girl is my daughter-daughter" Jack said.   
"Don't tell me," the policeman said with rolling eyes, "this is the joined-effort-during-crisis thing that finally makes you and the son-in-law friends?"   
"No, I don't have any problems with my daughter's husband" Jack said, annoyed with the policeman.   
"Man I wish my pops-in-law was like that" the lifeguard said. He then turned to Chandler. "Okay, you're free to go, just sign these forms here."   
Chandler signed them without putting Emma down and then turned to leave. He wanted to get back to the house as soon as possible.   
"Should we call Monica?" Jack asked.   
"No, it's no use, we'll be home soon enough anyway" Chandler said.   
"When we get home make sure to tell your children, **especially** Emma, how important it is to not walk off like that" Jack said.   
"Jack, right now I'm just thankful that I have my little girl back, that the scare of my life was nothing more than a scare, I don't want to tell her off I just want to hold her" Chandler said and walked out to the car.   
Chandler knew Monica would get furious with him, but he ignored the seatbelt when he got into the passenger seat. He didn't want to let Emma out of his arms and he wouldn't be able to get the seatbelt on with her in his lap. Emma held on to him as hard as she could, and slowly stopped crying when her Dad only seemed to be thankful that he'd found her, and not mad that she had walked off on the beach.   
At first the thought of what would happen if she didn't find her parents again had been what had frightened most, but when the lifeguard had found her and taken her to a place where she could be safe she had almost gone hysterical worrying about how angry her parents would be. They always told her and her siblings that they could never walk off somewhere on their own, and she remembered the time Anthony had gone out of their Father's sight at the mall. Chandler had been very mad and told him off for walking off like that. And Anthony had only gone into the toy store, Emma had walked off on the beach. But her Dad didn't seem angry with her now.   
Once they got back to the house Chandler managed to get out of the car without letting her go, even if it wasn't very easy. She held on to him like she would get lost again if he put her down, and he was just thankful to have her back so he didn't really want to let go of her either even though she was getting heavy. He walked inside followed by Jack, and realized how emotionally worn out he was.   
"Monica!" he called out, sounding more tired than in a long while. "I have her!"   
Monica came running down the stairs faster than he thought was possible, crying hysterically, and almost forcefully grabbed Emma and moved her over to her own arms instead. Emma started to cry again, mainly because her Mother was crying.   
"Oh sweetie" Monica sobbed. "Come here honey, are you okay? Oh God, I was so worried, so worried, don't you **ever** do anything like this again! Are you okay? You're not hurt are you? Please honey don't be hurt, please be okay! I was worried to death, if you ever do something like this again…"   
She sat down on the couch, holding Emma close and talking nonstop. Chandler sunk down next to them and put one arm around Monica's shoulders and the other around Emma's back, pulling the two of them close. Emma was happy to be back in her Mother's arms, but at the same time she wanted to be back in Chandler's. She noticed that Monica was telling her off in the middle of her monologue about how worried she had been and how much she loved her. And even though she knew she deserved it, she still felt afraid of getting told off. And since Chandler hadn't said anything along those lines she wanted to go back to his arms.   
All three of them looked up when Bridget crawled into Chandler's lap and gave her sister a hug. Chandler realized that she and Anthony must have worried too, especially Bridget who was old enough to at least partly understand what was going on. Anthony just knew that one of his sisters was missing and that his parents were very upset about it. Chandler saw him standing a few feet away together with Judy, and he told him to come over. Anthony slowly walked over and crawled up next to Monica.   
"I hate this mushy crap…" Judy muttered. She quieted when Jack gave her a firm, angry look.   
Rachel looked at them and felt relieved. Not only because Emma was back safe and sound and that meant Rachel could stop feeling guilty a lot sooner, but because things were back to normal. And the sight of the almost complete family made her even more sure that she had done the right thing bringing Chandler and Monica with her to LA. She wanted Chandler to be her baby's father, not because she was in love with him but because she wanted a good father for her child. She nearly started laughing when she realized that just ten years earlier she couldn't for her life have pictured Chandler as a good father, or even a father at all. And now she wanted him to be her baby's father. Things really did changed a lot sometimes.   
  
  
Monica tucked Bridget in and gave her a kiss goodnight. She turned the lights off and left her room, almost colliding with Chandler who was carrying Emma. Emma had been very parent-sick since what had happened earlier in the day, and Chandler was more than happy to carry her around. So was Monica, but she had been busy with the other three children, putting them to bed and taking care of Francesca.   
"She's asleep" Chandler whispered.   
"I don't think she'll sleep very well tonight" Monica said with a worried frown. "She's been through a rough day, she'll probably have nightmares."   
"I know" Chandler said. "Listen, why don't we just put her on the couch downstairs until we're ready to go to bed, that way she'll have us right there if she wakes up."   
"Yeah, good idea" Monica said.   
They walked downstairs and Chandler carefully put Emma down on the couch. Monica pulled a blanket over her. Rachel entered from the kitchen and looked at them for a second before she said anything.   
"Hey guys…" she said.   
"Hey" Monica and Chandler said in one voice. Chandler then nodded at the sleeping Emma.   
"Oh" Rachel said. "Better be quiet then."   
"Actually, maybe we should go to the next room" Chandler said. "And talk about this whole sperm donation thing."   
"You want to talk about it?" Rachel said, trying to hide her excitement. This could only mean one thing.   
"Yes…" Chandler said. "See, I've been trying so hard to find a valid reason to say no to you. I mean, I know that I don't honestly need a reason, but I wanted to give you one."   
"And now?" Rachel said.   
"What happened today really made me realize something" Chandler said.   
Monica shuddered and thought about what she had said to him over the phone. She glanced at Emma and decided that she stood by what she had said. If Chandler having a child with Rachel was what she had to pay to have Emma back she would gladly pay it, even though it would be hard for her.   
"I nearly lost one of my daughters today, one of my children" Chandler said. "And I have only been so terrified once before in my life. And that was when I thought I'd lost Monica, right before I proposed to her. Monica is my whole life, and she always has been, ever since we first fell in love."   
"I know" Rachel said. "And I've always admired your devotion for her."   
"I know I can't lose Monica. But I can't lose my children either."   
"Honey you didn't lose her" Monica gently said.   
"Yeah I know, but I realized something today" Chandler repeated. "You see, I realized that I came so close to not getting to see one of my children grow up. All I could think about when I was out searching was that Emma would grow up somewhere were I wasn't there. I could never be comfortable knowing I had a child out there somewhere that I couldn't be there with during the rest of his or her life. And that's why I just can't be your sperm donator Rachel."   
"But Chandler you would be there. You can be as much part of the baby's life as you want to, and you can too Monica!" Rachel said.   
"Look, I can't!" Chandler said. "It wouldn't work that way. I would either have to give up on that baby or on the four I already have. I would probably be there for your child's birth, but not for his or her first roll over, first word, first step, first **anything**. Except for maybe first driving lesson or the first time he or she wanted money. Ross has missed out on so much of Ben's life, Ben is almost fifteen years old and I've spent more time with Bridget than Ross has with Ben. I don't want that for me. I wouldn't be able to get any peace if I knew that I had an infant out there that I never got to comfort in the middle of the night, or simply be there for every first thing. Or a child at any age for that matter. So I would have to stay with you to get to experience all of the stages, but then I would miss out on the other children's lives. I would have to make a choice, between the child you would have and the four children I have with Monica. And I wouldn't be able to feel good about myself, it would just be a no-win situation."   
"Chandler come on, it wouldn't have to be that way" Rachel said.   
"But it would. The only other alternative would be you living with Monica and me, and that just wouldn't work. That kind of thing might work out in a TV show, not in real life. So it's a no Rachel, I cannot be your baby's Father, I'm sorry."   
Rachel nodded slowly.   
"Okay then… I'm not gonna push you anymore… You have full right to say no, and I guess it was a long shot anyway."   
"Rach…" Monica said, and walked over to her. "Look, I know you want a baby as soon as you can possibly have one… But give it a year first, give yourself a chance to get over Boris and your situation with him. This whole thing is premature anyway, it would be foolish of you to get pregnant now anyway."   
She gave Rachel a hug and Chandler sensed that he wasn't needed at the moment, so he took the opportunity to go wash up and brush his teeth.   
"You've been against this from the start" Rachel said once she and Monica were alone. "Is this the reason why?"   
"Which do you mean?" Monica asked. "That it's too soon or that Chandler would miss out on his child's childhood?"   
"Both I guess."   
"I wish I could say I were that noble" Monica said and broke the hug. "But in actuality it's just jealousy."   
"Jealousy? But Monica, you already have four children with him, plus I wouldn't ever want to take your place in his life!"   
"That's not what my jealousy was about" Monica said. "After Francesca and the complications when I had her, the chances of me being able to conceive again are so small that they hardly exist. And I'm not saying I want another baby, four is enough for me. And I haven't even been sad about the whole thing to tell you the truth. Until you came and asked Chandler to be your baby's Father."   
"I'm not following…" Rachel said.   
"I know it's going to sound so stupid…" Monica said. "But… You were able to have a child with him. While I was not anymore. You could give him something that I couldn't, and as I said, I don't want anymore children. But knowing that I couldn't give him one more while you could, that's what made me so against this whole thing… Not that it didn't bother me that you would be the Mother of his child. But I think I could live with that. And that's also why I've been keeping a distance to you, I haven't felt like I've had the right to feel the way I have. And I have hated myself for it…"   
"I'm sorry" Rachel said. "Trust me honey, I never wanted to take your place. It wasn't about that. I just wanted my child's father to be someone I knew and loved, even if it wasn't romantic love. And someone who was a great parent. Chandler's the best father I know of and I love him, even if I'm not **in** love with him. He just the best candidate I could imagine. Plus, you have such great children, I figured he must have some quite nice genes."   
Monica chuckled at that comment and gave Rachel another hug.   
"Just do me one favor…" she said. "With this whole baby thing… festina lente."   
"Will do" Rachel said. "Even though time is running out for me… But you know, I really think you're right. I might be forty years old, but I'm not ready to be a mother."   
"Why do you say that all of a sudden?"   
"I lost Emma today. Look what happened when you left me with her for just thirty minutes! How could I take care of an infant?"   
"Rachel… We don't blame you, okay? It doesn't matter who's fault it was, she's home now and that's all that I care about."   
"I know. But I just don't think I'd dare to take the responsibility of a mother yet."   
Monica nodded, not knowing what else to say.   
  
  
An hour later Monica took her robe off and placed the baby monitor on her nightstand. She hoped Francesca would sleep through the night, but she knew it was a useless wish. She would probably have to get up at least once during the night.   
Chandler entered, carrying Emma who was drowsy. He caught Monica's look and silently told her that he wanted to let Emma sleep with them tonight. Monica smiled at him and nodded.   
"In case she has bad dreams" she said, guessing that was why.   
"Uh-hu. And because I don't really like letting her out of sight at the moment" Chandler added.   
He put Emma down in the middle of the bed, and Monica noticed that she was in her pajamas. Emma made a complaining noise when he let go of her, but she was too tired to complain. Monica just hoped she wouldn't get too clingy in the future. Chandler began taking his clothes off and Monica got into bed next to Emma. Chandler put a t-shirt on to sleep in and turned the lights off. Then he got into bed as well.   
Emma squinted and looked from one of them to the other. She felt safe lying in-between her parents like she always did when she woke up from bad dreams and came to their bedroom for comfort. Her Mother gave her a kiss on the forehead and her Father put his arm around her.   
"We used to sleep with you between us like this when you were a baby" Monica whispered to her.   
"I'm not a baby" Emma whispered.   
"We know" Chandler said. "But that won't stop us from treating you like one."   
Emma mumbled something and then fell asleep. Monica and Chandler just looked at each other for a long time. Then Chandler got out of bed and walked over to her side. She lifted the covers for him and he lay down on top of her. They started to kiss, deeper and deeper. They didn't say a word, they just kept kissing for a long time. Not until Monica looked like she was about to fall asleep did Chandler get out of the bed and walked over to his own side. It didn't take them long to fall asleep. They both woke up twice when Emma had nightmares, and the second time Francesca started to cry almost immediately after they woke up. Monica got out of bed and went to check on the baby. Chandler pulled Emma closer so she was lying with him as a mattress, like he used to hold the children when they were babies. It seemed to calm Emma down.   
"It was the hat" she said after a while.   
"What sweetie?" Chandler asked.   
"The hat. The hat blew off. So I ran after it to catch it. But it blew too fast. And then there was a man selling ice-cream, and I ran up to his cart. But I didn't have anyone to buy me one. And then I realized I was lost."   
"It's okay honey…"   
"Dad? Are you and Mom mad at me?"   
"For walking away like that?"   
"Yes?"   
"No we're not mad. But we have never been more afraid in our entire lives, except for when Anthony was the most sick. That's why we always tell you never to walk off with strangers or just walk off on your own. We're afraid you'll walk too far away and then we'll lose you."   
"I'm really sorry."   
"Don't worry about it. I'm not angry and Mom isn't either."   
Emma nodded. She was becoming more attached to Chandler. She had always been more attached to Monica, but earlier that day she had noticed how her Mother had been more angry-upset than her Dad, who seemed to just be worried-upset.   
Monica came back and yawned big. She crawled back into bed and rolled over to them and put her arm around Emma. She put her head on Chandler's shoulder and went back to sleep. Emma soon fell asleep too, but Chandler couldn't at first. He kept thinking about what the night would have been like if Emma hadn't been found. He shuddered and did his best to stop thinking about it.   
  
  
"And we didn't even go to Disneyland…" Chandler said to Monica the night before they were flying back to New York.   
They were busy packing everything and Monica looked up at him with a confused look on her face.   
"What?"   
"We never went to Disneyland."   
"You want to go there with a seven-month old baby?" she asked.   
"No… But I was just saying."   
"Yeah right" Monica said with a grin. "Admit it, you would have loved leaving Francesca here with me while you took the other three to Disneyland. Just remember though that you wouldn't be able to go on Splash Mountain, Matterhorn, Thunder Mountain or Space Mountain… Not with small children."   
"The Dumbo ride was always my favorite" Chandler said.   
Monica laughed and playfully threw a bathing suit on him. He picked it up and looked at it with a playful grin on his face.   
"Now how come I never saw you wear this?" he asked.   
"Because I'm such a pain-in-the-ass mother that I wouldn't let the children go swimming, and after Emma's episode I was scared to even take them down to the beach to play" Monica said.   
"So wear it for me now."   
"My yellow bathing suit? Does that turn you on? A one-piece, canary yellow bathing suit?" Monica said skeptically.   
"Well, if you have something in the string bikini area that I haven't seen you in…" Chandler said suggestively.   
"Hey, wait a second!" Monica said. "Put some swimsuit on and meet me downstairs in five minutes. Oh, and bring towels."   
"A late night swim?" Chandler asked.   
"You know I'm not going near the ocean" Monica said, and left with her bathing suit.   
  
  
Five minutes later Chandler came downstairs, wearing a swimsuit and a robe, carrying Monica's robe and a pair of towels. He found a note with his name on it on the coffee table and picked it up.   
"Meet me out back" he read.   
He walked out on the balcony and looked to his right, then his left. He heard a noise and walked to the left. He turned around the corner and saw Monica. She was in her bathing suit, sitting in a Jacuzzi. Or more correctly, she was turned to face him with her arms resting on the side of the Jacuzzi and her chin resting against his arms. She smiled seducingly and Chandler grinned.   
"You didn't know that this place had a Jacuzzi?" she asked him. "Rachel said we could use it…"   
"Excellent" Chandler grinned.   
He took his robe off and put it in a small pile together with her robe and the towels and then went around the Jacuzzi and got in, humming the theme from 'Jaws'. Monica grinned and turned to face him. He got up to her and they started kissing. Monica wrapped her arms and legs around him and he ran his hands through her hair. She had gotten another haircut right before they had left New York, by now her hair was by her shoulders. He loved it, it was something new, and it reminded him of when they had gotten together. She could feel how aroused he was and she felt happy that even after having four children she could still make him feel that way with hardly any effort at all.   
"I've never made love in a pool before" she whispered after breaking the kisses, and gently nibbled his earlobe.   
"Well then we're going to have to do something about that, aren't we?" Chandler mumbled back, and began taking her bathing suit off.   
"In fact…" Monica said. "I've never even been naked in a pool before."   
"Luckily I have a way to change both those things right here not now" Chandler said huskily and lifted her far enough over the water to be able to suck on her breasts.   
When she moaned and put her hands around his head he took a deep breath and lowered her down again, so that he had his head under water. When he lifted his head back up for more air she gave him a hot kiss and he kissed her back passionately. He loved kissing her when they were both wet, even though he wasn't very fond of sex in the shower in general. But this was different. Everything around him aroused him, the temperature in the air and in the water, the sound of the crickets, the pale moonlight and the light from the pool lamps. He went back down under water and found her breasts. Monica reached out her hand and found the switch that started the bubbles, she had left them off until now. She grinned and pressed the button. Chandler came back up to the surface at once and gave her a look. Monica giggled and splashed water at him.   
"Okay I'll get you for that one…" Chandler said and Monica dove under the surface, starting a chasing game between them.   
  
  
All of those memories came back to Monica in just a few seconds while she listened to Emma talking about her closeness with her Father. It had been the incident at the beach that had brought them closer, Monica had never figured out exactly how, but she had noticed how ever since Emma would sooner turn to Chandler than to her. It didn't bother Monica all that much, it gave her less to handle when one of the children turned to Chandler instead of her. And she was happy that one of her children felt so close to him.   
"Okay, I guess that's pretty much what I have to say about my Father" Emma said. "At least as far as his job as a parent goes. I'm pretty much like him, and one of the things I have from him is that I'm not too comfortable sharing my emotions with the crowd. My Dad always used to say that it's not very important that the whole world knows how you feel about someone, as long as the person you feel something for knows. And I think he knows what he meant to me and how much I loved him. And still do love him. And I did have this whole long speech ready where I would talk about him and about how I love him. But I just changed my mind, I'm not going to talk about that anymore. What I want to talk about instead, is how odd I think it is that my Mother wasn't asked to say anything here today. Not that I'm so sure she would even if she were asked, she and my Dad said everything they needed to say to each other before he died. And when it comes to him, she's not too interested in sharing everything with everyone either. But I still think that someone should at least have asked her. Nobody knows my Dad better than my Mom, sometimes I would even wonder if they were two people or one. They didn't seem to be able to keep anything secret from each other, and they didn't seem to want to either. I know, it sounds like I'm talking about some made up romantic couple in a book, who were just meant to be. But they weren't like this at first, like everyone else they had their problems and their ups and downs. But unlike most people they didn't give up. They used the hard times and turned them into something good. With every crisis they faced they came out stronger on the other side. Whenever my husband and I are in a tough spot I just think back at my parents and I act as I think they would have. Mom says I have that from my Father, the thing about refusing to give up. But my Mother can be insanely stubborn herself. Either way, my parents have saved my marriage more times than I can count, and I don't even think they know it. Most people say that love burns out sooner or later, if you're with someone long enough you'll stop being in love. But you'll be so attached to one another that you'll stay together. Well my parents were in love, are in love. I know my Mother is in love with my Father, and I know that wherever he is he loves her too. But they've taught me something else, that love doesn't have to be at first sight to be the kind that lasts forever. That's one of the most valuable lessons they've taught me. But I'm not here to promote my parents' marriage. All I'm really trying to say is, that nobody cared for him like she does, and there was no one he loved more than her. So she should be the one standing here, talking about him. Not me or my siblings, even though we love him very much too. She's the only one who truly knew him all together."   
  
  
Monica had always pictured rain on this day, the day that she would bury her husband next to the children she had survived. But the sun was shining when she, the children and their families, and Joey stayed behind for the actual funeral service. The men in the family carried the coffin but that didn't make Monica feel any certain way. Chandler and her had seen enough people be lowered into the ground, she had discovered a long time ago that things like who carried the coffin was just a small detail. But standing there with one child on each side of her to hold her up, watching the coffin with his dead body be lowered in the ground, she understood for the first time what it was like to actually die inside.   
She had felt as if part of her died when she had been through this with her children, but it was nothing like the feeling inside of her now. It felt as if someone had ripped away half of her body and an even larger part of her soul. And she almost hated him for it. Why did she have to love him so much that even after fifty-two years of marriage it felt as if they were newlyweds? Why did he have to be the first one to go? She was on her own for the first time in fifty-five years, and it was a terrifying realization. She didn't want to be on her own. She didn't feel free. She would only be free if he was there with her. She remembered the day before their wedding, they had spent most of it just lying together on the couch, enjoying the closeness. And she had joked and said that he should enjoy his last day of freedom. And he had replied, dead serious, that he wouldn't be free until the next day when they were married. Then he would finally be free from his fears of commitment and of dying alone, as well as his fears of never loving and being loved and of never having a family. That would be freedom.   
Monica gently squeezed Emma's arm that was holding hers on Monica's left side. Emma was sobbing uncontrollably, she seemed to be taking it much harder than her siblings. Monica didn't even notice the tears falling down her own cheeks, she was used to them falling by now.   
"Hey…" she whispered to Emma. "He would be so proud of you. What you said in your speech was beautiful."   
Emma nodded and swallowed hard. She tried her best to pull herself together. Monica leaned a bit closer and talked as low as she could without whispering, since whispering hurt her throat.   
"Don't hold anything back" she said. "Cry all you want to. Self control and that kind of stuff, throw that out the window. It's important to get to cry when you feel you need to, when somebody dies you should never try and save your tears."   
"You've been saying the exact opposite during this week" Emma whispered.   
"There's nothing shameful about crying by your Father's grave" Monica said.   
"Or your husband's" Emma said.   
Monica nodded. She didn't have much strength to cry though. It was too hard. She cried inside instead, cried and screamed out her pain. Grieving was mostly something she did in private, with him. Even if it in this case meant inside her head. She had been able to keep her tears at bay almost completely today, until she had seen him. Once the memorial service was over she had been led up to his casket and she had taken a long last look at him. Her tears had started falling and they hadn't stopped since. She almost wished she hadn't seen him, she didn't want to see him for the last time like that. But at the same time she felt like she needed closure. She knew that was something she would never get, but seeing him in death at least made the process easier. And morticians did a fine job these days, you could hardly tell it was a dead person lying in the coffin.   
Monica had lifted up his left hand to her mouth and kissed it, feeling how cold and lifeless it was. She had then kissed his wedding band, the one she had once engraved with the words 'With this ring, my soul', words that she had often looked back on as tacky but that she knew he had loved. And she had then held that hand until she had been forced to back away when they were closing the casket.   
When the first shovels of dirt fell on the coffin she gently untangled herself from her children's arms. They didn't protest, they just put their arms around her waist instead. She grabbed her left hand with her right and let her fingers feel the wedding ring on her own finger. She looked at her eleven year-old grandson Jake standing close to her, and then she looked down on the ground.   
"Jake" she said. He looked up at her. "Do granny a favor and pick one of those daises for me, okay?"   
Jake nodded and picked the finest one he could find. He handed it to her solemnly.   
"Here you go" he said.   
"Thank you sweetheart."   
She lifted the flower to her lips and kissed it. She counted the petals and smiled. If she had played the old 'Loves me, loves me not' game she would have ended up with a petal saying that he loved her. She walked closer to the open grave, feeling her children trying to hold her back. They were probably scared she would fall into the grave, and for a second she really felt like she wouldn't mind. She wasn't very interested in living anyway. But she dismissed the thought and reached her hand out over the open grave. She let go of the daisy and it fell down along with another shovel of dust.   
"Did Grandpa like daisies?" Jake asked.   
"Yes" Monica said.   
Jake picked up a daisy too and threw it in. Monica smiled and felt better. Jake went up to her instead of going to his Mother, and hugged her. She hugged him back and thought about how strange it was. The once so commitment fearing man she had been across the hall neighbors with now had a large family with children, grandchildren and even great grandchildren who would miss him very much. He had never had a family as a child, but as an adult he'd had one. Monica felt lucky to be the one who got to give him all of that.   
She twirled the ring on her finger again and thought about the engraved words. Chandler had engraved it with 'In this twosome you'll never be lonesome', something Bridget had often frowned at because she didn't find it the least bit romantic. But to Monica it was romantic, mainly because it had been what he wanted her to know and never forget. And she had never been lonesome in their twosome. But now she was on her own.   
  
  
  
  
Review please. Constructive criticism is always welcome, and so is anything good you might have to say about the fic. If you're reading this at fic.net you can either leave a review below or mail me ([annapanna__@hotmail.com][1], with 2 underlines) and if you're reading this at Ashlee's site you can also send me an e-mail.   
  
  


   [1]: mailto:annapanna__@hotmail.com



	4. Chapter 4, 1st half

For Better For Worse Part 4   
  


**For Better, For Worse (4)**

  
  
  
First of all, sorry this has taken so long, but my keyboard isn't working as it should, which makes writing hard =). This part is a bit different from the previous parts, since it only has two main plotlines instead of several. Hopefully though it's still worth reading. I think it goes without saying that the "Friends" characters don't belong to me, but to NBC and Bright, Kauffman & Crane. And thanks to Tracey for proof-reading most of it for me, I haven't had the time to read through it myself and your comments were quite helpful =).   
  
  
  
"I've never understood why you have receptions at funerals" Monica said to Joey during the funeral reception. "I mean… What's there to celebrate?"   
"I don't know…" Joey said. "The fact that so many people have the love for somebody in common?"   
"I think that's wedding receptions" Monica said. "It's just gross to have a party when somebody dies."   
"Well it's not really a very fun party" Joey said. "How many happy faces do you see in this room?"   
Monica nodded slowly. She was quiet for a minute and almost forgot Joey was there.   
"You know Joe…" she then said. "Rachel's not here… It's such a shame. It makes me wonder, which one of you and me will have a funeral with no one from our gang present? Maybe both of us will. Who knows whether or not the one who survives the other will be well enough to go?"   
"Phoebs was the only one who had all of us there" Joey said. "But actually, I think that the last one of us to go will have everyone there too. In fact, I think the only one who's not here today is Rachel."   
"No, it's only you and me here" Monica said. "Ross and Phoebe are not."   
"Well they will be" Joey said. "When the last one of us dies… I have always believed we'll be reunited, you know. We drifted apart, we never thought that could happen to us, but we somehow remained good friends. Only we didn't see each other so much."   
"I remember how you and Chandler used to take Anthony fishing during the weekends when he was ten" Monica said. "I think he hated it, but he didn't want to disappoint you."   
"What makes you think he hated it?"   
"He broke his rod on purpose."   
"So then we took Jesse instead" Joey said. Jesse was his son. Joey only had one child.   
"Yeah, and he didn't like it much either" Monica said.   
"I know. He never fished when we were out sailing…"   
Monica nodded.   
"Joe… Did you ever think things would be the way they turned out to be?" she asked. "That Chandler and me would fall in love, that Rachel would end up alone, that Ross would die in a car accident?"   
"No. And I didn't think I would have only one kid either. God, I mean if anyone had told me back in like 1998 that I would only have one child while Chandler would end up with six… I would have said that it was some sort of mix-up."   
"I didn't want that many children" Monica said. "Not once we started having kids. Don't get me wrong, I've always loved my kids, but it's a lot of work and effort. I felt that three would be enough, definitely no more than four. And oh have I ever been punished for thinking that way…"   
"You haven't been punished for anything" Joey said. "It was out of your control."   
"You can't change something I've thought for close to forty years" Monica said.   
She looked the other way and hoped he wouldn't continue the conversation. It wasn't one she liked discussing. Especially not at Chandler's funeral reception. She was thankful that Bridget had taken care of organizing it, she didn't want anything to do with it herself. She didn't even want to be there for it, but her children had insisted. They had said that Chandler would want her to be there, and that it would be good for her to take part in every part of the funeral.   
"You know something?" Monica said to Joey.   
"What?"   
"The kids might have to deal with another funeral reception soon enough. In fact, I wouldn't mind if that happened. Only for their sake."   
"I don't get it, what are you talking about?"   
"I don't want to live much longer Joey. I want to be where he is, wherever that may be. Living is something that a married couple is supposed to do together, what's the point in doing it alone?"   
"Clara died ten years ago, yet you haven't seen me give up" Joey said. "Mon you need to get over yourself. Life goes on without Chandler, he won't benefit from you dying, and your kids certainly won't. And you won't either. Not to mention me. Don't tell me you've stopped being you, stopped being an individual. I know how much you and Chandler meant to one another, but your talk about giving up just makes me mad. You are in no way different from all the other people who lose their spouses after decades of marriage, why should you be the only one to die because your spouse does?"   
"I would be far from the only one."   
"You're only wishing to die out of self-pity" Joey said. "You're feeling sad, but most of all you're feeling sorry for yourself. You aren't admitting it, but it's the truth. You feel so sorry for yourself since you have to find out how to move on and try to keep balance in life without Chandler. And you don't think you can get over this, so you want to die. It's really infantile Monica. You've always turned childish in rough situations, don't you think it's time to stop that now?"   
"How dare you?" Monica asked and rose as quickly as she could. "How can you talk to me like that, accuse me of things like that when I just saw my soulmate being buried an hour ago?"   
She had a lot more on her mind as well, but she didn't feel able to say it. She walked as fast as she could to Liam's room, which was closest, and closed the door behind her. She would have thrown herself on the bed, but the days when she could do so were over since a long time. Instead she got on the bed more carefully and covered herself up with a blanket. Tears were falling down her cheeks. At the moment she hated Joey, it seemed as if everyone who she had counted on for support during her life were unable to give it to her now. She didn't want to face this reality any longer, she just wanted to turn back time a couple of decades. She closed her eyes and fell asleep, going back in time through her dreams.   
  
"Hey…" Chandler said and placed a kiss on the top of Monica's head. "Feeling any better today sweetie?"   
"No" Monica muttered, in a bad mood. "In fact, I'm feeling a lot worse."   
"Wow, that sucks" Chandler said and sat down opposite her. "What a shame you have to feel bad on our anniversary."   
"Yeah it sucks" Monica said.   
"You know, why don't we just take it easy tonight?" Chandler suggested. "A long, hot bubble bath, I can give you a massage afterwards… Or we could dry each other off after the bath, and see what that leads to…"   
"No thank you, I feel anything but romantic" Monica said.   
"Are you sure you're not getting ill?" Chandler asked, worried.   
"Unfortunately, yeah."   
"Did I do something?"   
"Unfortunately, yeah."   
"So you're mad at me" Chandler concluded. "Well what did I do, tell me and I'll fix it. I'll make it up to you."   
"That might be a bit tricky" Monica said grumpily.   
"Okay, you're going to have to help me out here…" Chandler said. "I don't quite follow."   
"I don't want to talk about it right now Chandler."   
"Okay… Well whatever it is I hope it won't ruin our anniversary. And just so you know, whatever it is, I'm sorry."   
"I think the ship has sailed on 'I'm sorry'" Monica said, even more grumpily. "'Sorry' works at times like when you decided to have refried beans at eleven p.m. and kept me up all night. This is one of those sorry-doesn't-help things!" Then she sighed and hid her face in her hands. "Sorry Chandler… I'm sorry. God, what is wrong with me, why am I taking this out on you?"   
"And more importantly, what is 'this'?" Chandler said.   
"This… You'll find out. But really, sorry."   
"I think the ship has sailed on 'I'm sorry'" Chandler said jokingly. "'Sorry' works at times like when you were expecting Bridget and you were four months pregnant, and you woke me up in the middle of the night having a panic attack over that we didn't have any baby stuff at home."   
His smile faded when he noticed that she hadn't found the joke very funny. He frowned and started to seriously wonder what was wrong.   
  
That evening they sat down for a quiet dinner, and Chandler started to feel grumpy. It had been one of the most eventful years of their lives and he was tired. And Monica seemed to most of all just want to crawl into bed and go to sleep and not wake up until the next day. She didn't seem the least bit interested in celebrating their anniversary. Chandler knew she wasn't feeling well, but he had hoped she would set aside that and at least try to enjoy the evening. If not else, for his sake.   
"I didn't get you anything" Monica said halfway through dinner.   
"Huh?" Chandler said, looking up from his meal. It was the first thing either of them had said since they sat down to eat.   
"I said I didn't get you anything" Monica said. "No gift. Not that I didn't plan on giving you one, but I haven't been out much this week…"   
Chandler nodded, hiding his disappointment.   
"Well I got **you** something" he said. "A charm for your bracelet and another gift."   
"You're sweet" Monica said.   
Chandler nodded. This was so far the worst anniversary they'd ever had, even worse than their third one, which he found ironical considering what he had gotten her. They finished dinner in silence, and Monica then cleared the table. Chandler went into the bedroom and got her present. They sat back down again and Chandler reached for her right arm. She held it out and he attached the ninth charm to the bracelet.   
"It's supposed to be a towel" he said. "Happy linen anniversary."   
"You too. Thank you."   
He pushed the present across the table, and she opened it. She reached into the carton and lifted up a ceramic mug with Anthony's name on it. She looked at it for a second and then sighed.   
"What?" Chandler said.   
"They're nice" she said. "They really are. Thank you honey."   
She got up and lifted the mug with Francesca's name on it as well, and started walking towards the dining room.   
"Wait, hold it!" Chandler said.   
She turned and looked at him.   
"Come back here a second."   
She obediently walked back to the table and sat down.   
"Now what is wrong?" Chandler asked. "You didn't like them, did you? They're just like Emma and Bridget's mugs, I'm sorry but I thought you'd love them."   
"No, honey, I do…"   
"Yeah right."   
"Chandler honestly, I love them…" She paused. "It's just that… I can't help thinking you should have waited a year."   
"Excuse me?" Chandler said. "I'm confused, why should I have waited a year? Because next year is ten years?"   
"Because next year you'll have to buy another mug anyway."   
Chandler looked at her, even more confused. Then he slowly understood.   
"Wait, wait a second… Another mug? Another mug with a baby name? Another baby who should have a mug with their name?"   
"I don't know for sure, but I think I'm due in the middle of January."   
"Oh god…" Chandler said. "Don't tell me you're pregnant."   
"Well I am" Monica said. "Damn it, we should have known better!"   
"Known better? Didn't the doctor say you couldn't have any more children?"   
"He said that I most likely couldn't… Especially since I'm almost forty-one…I'll be forty-one once the baby's born."   
"Should I laugh or should I cry…" Chandler sighed. "I mean, sure, I'll welcome this child but I didn't want more than four…"   
"Me neither" Monica said.   
"Have you spoken to a doctor, do you know how far along you are?"   
"No, I haven't spoken to anyone" Monica said. "But I'm pretty sure it happened that time in the Jacuzzi."   
"How come you think that?"   
"We didn't use any protection. We didn't think we had to. But if you think about it, I've been using a diaphragm since Francesca, that night I didn't use it, that's the only occasion. It must have been then."   
"Made in LA" Chandler mumbled.   
"After this whole thing, I'm gonna have my tubes tied" Monica said with a sigh. "And get myself earplugs so I won't have to listen to my Mother's rants about how I'll be almost sixty before all my children are in college, and how Mom already had a daughter-in-law by that time."   
"Well, when this kid is eighteen, Bridget will be like twenty-seven…"   
Monica made an annoyed grunt. Then she looked up at him.   
"Well, you know, what's done is done…" she said. "So we'll have five children instead of four, big deal. Either way there's nothing we can do about it now, so let's just set it aside for a while and celebrate our anniversary."   
"Yeah" Chandler agreed.   
  
"Wow, nice flowers" Phoebe commented, walking into Chandler and Monica's living room two months later.   
"What?" Monica said, looking up from a book she was reading. "Yeah, they're from Chandler."   
"How come you landed the one who doesn't think flowers are only for first dates and special occasions?" Phoebe sighed, and sat down next to Monica. "So how's the mother-to-be?"   
"She is trying to feel the maternal bond she'll have in six months anyway" Monica said, and then nodded to the flowers. "And those are 4th of July flowers."   
"Right, that would explain why they're red, white and blue."   
"Yeah" Monica said.   
"So seriously, you don't seem to psyched about becoming a Mommy again" Phoebe said. "Why so pessimistic?"   
"Phoebe, first of all, Francesca isn't even **talking** yet, I feel like it's way too close to her birth. And second of all, I had my sights set on teaching this fall, finally getting a job again. But who the hell hires a pregnant woman?"   
"Well, Lamaze-class instruction video people do" Phoebe said.   
"Oh good, that's something I could do for a living" Monica angrily muttered. "I'm pregnant all the time anyway."   
"Hey, it's better to have more than you'd planned than to have none at all" Phoebe said.   
Monica nodded. She couldn't help thinking of Rachel, who didn't even have one child. She was the only one in the group without any children now. Monica and Chandler had theirs, Ross had Ben, Joey had a little boy named Jesse and Phoebe had a two-year-old daughter named Lisa.   
"You know I wouldn't trade them in for anything…" she said.   
"Yeah, but something is still bothering you, something more than what you've already mentioned."   
Monica hesitated for a while.   
"Can I tell you something?" she then said.   
"Well that's kinda' what I'm after here."   
"I don't know how in the world I'm going to be able to handle it" Monica said.   
"Handle what?"   
"Five children! I mean, God, just having **two** put strains on our marriage, three was difficult enough and with four I've had my hands full and I've been so worn out and exhausted… And now all of a sudden five. I feel like I'm going to end up neglecting at least two of them, most likely Bridget and Emma who are the oldest… Or I'm going to have a crazy fit and just lose control... Either way, I don't think I can be a mother of five."   
"Oh relax Monica…" Phoebe said. "You'll do fine. You have Chandler to help you, and Bridget is old enough to help you out with chores and stuff… And you could always hire a nanny."   
"No, I don't want to do that" Monica said. "I don't want to leave it up to some stranger to raise them."   
"Well then hire Rachel, she's could use something to take her mind off Boris, and taking care of five children is just the thing."   
Monica shook her head. Phoebe didn't know about the whole sperm donor thing, and Monica didn't feel like it was a good time to go in on that.   
"No…" she said. "I'm going to do this without hired help… But I think I'm going to end up ageing in advance over this whole thing…"   
"Just be glad you're not Amish, Monana" Phoebe said.   
  
"Okay, I admit…" Monica said with a smile. "Ultrasound is still as exciting even though I wasn't planning on a fifth pregnancy."   
"You know, this will give us something new to put on the refrigerator" Chandler said. "Oh, and speaking of stuff like that, when we get home it's photo time."   
Monica smiled and nodded. They were just waiting for the OB/GYN to come, so they could start the ultrasound. Monica was on the bed in a hospital gown, with her stomach bare.   
"You know" Chandler said, putting his hand on her stomach. "You are now in your fourth month--"   
"Third" Monica corrected.   
"Third?" Chandler quickly calculated on his fingers. "Yeah, third, you're right. Okay, so you are now in your **third** month, yet you're showing, and more than you did in your **fifth** month with Francesca."   
"But about as much as I did in my third month with the others" Monica said.   
"Technicality."   
The OB/GYN came in and started preparing the gear.   
"Ultrasound, ultrasound, time for ultrasound…" Chandler sang, in the tune of 'Jingle Bells'.   
"Chandler, first of all, it's not Christmas. And second of all, you're starting to act like you did when I was expecting Bridget and I **really** don't need any reminders right now of what it was like to not have children at all."   
Chandler chuckled.   
"Speaking of back then, do you remember what it was like the first time you were pregnant and we heard the baby's heartbeat?"   
"Yeah" Monica said with a smile. "It's amazing every time, but that very first time was something special…"   
"I started thinking about it three weeks ago, when we got to hear this baby's heartbeat" Chandler said. "It's been nine years since the first time we heard it, almost a decade."   
"And it will be almost a decade between Bridget and this baby" Monica said.   
She was about to say something else, but decided not to since the OB/GYN had started to search for the baby's heartbeat before she did the ultrasound. Monica smiled slightly when she heard it. Then the OB/GYN began the ultrasound.   
"You know, it's our fifth baby and I still can't tell what is what on the early ultrasounds" Chandler said when the picture came up on the screen.   
"Well, that's the baby's head" the OB/GYN said and pointed. "And that…" she trailed off.   
"What?" Monica asked, nervously. "What, what's wrong?"   
"There's something wrong?" Chandler asked.   
"Well…" the OB/GYN said.   
"Just tell us, is there something wrong with the baby?" Monica asked, getting worked up.   
"No…" the doctor said. "It's just that there are two of them."   
"There are what?" Monica asked.   
"I see two heads."   
"Well then look again!" Monica commanded. "Look more carefully. How can there be two, you only found one heartbeat!"   
The OB/GYN grabbed the instrument she used to detect the heartbeats and found one. She moved the instrument a bit and suddenly had two.   
"Twins?" Chandler said in disbelief.   
"This is uncommon for a woman your age" the doctor said. "But of course it happens."   
"Well take a real close look now then, are there like three, four, five of them in there?" Monica said. "I don't want more now! I don't even want to have two!"   
"Well that's a shame Monica" the doctor said. "Because there are two babies in there."   
  
"Hi!" Joey greeted them excitedly when they got back. He had been baby-sitting while they were at their doctors appointment.   
"Hey" Monica and Chandler muttered, both shocked over the news they had gotten.   
"Wow, what's wrong?" Joey asked. "Was there some problem?"   
"Well, as it turns out, I was not quite as infertile as they thought I was" Monica said and hung her jacket up. "Not only did I get pregnant after one time without protection, I'm also having twins!"   
"Twins!" Joey said. "Congratulations! That's awesome!"   
"I would have thought so five years ago" Monica said, walking into the kitchen with Joey and Chandler in tail. "But Joey I'm forty years old, I turn forty-one in October. Having two more children, I don't know if I can handle that."   
"Chandler what do you think?" Joey asked.   
"Well, it might be because I'm not the one who has to do the pregnancy and labour, plus putting my career on hold yet again, but I think it's quite cool."   
"Quite cool?" Monica echoed.   
"Yeah" Chandler said. "But I understand that you don't feel the same way, at least not yet, since you have to do a whole lot more work than me."   
"Well get this Chandler Bing" Monica said grumpily. "When the twins are born, you're taking time off work. I'm not going to be the only parent home with **two** infants. You're going to have to help out."   
"Sure thing!" Chandler said, sounding even more excited.   
"Am I being stupidly pessimistic?" Monica asked. "Or is it you who's stupidly optimistic?"   
"Maybe both" Chandler suggested with a smile.   
  
Two weeks later Monica was out shopping baby things. With Francesca they had used almost the exact same things as with Bridget, only the pacifiers and the feeding bottles had been new. But this time around they were having two, so they needed doublets of everything plus a twin pram. Monica took Francesca with her while Chandler was working and the other children were at friends' houses to go and at least look at things. They had decided to let the twins have Emma's room, since Emma and Bridget had shared a room before and could do it again. The girls were quite upset with the decision, but Monica had told them that it would be another six months at least before Emma would have to move and Chandler had filled in that the twins would have to share a room, so Emma and Bridget wouldn't be the only ones. Then he added the usual story of how much fun sisters had when they shared a room, and the girls seemed content with that.   
Monica couldn't grasp that they were having twins. When she was younger she had always wanted to have twins, partly because it meant two children but only one pregnancy and partly because twins were unusual. But now she felt a bit too old to have twins on top of four other children. She had a strong feeling she would age a lot faster than she had to, and the thought that she would always have six children to worry about made her head spin.   
She looked around for about an hour, but couldn't find anything she liked except for some baby clothes. She decided to wait until Chandler was with her, and to go have something to eat. She was craving for soft ice-cream and Francesca was getting cranky so she decided to go have some at the nearest café. She knew how much all of her children loved soft ice-cream.   
She found a place that sold it, and got two ice-creams and got chocolate sauce and mint sprinkles on her own. She got Francesca's plain, since she knew the child would get messy enough that way.   
She sat down with Francesca and ate her own ice-cream while helping Francesca's with hers. She started to think that maybe getting ice-cream wasn't such a great idea after all. She had temporarily forgotten how easy she got nauseous if she ate something sweet without eating something more food like first.   
"Monica?" she heard Richard Burke's voice say.   
She looked up. It was indeed Richard, even though she wasn't sure at first. He had aged since the last time she saw him, which was nearly ten years ago. She wondered how he had recognized her.   
"Hi Richard…" she said, not knowing what else to say and not knowing whether or not to be thankful that her baggy shirt hid her bump.   
"Wow, I…" Richard began. "I should have known you'd had children, but I must say it surprises me anyway… I wasn't expecting to run into you with a child. Or maybe the child isn't yours."   
She frowned at the slight sound of hope in his voice when he said the last part. But then she wrote it off as her imagination.   
"No she's mine" she said. "And she's about two months away from her first birthday. Her name is Francesca."   
"Long name" Richard said with a smile.   
"No more syllables than Monica" Monica responded. "So… What's up?"   
"Oh nothing much… Barbara died last year."   
"I know, my Mother told me" Monica said. "Cancer, right?"   
"Yeah" Richard said.   
"That's so sad" Monica said. "I keep worrying that Chandler will turn out to have lung cancer. He was a quite frequent smoker once."   
"Right, you're still with Chandler…" Richard said.   
Monica gave him a funny look.   
"Yes. I'm still with him" she said. "And I may be out of line, but if you have any ideas about coming back into my life and causing problems, I'm telling you not to."   
"Don't worry" Richard said. "I wouldn't want to break up a family."   
Monica noticed that he didn't agree that she might have been out of line, and that what he said didn't seem to honest. But again she dismissed it as her imagination.   
  
Three nights later Monica and Chandler were in bed at night, and Monica realized she had been reading the same page of her book for about fifteen minutes. She had her mind elsewhere. She but the book down and turned the lights off, lying down to sleep. Chandler grunted next to her and settled himself next to her, placing a hand on her pregnant belly.   
"Could you imagine what it was like just around a century ago?" he asked. "People probably didn't find out they were having twins until the first baby was already born. What a shocker."   
"And medical care wasn't as good back then…" Monica added thoughtfully. "Usually one of the twins died."   
"Yeah, that would suck" Chandler said. "My dad was suppose to be a twin. But his sister died after three weeks."   
"Really? I never knew that."   
"My Grandmother always explained my Father's sexual preferences and cross dressing with that he was subconsciously trying to live for his sister too."   
"I don't think your Father being gay or a transvestite had anything to do with him having a dead sister" Monica said.   
"This is going to work out fine Monica" Chandler said. "You've been worrying a lot, I know, and especially these past couple of days."   
"How do you know it's the twins that has been bugging me?" Monica asked.   
"Isn't it obvious that it is?" Chandler asked. "And besides, I don't know what else it would be."   
"Well it's not the twins" Monica said. "I ran--"   
"Mommy!" Emma said from the doorway.   
Chandler and Monica both sat up again.   
"What's wrong sweetie?" Monica asked.   
"There's a ghost in my closet!" Emma insisted. "Daddy I can't sleep with the ghost in my closet!"   
"Okay then" Chandler said and got out of bed. "You come show me this ghost and then we'll give Ghostbusters a call."   
He took her hand and followed her to her room. Monica took the short time alone to think about whether or not she should tell Chandler she had ran into Richard. She thought she should tell him because nothing at all had happened. But at the same time it felt unnecessary to tell him when nothing had happened, especially since she knew how insecure Richard made him. She finally decided that if he brought up the subject again she would tell him why she had seemed troubled the past days. And if he didn't she would just let it go for now.   
Chandler returned after ten minutes and snuck back into bed.   
"I bet Ray Parker Jr didn't think his song would come in handy for parents of small children when he wrote it" he said.   
"Who's Ray Parker Jr?" Monica asked.   
"My dear wife, you know nothing about music" Chandler said. "He wrote 'Ghostbusters'. And that one always does the trick when our children have ghosts in their closets. So what were you about to say when we got interrupted?"   
"Well.." Monica said. "When I was out looking for baby stuff I ran into Richard."   
"New York is such a big place yet you always seem to manage to run into that man" Chandler said with a sigh.   
"Well I'm really glad I did run into him."   
Chandler raised an eyebrow.   
"I bet you were."   
"Francesca and I were having ice-cream" Monica said. "And he spotted us and came over and talked. And after a while I invited him to sit with us. And I'm glad I did that too."   
"Okay…" Chandler said. "I want shared custody of the kids."   
"Chandler" Monica whined. "Can I please tell you this without any comments like that? Thank you… Okay, when he sat down I asked him some questions. Sort of hidden ones actually. I wanted to know if he was still interested in me, or if he was over me."   
"He's probably over you" Chandler said. "It's been more than fifteen years since you were together. And you've moved on and chosen someone else above him."   
"Well you're wrong" Monica said. "He still loves me. He actually ended up saying it straight out… And then I had to listen to a long monologue about how he just can't get me out of his head."   
"So why are you glad you talked to him?" Chandler asked. "Wanted to hear someone else besides your husband finds you attractive? Because I fully understand that."   
"Actually no" Monica said. "I've gotten past the stage where I want every guy I meet to find me attractive. I don't need anyone else than you to feel that way. The reason I'm happy he sat down with me and told me he still loves me, is that I feel like I got the chance to get him out of our lives forever. At least as a threat to you and me. I told him exactly how much I love you and how devoted I am to you, and how I haven't regretted marrying you for a minute. Not even during our bad times. And that I couldn't possibly be any happier. And I actually said to him that if he came back and made you feel hurt and insecure, I would get so mad that he wouldn't want to see me ever again. Basically, I gave him the whole 'whoever tries to break Chandler's heart will be in trouble' speech."   
"Richard wouldn't break my heart" Chandler pointed out.   
"No I know…" Monica said. "But if he ruined things between us your heart would be broken…"   
"True" Chandler said. "Do you think he got the message though?"   
"Yeah" Monica said. "I was pretty clear. You know, this time I saw him the only thing I felt for him was pity. Look what's become of the man. Apparently pining after a 21 years younger woman who's the daughter of his best friend, and married!"   
"With children" Chandler added. "You know, I don't dislike Richard as much as I used to. After all, he never did anything to be mean to me, he did what he did for other reasons. And if I had been him, I would probably have tried the same thing."   
"I'm glad to hear he's not an issue for you anymore" Monica said.   
"I haven't given the guy a thought in like seven years" Chandler said.   
"Good" Monica said and kissed him. "Oh, and before I forget… That large playhouse you got for the kids arrives next week. They called today."   
"Okay" Chandler said. "Great, I'm gonna give Ross and Joey a call and hear if they can come by and help me build the damn thing. Joey should be lots of help, he used to build stuff."   
"Yeah, like your entertainment unit" Monica reminded him. "Chandler Joey's not even home next week. He and Clara are in Italy until mid September, remember?"   
"September and remember rhymed" Chandler said. "And damn it, I had completely forgotten about that…"   
"You really need to start paying more attention to Ross and Joey" Monica said. "You're becoming more and more secluded from everyone outside our family."   
"Untrue" Chandler said. "Steve from across the street and I get along great."   
"So why don't you ask Steve to help you put together the playhouse?" Monica asked.   
"Because Steve only has one hand" Chandler said.   
"I could ask my Father to help you" Monica suggested. "He'd probably be more than happy to do that for his grandkids."   
"In that case I think it's better if I called him myself" Chandler said. "But you're right, Jack would probably be willing to help…"   
"Okay good" Monica said and kissed him. "Just make sure to tell him that Mom doesn't have to come too."   
  
Chandler finished his quick lunch and told Emma to put her plate in the sink. Monica was out with Bridget and Anthony, and Chandler was alone with the other two children. He was waiting for Jack to come over and continue helping him with the playhouse they had started to put together the day before. They were about half done, the walls were all up. Today they were going to finish with the floor, do the roof and then paint the whole thing. And then later he and Monica would bring the furnish in. They had decided not to make it just a playhouse since it was quite big. Instead they'd decided to put a couple of beds in there and use it for storage of patio furniture during winter. During summer the kids could use it as much as they wanted to.   
"When's Grandpa coming?" Emma asked.   
"Soon" Chandler said.   
"I'm gonna go upstairs and play."   
"Yeah, you do that."   
"When can I play in the playhouse?"   
"I'm not sure sweetie. Not before tomorrow."   
Emma made a disappointed face and went upstairs to the living room, where she was holding a tea party for hers and Bridget's Barbie dolls. Chandler quickly did the dishes and then heard a knock on the door. He let Jack in and noticed that he wasn't alone.   
"Hi Richard" he said.   
"Chandler" Richard said with a nod.   
Chandler tried his best not to stare at him, and decided to glare at Jack instead. He had told Monica the truth when he said that Richard didn't bother him anymore, but he still didn't want Richard in the house for no apparent reason.   
"Can I use your bathroom?" Richard asked.   
"Sure" Chandler said and told him where to find it. "So Dad, what's with this lovely surprise?" he said to Jack once Richard was out of earshot.   
"I figured we could use an extra hand" Jack said. "Ross wasn't home when I called him, so I asked Richard."   
"Not that I have anything against the man really, but bringing my wife's ex here might not be the best idea. Not when hammers, nails and my children are in the house."   
"Relax" Jack said. "I know this wasn't the best idea, but I promise you, he'll behave."   
Chandler nodded and bit his lower lip. He couldn't just throw Richard out, and it would be great to have an extra hand with the building. He decided to let Richard stay and help out, he realized that if he did he would give Richard the impression that he wasn't intimidated by him. Which was true.   
He walked through the house to the backside, stopping in the nursery to check on the sleeping Francesca. She seemed to be doing just fine, so he walked outside. The weather was great, which was fortunate since the playhouse didn't have a roof yet and they could do without lots of rainwater inside of it.   
Jack and Richard soon came out as well, and the three men quietly continued putting the playhouse together. After a while Chandler glanced at his wristwatch.   
"I'd better go see if Francesca's up" he said. "She rarely sleeps longer than two hours when she naps."   
Richard looked up, remembering the small child Monica had had with her when he'd seen her two weeks ago. He knew that child had been the one named Francesca. The name of Monica's daughter with Chandler had somehow been impossible for him to forget.   
"I remember that Ross used to take long naps" Jack said. "But Monica was impossible to get to nap. She never slept during the day."   
Chandler smiled slightly and went inside. Jack turned to Richard to continue talking about when Ross and Monica had been little, even though he knew Richard had been there, but got interrupted.   
"Grandpa!" Emma yelled, coming running out in the backyard. She ran over to Jack and he lifted her up for a hug.   
"Hi princess" Jack said and hugged her. "Be careful running around here, though. There might be nails and things like that on the ground. And you don't want to get a splinter, do you?"   
"No" Emma said.   
Jack let her down and she started running around in the garden, keeping a safe distance to where there could be nails and things like that. Richard stared at the child.   
"God she looks just like him…" he said.   
"Yeah" Jack agreed. "She really does. But she acts more like Monica. She's a very active child. Which gets her into trouble every once in a while."   
"How much trouble can a child her age get in?" Richard asked. "She can't be more than six or seven."   
"She's six" Jack said. "And you should have been there this April…"   
Before Richard could ask what had happened in April, Chandler came back out with a slightly cranky Francesca. She had apparently just woken up. Chandler set her down on the grass and she started crawling around.   
"Do you really dare to let her down on the grass?" Jack asked. "She could hurt herself if she gets too close to where we're building."   
"Nah, I'm not worried" Chandler said.   
"I'll watch her so that she doesn't get too close" Emma declared.   
"Yeah, you do that" Chandler said and ran his hand through her hair. "When did you get out here, I thought you were upstairs having a tea party."   
"I was" Emma said. "But then one of the dolls spilled her tea and then the fun was over."   
Chandler laughed.   
"Mommy taught you well, Ems."   
"Monica was exactly like that when she was little" Jack said.   
"Oh good, just what I need" Chandler said with a grin. "Another neat freak." He turned to Emma. "Why can't you use your neat freakiness to clean up your room, huh?"   
"Mommy does that for me" Emma said.   
Chandler shook his head and chuckled. He walked over to the other two men and started working on the roof while Jack and Richard finished off with the floor. Chandler glanced over at the children constantly, to make sure Francesca didn't crawl where she shouldn't. Once she got a bit more awake, the child stood up and started walking around. She had taken her first step a month earlier and now she toddled around as fast as she could.   
Emma soon tired of keeping tabs on her active little sister and went over to Chandler, careful not to step on anything that might hurt her feet. She wasn't wearing any shoes or socks.   
"Daddy can I help?" she asked.   
"Yeah, you know what you can do?" Chandler said. "You can help me hold the latter for me so I don't fall over."   
Emma grabbed the latter, eager to help, and held it as steady as she could. It didn't do much difference for Chandler, but he hadn't thought it would either. It was just an easy job she could do that wouldn't involve her possibly getting hurt. It didn't take him and Richard long to put up the beams that would make the roof, and once they were done Chandler carefully climbed down the latter.   
"Thank you honey" he said to Emma. "You were very helpful." He shot a glance at Francesca, who was heading towards them, going quite fast with her toddling steps. "I'd better go stop your sister from hurting herself" he said. He took a few steps towards Francesca, but before he reached her she fell over and landed on her stomach. "Yeah, those legs aren't working exactly as you want them to yet, are they?" he said to her and lifted her up. "Yeah but you're okay. No crying, no whining. Just get back in the saddle again young lady."   
He walked twenty feet away and put her down. Luckily enough they had a big backyard and she could crawl and walk around for a while without getting bored or try to come over to the adults. He went back to the playhouse and found something for Emma to do. She got to hand him tiles for the roof when he was up on the latter. Jack and Richard started chatting while they continued to work, but Chandler hardly said a word. When he talked he was mostly answering questions from Emma. He glanced over at Francesca once a minute to make sure she was okay.   
After a while they heard the door to the house open and Monica came out with Anthony in her arms and Bridget in tow. Richard was inside the playhouse at the moment, lifting up tiles for Jack, so she didn't see him. He could barely see her either, but when he did he felt a familiar sting in his heart. She had her hair down, unlike the last time he had seen her, and it reached a few centimeters below her shoulders. She was wearing a loose blue summer dress over a white T-shirt and he thought she looked wonderful.   
Chandler climbed down from the latter and walked over to her. They kissed and Chandler lifted the boy over to his own arms. Richard couldn't hear exactly what they were saying since they were talking rather low, but at the moment that wasn't what his mind was concerned over.   
"She's a mother of four?" he asked Jack, shocked by the news.   
"Six actually" Jack said proudly.   
"Yikes… Six children…" Richard said.   
Chandler put Anthony down and let him go kick a football with Bridget. He got a little closer to Monica and lowered his voice.   
"Your uhm… Your dad brought someone to help out with the playhouse. He… brought Richard Burke."   
Monica stared at Chandler for a second and then put her poker face on.   
"Richard Burke is here?" she asked in a low voice. "Define here."   
"Currently inside the playhouse, handing over tiles to your Father. Look, Jack just had him with him when he showed up…"   
"Oh God Chandler, please tell me you've been civil…" Monica said.   
"Of course" Chandler said, slightly offended. "What do you think of me really?"   
"Sorry…" Monica said.   
"So how do you feel?" Chandler said, changing the subject. "Queasy?"   
"No, actually I'm feeling fine" Monica said with a smile. "Here, give me your hand. A little reward for being civil with Richard…"   
She took his hand and placed it on her stomach. He could feel the bump through her dress that covered it, and then felt something else.   
"First trimester movement" he said with a smile.   
"Two of them" Monica said, smiling back at him.   
Richard watched as Chandler put his hand on Monica's stomach and how they then said something to each other, smiled and kissed. Jack followed his look and guessed what he was thinking.   
"She's due January" he said. "I don't think anything's official yet, but it wouldn't take you long to guess her condition."   
Richard nodded. He swallowed and walked out of the playhouse. Monica saw him and walked over to him.   
"Hey Richard" she said.   
"Monica" he said with a nod. "I always assumed you'd have many children but I have to admit I'm surprised you have this many."   
"Yeah. My little angels" Monica said, beaming with motherly pride.   
"They were all accidents" Chandler said with feigned seriousness, coming over to them. "Which makes perfect examples when we warn them about the possible consequences of unprotected sex later on."   
Monica just shook her head and sighed. But it was pretty obvious from the smile that then came across her face that she seemed to like Chandler's odd jokes. Richard realized that he hated that.   
"Okay, I'm gonna go inside with the kids" Monica said. "It will be easier for you to work if they're out of your hair."   
"Can't I stay out here with Daddy?" Emma asked.   
"If you promise not to do anything stupid, like play with the hammers" Chandler said and lifted her up.   
"I won't" Emma promised. "Mommy I'm helping Daddy."   
"Lucky daddy to have a helper like you" Monica said and kissed her on the forehead. "Guys, are you staying for dinner?"   
"We'll see" Jack said. "Depends on how much progress we make with this thing."   
"Well let me know, okay?" Monica said.   
She walked over to Francesca and took her hand and then called for the other children to follow her inside. She walked slowly with Francesca toddling next to her as Bridget and Anthony raced inside.   
"Now I understand why you've gotten a playhouse" Richard said.   
"Mainly for the girls, actually" Chandler said. "Emma and Bridget can hang out here when one of them needs a break from the other."   
"I'm Emma" Emma informed Richard.   
"Nice to meet you" Richard said.   
"Are you a friend of grandpa's?" Emma asked.   
"Yes I am" Richard said.   
"And an old friend of Mommy's too" Chandler filled in.   
"Mommy has lots of friends" Emma said, apparently not impressed that Richard had been friends with Monica.   
"And what about me, huh?" Chandler asked her and made a funny face at her.   
"You have me" Emma said.   
"So I don't need friends then" Chandler assumed and chuckled. He climbed back up on the latter. "Yeah, you're my little helper all right."   
Emma looked very proud and Jack smiled slightly at the scene. Richard didn't smile though. He decided not to stay for dinner, even if they weren't finished with the playhouse. He had decided to come along because he had been curious over how Monica lived with Chandler, and if they really were happy together. And now he had gotten his questions answered and he had to admit to himself that it wasn't the answers he had wanted. She was obviously happy and she had five children and a sixth one on the way, and the four ones he had seen seemed really happy too. The children seemed to adore their Father, especially the girl that looked so much like him. He wondered where the fifth one was but then figured that that child was probably asleep or off at a friend's house.   
He knew he had wanted Monica to be happy, but he had wanted her to be happy with him. He had always had his doubts that Chandler was the right man for her, even if Chandler had convinced him that he truly loved her the time he showed up to fight for her and for their relationship. But when he had told Chandler to go get her, he had deep down not expected it to last between them. Monica's visit at his apartment had convinced him that she deep down didn't want Chandler, that he wasn't mature enough for her. He had never heard anything about how she was doing since then, not even from Jack and Judy, so he had more or less expected her to be divorced. But instead she was happy with Chandler and pregnant with another child. He didn't know she was having twins, if he had he would probably had felt worse.   
He suddenly realized that he had been wrong all this time. Chandler was the better man for her. He had given her six children and he would be there for them during the next thirty years or so, and judging by the affection the children showed him and he showed them he was a good father. If Richard had been with Monica they wouldn't have had more than one or two children and he would probably die when the children were in their twenties. It wasn't a very encouraging thought. Monica was happy with her life. It was time for him to move on.   
  
"Now I know the true meaning of Indian summer" Monica said with a sigh while she put her hair up in a ponytail.   
"Native American summer" Chandler jokingly corrected.   
"I just can't believe that we're having close to 85 degrees in **October**. Don't we usually have **snow** in October?"   
"It's the greenhouse effect" Chandler said.   
"Well it sucks" Monica said. "I'm telling you, being pregnant during summer is not very fun. I would have appreciated it if we could have gotten **fall** by now at least."   
Chandler just smiled and shrugged his shoulder. He wasn't offering her much sympathy, mainly because he knew she wasn't seriously complaining. He picked up the bucket of paint and grabbed a pair of old gloves.   
"Should I wait for you, or go right ahead?" he asked.   
"Go right ahead" Monica said. "I'll be with you shortly."   
Chandler walked out to their backyard while whistling 'Baby Elephant Walk'. He was carrying two buckets of paint and a pair of brushes. They were finally going to paint the playhouse, peach colored to match the house. They had planned on painting it directly after they'd finished it two months earlier but they had noticed that they hadn't gotten enough paint to be able to finish the entire playhouse. After that they hadn't had time to paint it, but this weekend they'd had no plans. Chandler had gotten enough paint to cover the playhouse and they had managed to get three out of four children out of the house. Emma and Anthony were at friends' houses and Francesca was at Phoebe's. Phoebe had recently broken up with her boyfriend and gone back to David, the scientist who had left her and gone to Belarus. David was the father of Phoebe's daughter Lisa, she had gotten pregnant the last time David had been back in New York. She hadn't been able to get a hold of him to tell him the news, but when he had returned just in time for Francesca's first birthday he had seen Phoebe with Lisa and known Lisa was his daughter. They looked quite alike.   
"Monica are you sure about this?" Chandler asked worriedly when she came out of the house.   
"Of course I am!" Monica replied.   
Chandler eyed her skeptically. She was five months pregnant, but with the twins she looked more like seven months. She waddled like a duck when she walked, and had huge problems getting up once she had sat down. At the moment she had her hair up in a ponytail and a long-sleeved white shirt on under overall pants. She said it was the most comfortable clothes, but to Chandler it didn't look too comfortable. Although it looked very pregnant-lady.   
"Monica are you really sure?" Chandler asked again when she reached him. "I mean, should you be painting stuff in your condition."   
"What does my condition have to do with anything all of a sudden?" Monica asked, looking confused.   
"Do you really think the smell of the paint is good for you?"   
Monica sighed deeply.   
"Unless I drink the paint it won't hurt the babies" she said.   
"Fine then…" Chandler said reluctantly.   
He placed the paint buckets on one of two patio chairs he had put out. The other one was for Monica, in case she wanted to sit. She didn't even cast a glance at that chair, instead she grabbed a pencil and went to work. Chandler followed her lead and they started painting while juggling baby names between each other.   
"How about we go original?" Monica suggested jokingly. "Nebukadnesar and Rompenstiltskin."   
"Diana and Artemis" Chandler suggested back.   
"We can't name them both the same thing" Monica pointed out with a laugh.   
"I didn't suggest that either."   
"Well both names mean the same."   
"So that means we can't name them Hanna and Grace, I assume" Chandler said.   
They continued to jokingly bicker about what to name the twins for about an hour, and then Bridget interrupted them.   
"Mommy!" she yelled from the back door.   
"What is it, sweetheart?" Monica yelled back.   
"There's a man here with a moustache who says he helped build the playhouse!"   
"What does he want?" Chandler asked with a frown.   
Bridget turned and ran back to the front door where Richard was standing.   
"What do you want?" she asked him.   
"I've lost my pipe, and by now I'm almost certain I lost it here while helping your Dad out with the playhouse" Richard said.   
Bridget gave him a suspicious look, but ran off to the back door and told her parents what Richard had just told her. Chandler and Monica shared a very confused look.   
"Pipe?" Chandler said.   
"Richard doesn't smoke a pipe!" Monica said. "Does he?"   
"I don't know. You're the one who slept with him."   
Monica called to Bridget that she could let him come in. She had no idea what this was about, but she intended to find out. Richard came out into the backyard after a minute, and Monica thought once again about how old he looked. His moustache was white and his head was almost bald. He was sixty-four years old by now, but he looked more like sixty-eight. Unlike Monica's Father, who looked relatively young, Richard had aged quickly.   
Richard in his turn stared at Monica. Her clothes were covered in paint stains and she had a little on her hands as well. Strings of hair had gotten loose from her ponytail and her cheeks were red. Her pregnant belly was huge in his eyes, he had remembered Jack telling him she was due in January and he hadn't expected her to be this big in October. Her hands and arms looked a bit swollen. But he still thought she was very beautiful.   
"Bridget said you forgot a pipe" Monica said with a voice filled of disbelief.   
"I think I might have dropped it here" Richard said.   
"Last time I checked you smoked cigars" Chandler said.   
"I did" Richard said. "But the prices skyrocketed when they put those huge taxes on cigars and cigarettes. So I switched to smoking a pipe. It's cheaper."   
"Not as cheap as not smoking at all" Monica said.   
"If you dropped it here, how come you've waited until now to come here and ask for it?" Chandler asked.   
"I wasn't sure if I'd lost it here" Richard said. "I've been searching for it like a lunatic for the past two months, and this is the last place I'm looking at."   
"Why not just buy a new one?" Monica asked.   
"The one I had is quite valuable" Richard said. "My ancestors brought it over from Spain when they moved here."   
Monica and Chandler shared a look but didn't say anything.   
"I was thinking I might have dropped it inside the playhouse" Richard continued.   
"Well go ahead and have a look" Chandler said.   
"Thanks."   
Richard went inside the playhouse and Monica and Chandler silently continued to paint. Chandler gave Monica an annoyed look that clearly stated what he was thinking. Monica knew he was angry and she knew why. And she knew what she wanted to do about it.   
"I found it" Richard said ten minutes later, coming out of the playhouse. "Under one of the two beds you have there."   
"I'll show you out" Monica said and took Richard by the arm. She led him inside and stopped right in front of the front door. "Richard listen to me" she said. "I do not want you to show up here again. I've told you once this year that I want you to stay away. So if you've forgotten anything else this time then have my Dad pick it up for you. I'm not saying this to be rude, I'm saying it because you and I should have nothing to do with each other anymore. I don't have feelings for you, not anymore. But you've told me that you still have feelings for me. Even if that was a lie, we shouldn't be around each other. I don't feel like we've got anything to say to each other. And even though I know Chandler doesn't think you could come between him and me it annoys him that you've shown up again. So do me a favour and let the past be the past. If you see me in the city, or out walking, or anything else like that then don't come up to me and say hi. Okay?"   
"I understand" Richard said.   
"Don't think that I never loved you. Because I did. But I got over you a long time ago. And it's time you got over me too, if you haven't already."   
Richard nodded slightly and left. Monica watched him leave. Neither she nor Chandler would see him again for a long time. And they would never see him alive again.   
  
Monica sat down heavily on the living room couch. It was Christmas Eve and she was suppose to help Chandler put out the presents. But she was far from in any mood for cute traditions at the moment. She felt like a balloon, she was very big and it made her feel unattractive and unable to move around. In her sixth month she had been as big as she had been in her ninth when she had expected the first three children. People had started joking with her that she was having three babies and not two. Monica didn't appreciate those jokes. Not that she didn't want both the babies, but the thought of what life would be like with two infants and four young children made her depressed. Chandler only seemed to be thrilled though. He had made a few jokes about how they were having two because some higher force knew they wouldn't have anymore children after this pregnancy, and wanted them to end with a bang. But he was getting tired of her grumpy mood. Her current state wasn't his fault any more than it was her own.   
Monica grabbed one of the stockings that were lying next to her on the couch. It was Anthony's stocking, and she placed it on her lap, that barely existed, while she looked through the bags in a box next to her. She and Chandler usually bought things for the stockings and kept them in plastic bags in a box until Christmas Eve. That way if the children found the stockings they would find them empty. She found the bag with Anthony's name on it and started moving things from the bag to the stocking. When the stocking was full she placed it on the coffee table.   
"Ow!" she suddenly said.   
"What, what is it?" Chandler asked, looking up.   
"Both babies kicked."   
"Both? At the same time?"   
"Uh-hu…" Monica said.   
"Wow, that's unusual" Chandler said. "These two don't seem to have been kicking much at all, especially not both at the same time."   
"Yeah I know… Are you finished with the presents?"   
"Yeah."   
"Then come hang Anthony's stocking."   
Chandler grabbed the filled stocking and hung it up.   
"Chandler?" Monica said. "What kind do you think we'll have? Boys, girls, one boy and one girl? Identical or not?"   
"Well, I remember predicting that we'd have twin girls…" Chandler said. "But we already have three girls, so a pair of boys wouldn't be too bad."   
"From what I understand, boy twins are ten times more unruly than girl twins" Monica said. "Hey do you have any twins in your family?"   
"I'm not sure Mon, I hardly know my uncles and aunts, let alone my cousins and second cousins… We could have a couple of twins in the family without me knowing. Why do you ask?"   
"Well apparently having identical twins comes from the father's side. And having unidentical ones comes from the mother's side."   
"I can see the connection between the mother and the unidentical twins, but not between the father and the identical ones" Chandler said. "Anyway, we'll find out soon enough if I have twins in my family or not, won't we?"   
"You will have twins in your family soon" Monica said with a sigh. "January isn't that far away…"   
  
On New Years Eve Monica was home alone. Joey and Clara had invited them all over to their place for the evening and Monica knew that Chandler and the children really wanted to go. She didn't want to go herself though, she felt way too tired and way too big. She'd mostly just stayed in bed the past couple of weeks, only exception had been during Christmas when she had been up most of the time. Chandler had told her he would stay home with her if she decided not to go, but she had convinced him to go. She didn't mind spending the night alone and celebrating that 2010 turned into 2011 by herself. It was a nice break from her ordinary life.   
Chandler had gotten her a TV for Christmas that they could have in their bedroom, and she was thankful for it now. She could stay in bed and still watch the ball drop or watch a movie if she felt like it. She absentmindedly stroke her belly and felt more convinced than ever that this would be the last time she was ever pregnant. She felt too old for it, even though she knew a lot of women were older than she was when they had children. She had turned forty-one in October.   
One of the babies kicked and she wondered which one. She had often wondered if they were having boys or girls, or one of each. She knew she could just ask her doctor if she wanted to know, but she had always believed that you shouldn't know until the baby was born. At least with her own children, when it came to others' pregnancies she was always very interested to know what sex the baby had.   
She reached over to her nightstand and grabbed a book that was lying there. Rachel had gotten her it for Christmas, it was a book of children's names that was about naming twins. It had more suggestions for names after well-known duos and twins than Monica even knew existed. She didn't think they would have much use of the book, she didn't want to name her children Castor and Pollux or Jessica and Elizabeth. She'd made a deal with Chandler that they would name a baby each and even though she knew she could easily make him think that they should name their twins something from the book she didn't feel like doing so.   
For some reason though she still wrote down some suggestions that she liked on a pad that she kept by her bed. But she didn't find many suggestions, most of them had one more normal name and one name that she couldn't imagine naming her child. Like Diana and Apollo for one boy and one girl. Diana was good, but Apollo wasn't. And Fox and Dana wasn't very appealing either, and neither was Romulus and Remus.   
After a process of narrowing down the different names she had one name combination for boy twins and one for girls, but she hadn't bothered to find a combination for a boy and a girl. She wasn't very serious about it either, it was mostly just something she did for fun since it got boring after a while to just read novels and watch soap operas.   
"So which are you, huh?" she asked the babies. "Are you a pair of David and Henry, after David Livingstone and Sir Henry Morton Stanley? Or maybe a pair of Thelma and Louise?" She shook her head and chuckled. "I'd say you're neither."   
  
"Chandler!" Joey called out, holding the phone. "It's for you. It's Monica."   
Chandler came up to him and grabbed the phone. He was glad she had called, and he partly wished that she was calling because she wanted him to come home. He didn't like spending the night away from her, it would be the first time in more than a decade that they didn't spend New Years together.   
"Hey Mon" he said.   
"Hi" he heard her on the other line.   
"How's everything going?" he asked.   
"Chandler could you come home please?"   
Chandler was slightly shocked by her request, he hadn't expected her to be that straightforward and especially not that soon.   
"Sure… I'll come home… Is there something wrong?"   
"I think we both forgot that women over forty tend to go into labour early, and so do women who are having twins" she said, and then hung up.   
Chandler stared at the phone for over a minute before he slowly realized what she had meant.   
"Aw crap!" he said. "Joey!"   
"Yeah?" Joey said, showing up.   
"I have to go home, Monica… Well I have to go home."   
"Now?" Joey said whiny.   
"Yeah" Chandler said. "Look, is it okay with you that I leave the children?"   
"You're gonna leave them here?" Joey asked.   
"If that's okay with you" Chandler said and put his jacket on. "Look, this thing happened with Monica and I need to take her to the hospital just to check it out." He wasn't really telling the truth but he wasn't really sure if Monica was actually in labour or not so he didn't want to say anything.   
"Nothing serious I hope!"   
"Yeah, I hope it's not too" Chandler said.   
  
"Monica?" Chandler called out when he got home.   
"I'm in the bedroom" she called back.   
"Where else would she be" Chandler muttered to himself while kicking his shoes off.   
He left his jacket on and walked through the kitchen to their bedroom. He stopped on the threshold and felt scared when he saw her.   
"Monica…" he said. "There's… there's blood on the bed."   
"Thanks for enlightening me" Monica hissed.   
"Monica this can't be good!" Chandler said. "You're not due until late January, this is almost a month too soon!"   
"Tell that to the twins" Monica said. "Look Chandler, I am definitely in labour okay? And I'm getting scared, so please help me and get me to the hospital!"   
"Oh Christ…" Chandler said and hurried over to her. "Here, let me help you up."   
He tried not to look at the bloody sheets when she got up. He knew she would lose blood anyway, but he had never seen her blood on their bed sheets before. He helped her get dressed and then walked her out to the car. It took them over ten minutes just to walk to the car, and Chandler was getting more nervous by the minute.   
"How long 'til midnight?" Monica asked once she was in the car.   
"Three hours, roughly" Chandler said with an eye on his wrist watch as he got behind the wheel.   
"Do you think the babies will be born by then?" Monica asked.   
"I don't know" Chandler said. "I just hope they're both born on the same side of midnight. I wouldn't want to have twins born on different days, let alone different years."   
"Yeah, we'd have to decide on one birthday and birth year for them" Monica said.   
"Then I say we go with January 1st 2011" Chandler said. "The earlier in the year a child is born, the better they do in school and in sports, from what I hear. Since then they've had longer time to develop…"   
"Thank you, what a kind thing to say to someone who's born in the last quarter of the year" Monica said.   
  
"We have a boy…" the obstetrician announced twelve hours later.   
"A boy" Monica repeated in a whisper.   
"Looks like we're having boys" Chandler said proudly and kissed her on the side of her head. "We're certainly not having twin girls."   
"I'm so tired Chandler" Monica complained, nearly crying. "I don't know if I can have one more today…"   
"Yes you can" Chandler said. "Just one more and then you'll never have to do this again. I promise you that."   
"But I don't know if I can!" Monica said.   
"You can" Chandler said firmly. "Listen to me Mon, you've done this before you can do it again."   
"I've never had more than one at a time" Monica pointed out.   
She closed her eyes and leaned back on the bed. She wished she could go to sleep but she knew she couldn't do that yet. She hoped the second baby would take a couple of minutes so that she could get some rest. The room was unusually quiet and she nearly fell asleep before she realized something.   
"Chandler why isn't he crying?" she asked, opening her eyes. "Why isn't the baby crying? He's not crying!"   
Chandler suddenly realized that too. He hadn't thought about it at first, but now he realized that the baby hadn't cried yet. He got up and hurried over to the other end of the room where two doctors were pumping air into the baby's lungs with some sort of instrument.   
"What's wrong?" he asked them. "What's going on, he should have cried by now!"   
"It can take a while for the baby to start breathing on his own sometimes" one of the doctors muttered.   
"Bullshit" Chandler said. "What is wrong with him?"   
"Why isn't he crying?" Monica cried, getting hysterical. "What is wrong with my baby? Chandler why isn't he crying!"   
Chandler took a closer look on the baby and shuddered. The baby didn't seem to be alive. He pushed away those thoughts and went back to Monica. She was hysterical by now and he didn't want her to waste her strength when she needed it to deliver the second baby. A midwife tried to give her a sedative shot but Monica pushed her away.   
"Easy Mon" Chandler said, hoping she would stop screaming.   
"Make him cry!" Monica cried. "Make him…" She trailed off and went from hysterical screaming to devastated sobbing. "He's not dead, he's not dead…" she sobbed.   
"Honey…" Chandler said, trying to stop himself for crying, for her sake. "They're doing everything they can."   
One of the doctors sighed and shook his head. He stopped pumping air into the baby's lungs and walked over to Monica and Chandler.   
"No" Monica cried through her sobs. "Don't stop, you can't let him die…"   
"Your baby's heart wasn't beating and he wasn't breathing on his own" the doctor said. "I'm very sorry, but he was stillborn."   
"How the hell could that all of a sudden happen?" Chandler yelled. "Shouldn't you have known that the baby wasn't alive? She was here just last week and you people said everything was **fine**!"   
"He can't be dead" Monica sobbed. "Chandler do something…"   
"There's nothing he can do" the doctor said. "I'm really sorry Mrs. Bing."   
"I wanna see him!" Monica said, trying to dry her tears.   
"Monica I don't think--" Chandler said, but Monica interrupted him.   
"I want to hold him! He's my son, I just gave birth to him, you have to let me hold him!"   
"Mrs. Bing, I don't--"   
"No! I want to see him!" Monica cried, and then cried out in pain.   
"Just let her" Chandler said. "Look, she's having the second baby now, just let her hold the first one for a few seconds. Maybe then she'll see for herself. Plus, better she does it now than when he's… well, cold…"   
Monica gave Chandler a thankful look and Chandler got the baby and placed him in Monica's arms. She was crying hard and did her best to ignore the sharp pain from the second delivery for just a few seconds. She couldn't believe that the baby in her arms wasn't alive, she was just about to say that she didn't believe he was dead when she saw his blue lips. She shuddered and Chandler grabbed the baby and handed him to a midwife.   
"Monica just focus on the second baby now, okay?" Chandler said. "At least we'll have one, I promise you that this baby is just fine."   
He hoped it wouldn't be a stupid promise, he didn't know what to say or do if the second one was stillborn as well. But just seconds after she was born, the girl baby started to cry.   
"Told you" Chandler whispered and kissed Monica on the cheek. He was crying now too, it was only nine a.m. but it had been one of the hardest days of his life.   
"It's a girl" Monica said through her sobs. "We didn't have two boys. We had a boy and a girl."   
"Your side of the family then" Chandler said absentmindedly. "Monica she looks just fine. She's beautiful."   
Once Monica got to hold the baby she almost held her too tight. She didn't want to let go of her for a second, as if she was afraid the baby would die too if she loosened her grip. She looked up when she heard one of the doctors mention an autopsy on the baby boy.   
"No!" she firmly protested. "No way, no! I'm not gonna let you cut in my child. Leave him alone!"   
One of the two obstetricians tried to convince her to let them do the autopsy, but he soon gave up. He realized he wasn't winning the debate and they would just have to let it be, even if it meant never finding out why the baby had been stillborn.   
"Monica…" Chandler said carefully once they were left alone. "We should name him something."   
"Why did he have to die Chandler?" Monica asked, crying again. "He never even got to take one breath."   
"I know, it's so unfair" Chandler said and put his arms around her. "We never got to know him…"   
"I assume we're expected to put this behind us and focus on the girl?" Monica said. "But I don't know if I can do that."   
"Nobody expects either one of us to do that" Chandler said. "What does it matter that he was just an infant? He was our child anyway. But I'm glad we had two instead of one, maybe the younger twin will make it easier for us. Whether we're up for it or not we have to take care of her. She needs us a lot more than he does. And I've always believed that the best way of getting past something is to focus on something else."   
"What names should we give them?" Monica asked.   
"I don't know" Chandler said. "I've… never named a dead person before…"   
"Chandler please, don't talk like that, it just makes it harder" Monica said, trying her yes with the back of her hand.   
"Did that book of yours give any suggestions?" Chandler asked. "Because Monica I'm serious, I can't sit here and come up with names for him."   
"The book wasn't much help" Monica said. "John and Kate was kinda' nice… but naming my children after a crazy gunman and a hooker isn't appealing. And then there were lots of stuff from cartoon characters, like Donald and Daisy and things like that."   
"Hey, do we have anyone in the family with a biblical name?" Chandler asked. "There are lots of nice biblical names."   
"The book suggested Joseph and Mary, but we already have one Joey around… And then there was Adam and Eve."   
"I like that" Chandler said. "They're pretty names."   
"I don't really like the name Eve" Monica said. "It's too short. Eve Bing would be too… I don't know really."   
"Bridget Bing isn't too pretty either, if you think about it" Chandler said with a sigh. "Bing doesn't go very well with anything." He rose and sighed again. "You know what, I can't do this!"   
Monica looked at him with sad eyes. He had walked over to the window and was looking out on the cold January morning. He looked angry and frustrated, but Monica was in no mood to be the sweet, loving comforter. They had both lost a child but she was the one who had gone through the pain of giving birth to him just to find out he was dead.   
"I lost a son just thirty minutes ago," Chandler said, "and I can't argue with my wife over what to name him and his sister. Monica please, I know you're the Mother, I know I can't imagine how hard it was to give birth to him, but he was still my kid. Don't deny me the right to be just as sad as you, I was his parent just as much as you."   
"We'll name him Adam then" Monica said. "If you want to name him Adam, then we will."   
"Thank you" Chandler said. He slowly walked over to her. "Can I hold her?" he asked. "I've only gotten to hold her for less than a minute."   
Monica nodded and helped him lift the baby over to his arms. She didn't want to let go of the baby, but after Chandler's words she didn't feel like she could deny him. She knew he wanted to hold the baby too.   
"So what name do you think she should have?" he asked.   
"Eve" Monica said gently.   
"Do you really think so though?" Chandler asked. "Because if not, I actually have another suggestion."   
"Tell me if you want to" Monica said. She was feeling too empty at the moment to really care.   
"I was thinking we could name her Martha" Chandler said.   
"Martha?" Monica said with a frown. "Why Martha?"   
"Did you ever read the four-book series by Willhelm Moberg that starts with 'the Emigrants'?" Chandler asked.   
"I don't even know who Willhelm Moberg is."   
"The main characters have like eight children or something like that… And their second-oldest daughter is named Märta. I think Martha is the correct English version of the name, even if she's called Mary in the book series when they come to America."   
"But why name her after that character?" Monica asked.   
"Because Märta had a twin brother who died shortly after being born. Or was stillborn. Or something like that, I can't really remember."   
"Oh…" Monica said, understanding where he was going.   
"It would be sort of a… symbolic name" Chandler continued. "I don't think Märta's brother was given a name, but this baby's brother got one, and… and I don't know what that has to do with anything. But besides, Eve Bing would sound a bit too short, you're right about that."   
"I like Mary better" Monica said, feeling tears starting to fall down her face. "Isn't that what you said her name was in America? Wouldn't it be more fitting to name her Mary then? Plus, that way both she and her brother would have biblical names."   
"Yeah…" Chandler agreed.   
"Mary Eve Phoebe Bing…" Monica said, drying her tears with one hand. "And Adam… Adam Bing. No middle names. It's fine as it is."   
Chandler nodded. He walked over and sat down next to her, carefully handing the baby back to her.   
"How do you feel?"   
"So empty" Monica said, her voice almost breaking. "I have one new-born baby and one stillborn. And I feel nothing. Absolutely nothing."   
"It's just the shock" Chandler said gently. "Something like this… it's just too much for you to handle right now. Two too big emotions. It's better that you feel nothing right now. You need to get some rest."   
Monica nodded through her quiet sobs.   
"And you can't be feeling nothing…" Chandler said. "If you were, then you wouldn't be crying."   
"I only got to hold him once" Monica said trembling. "And he was already dead. I never got to see him look at me, or see his little mouth open or his little hands clench into fists. I never even got to hear him cry!"   
"Neither did I" Chandler said quietly.   
"It's easier for you" Monica said. "You're not the Mother."   
"Don't say that! Don't say that I'm just the Father" Chandler angrily said and rose from his chair. "Don't you **dare** say I don't feel as terrible as you do just because I'm the one without a uterus!"   
He stormed out of her room, unable to be around her anymore at the moment. It had been a lousy start of the year. The pain over losing the boy baby almost made it impossible for him to be happy over little Mary. And he felt bad about that. He didn't want to have to feel sad every time he looked at her, and only think about the twin that had died. It wouldn't be fair to Mary and it would make him hate himself.   
He stopped when he saw a payphone. Suddenly he realized he had some difficult phone calls to make. He had to call and tell Joey that Monica had been in labour and that the birth was over, which meant he would have to tell him that only one of the twins was alive. He didn't know if he could do that right now, but he knew at the same time that he had to. Because Joey had to know that the birth was over and that Chandler would come pick the children up sometime soon. And Chandler was the Daddy, therefore he had to make the phone call. It was in no way easier for him than for Monica right now.   
He got his cellular phone out and dialled Joey's number. Clara answered. Chandler wasn't up for chit-chatting with her, and asked to speak with Joey right away. Joey came to the phone after about a minute.   
"Dude, I thought you'd never call!" he said.   
"These things take time Joe" Chandler said.   
"So it's what I thought then…" Joey said. "She's in labour. Well, she was in labour. Congratulations dude, twins!"   
"Yeah she was in labour" Chandler said, ignoring his congratulations. "And yes, she's had the babies now."   
"So?" Joey asked excitedly. "What kind are they? Tell me, tell me, tell me!"   
"Fraternal" Chandler said, hoping the conversation would be as short as possible.   
"What does that mean?" Joey asked.   
"The firstborn was a boy… The other one is a girl."   
"Cool" Joey said. "They're not identical, are they?"   
"Brothers and sisters rarely are" Chandler said with a loud sigh. "I'm coming over to pick the kids up."   
"Wait, hold on a second!" Joey said. "How did everything go? Is Monica okay?"   
"I guess…" Chandler said.   
"And the twins?"   
"I'd rather not talk about it."   
"Something's wrong with them?" Joey asked.   
"Look Joey, I'll come by soon" Chandler said. "Bye."   
He hung up and went back to Monica. He told her in short phrases that he was going home to stay with the children tonight. He lifted Mary out of Monica's arms and held her for a while and then handed her over to a nurse who came over to take a few tests on her.   
Monica watched him leave and felt devastated. She had wanted him to stay. She didn't think about the children that were at Joey's, right now all she cared about was that Chandler was there for her and not at home.   
  
"Hey" Chandler said, entering at Joey's.   
He was extremely tired. He hadn't slept in over thirty hours and it had been the longest night and morning of his life. And the reality about what had really happened had started to sink in with him. He had a dead child.   
The four children he had alive that weren't new-born came hurrying to meet him. Chandler gave them absentminded hugs and told them to get their things. Joey and Clara eyed him with worried eyes.   
"Daddy what's wrong with the twins?" Bridget asked, sounding sad and almost scared.   
"Your youngest sister is doing just fine" Chandler said in a tired voice.   
"And the brother?" Joey asked.   
"He's… happy."   
"So then nothing's wrong then?" Joey asked, obviously confused. "But I thought… I thought you said--"   
"He's happy" Chandler repeated.   
"Well that's good then" Clara said.   
"For him but not for us" Chandler said. "Are you ready?" he asked the other children. "Good, then thank Joey and Clara for everything and get out in the car."   
Joey and Clara said goodbye, both confused over what was really going on with the twins. A few minutes after Chandler had left Joey suddenly realized.   
"Oh man…" he said.   
"What?" Clara asked.   
"I get it now."   
"Get what?"   
"The baby boy" Joey said. "He's dead."   
"What? You think?"   
"It makes sense now that I think about it" Joey said. "When Chandler called and I asked him what the sexes were of the babies, he said that the first one **was** a boy and the second one is a girl. And then he said that he didn't want to talk about how they were doing. And now he says that the baby is happy. And he said it just like how people say it about someone who's just died."   
"Oh my goodness…" Clara said with a sigh. She lifted her own son up and held him tight as if she thought he might die too. "Poor, poor Monica and Chandler…"   
  
When Chandler got home he realized he wouldn't be much of a father that night. He felt unable to keep tabs on the children and cook them dinner and help them out. He called his parents-in-law and told them in short terms what had happened and that he would really appreciate it if they could come by and look after the children. They showed up after an hour, and neither of them seemed to know what to say to him. It didn't matter to Chandler anyway. He wasn't interested in talking. He just wanted to go to sleep and not wake up for ages. But before he could go to sleep he had to make some phone calls. There were tons of people that he had to call and tell about Monica's delivery. And each time he would have to answer questions about the twins and get reminded that only one of them was alive.   
He made the phone calls as short as he could, and avoided answering any questions. Once he was done he gave Monica a quick call on her cellular, mostly just to ask about how Mary was doing. He didn't know what to say to Monica, for the first time in as long as he could remember. When he had hung up, he made one last phone call.   
He ended up going to sleep on top of the bed instead of under the quilts, and with all of his clothes on. Emma was with him, sleeping right next to him with his arm around her waist. She had been scared, picking up on the tense mood around the house, and she had come to him for comfort. She was almost seven years old now. The other children were put to bed by Jack and Judy, who then went to bed themselves in Emma's room. Jack tried to call Monica before they went to bed, but she wasn't answering her cell phone.   
  
At the hospital, Monica couldn't sleep. It was part the endorphin rush from the delivery but also sadness. She was sad that her little son was dead, but she was more sad that she wasn't feeling any real sorrow yet. She had felt it during the minutes between finding out he was dead and pushing Mary out, but then the feeling had more or less gone away. And right now she couldn't really feel happy over Mary either. It was as if she couldn't feel anything strong at all.   
She wished Chandler was with her. She knew he was with their other children but she wished he could be there anyway. He had their four oldest children with him, she was almost all alone. Mary was there, asleep in a cradle next to her. Monica was scared that anything would happen to her too and she couldn't relax enough to go to sleep.   
She looked up when the door opened.   
"Chandler?" she said hopefully.   
"No, it's me" Phoebe said and entered. She shut the door and leaned against it, then spoke softly. "Chandler called me. He told me what happened. I am so sorry Monica."   
Monica nodded and started to cry again, even though she wasn't feeling the pain she thought she should. She was more crying because if Chandler had told everyone then there really was no chance that the boy was alive. She knew deep down that he had been stillborn, but at the same time she hadn't been able to get it out of her head that maybe he was still alive.   
"He called me up again later…" Phoebe softly continued. "He explained why he couldn't be here tonight. And he asked me to come here instead. Because I've carried children for nine months and then had to give them up right after their birth. They weren't my biological children and they weren't dead, but they were still taken away from me. He figured I would know what you're going through and that I would be able to comfort you better than Rachel, Ross or Joey."   
"I can't believe he's dead" Monica said with tears falling down her cheeks.   
"Oh honey…" Phoebe said and walked over to her. She pulled Monica into a hug and rocked her back and forth. "It's okay… it's okay… There was nothing you could do. There was no way you could have known."   
Monica started crying harder. Phoebe was crying too, reliving the pain she had felt when she'd had to give up the triplets. And they hadn't even been her own biological children, she had known they were alive and healthy and she had known all along that she wouldn't get to keep them. Monica had thought she would get to keep and raise both twins up until the first twin had been born. Her situation was in many ways worse than Phoebe's had been.   
After a while Monica seemed to be cried out and Phoebe had dried her own tears. She leaned back and gently broke the hug, glancing at the crib next to the bed.   
"Is this the twin girl?" she asked, even though she already knew.   
"We're naming her Mary" Monica said. "Mary Eve Phoebe…"   
"She's beautiful" Phoebe said.   
"I know" Monica said, smiling slightly. "But every time I look at her…"   
"Every time you look at her what?" Phoebe asked gently. "You wish you had two instead of one?"   
"Yeah that…" Monica said. "But mainly, I wonder if she can comprehend what she's lost. If she'll able be able to understand what she lost on the day of her birth."   
"January 1st, 2011" Phoebe said. "From what the head obstetrician told me out in the hall, the first baby born in New York this year. Unusually enough, since the first child is often born right after midnight."   
"The second first child born in New York in 2011" Monica corrected sadly. "She's the first **living** baby born."   
"Really Monica, I am so sorry…" Phoebe said.   
"I know you are" Monica said. "The problem is, I don't know if I am! I feel **nothing**. Not a single thing. I can't feel the bond to little Mary that I've always felt with my children since the minute they were born. And I don't feel pain anymore over Adam."   
"Adam?"   
"Chandler named the boy Adam" Monica explained.   
"But Monica you do feel something" Phoebe said. "I just held you while you cried! I know you feel something."   
"I know but… Even though I've cried a lot today I still haven't really felt anything since they took Adam from me. When they put Mary in my arms I felt happy because she was alive, but I didn't feel… like I loved her really."   
"You do love her Monica" Phoebe said. "She's your daughter."   
"I don't feel like a woman who's just become a mother" Monica said sadly. "I just feel empty."   
"Well maybe that's just your mind's way of coping with it" Phoebe suggested. "That instead of feeling really happy and really sad at the same time, you don't feel anything at first. But you will Monica, trust me."   
"I don't have any luck with sons, do I?" Monica said. "Anthony almost died and Adam did die."   
"Almost, Monica. Anthony almost died. But he's alive and healthy."   
"Poor boy" Monica said with a slight chuckle. "Four sisters and not a single brother."   
"Well Joey had six sisters and not a single brother" Phoebe pointed out. "Look, you're going to be fine. You have a wonderful family, it will be there for you. I mean, first and foremost you have Chandler. He's going to be there for you, and he's loving, he's caring, and he knows you well enough to know when to back off and when to be there. And you have four children at home who are really nice kids and they won't make things harder for you. And don't forget that you still have one new baby left. You may have lost one but you got to keep the other. Most women who lose a child aren't that lucky. They don't have anything for their pregnancy and labour but you have a daughter."   
"Don't forget one thing though…" Monica said. "This is hard for Chandler too. And he might have to take on most of the responsibility of the children now for a while before I can get my act together. Adding that with how he must be feeling right now, he probably won't be able to be there for me as much as I need. He needs someone to lean on too and I don't think it can be me."   
"He has Ross and Joey" Phoebe said. "And Rachel and me. We will help you guys, any way we can. We may have drifted apart but you know we'll always be there for each other. You know that."   
Monica nodded slightly. She looked at the sleeping infant again. She wished there were two babies lying next to each other but she knew there would never be. She couldn't help thinking how unfair it was. For a while now she had really been looking forward to having twins, two little babies that would sleep next to each other in a crib the same night they were born, that would learn to crawl and walk together and go through school and life together. When she had wanted only one child she got twins, but when she wanted twins she'd gotten only one.   
  
"Can I hold her Mommy?" Bridget asked.   
"Sure" Monica said. "Just be careful with her…"   
Monica and Mary had come home earlier that day, a week after the birth of the twins. Chandler had been unusually reserved the entire week and he hadn't stopped by as much as she had expected. The previous times she had been in a hospital with a new-born child he had more or less lived there with her, but this time he had been at home most of the time. He claimed he had to look after the other children, but Monica knew that her parents were helping him out with that. And as soon as she'd gotten home he had left her with the children to go shovel snow. Monica didn't have much time to think about it at the moment though, since the children were flocking around her.   
"Okay, hold her steady now…" Monica said and carefully placed Mary in Bridget's arms.   
"She's so tiny" Bridget said.   
"So was Fran a year ago" Emma said.   
"Is she going to scream as much as Fransesca?" Anthony asked Monica.   
"Fran**ces**ca" Bridget corrected him. "Learn how to say it, Anthony."   
"Oh don't be so picky, missy" Monica said with a smile. "When Emma was little you thought her name was Emba."   
The children laughed, waking Mary up and making her cry. Monica lifted her back to her own arms and gently hushed to her to make her stop crying.   
"Just like Fransesca" Anthony said.   
"Esca see!" Francesca demanded and climbed up on the couch next to Monica.   
"She can't say it either" Anthony said to Bridget.   
"That's because she's a year and a half old" Bridget pointed out.   
"Shh, don't bicker" Monica said. "You remember what we told you right before Francesca was born, right?"   
"Mommy how many years do we have to be quiet and not run around so much?" Emma asked whiningly.   
"Until Mary gets a little older, honey" Monica said.   
"Like Fran or like cousin Ben?" Emma asked skeptically.   
"Ben is almost sixteen, stupid" Bridget said.   
"I'm not stupid!"   
"What did I tell you a minute ago about bickering?" Monica asked with a deep sigh.   
  
Monica sighed and sunk down on one of the living room couches. She was really tired, it had been a long day. Little Mary wasn't even a month old, but they had christened her already. They had been forced to, the priest who had christened all of their children was going away two days later and he wouldn't be back for over a year, and Monica had insisted on having the same priest christen all of their children.   
"I'm really not up for christening parties anymore" Monica said with a sigh to Rachel. "These past few years I've really come to dislike all kind of parties like this. Christening parties, confirmation parties, engagement parties…"   
"The only reason you dislike confirmation parties is because Ross acted like a jerk at Ben's" Rachel said.   
"Who thought it would be that big a deal?" Monica said. "I've always known that Ross is more into Judaism than Christianity, but you'd think he'd be okay with Ben choosing for himself. And besides, these days kids only get confirmed to get presents from relatives."   
"Well you know Ross…" Rachel said. "Remember the whole armadillo fiasco?"   
"I wouldn't call it a fiasco" Monica said with a grin. "But it sure wasn't what he had planned on at first."   
"I will never forget the sight of Ross dressed up as an armadillo" Rachel said with a huge smile on her face. She got something distant in her eyes and her smile changed somewhat.   
"Hello?" Monica said, and leaned forward. She snapped her fingers in front of Rachel a couple of time. "Earth to Greene, are you there?"   
"Yeah…" Rachel said distantly. "I was just thinking."   
"About what?"   
"Ross…"   
"Oh boy…" Monica said with a sigh. "Please tell me--"   
"You know," Rachel said, cutting Monica off, "I would really like to apologize for acting a bit… odd since I found out about you and Chandler having another baby."   
"No need to apologize" Monica said. "I think I can figure out **why** you acted that way."   
"If Chandler had agreed to donate the sperm…" Rachel said. "I mean… In that case I would have been impregnated in April. And I would have been due in January. And what happens? It turns out **you're** pregnant, due in January. It just felt like such a spit in the face. I know you didn't get pregnant on purpose, but it still felt so awful. And I can't help but think every time I look at Mary, that I could have had my own by now."   
"You never know" Monica said. "Maybe you wouldn't have gotten what we got with Mary. You might have gotten what we got with Adam. A stillborn."   
"Well at least I would have been somebody's mother…" Rachel said.   
"You wouldn't say that if you were in that situation" Monica said. "The feeling of losing a child, it's one of the worst there is. And I never even got to know Adam. But maybe that's why it hurts so much. I'll never get to fully know what I lost. The first two weeks I couldn't feel any pain. I didn't feel much joy over Mary either. But then it all came sneaking up on me and before I knew it I was a mess. But luckily enough for me, Chandler went through that phase right away and he had managed to get past the initial pain and devastation. So he could be there for me and help me through mine."   
"Maybe everybody should just marry a friend…" Rachel said. "Someone who knows you really well, that you can just be there for. Marrying a friend seems a lot smarter than marrying a lover…"   
"Better marry your best friend than your lover" Monica said. "My grandmother always said that." She smiled slightly. "And then there are some that marry both…"   
"Like you?" Rachel said. "Yeah you lucked out all right… I wish I could have had that."   
"Rachel it's not too late" Monica said. "These kind of things, they happen when you least expect it. Maybe you're just looking too hard."   
"I've given up on finding someone to marry, don't you remember?" Rachel said. "But I want children. Even more since Mary's birth."   
"Chandler has great plans for her" Monica said with a smile. "He says that most professional athletes are born early in the year. He's hoping that she'll become a professional baseball player or something like that."   
"I once had what you have with Chandler" Rachel said, not having listened to Monica. "With Ross."   
"Rachel…" Monica said warningly.   
"What?" Rachel said. "Ross and I did have something like what you and Chandler have. At least we had the beginning of it… we never got to develop it."   
"Rachel it has been seven years since we heard about you guys being on a break, and frankly I have been very happy during those seven years. So please, don't start anything."   
"Monica aren't you listening?" Rachel said. "Ross and me, we could have been where you and Chandler are now!"   
"I doubt it" Monica said. "Look, Rachel, think about it for a second. It wasn't just Ross cheating that ended your relationship. Things were quite bad between you after just a couple of months. Don't you remember how you fought about something every single day? The longest period of time that passed between two of your fights was three days."   
"Not true" Rachel said. "During our first month we didn't fight at all. And besides, like you and Chandler don't fight. You guys have nearly separated twice!"   
"Hey!" Monica said, getting upset. "We have never been close to separation! Sure, we've had our bad fights these past couple of years, but we've always worked them out and moved on! And during our first year together we only had seven fights. Compare that to the over two hundred fights you and Ross had!"   
"All I'm saying is, Ross and I never really got a chance to come as far as you and Chandler!" Rachel said. "If he hadn't cheated, we would have--"   
"Your relationship was on the rocks with or without Ross cheating" Monica said. "Don't forget Rachel that you did take a break. I don't think that justifies Ross's actions that night, but you took a break. Who's to say you could have worked things out after that?"   
"I think the break would have been our turning point if Ross had only stayed faithful" Rachel objected. "Once we took that break I realized that I didn't want it. I wanted to work things out, I really did. We had problems, I'm not denying that, but I really believed that we could make it work. If only Ross hadn't--"   
"If only Columbus hadn't tried to find India, the North American continent might still not have been discovered by the Europeans" Monica said. "'If only' are two of the most useless words when you combine them. If only Adam could have survived. How does it help me to think like that? You can't change the past, Rach."   
"No I know that. But I can't help wondering where we would be if Ross and I had stayed together."   
"Chandler and I wouldn't have been together" Monica said. "We got together in London, at Ross's wedding with Emily. Don't forget that. I can't see one thing that would have been better if you and Ross had stuck together."   
"No you can't, can you?" Rachel said. "Maybe not in **your** life, but in **mine**!"   
"He's happy Rach!" Monica said. "Ross is happy! Erica makes him happy! Ross wouldn't be much happier if he was still with you!"   
"Thank you" Rachel said, really hurt by that comment.   
"I didn't mean that as offence to you" Monica said. "But Rachel think about it. Maybe you and Ross hadn't been able to work things out. Or maybe you would have, but your relationship was always fragile. What if you got married, had kids. And then couldn't make it work?"   
"What if you and Chandler don't work out in the long run?" Rachel replied. "Maybe you'll end up divorced, who knows? Would you then be able to say that things would have been just as good, or maybe even better, if the two of you had broken up back in the twentieth century?"   
"No" Monica said honestly. "But that's not what I'm saying either. What I'm saying is, Ross and you ended when you did for a **reason**."   
"Yeah, Xerox girl Chloe!" Rachel said.   
"No, because it just didn't work."   
"You know something?" Rachel said testily. "I wish Ross and I had stayed together, even if it meant you never getting together with Chandler. You don't care about your friends anymore Monica! It's only Chandler, Chandler, Chandler and your kids. You make minor problems seem like reasons to kill yourself!"   
"Excuse me, minor problems?" Monica said. "I gave birth to a stillborn baby less than a month ago. That is my problem. Yours is that fourteen years ago you broke up with someone. Don't come talking to me about problems."   
"Monica you have a family. You have a marriage and you have children. And I have nothing. Yet you complain, and you complain."   
"This life isn't easier than being single!" Monica objected. "And I have never denied that I am a very lucky woman. Don't you think I know how fortunate I am? But that doesn't mean everything is easy! Chandler and I get unfazed sometimes and we fight. I have a daughter who turns nine in two months and starts fourth grade this fall and has started to for some reason I don't know seclude herself from the other children. And I have a daughter who turns seven in about a month who less than a year ago walked off on a beach in Los Angeles and nearly disappeared forever. And I have a son who's four, who just a year ago was so sick that we didn't know if he would survive. And a daughter who is seventeen months old, plus a not even seventeen **weeks** old baby who was supposed to have a twin brother! Do you think it's easy to take care of that many children, while keeping a marriage fun, healthy and alive?"   
"No I didn't say that!" Rachel objected angrily. "But I know that you wouldn't trade all of your worries in for my life even for a **minute**. I have no one. You have a husband and five children. I don't need you to yell at me for wishing I could have had the same thing."   
Rachel got up and hurried down the stairs. Monica glanced over at Mary with a sigh and lifted her up from her carrier.   
"I wonder what it would have been like if your Father and I hadn't gotten together" she said to the baby. "I don't believe in meant to be, at least I don't think so… It was pure luck that brought us together. I wonder if you'll have the same luck in your life, little one…"   
She lifted Mary up in her arms. Chandler came up the stairs and smiled slightly. She could hear Bridget, Emma and Anthony playing in the hallway downstairs and she knew Francesca was asleep. Things were hectic but she knew Rachel was right, she wouldn't trade her life in for a life like Rachel's for as much as a minute.   
"How's the newly christened child?" Chandler asked.   
"She wants her Daddy to hold her" Monica said.   
Chandler smiled and sat down next to her on the couch. He lifted Mary over to his arms and gave Monica a kiss.   
"And how's the newly christened child's Mother?"   
"She also wants to be held by you" Monica said with a slight smile.   
"Can't help but thinking there should have been two today?" he asked.   
"You're thinking it too, aren't you?"   
"Yes" Chandler said. "But you know… I don't think our whole lives will be like that. I don't think we'll watch Mary grow and at every step of the way think that there should have been two instead of one. I mean, we never got a chance to get attached to Adam like that. And in time we'll probably put it behind us."   
"I'll never forget him."   
"Neither will I" Chandler said. "But I think that's all we can do for him. To always remember him."   
"Who's gonna take care of him?" Monica asked. "In heaven, or wherever he is. Who's going to protect him and help him?"   
"I don't know" Chandler said truthfully. "Maybe my Dad will. Or my Aunt who died."   
"Do you think Mary will be affected by this?" Monica asked. "Do you think she'll be a tomboy? A lesbian?"   
"Possibly" Chandler said. "But her sexuality probably won't have anything to do with Adam's death. If she turns out to be a lesbian that doesn't mean that she would have been straight if Adam had lived."   
"Yeah, she's an individual" Monica agreed. "And twins don't have to be best friends and inseparable. Just look at Phoebe and Ursula. Maybe she won't suffer one bit from this."   
"It won't scar her. But it might make her wonder about what could have been if her brother had gotten to live."   
"So you think we should tell her, in other words?"   
"When she's old enough…" Chandler said. "I mean, wouldn't you hate it if you found out at this age that you had a twin that died at birth? She has a right to know, and she should get to find out as soon as she is old enough…"   
Monica nodded slightly.   
"Guess what, by the way…" she said. "I think Rachel might be interested in Ross again."   
"No, not again" Chandler moaned. "When is she going to give up on this? I thought she already had! She was more than fine with him marrying Erica!"   
"She was with Boris then" Monica reminded him. "She's always been like that. When she's single and he's not, she wants him."   
"You probably misunderstood her" Chandler said. "And even if you didn't, I doubt she would try and get back together with him. It's been so many years and he's obviously moved on."   
"I'm not so sure about that…" Monica said. "We all thought Rachel had moved on, right? If she hasn't then what's to say Ross has?"   
  
Monica and Chandler shared a look. 'Here we go again' his look told her. She nodded. It was the billionth time they had been in a situation like this, it felt like. And they were getting really tired of it.   
They were in Rachel's apartment together with Ross and Rachel, and with little Mary in her carrier on the table. The baby was asleep, Monica hoped that it would help keep Ross and Rachel's voices down. If they woke the baby she would get really angry, and both Ross and Rachel hopefully knew it.   
"Rachel I cannot believe you, I thought this was all over and done with **years** ago" Ross said, very upset.   
"Yeah, join the line" Chandler said.   
"I just don't understand what the hell you were thinking!" Ross continued, ignoring Chandler. "My wife goes out of town and you show up at my house, from the looks of it just wanting to hang out. And then before I know it, you're making major passes at me!"   
"I was not making major passes at you!" Rachel defended herself. "I was telling you the **truth**. That I haven't been able to stop thinking about what could have been between us if only you had--"   
"Don't even go there!" Ross warned her.   
"Friends make the best couples, isn't that what you used to say?"   
"I said that to Chandler and Monica, at their wedding" Ross said. "I never said it went for you and me. Sure, we were great together. But we obviously **didn't** make a great couple."   
"I don't think that was the problem, if I may interfere" Chandler said. "The problem was that you forgot that you were friends once you started dating."   
"Unlike you, who forgot you **had** friends when you got married" Rachel angrily said.   
"Okay, I'll just stay out of this conversation" Chandler said.   
"Rach, this is just **pointless**" Ross said. "I am happily married, I have no intentions of you and I getting back together! At all!"   
"Ross…" Rachel said. "Did you just lie to me back then? Huh? Was it all just lies when you said you loved me more than you'd ever loved anybody? That it had always been me?"   
"No" Ross said. "I wasn't lying to you. But Rachel things **change**. I have moved on, I thought we both had!"   
"I don't think either one of us have" Rachel disagreed. "You know what I think? I think that we both had some idea of what it would be like to date each other, to date a close friend when we got together. I think we both had this idea that we would somehow not have to deal with the problems other couples have because we were friends first. But then it turned out that we got those problems too, and we weren't prepared for it. I think that's why we ended up as we did. We for some reason thought we stood above things like that, but we really didn't. If we were to give it another try--"   
"We never **will** give it another try Rachel!" Ross objected. "I'm married, I have a wife!"   
"Yeah, well that hasn't stopped the two of you before" Monica dryly pointed out.   
"Excuse me?" Ross angrily said.   
"Ross don't you realize that you and I would make a perfect team?" Rachel said. "We know each other much better than you and Erica know each other, you cannot deny that."   
"True" Ross said. "But even though we know each other well--"   
"Knowing me, knowing you" Chandler sang, interrupting them. "There is nothing we can do, knowing me, knowing you."   
"Chandler please…" Monica sighed.   
"We just have to face it this time we're through" Chandler continued singing.   
"Chandler stay out of this!" Rachel said angrily. "You're only making things worse, you're certainly not helping!"   
"Breaking up is never easy, I know, but I have to go" Chandler continued. "Knowing me, knowing you, it's the best I can do."   
"So what the hell are you saying, that we know each other too well?" Rachel asked.   
Chandler shrugged his shoulders.   
"How should I know?" he said.   
"Rach it's too late" Ross said. "We broke up so long ago, we've both moved on with our lives! You and me, we're in the past! Erica is my future."   
"And what about hers?" Monica couldn't help asking. "What about Rachel's?"   
"Excuse me, but I am in no way responsible for her future" Ross said.   
"I'm not asking you to be" Rachel said with crossed arms. "What I'm saying is that I love you. Old love never dies, can you honestly tell me that you feel **nothing** for me? That I'm just a friend to you now, nothing else."   
"You'll never be just a friend" Ross said. "But you'll never be my girlfriend again. This is one marriage I intend on making work."   
"Just hypothetically…" Rachel said. "Would you make it work even if Erica wasn't the woman you wanted?"   
"She is" Ross said.   
"Ross you cannot get away from the history you and I share" Rachel said. "Don't you get it? We keep getting together and breaking up. And getting together again. We get together over and over again, don't you think there's a **reason** for that? We're drawn to each other and we always have been."   
"Chandler got together with Janice numerous times" Ross said, making Chandler flinch at the mention of his ex. "Probably more times than you and I got together. Do you think he should divorce Mon and go be with Janice?"   
"Chandler didn't love Janice like you and I loved each other" Rachel said.   
"Chandler maybe we should leave" Monica said. "This isn't something we should be listening to. It's not our business."   
"No you can stay" Ross said. "Rachel and I are almost done now."   
"You two are never done" Chandler said.   
"See?" Rachel said. "Ask anyone and you'll get the same answer. That you and I keep getting back together, over and over. That we never really end."   
"We also never make it work" Ross pointed out. "We're together for a while and then we break up. We may be drawn to each other but we have never been able to make it work, and you know that."   
"Mamma mia," Chandler sang, "even if I said, 'bye, bye', leave me now or never."   
"Chandler…" Monica said warningly.   
"Mamma mia, it's a game we play. Bye, bye, doesn't mean forever."   
"Enough already! God!" Monica said.   
"Mamma mia, here I go again--"   
"Chandler!" the other three said firmly. Chandler gave them a look but quieted.   
"See what you get when you marry a friend?" Monica said to Rachel with a sigh. "Come on Chandler, let's leave. We should get back home."   
Chandler rose and followed her to the door.   
"You coming?" he asked Ross.   
"Yeah" Ross said.   
"We're not finished with this discussion" Rachel said.   
"We are" Ross said. "I'll be in the car" he told Monica and Chandler, and hurried down the stairs.   
Rachel said goodbye to them and closed the door to her apartment. Chandler and Monica shared a look and shook their heads. This was turning into some weird circus. They had thought it was over when Ross married Erica and Rachel moved in with Boris, but by now they were starting to doubt that it would ever be over.   
"You know what I think?" Monica said, walking towards the stairs, carrying Mary in the baby lift.   
"Sure" Chandler said.   
"I think that her biological clock is ticking very loudly by now, and she wants a marriage no matter what she says. And then she sees you and me together and remembers what it was like between her and Ross, the good times at least. And she comes to the conclusion that Ross is the perfect man for her to marry and have kids with."   
"I don't think it's all that easy though" Chandler said. "Rachel does love him. She wouldn't try to end his marriage if she didn't."   
"But if she really does love him she'd want him to be happy, even with another woman" Monica said. "That's what I would have wanted for you."   
Chandler smiled and stopped her right before she walked out of the building to meet Ross by the car. He put his arms around her from behind and pulled her in for a hug.   
"Mamma mia," he quietly sang in her ear, "now I really know, my, my, I could never let you go…"   
  
Chandler yawned big and glanced over at Mary. She was sleeping in her crib. Chandler felt ready to go to sleep too. It had been a long night on his part. Emma had woken up at ten, with nightmares, and she had wanted him to sit by her until she fell asleep, which had taken almost an hour. And then she had woken up again at one, with the same nightmare again. Chandler had had to sit with her again until she fell asleep, which took much longer this time. And when she was finally asleep, Mary had woken up and screamed for food. He had only gotten three hours of sleep during the night.   
He glanced over at the clock hanging over his and Monica's bed. It would be another three hours before Monica got back home. She and Rachel had promised Ben to come watch a soccer game he was playing in the neighbourhood, and afterwards they would go out for pizza together with Ross, Carol and Susan. Chandler didn't feel annoyed that Monica was away, he was happy for her. She didn't get many chances to go out during the day without children with her, and he felt she deserved it. She'd taken Adam's death very hard and she hadn't been herself lately.   
Chandler yawned again and used his foot to get the rocking chair to rock slowly. He had moved it to the bedroom for Monica right after the twins had been born, so that she could sit in it and nurse in their bedroom when Mary woke up at night.   
"This thing is so comfortable…" Chandler muttered to no one. "I could fall asleep right here, right now."   
The house seemed unusually quiet. Bridget and Emma were busy playing the latest version of Nintendo, that Chandler's Mother had gotten them for Christmas. Chandler had told them to keep the volume down, and they didn't appear to be saying much to one another so they were unusually quiet. Francesca was napping and Anthony was occupied with some puzzles Monica had gotten him for Christmas. And Mary was asleep.   
Chandler felt his head fall to the side, and he looked over at the sleeping baby. He could barely keep his eyes open and watching a little child sleep didn't make him any more awake.   
"Maybe I'll just sleep for a little while" he said in the middle of a yawn.   
Shortly after he was asleep. He didn't sleep for a little while, he slept for over two and a half hours. Anthony had abandoned his puzzles but instead joined his older sisters, and Francesca had a cold so she slept longer than usually. There was nothing disturbing his sleep.   
Once he woke up he yawned big and stretched. He glanced over at the clock and got surprised when he noticed the time it showed.   
"How could I have slept for so long?" he asked himself in a yawn. "How come none of the kids woke me?"   
He rose from the chair and stretched again. He felt drowsy and he had a small headache. His muscles felt sore as well when he stretched. He was probably coming down with the same thing Francesca had. That was the problem of having a big family, colds jumped back and forth and it seemed as if one of them always had one.   
"Maybe we ought to get you up Mary" he mumbled to himself. "And then get your sister up. Francesca's been asleep long enough now, don't you think? Not that you would know which one of your sisters is Francesca, and how long would be long enough, but just trust your Daddy, she's slept enough."   
He looked over at the baby and frowned. She seemed to be lying awfully still. He felt a sting of worry as he walked over to her and put a hand on her forehead. He placed one finger under her nose, then asked himself why he had done that. He tried shaking her awake but when she didn't react he got worried. He rushed over to the nightstand and grabbed the cordless phone. He quickly dialled 911.   
"Yes hello?" he said once someone answered. "Major emergency, I can't wake my baby! She's sleeping and I can't wake her up! What do I do? I don't know if she's breathing, I don't know how to tell, should I just put her in ice-cold water and shock her to breathing?"   
  
Monica came home early, with Ross and Rachel in tow. She was sick to death listening to their bickering back and forth, which had now seemed to gone from whether or not they should date again to why they broke up in the first place and how much blame could be put on the break and Ross sleeping with the Xerox girl. . Monica had heard it all before, thousands of times, and it was really getting on her nerves. Luckily enough though, the bickering duo had been able to hold off until Ben wasn't there before they started their constant bickering once again. But Monica still wished they would stop. Ever since Rachel had brought the subject up late in January they hadn't done much other than bicker about it. It was now April, a week after Anthony's birthday, and they still hadn't talked anything through, just thrown insults in every direction.   
"Ross, Rachel..." Monica said, stopping at the front door. "Could you please** not** mention such things as 'doing other women' and 'wanting to get it on with Mark' while you're in my house and my children are awake?"   
"Fine" Ross said, annoyed. Then he turned to Rachel. "Tell me why you ever thought we could work something out between us!"   
"I still think we can" Rachel said. "If only we took the time to work through our problems!"   
"Perhaps a little late for that..." Monica muttered and went inside. "Hello!" she called out, greeted by three 'hellos' from the oldest children.   
"Your sister can be so annoying sometimes" Rachel muttered to Ross under her breath. "Not a single problem in the world, yet she always makes it sound like she has a lot more problems than you do yourself."   
The two walked in after Monica, who said she was going to be right back.   
"I'm just gonna go check on the baby" she said. Then she thought of something. "Chandler?" she called out, getting no answer. "That's odd..." She went over to the stairs. "Kids?" she asked. "Have you seen Dad?"   
"No" all three replied.   
"Weird" Monica said. "Or maybe he's just asleep."   
She walked through the kitchen to their bedroom. She found Chandler there, wide awake and with a panicked expression on his face. She hadn't seen him looking that pale in a very long time.   
"Hey" she said with a smile. "So you are awake? How come you didn't answer me when I called out?" She placed a kiss on his cheek. "What's the matter, you look funny."   
"Monica..." Chandler began, not noticing how much he was shivering.   
"Yeah?" she said, walking over to the crib to say hello to Mary.   
"Gorgeous house, gorgeous kids, really great husband..." Rachel muttered to herself out in the hall below the stairs, where she was waiting with Ross.   
Both she and Ross looked up when they heard Monica screaming hysterically. For a couple of seconds she screamed wordlessly, then she started screaming 'no'. By that time Ross and Rachel snapped out of their initial shock and ran to Monica and Chandler's bedroom to see what on earth was going on.   
"Monica!" Chandler was saying, trying to get through to her. "Monica! I've called 911, they're on their way, okay?"   
Monica didn't seem to react at first, she just screamed 'no' hysterically and slowly backed away from the crib. Ross hurried over and looked down on Mary, who was lying perfectly still and was turning pale and blue. He immediately understood what was going on and he swallowed hard.   
Monica came up and pushed him away, still screaming, as if it would be able to awaken the baby. She lifted Mary up and held her close, still screaming but not yet crying. The doorbell rang and Rachel hurried to go answer. She didn't know for sure, but she was quite sure of what was going on. She was shivering just like Chandler, shocked by what was going on and feeling terribly bad over what she had been saying just minutes earlier. She let the paramedics in, wondering what on earth they would be able to do to help, and showed them to where the baby was.   
One of the paramedics took Mary from Monica and quickly examined her but knew that there was nothing they could do.   
"It's no use" he said. "She's already been dead for a while now."   
Chandler finally got through to Monica, telling her that she was scaring the other children, and she stopped her hysterical screaming. Instead she fell into his arms and burst out crying, moaning the word 'no' over and over again and leaning against him as if she would fall over if he didn't support her. Chandler didn't rock her as he usually did when she was crying. He started to cry too and buried his face in her neck just like she did in his.   
Ross and Rachel hardly noticed the paramedics that were discussing quietly whether to write it off as a case of sudden infant death syndrome, which wasn't too uncommon, or if they should take the baby with them for an autopsy at the hospital. Ross and Rachel were instead focusing on Chandler and Monica. Neither of them knew what to say or do. Neither of them had ever seen Chandler cry genuine tears of sadness and they were shocked by seeing him weep in Monica's arms with her crying in his.   
The paramedics left, taking the dead baby with them and telling Ross that they would keep the baby at the hospital and that they could come down there later and sign some papers if they agreed to an autopsy, or just to get the body. Ross didn't respond, sickened by the thought that his youngest niece was all of a sudden just 'the body'.   
Rachel couldn't stay in there with Monica and Chandler anymore, she turned and left the room quickly. She stopped halfway through the kitchen when she saw Emma, Bridget and Anthony in the doorway.   
"Why did Mommy scream?" Emma asked worriedly.   
Rachel sighed and walked over to them, gently urging them to follow her to Francesca's room. She figured that Francesca would be more than awake by now, which turned out to be a correct assumption. She carefully lifted her up from her bed and held her close, remembering how much she had wanted her own baby when she had seen Monica carry around Francesca. And how she had wanted one even more when Monica had gotten pregnant again. She swallowed hard and turned around to face the other three children of Monica's.   
"Is she okay?" Bridget asked, scared by her mother's screams.   
"Yeah..." Rachel said. "Sort of." She didn't know what to tell them. It didn't feel like her place to tell them their sister had died. "It's just... She just... I'm not sure."   
"Will she be okay?" Bridget asked.   
"Yes" Rachel said. "She'll be just fine."   
Ross showed up in the doorway.   
"I couldn't be there any longer either" he told Rachel. He kneeled down to get on level with the children. "Hey, how are you guys? A little scared?"   
"What's going on?" Anthony asked.   
"Well..." Ross began. He didn't know how to tell them either. "You don't have to worry" he said instead. "Nothing bad has happened to your Mom."   
"Is it Dad?" Anthony asked.   
Ross shook his head. He had no idea what to say or do. He didn't know if a five year-old, a seven year-old and a nine year-old would be able to understand what had happened. He didn't give any thought to Francesca, she was just a little more than eighteen months old and he didn't think she had any idea what was going on at all.   
"Look, why don't you uhm... Why don't you let Rachel take care of Francesca, and you guys can come with me upstairs and we'll read a story or something."   
"What about Mary, who's going to look after her?" Bridget asked.   
"Mary... She's looked after" Rachel said hesitantly. "Don't worry about her."   
Bridget reluctantly nodded and followed Ross upstairs. Emma and Anthony followed as well, neither of them interested in hearing a story but they realized that the grown-ups were preoccupied with something else and that it was easiest just to do as their uncle said. Ross told Emma to pick out a story and sat down on the couch. He felt awful. He wondered whether it would be Chandler or Monica who told the children. He guessed it would be Chandler.   
Downstairs, Rachel had just changed Francesca's diaper and was slowly getting her dressed in something else than her pyjamas. She hadn't heard a word from Chandler and Monica's bedroom but she didn't want to go over there and see how they were doing. Seeing Chandler cry had affected her a lot, she had really been taken by it. And she had realized that she never wanted to see that man cry again. It made her feel uncomfortable just thinking about it. Monica's tears were different, they were more intense but Rachel was used to Monica crying. She had often seen her cry, both out of joy and sadness. She had never seen Chandler cry of joy, although Monica said he had when he had proposed to her and when the children had been born. Rachel and the rest hadn't been allowed to be in the room once Monica started to push when she was giving birth to Bridget and they hadn't been present during the other births, so she hadn't had the chance to see him cry then. The only times she had seen him cry it hadn't been really sincere. It had been right after Monica had gotten upset that he had admitted to perhaps not crying if she died.   
"You know what kiddo?" she said to Francesca. "I take one thing back... Your Mother's life isn't perfect. If it was, you'd still have a little sister... and a little brother for that matter... And a Father who yet hadn't cried in front of auntie Rachel."   
She lifted Francesca up and for a second thought about taking her to the bedroom, for either Chandler or Monica to hold and be comforted by. But she realized that right now the only child either of them wanted to hold was the dead one.   
  
Monica was cold but she didn't feel it. She couldn't tell the difference between how she was feeling inside and how her body was reacting to it's environment. She didn't know which day had been the worst of her life, the day Mary died or this day. The rain was smattering against the umbrella but still drops found their way underneath to get her wet, and the rain brought out a smell of grass and dirt from the ground. Chandler's arm was on around her shoulders, the other held up the umbrella above their heads. Monica's hands were holding a child each, Bridget in the left and Anthony in the right. Ross was holding Emma and Joey had Francesca in his arms. The only reason they had brought Francesca as well was because they didn't have anyone to baby-sit.   
Chandler and Monica both had expressionless faces as they watched the tiny casket lowered into the grown next to a tiny grave that was only around four months old. Two children dead and buried with one third of the year. Monica didn't cry. She was all cried out at the moment. She had spent the first couple of days crying non-stop but by now she didn't feel as if she had a single tear left in her. Chandler hadn't cried either, not since right after Mary's death when they had cried in each other's arms. The children weren't crying either, except for Francesca who wanted out of the cold rainy weather and back inside where it was warm and dry. Phoebe cried silently, she was the only one of the adults. There weren't many people present, just Chandler and Monica with their children, Monica's parents and Chandler's Mother, and the gang. Neither of the others had brought any of their families, except for Ross who had Ben with him. They weren't going to have any form of funeral reception, just the actual burial and then they would all go home.   
Chandler's hand gave Monica's shoulder a gentle squeeze. She accepted it as support from him. She knew it was all he could master at the moment, just knowing that he still tried to support her was enough for her. She remembered the year before, almost exactly one year earlier, when they had been in Los Angeles together with Rachel. They had nearly lost Emma that time, Monica wondered what it would have been like if she had gotten lost. They would have no place to go to grieve, no grave to visit, nothing. They wouldn't even know if she was alive or not. They would always have to wonder. But luckily enough Emma hadn't gone lost. She was back where she belonged. Monica also remembered the reason why they had been in Los Angeles in the first place. Rachel's wish that Chandler would father her baby. Rachel's baby would have been the same age as the twins, born at almost the exact same time, if Chandler had agreed. He hadn't, and Monica felt more thankful for that now than ever. Whether or not Rachel had gotten pregnant Monica figured she would have, and having to stand there now watching the fresh twin graves would have been unbearable if Rachel had had a little child the same age as the twins, a little child that was Chandler's. Monica hoped Rachel would have children someday soon, but she knew she couldn't handle Rachel having Chandler's.   
It had been a little over a week since Mary's death, and Rachel hadn't mentioned having children since. She had often talked about it since Mary's christening, but it was as if she had lost all interest to talk about it now. Or maybe she just didn't want to talk about it to the grieving parents.   
Bridget let go of Monica's hand right before they started filling the grave up with dirt. Monica watched her anxiously yet somehow numbly as she approached the open grave, afraid that her oldest child would fall in. Bridget was holding a pair of yellow feeding bottles, twin bottles. She tossed them in the grave.   
"For you and Adam" she mumbled. "In case you need them."   
She walked back to Monica and took her hand again. Monica thought about all the things they had bought for the twins, the twin pram, the doublets of all the baby equipment. Now there wasn't even one baby to use the products for. She felt bitter.   
  
"Crap…" Chandler muttered a week later, when he and Monica were going through the bills.   
"What?" Monica asked, looking up.   
"I forgot to cancel this… Our trip to Greece for our anniversary."   
"Well then don't cancel it" Monica said.   
"You want to go on a romantic second honeymoon **now**?" Chandler asked in disbelief.   
"I am not going to let this stop us from living our lives" Monica said. "We can't do that to the other children and we can't do that to ourselves. Getting away from New York and everything here might be good for us."   
"I'm not sure..." Chandler said, hesitating. "Are you sure we should leave the kids? And are you sure we'd have any use of this trip? We were planning on going with the twins after all, now we're ending up going alone, something tells me that the biggest space will be taken by the missing two..."   
"We're going" Monica decided.   
"Okay..." Chandler agreed, not up for the fight. "So will you or I double-check where the kids are staying?"   
"I can do that" Monica offered. "What was it we said? Rachel takes Bridget, Ross and Erica take Emma and my parents take Anthony and Fran?"   
"I'm not so sure that's a good idea" Chandler said. "I don't think we should split them up that much. Bridget and Emma probably want to stay together. Sisterly comfort and all that stuff... they're probably feeling quite unsafe at the moment with everything that's been going on around here."   
"Well then what do we do?" Monica complained. "Rachel can't take care of two of our children for a week, not on her own, not when she's got to find time for work as well. And Ross and Erica have Ben as well that week, we can't ask them to take an extra child. And my parents can't take all four."   
"So why don't we just stay home?" Chandler asked. "Look, how fun will we be able to have anyway? It would be our first whole week away from the kids and we've both got a whole lot of stuff to work through, dealing with the..." He trailed off.   
"The death of the twins, you can say it" Monica said. "Chandler maybe this is just what we need! To get away from being parents and living in this unfortunately not very varied life, to just get to be you and me for a week. That's the way it all started after all. I think maybe we can find our way back to each other--"   
"I didn't know we were apart from each other" Chandler cut her off.   
"We're not, not **that** way Monica said. "But come on, this whole ordeal, it threatens to push us apart... Children dying is a very high cause of divorce. Listen, I just think that if we got to be just you and me, just us, we could support each other through this. I could help you with your sorrow and you could help me with mine. And furthermore, I am not going to spend the day that marks one decade since our wedding being sad and miserable, grieving the loss of our two babies. Just this one week I would really like to get away from it all, recharge my batteries..."   
"If it really means that much to you..." Chandler said, reluctantly agreeing. He didn't think going away would solve anything, but he didn't want to put her down when she for once seemed to be in a good mood.   
  
"Okay now, hurry up, or Mom and Dad will miss their flight!" Chandler said with a glance at his wristwatch.   
He put Francesca's last shoe on and checked to see that her bag was there and packed. He then tied Anthony's shoelaces, ignoring the angry cries from the boy that he could do it on his own, he was a big boy now.   
Monica grabbed her jacket and urged Emma to hurry up a little. Bridget, who had been ready for several minutes, sighed deeply from her place on Monica's suitcase. She hated waiting around and her younger siblings always took so long getting ready.   
"Is everything packed, is everything in order?" Monica asked worriedly.   
"For the eighteenth time, yes" Chandler answered.   
Monica hurried off one last time to check that the oven was off, that no candles were left burning and about a hundred other things. Chandler sighed and told her to move it, or they would be late. They had three hours before their flight left and they had to drop of the children first. Chandler expected long and exhausting goodbye scenes, Monica had gotten even more worried about the children since Mary's death. Especially Anthony got quite smothered, she had always been more careful with him, ever since he almost died. Now she was getting close to suffocating him. Chandler figured that if not else, at least the children got a break from her for a week by this trip. Her motherly love was going over the top at the moment.   
"Okay, everyone out in the car, Tony you can sit in Mommy's lap, get a move on children or we'll be late."   
He grabbed the last suitcase, the one Bridget had been sitting on, and Francesca's bag and walked out to the car with it. The trunk was already filled with bags and suitcases but he managed to stuff two more in there. Bridget was already in the car, she had gotten out as soon as he told them to, she was bored with waiting inside. She had her Walkman on, listening to her music, and tried to get comfortable on the child cushion in the back. Emma got angry that her sister was already in the car, since Monica had to get in as second to be able to sit in the middle where there was no child cushion.   
"Mother!" she whiningly said. "Hurry up, I want to get in the car!"   
Monica sighed deeply and walked out with Anthony in tow and Francesca in her arms. Chandler took Francesca from her and closed the door, making sure it was locked. While Monica, Anthony and Emma got seated in the back, Chandler placed Francesca in the front baby seat. They had gotten one of those for twins as well, now it would never be used.   
Emma, Bridget and Anthony bickered at first in the back seat, until Monica sharply told them to sit still and be quiet. Chandler thought that the only one who seemed to be in a good mood was Francesca. He hated driving with the entire family when hardly anyone was in a good mood.   
Their first stop was Jack and Judy's house. Emma had to get out to let Monica and Anthony out of the car, but then she jumped back in the back seat, refusing to come inside and meet her grandparents. Bridget wasn't showing much interest either of going inside, so Monica let them stay in the car. She searched through the trunk, having to remove a couple of bags, before she found Anthony's bag and the bag with Francesca's diapers and bottles. Luckily enough, Francesca's other bag had been easy to get out. She then put everything that wasn't supposed to follow the younger children back into the trunk and closed it. Chandler had by then gotten Francesca out of the car seat and was waiting for Monica with Francesca in his arms and Anthony patiently waiting next to him. Jack came out and helped Monica carry the bags and Judy came out and took Francesca from Chandler.   
"Honey," Chandler said to Monica before they followed her parents inside, "make this quick will you? We don't have time for long goodbyes and the girls are waiting in the car."   
Monica nodded and walked inside, Chandler in tow.   
"We can't stay, unfortunately, we have to go" Monica said to her parents. "Gotta go drop the oldest two off." She bent down and gave Anthony a long hug. "You be good, okay? Mommy's gonna miss you!"   
"You'll be back soon" Anthony said, not sounding worried.   
"Uh-hu" Monica said, emotional.   
"You'll be back tonight" Anthony added.   
"No honey" Judy said. "They'll be back in a week."   
"How many tonights is that?" Anthony asked.   
"Never you mind" Chandler said and lifted him up. "Give your old man a hug instead. I'm gonna miss you too."   
"Why will you be gone for more than one tonight?" Anthony asked.   
"Because we're going to Europe" Chandler said. "And when you go to Europe, you stay for more than one tonight."   
"Why?"   
"Because Europe is far away and it takes a while to get there."   
"As long as it takes to drive to the city?" Anthony asked.   
"Longer" Chandler said. "See, to Europe you go by plane. Remember how I told you about that?"   
He jokingly demonstrated by playing airplane with Anthony for a minute, making the boy laugh. Then Chandler gave him a kiss and put him down, and took Francesca from a slightly reluctant Monica.   
"Mommy I was an airplane!" Anthony said, and she turned her attention to him instead.   
Chandler said goodbye to Francesca and then handed her one of her favourite pacifiers. He felt really bad about leaving her for an entire week when she was so small. He was afraid she would start crying and screaming for Monica, and possibly for him too, and they wouldn't be there. He didn't want her to feel abandoned. He partly wished they had left Emma or Bridget with her instead, since they were older and could provide better comfort for her than Anthony could. He was only five and would probably get parent-sick as well.   
"Okay" he then said, deciding that it was best to leave before he managed to convince himself that they shouldn't leave at all. He handed Francesca to Jack and took Monica's hand. "We should get going. We'll call you as soon as we get to Greece, and we'll make sure to call every day."   
"Bye Mommy!" Anthony said, waving.   
"What about me?" Chandler asked.   
Anthony hugged his legs and Chandler lifted him up for one more hug before he handed him over to Judy.   
"Now we're gonna go, before Mommy gets too emotional" he said, and led Monica out the door.   
Monica looked sad when they went back to the car, but didn't have time to feel low when she had to sort out a disagreement between Bridget and Emma before she could get Emma to get out of the car so that Monica herself could get in. They had finally decided to leave both children with Ross and Erica, and Chandler glanced at the time while driving over there. They had a little over two hours now and he hoped that would be enough.   
Once they got to Ross's Chandler told Monica to go in ahead with the girls while he got their bags. She firmly told the children to behave and to stop bickering and walked inside. Ross and Ben were the only ones there, Erica was at work, but that didn't bother neither Monica nor the girls. Both Bridget and Emma loved Ben, and they behaved like little angels when he was around. Monica just hoped they wouldn't bother him too much, he was sixteen years old now and she was sure that two young girls could start getting annoying for him quite soon if they didn't leave him alone.   
"Where's Chandler?" Ross asked and kissed Monica on the cheek.   
"Getting their bags" Monica said.   
"All by himself?"   
"They're nine and seven, they haven't yet hit the massive wardrobe state" Monica said. "Plus, there wasn't too much room in the trunk. So it's just two bags and their backpacks, which they're already wearing."   
She gave Ben a hug.   
"Hey Aunt Monica" Ben said. "You are so lucky getting to go to Europe."   
"I've always wanted to see Greece" Monica said with a slight smile. "Especially Athens and Ithaca. You ought to bug your Dad until he caves and gives you a trip to Europe."   
"Don't think I won't remember that piece of advice for when your children get older" Ross said.   
Chandler came in with the two bags and put them down. He gave Ross a pat on the shoulder and Ben a brief hug.   
"Monica we should get going as soon as we can, traffic is already turning into a bitch and we've only got--"   
"I know" Monica said. "Either way I think it's smarter if we get going fast. Otherwise I'll turn all weepy."   
Monica ended up getting weepy anyway, mainly because both Bridget and Emma turned clingy and didn't want to be left for a week. Chandler told them twice that it would only be a week and they would call them every day, but it didn't seem to do much good. Finally Ben mentioned all the cool presents they would get once Monica and Chandler got back home, and that seemed to change the girls' minds.   
Once they had said goodbye they hurried out to the car. Monica noticed that the front baby seat was missing and she gave Chandler a questioning look.   
"What happened to the baby seat? Did we leave it at Mom and Dad's?"   
"No, I put it in the trunk while I got the girls' bags" Chandler said. "Although we should have left it with your parents. But too late for that now, get in, we're running late."   
Monica got in and felt how strange it was to all of a sudden be sitting next to Chandler while he drove. She hadn't been able to do that in a long time, they had had baby seats there ever since Anthony was little.   
"So how are you feeling?" Chandler asked as he drove towards the airport.   
"Separation anxiety, I have to admit" Monica said. "It's so hard to leave them, especially when they call me Mommy with pleading voices..."   
"Well we knew we would have to do this back when we booked this trip" Chandler gently pointed out. "And it's not the first time we've been away from them for a couple of days. They'll be just fine."   
"We've never been separated from Francesca" Monica said. "And the last time we were apart from the other three for more than a day, Anthony got sick. Now I know that that has nothing to do with that he was away from us, but I hate the powerless feeling of not being able to protect them..."   
"And that feeling has gotten worse after Mary" Chandler stated with a lump in his throat. "Monica are you really okay? You've been acting really strange lately."   
"Can we please not do this now?" Monica asked. "Can't we instead talk about what we want to do in Greece?"   
Chandler shrugged his shoulders. He wasn't up for the challenge of making her talk about her feelings concerning Mary's death. Because he knew that he wasn't acting like himself either.   
  
Chandler was woken up the next morning, their first in Greece, by Monica kissing him awake. He nearly pushed her away as a first reaction, he was in no mood for making out or having sex, but instead he yawned big and stretched. Monica seemed to be in a great mood, but he knew it was only on the outside. She was too cheerful for it to be real, and he had noticed a strong tendency in her lately to shut her pain inside and put on a happy and careless face. Chandler hated it. Not that he liked seeing her sad and crying, but at least that felt real. This behaviour didn't.   
Chandler himself didn't bother trying to put on a happy face. He was depressed and had no strength to hide it. At the moment he felt homesick, weary and he missed the children. Monica's behaviour was annoying him and he wanted to be left alone. He didn't see the upcoming week as anything fun, more like something he had to do. He couldn't believe that was how he would spend his tenth wedding anniversary, but at the time being he couldn't picture him and Monica having any fun when they had buried a child just a month earlier, their second dead child in one year. Since both Mary and Adam had died so young Chandler didn't expect the experience to scar them the way the death of one of their other children would have, but he expected it to take a long time before they got over it.   
"Morning" Monica said, in her faked good mood.   
"Hey..." Chandler muttered.   
"Or, well, morning might not be the word" Monica continued. "It's eleven a.m."   
"Well in that case it's around **four a.m**. in New York" Chandler commented. "They say west-to-east jet-lag is the worst... and I'm fully prepared to agree with them..."   
"We can't just lie here all day!" Monica said. "Come on, let's get dressed and go outside! The weather is great, we can go see some tourist attractions or something! Come on, we'd have fun, I promise."   
"Could it wait?" Chandler asked. "For at least two hours? I need to sleep a while longer Monica..."   
"Well then again nobody said we had to get out of bed..." Monica said mischievously and started kissing his neck.   
"Great" Chandler mumbled and closed his eyes to go back to sleep.   
Monica continued kissing his neck and then slowly started moving further down. Chandler realized she didn't plan on letting him sleep and he sighed deeply. Monica didn't give any sign of having noticed that. He couldn't figure her out, they hadn't slept together since she'd had the babies and he didn't think this was the best time to start having sex again. He couldn't picture it being very nice and romantic when they were both grieving the loss of children. It had been almost exactly a year now since she had told him she was pregnant again. Their anniversary Tuesday next week. It was Friday now. When they had booked the trip they'd found out that for some reasons you could only fly between New York and Athens on Thursdays but they had decided that it didn't matter. If they flew in on a Thursday and stayed for a week, their anniversary would be like a finally to the week.   
"I could just fall asleep right here right now..." Chandler mumbled, discreetly trying to tell her to back off and leave him alone for a while.   
"I'll get you more awake" Monica said in a voice that was suppose to be seducing but only sounded forced.   
"Can I just sleep for a while longer before we do anything?" Chandler mumbled.   
"Fine" Monica said. "I'm gonna go get dressed and go downstairs for breakfast."   
"Bring me up a bagel" Chandler mumbled and went back to sleep.   
Monica got dressed quietly and left him sleeping. She went downstairs only to find out that the hotel stopped serving breakfast at ten thirty. She sighed and cursed, and then went out to find a supermarket or something else similar. It took her over an hour to find one and shop, so by the time she got back to the hotel they were already serving lunch. She decided to get Chandler out of bed and go eat in the hotel restaurant. She felt a sting of jealousy when she saw a chef hurry by her. It seemed like a million years since she had been working as one herself. But she had made her decision not to go back to the restaurant life and instead work as a teacher and she stood by it. Working at a restaurant would mean working nights, and she didn't want to be away from the children that much.   
Chandler was awake when she got back up. He was sitting in a wicker chair with his feet up on another, fully dressed and with a melancholy look on his face. He looked up when she entered.   
"Got any bagels?" he asked.   
"No, couldn't find any" Monica said. "I had to go out to find a supermarket, since the stupid hotel stops serving breakfast at ten thirty."   
"I'm hungry" Chandler said.   
"Well then come down to the restaurant with me and have lunch."   
Chandler nodded and rose. He helped her unpack the groceries, thankful that their hotel room had a refrigerator, and noticed that she had bought a map as well.   
"Anything in particular that you want to go see?" he asked, glancing at the map.   
"Yeah" Monica said. "A few stuff from BC. Like that theatre they had..."   
"Ross's dream tour, in other words" Chandler said. He hated walking around looking at sites like that. "Maybe we should have gone to Crete instead. I hear Knossos is one of the best places to visit if you want remains from ancient Greece."   
"I've already been to Knossos" Monica said. "With my grandparents when I was eighteen. And that story about the Minotaurus creeped me out."   
"I'd say any story about a woman having a baby with a bull would freak you out" Chandler said. "Just think what labour must have been like."   
"Let's just go downstairs to the restaurant" Monica said and closed the refrigerator door. Chandler's mention of labour made her think about Adam, and she didn't want to think about the twins.   
  
On Monday night Chandler sat alone out on the balcony, looking out over the city. He wasn't taking any of it in though. As far as he was concerned their view could have been of a dumpster. He didn't care.   
Monica was asleep inside. He wasn't surprised. She had for some reason decided to run a marathon earlier in the day, which Chandler had thought was a really stupid idea. She wasn't as fit as she had been before.   
"At least this gives me some air tonight..." he mumbled to himself.   
Monica had made him quite uncomfortable during the week. She had initiated sex every single night, and some of the mornings, and he couldn't figure out why. Neither of them enjoyed it much, at the time Chandler mostly saw it as a way of killing time. And today she had run the marathon. It was almost as if she was trying to prove that she still had the physical strength to do things like run marathons and still have energy left for other things, even though she had given birth to six children and was going to turn forty-two that October. Chandler wondered if it was that, or if it was her way of dealing or not dealing with the pain of losing the children. He wished she would talk to him instead, or at least listen while he talked. He had tried to talk to her during the week about how he was feeling and about his fears, but she hadn't been willing to listen.   
"Ten years tomorrow..." he mumbled. "One decade. God, I never thought we would celebrate something that great like this. This whole trip has been bad, tomorrow won't be any different. I wish we were back home."   
He went inside and quietly found his cellphone in his jacket pocket. He went back outside and dialled Ross's number. It was eleven p.m. in Greece, but only around four in the States, so it wouldn't be too late to call and talk to the children. He hadn't had the time to call earlier that day.   
Erica answered, and he talked to her for a short while before Emma came to the phone. Bridget wasn't there, she was out playing miniature golf with Ross and Ben. Chandler talked to Emma for a couple of minutes, asking her how her day had been and what was going on, and answering some of Emma's questions.   
"Daddy?" she asked, suddenly with a small voice. "When are you and Mommy coming home?"   
"In three days pumpkin" Chandler told her.   
"Can't you come home any sooner?"   
"No, we can't" Chandler said. "But it's just three days sweetie."   
"Why did you have to go away in the first place?"   
"Because tomorrow Mommy and I have been married for ten years" Chandler said. "And we wanted to celebrate that."   
"Can't you celebrate at home?"   
"Yes, we do that every year. But since it's ten years this year we wanted to do something special, so we came here. Listen sweetie, I have to go, but don't worry, you'll have us home in just a few days, nagging and bossing you around."   
"Okay" Emma said.   
"Tell your sister hi for me, okay?" Chandler said. "I'll call again tomorrow, if Mommy doesn't. I love you, bye sweetie."   
He hung up and called Jack and Judy's to get a word with Anthony. He didn't like calling there, apparently both Anthony and Francesca were parent-sick and he felt really bad each time he talked to Anthony and told him that Monica and him would still be away for a couple of days. There was no answer when he called, so he left a message on the machine and said he would call again tomorrow. He hung up the phone and went to bed.   
  
When he woke up the next morning Monica had an arm wrapped across his chest and shoulders, and she was lying on her stomach, looking at him. The look on her face wasn't the forced happy one she'd had the whole trip so far.   
"Hey..." she said with a voice that sounded more like her normal one. It wasn't forced happy either, it was happy with a mix of sad. It sounded like he knew she felt. "Happy anniversary. Ten years."   
"Happy one decade anniversary" Chandler said and kissed her gently. She didn't look as happy as she had before, but he felt more happy than he had since Mary died. At least she wasn't putting on an act, just being herself.   
"I want you to know something..." Monica said. "This has been the best decade in all my life. So much has happened, and many things have been sad, but the happy things have more than compensated. When I look back, I can hardly remember the bad times."   
"It's been the best ten years of my life too" Chandler said and hugged her. "Not as easy as I pictured it ten years ago today, but on the other hand I didn't picture it being this great either."   
"Ten years ago we weren't even parents" Monica said. "So many things have happened. Our lives have really changed."   
Neither of them said anything more until they'd gotten out of bed and were dressed. Monica went to get some paper and handed him paper and a pencil. They had made a deal right before their wedding day to write each other a letter on their wedding day, and then on every even ten years anniversary. And then they would save the letters and read them together when they got old. Monica had said on their sixtieth anniversary, but neither of them believed they would be alive long enough to have one. They would both be over ninety at that point.   
They sat down in different parts of the room and each wrote their letter to the other. It was more of a diary, they wrote down their thoughts, feelings and reflections as well as their hopes for the future. It took them quite some time, and Chandler finished first. He put his letter in an envelope and wrote '2011, 10th Anniversary, Chandler' on it and then handed it to her. She would take care of them until they got back home, and then put them away together with the letters they had written on the morning of their wedding, ten years earlier.   
Once Monica was done with hers they went out for lunch and then walked around in Athens for a couple of hours. They got back to the hotel and called the children and then they went down to the restaurant for dinner. They had decided to leave the presents at home and exchange them once they got back, but Chandler had brought the charm for her bracelet, and he gave it to her once they were back up in their hotel room. It was a tiny little porcelain dog attached to a small golden ring, which Chandler attached to the bracelet.   
"It's beautiful" Monica said. "Just think of the work with making such a tiny dog in porcelain..."   
"And it costs thereafter" Chandler said, giving her a kiss on the cheek.   
"You know Chandler, when the charms you buy me cost a lot, you don't need to get me anything else" Monica said. "You know I don't care if all I get is a charm."   
She leaned in and kissed him softly, then put her arms around his neck and pulled him closer, making the kiss more passionate. Chandler then broke the kiss.   
"Mon..." he said. "Listen, I... I want tonight to be good. Between us in bed, I mean. We've been sleeping together as husband and wife for ten years now, and I don't want the ten year anniversary of the first night we did so to be... well... that the sex isn't good."   
Monica nodded and kissed him again. They hadn't had really good sex in over a year now, and if he wanted it to be really good she would help him out. Ever since she had found out she was pregnant again the year before, Monica had been very tense in bed, not being able to relax. And the more Chandler tried to get her relaxed the more she tensed up. And then they had started sleeping together more and more seldom, and by the time they went to Greece it had been six months since the last time. But since she had been pregnant had given birth they didn't really count it as six months.   
Chandler lifted her up and carried her to the bed, and they both got undressed and under the covers. Monica knew Chandler was trying his best to make it good for the both of them, but she felt as if there was a barrier that she couldn't break through that kept her from enjoying it as much as she would have before. They both had too much on their minds and too many unresolved issues to be able to enjoy it very much. And at the time, Monica didn't feel like she was interested in breaking through the barrier. She didn't care much about pleasure in bed now, there were too many sorrows in her life for her to be able to feel good about enjoying a great sexlife.   
Chandler buried his head in her neck when they were done, and felt more depressed than when they had arrived in Athens. Their anniversary had been a huge disappointment, but he knew it wasn't their fault. Neither of them felt in a very celebration-ish mood at the time. It was too bad they couldn't put up their anniversary for a couple of months.   
Chandler didn't sleep well that night. He dreamed a nightmare, but he didn't know whether or not he was actually afraid in the dream. He was in the middle of a storm, a rather calm storm, but he was in the middle of the ocean. He had been onboard a ship, an old wooden ship, that was sinking. The ship was on fire and the whole sky seemed orange, red or yellow, the parts that weren't black from the smoke. He knew Emma was with him, he could see her head, but he didn't know where the others were. He assumed the other children were with Monica somewhere but for some reason he wasn't worried. He wasn't even worried about Emma, who wasn't a very good swimmer, for some reason. It was as if he knew he was going to drown and had accepted it. Then Emma was gone, he didn't know where she had disappeared to, and he started looking around for her. But then somebody grabbed a hold of him and pulled him out of the water, into a small wooden boat. He turned to see who had pulled him out, but before he could catch a glimpse of the person he woke up.   
It took him a minute to realize that he was in a hotel room bed in Athens, and not in his own bed back in New York. He shivered and felt very uncomfortable after the dream. He couldn't get the images of the sinking ship and the sky that looked like it was on fire out of his head. He turned to look at Monica, who was fast asleep. He wanted to wake her up and be comforted by her but at the same time he was afraid that she'd push him away.   
He swallowed hard and looked at the time. It was too early for him to get up and get dressed, it was only 2 a.m. And he knew he was tired, he could use some more sleep. But each time he closed his eyes he saw the images from his nightmare.   
"Get a grip Chandler..." he whispered to himself. "It was just a nightmare. Everybody has them. By the time you wake up tomorrow you will have forgotten all about it. If Monica asks, you won't be able to tell her what it was about because you won't remember."   
  
"Mon!" Chandler urged hours later, shaking her awake.   
"What?" she mumbled under the covers.   
"It's eleven a.m." Chandler said.   
"So?" Monica asked with a yawn.   
"So?" Chandler echoed. He shook her harder. "So you have to wake up and take your birth control pill."   
He was getting really worried about her. It was definitely not like her to forget about something like that, especially not when he reminded her about what time it was. He put the pill and the glass of water he'd gotten her on the nightstand and sat down on the bed next to her, putting his arms gently on her shoulder and her back, shaking her.   
"You can go back to sleep afterward, just wake up for two minutes and take your pill, okay?" he said.   
Monica muttered something and then her hand reached out for the glass. She reluctantly opened her eyes and grabbed the glass along with the pill and swallowed it.   
"Good girl" Chandler said with a slight smile.   
She looked at him, squinting at the bright light, and frowned.   
"You're dressed already?"   
"Hey, it's only an hour to noon" Chandler said. "And after nine years of being a parent, I've gotten used to getting up early."   
"God..." Monica moaned. "How hard is it gonna be to come back home and have to get up early each morning?"   
"Oh don't worry" Chandler said. "Soon, we won't be able to get the kids out of bed any sooner than at this hour."   
"Yeah..." Monica mumbled. "This week has really gone by fast, hasn't it?"   
Chandler didn't know how to react at that comment. To him the week had been far too long, he hadn't enjoyed it much at all. He had been homesick the entire time and he was a bit angry with Monica for not keeping her part of the deal. She had convinced him that they should go, because it would be good for their relationship and they would be able to help each other through the death of the twins. But she hadn't done much to help him through anything and he didn't exactly think it had been quality time. He looked forward to going home the next day, even if he hated having to sit in an airplane for eight hours. Two more days in Athens and he would have gone crazy.   
  
"Mommy!" Anthony cried and ran up to Monica. She lifted him up and hugged him tightly. "Mommy!"   
"Hi sweetie!" Monica said, hugging him even tighter. "Oh I've missed you so much!"   
Chandler was saying the same thing to Francesca, who he was holding in his arms. Unlike Monica though he didn't just feel happy about being back. He felt guilty for leaving the children for a week, especially Francesca. And he was exhausted, their flight had been delayed and when they had finally gotten to New York their luggage had turned out to be lost. They'd been forced to wait for two hours at the airport before the luggage had been located, it had for some reason ended up on a flight to Miami, and they had to wait another four hours for it to be flown up to New York.   
Monica put Anthony down and Chandler handed her Francesca, before lifting Anthony up in his own arms. He gave him a hug and then thanked Jack and Judy for taking care of the two children during the week. Then he told Monica that they should go, he wanted to be back in their own house. And Emma and Bridget were waiting out in the car. Monica nodded and they said goodbye to her parents and went out to the car.   
"Chandler maybe I should drive" she said when Chandler started putting Francesca in the baby car seat. "You look awfully tired."   
Chandler gave her a thankful look and got in the back seat. Emma insisted on getting to sit in his lap instead of Anthony, and Chandler was too tired to protest even though he thought she was a bit too big to sit in his lap the whole way home. He managed to fall asleep on their way back and Monica dryly noted that for once she seemed to have done something he appreciated. He hadn't seemed to appreciate lately the things she did for him.   
Once they got back home she woke him up and told him he had to stay awake until at least eight p.m. or he would wake up in the middle of the night and be unable to go back to sleep. He nodded and then shook his head to clear his mind. He followed her inside, letting her keep track of the children while he took care of taking the luggage inside.   
"Did you get us anything?" Emma asked once all their luggage was taken inside.   
"Yes we did" Monica said. "We got you a mom and a dad back."   
"Oh ha ha" Emma said.   
"Not to worry Ems, we got you little souvenirs from Greece" Chandler said.   
"Any candy?"   
Monica rolled her eyes.   
"No, sorry, your dad ate it all."   
"Did not!" Chandler protested.   
"Anyway, no presents today" Monica said and lifted Emma up. "You can get them tomorrow. Daddy and I are tired. We're making this an early night."   
"Aww..." Bridget protested. "How early?"   
"Very early" Chandler said. "I bet it couldn't hurt if you guys were in bed early for once too. And remember, the sooner you go to sleep, the sooner tomorrow comes."   
"If tomorrow comes" Emma said.   
"Huh?"   
"Erica has a book called that."   
"Sidney Sheldon" Monica told Chandler. "And Emma, I can assure you, tomorrow will come. Scouts honour."   
"But can't Emma and I stay up later?" Bridget asked. "At least me? And watch a movie or something, even if you go to bed early. We'll be really quiet and we promise to go straight to bed afterward!"   
"The answer is no" Chandler said. "You guys are going to bed before Mommy and me. It's already six o'clock and we should put Frannie to bed."   
"Remember though," Monica said to him, "you're not going to bed until--"   
"I know, I know, cause then I'll rotate my hours" Chandler said. "Do we have any aspirin? I have a headache the size of Ross and Rachel's track record."   
"In the kitchen" Monica said. She put Emma down and lifted Francesca up instead. "Bridget, Emma, go watch a movie right away. You can stay up until it's over. But do not choose a really long one!"   
"No children's movies are long" Bridget said. "Come on Emma..."   
The two hurried upstairs to search through the cabinet where Monica kept their videos. Monica asked Chandler to take care of the luggage and went to get Francesca ready for bed along with Anthony.   
"Mommy why can't I stay up longer?" Anthony whined. "I'm five years old!"   
"You don't have to go to bed right away sweetie" Monica said. "But I want you to get ready for bed. Okay?"   
She pondered over how quickly she had gotten back to her usual routines once she and Chandler had gotten back to New York. It was as if their week in Greece hadn't existed. Deep down she didn't mind, she hadn't had the best time of her life, but she kept telling herself that she'd had a wonderful time.   
She got Francesca into her pyjamas and then sat down to give her something to eat before putting her down for the night. She wished Anthony would come eat something but he refused to, he said he wasn't hungry. She had Chandler go upstairs with sandwiches and milk for Bridget and Emma, even though she usually didn't let them eat or drink in the living room. Chandler looked like he thought she could use an aspirin as well when she asked him to take it upstairs, but he did as she had asked.   
Once she had gotten Francesca ready for bed she walked into her room and put her down in the bed. They had gotten her a real bed now instead of the crib, since they had needed it for one of the twins. Monica's father had put up a board to make sure the child wouldn't roll off the bed in the middle of the night.   
"Okay, what story do you want to read tonight?" she asked.   
"Cinderella."   
"Okay."   
Anthony showed up in the door.   
"Mommy can I help put Fransesca to sleep?" he asked.   
"Sure" Monica said, slightly surprised. "If you want to..."   
Anthony crawled up next to her on the bed.   
"I've helped grandma put her to sleep all week" he said.   
"Wow" Monica said and kissed him on the head. "You're such a help to grandma, aren't you?"   
"Read!" Francesca demanded.   
Monica obediently grabbed the 'Cinderella' book and read it to Francesca. Once she was finished reading it Francesca wanted her to sing to her.   
"You want me to sing?" Monica asked. "Honey Mommy doesn't have a very good singing voice... In fact, Bridget forbid me to sing lullabies to her when she was your age."   
"Grandma sang" Francesca said.   
"I don't know..." Monica said hesitantly. "I really don't sing to well."   
"Sing!" Francesca said crankily.   
Monica sighed and smiled awkwardly. She reluctantly started singing 'Twinkle, Twinkle' and thankfully noted that Anthony started singing with her. At least that wasn't as awkward. She stopped singing after a few lines though and instead listened to her son, unable to believe what she was hearing.   
"Hold on a minute..." she said and got out of the bed and out of the room. "Chandler!" she called out.   
"What is it?" he asked from upstairs. "Yes I'm still awake. No the girls haven't spilled."   
"Come down here! Now!" Monica called back, ignoring the tone of his voice.   
"Coming..." he muttered.   
She heard him reluctantly rise and slowly come down the stairs. She grabbed his hand and lead him to Francesca's room.   
"I want to show you something" she said.   
"And what would that be?" Chandler asked and yawned.   
They entered Francesca's room and Monica got back on the bed. Chandler stood next to it, giving her a questioning look.   
"Honey" Monica said to Anthony. "Would you sing again? Sing so Daddy can hear."   
Anthony looked from one parent to the other and then sang 'Twinkle, Twinkle' again. Chandler stared at him, also surprised by hearing what a singing voice he had.   
"When did he learn to do that?" he asked Monica.   
"I don't know!" Monica answered.   
"What did I do?" Anthony asked.   
"Your singing voice" Chandler said and kneeled down to get in level with him. "It's amazing. I never knew you could sing like that."   
"Is that bad?" Anthony asked.   
"No!" Chandler and Monica said in one voice.   
"It's wonderful" Chandler said.   
"How come you've never sang to us before?" Monica asked him.   
Anthony shrugged his shoulders.   
"I wasn't singing to you" he said. "I was singing to Fransesca."   
"And you did a great job" Chandler said, glancing at Francesca who was asleep.   
"Thanks Daddy."   
"Come on, let's get you to your own bed" Chandler said and lifted him up. "And the next time I can't go to sleep you sing me a lullaby. Mommy can't carry a tune, I just get headaches from listening to her."   
"Thank you" Monica said.   
Chandler left with Anthony and Monica carefully got out of the bed. She placed a teddy bear next to Francesca and turned the bed light off. She turned on the night lamp on her way out, and old Jafar lamp that Ben had had when he was little. She went upstairs and said goodnight to Anthony and then gathered the glasses that the girls had drunk their milk from. She cast a glance at the TV.   
"How many times are the two of you going to watch 'Babe 5'?" she asked.   
"Enough times" Emma said.   
"How many times is Daddy gonna watch 'Die Hard'?" Bridget asked back.   
"Way too many times" Monica said.   
She went downstairs with the trays. Later on she got Emma and Bridget into bed and then sat down in the dining room with Chandler, on the couch there, to exchange anniversary presents. They were sitting as far away from each other as they could get on the couch, but it was because they had the presents in-between them and the couch was only meant for two people to sit on so they didn't have much room.   
"Okay" Monica said and handed him her present. "This one is for you."   
"Oh really?" Chandler said, trying to be sarcastic.   
Monica gave him a look and he gave her a grin that she recognised as his 'sorry' grin. He opened his present and found a scrapbook.   
"Hey..." he said, and turned it over. Then he turned it back again.   
"You might wanna open it" Monica said.   
Chandler smiled slightly and opened it. The first page had just a picture of the two of them, the first picture ever taken of them, and above it Monica had written down a poem by a poet Chandler didn't recognise and then she had written a comment to him.   
"This is really sweet..." he said when he turned the page and found thing she had gathered from the years before Chandler moved in. Things like tickets to a concert Chandler, Monica, Ross and Carol went to right after Monica had gone to college, and a picture of Ross and Chandler taken in Monica's dorm room. Chandler and Monica hadn't hung out much in college, no more times than they could count to on one hand, but she had managed to dig up 'evidence' of these times. Monica had written little comments to each event and each thing she had glued into the scrapbook.   
He turned another page and found things from when they had lived across the hall from each other, before London, which covered five pages in total. And then she had pages with things from when they were secretly dating, and then when they were officially dating. She also had a section for when they were living together, engaged, newlyweds and for every other milepost in their relationship.   
"Mon this must have taken you forever..." he said.   
"I started it two years ago, while I was expecting Francesca" Monica said. "It's been finished for quite a while now."   
"Thank you, I love it" he said and leaned in to hug her.   
Monica smiled and opened her present. She unwrapped it and opened the carton, and then burst out crying when she saw what was inside. Chandler moved the things that were lying on the couch between them and scooted over to her. He pulled her into a hug.   
"I like you better this way..." he mumbled to her. "It's better when you cry. You're just that kind of person Mon. You cry when you hurt. I hate seeing you cry but I know you need to cry sometimes. And Monica it's better for you to grieve this way... You can't fool me, you know that. I know how sad you are. And you can come to me with your sadness, you know you can. It's better that you cry in my arms like this than that you keep all the pain inside and turn bitter and frustrated."   
"Is that why you did this?" she asked through her tears, referring to the present he'd given her.   
"No" Chandler said. "I felt we had to get this. If not else, to prove that they're part of our family too, no matter what happens."   
Monica nodded but couldn't stop crying once she had begun. She hadn't cried a tear since Mary's funeral, she had tried her best to keep up her strong exterior. But if felt really good to cry in Chandler's arms, and she felt closer to him than she had in a really long time.   
Chandler held her until long after she had stopped crying. Then they decided to go to bed and get some sleep. It was after ten p.m. and they were both exhausted. Monica went ahead, taking the garbage with her. Chandler stayed behind and placed the two mugs next to the other six in Monica's cabinet. His and Monica's mugs were the biggest, the four mugs that were there since before, with the names of their four oldest children, were a bit smaller. The mugs he had gotten her now, that said Mary and Adam, were baby-size, a lot smaller than the other mugs.   
He closed the glass cabinet-door and turned off the lights in the room. He got ready for bed and then got in next to Monica. That night he had the same dream about the shipwreck that he'd had in Greece.   
  
"Monica what the hell is this?" Chandler asked a while later.   
Monica looked up at him with a confused face. Then she saw the plate of pills in his hand and her facial expression turned anxious. She slowly put away the stuffed bunny she'd been sowing up a hole in for Emma and rose from her seat. Chandler looked really upset.   
"What's what?" she asked, knowing it was lame.   
"How long ago were we in Greece?"   
"Three weeks ago."   
"How many birth control pills should you have taken since then?" Chandler asked.   
Monica looked down on her feet, and then back up at him.   
"How many Monica?" Chandler asked again. "Surely more than **none**! There isn't a single pill less on this chart than there was three weeks ago. What the hell is the meaning of this? Please tell me you have some extra plate or something!"   
"No Chandler, I don't" Monica said with a resigned sigh.   
"Then why the hell haven't you been taking your pills?" Then he figured it out. "Oh God, don't answer!"   
Monica felt awkward standing there. She felt like a little school girl having been caught by her teacher doing something she knew she shouldn't. Chandler didn't say anything at first, he just looked angry and upset.   
"Damn, it all makes perfect sense now!" he then said. "But I don't want to think this of you. So please tell me that what I'm about to say is wrong. Please tell me I'm wrong in thinking that you've deliberately been off the pill at the same time as you've been initiating sex a whole lot. Please tell me I'm wrong in assuming you're trying to get pregnant again without letting me know about it!"   
"Chandler why would I want to get pregnant again?" Monica asked.   
"You tell me! Just tell me I'm wrong, okay?"   
"I..." she began, then shrugged her shoulders. "I'm not a good liar."   
"Oh god" Chandler said. "What the hell? How dare you? How could you do something like this? Excuse me, but I feel I have the right to know if we're trying for another baby! I don't **want** more children Monica! And you're more than aware! Is that why you haven't said anything about this? God I never thought you would do something like this, force another baby on me!"   
"Force?" Monica repeated.   
"Well what the hell would you call this?"   
"You don't understand" she said.   
"What I understand is that you have been trying hard as hell to get pregnant but you haven't bothered to share this with me! Well get this Monica. There is never going to be a sixth childbed for you! I've been thinking for a while now about having a vasectomy and now I've made my decision."   
"A vasectomy?" Monica echoed.   
"Yes" Chandler said. "It's obvious I can't trust you anymore with the birth control."   
"Hey it's just as much **your** responsibility as mine!" Monica said angrily.   
"No, you took on that responsibility when you decided to start with the pill!" Chandler said. "What am I suppose to do, check you every day to make sure you take your pill? If we do get pregnant even if you're on birth control then I take full responsibility for the situation. But if you don't give a damn about birth control then it's all on your shoulders."   
"Do you realize that a vasectomy means we're never gonna have children again?" Monica asked.   
"I'm forty-four years old, on the forty-fifth" Chandler said. "I don't want to be a parent once more. I'm happy with the children I've got. Don't you **ever** try to push a baby on me like this again, do you hear? Don't you ever try to manipulate me in this way ever again!"   
He stormed off and Monica sat back down. She sighed heavily. He didn't understand. He didn't seem to want to understand either. She hadn't been trying to push a baby on him. She had been trying to get pregnant, but she hadn't tried to manipulate him. At least she told herself that.   
It had become like an obsession for her to get pregnant again. She wanted another baby that could replace the two she had lost. Deep down she knew it was ridiculous, no new baby could ever replace her twins, but she had gotten so fixated with the idea of having another baby that she wasn't thinking straight about it. She was convinced that if she got pregnant again she would get over the children's deaths more easily. And she also knew that if she had talked to Chandler about it he would have managed to get through to her and make her see that it wouldn't work that way. That was why she hadn't told him about her wish to have another baby. And if she wasn't pregnant now she wouldn't get pregnant at all. Not if he was having a vasectomy. She wanted to talk him out of it but she knew when he had made up his mind about something he wouldn't budge.   
  
It was late August, and the children, except for Francesca, were up in Bridget's room. They were hiding there, while Chandler and Monica fought downstairs. They had been fighting for quite a while now, probably the worst fight they'd ever had. They were trying to keep their voices down so that the children wouldn't be scared, but they weren't doing a very good job.   
"Gosh, you know I am so sick of this!" Chandler said angrily. "How come every time we fight it's **my** job to give in, **my** part to admit I'm wrong? Hell you're just as wrong as I am just as often, but yet you never ever take the first step to ending fights or disagreements! It always has to be me and I'm **tired** of it!"   
"Nobody asks you to do that, you can't be mad at me for something you do all on your own!" Monica said angrily.   
"All on my own. That's very right Monica. All on my own. You never do anything to help. You just wait until I come to you and solve our fights!"   
"It's not my fault we're fighting!" Monica hissed. "I know I've been acting a bit weird but it's because we lost the twins, and if you can't respect that--"   
"Well what about **my** pain?" Chandler yelled. He lowered his voice but continued with the same angry tone. "It's just about you, you, you! Hell they were my children too! Just because you're the mom it doesn't mean you have monopoly on grief! How about you trying to respect my pain?"   
"I do respect it!"   
"Like hell you do."   
"Well you know what, if you can't deal with me when I'm like this then you shouldn't even have married me!" Monica angrily said. "You keep babbling on about how you're the one who solves everything. But you're also the one who **starts** everything by getting so damn angry with me! I'm sorry for not being the strong person you might want me to be, but if this doesn't suit you then you can just leave!"   
"You might be the least strong person in the universe" Chandler replied. "Strong people don't act the way you do. They show their pain, they deal with it and they move on. When are you going to move on Monica? Or at least **try** to move on?"   
"Shut up Chandler!" Monica hissed. "It's not like you've moved on! So don't come here criticising me!"   
Up in her room, Bridget wanted to cover her ears with her hands so she wouldn't have to hear what was going on downstairs. She knew what they were fighting about. The twins. Bridget hated the twins. They had been nothing but trouble from day one. Monica had been testy while she had been pregnant, and worried about how she would be able to raise six children, and then the twins had been born and only one had survived, making both Chandler and Monica sad and testy. And then the other twin had died as well, and ever since then it seemed as if Monica and Chandler had done nothing but argue or ignore each other. Bridget hated it. She was scared they would end up divorced. One of her friends' sister had died in a boating accident the year before and the friend's parents had ended up divorced. Bridget had realized what losing a child could do to a couple and her own parents had lost two.   
"Why don't they stop fighting?" Emma asked in a small voice.   
"Because of the twins" Bridget answered.   
"The twins?" Emma echoed. She had started to forget that Mary had had a brother.   
Downstairs, Chandler let out a resigned sigh and stormed towards the bedroom, while Monica was in the middle of another angry comment.   
"Oh and where the hell do you think you're going?" she asked spitefully.   
"I'm leaving, that's where I'm going" Chandler answered.   
It took Monica almost a minute to react. She hadn't expected hearing that. But then she hurried to the bedroom and stopped in the doorway when she saw that he was serious. He had pulled out a suitcase from the closet, thrown it on the bed and was now busy packing down clothes.   
"Chandler no!" she said.   
"Chandler yes" he replied.   
"What the hell do you think you're doing, you can't leave!"   
"No Monica, I can't stay! I can't stay here right now, you're impossible to talk to, if I don't get away from here soon I'm going to explode!"   
"So you're just gonna run away, you coward?" Monica asked.   
"I'm no coward" Chandler said. "And I won't go far. But I can't live here with you, not like this."   
"Chandler don't you dare go anywhere!" Monica said. "Because if you do..."   
"And there it is again!" Chandler said. "You're once again trying to control me. Well it ain't gonna happen Mon. I'm leaving and that's final. We need to get away from each other before we really screw this up."   
"We already **have** screwed this up!" Monica said. She was getting desperate now. She didn't want him to leave. "Chandler please, don't go!"   
Chandler didn't answer her, he just kept packing.   
"Chandler I'm asking you, please don't leave!"   
He kept on ignoring her and she got more and more frustrated and scared.   
"Chandler if you leave now then it's **over**!" she said. "Do you hear me? **Over!** If we take it so far that we separate, then we'll never work out our problems. We have to work things out living together under the same roof as husband and wife. That's the only way it will work, if you live somewhere else we would never get past the awkwardness and the anger whenever we're around each other!"   
"Tough" Chandler said. He closed the suitcase and walked towards the door where Monica was standing. She angrily snatched the suitcase from him. "Monica give me it" he demanded.   
"Don't you dare call my bluff" she said.   
She fell on her knees and opened the suitcase. She yanked her wedding ring and her engagement ring off her fingers, put them in the suitcase and closed it. She rose again and held the suitcase out to him.   
"This is what you take with you if you leave" she said. "Walk out that door now and you won't be welcome back. Walk out and we're not going to be husband and wife when the year is over."   
Chandler gave her a pitiful look and took the suitcase from her. She stood frozen when he walked out of their bedroom and closed the door behind him. She could hear faint sounds of him walking toward the door. After a couple of minutes she heard the door open and close. She burst out crying and sunk down on the bed. She buried her face in one of his pillows and cried like her heart would break. She couldn't believe that he had just done that. She hadn't been trying to bluff him, she had meant every word. She didn't believe in making it work if they had separated. If they weren't living together they would end up giving up instead of working through.   
After a while she pulled herself together. She thought about the children and that she had to be composed for their sake. She also remembered that it was time to wake Francesca up from her nap. She walked out of the bedroom and over to Francesca's room, making sure she didn't cast as much as a glance at the door Chandler had disappeared through. When she walked into Francesca's room she couldn't find the child.   
"Where in the world..?" she muttered to herself.   
She checked all the rooms downstairs, looking for Francesca, but couldn't find her. She walked upstairs, starting to get nervous, and looked everywhere for the child. She asked the three oldest ones, who were all in Bridget's room, if they knew where she was. But neither of them had seen her. Monica hurried downstairs, nearly tripping over the suitcase that Chandler had left by the door, and looked around once more but couldn't find her. Starting to panic she ran into the kitchen and grabbed the phone, dialling Chandler's cellphone number.   
"Hello" he answered.   
"Chandler!" she said panicked. "I can't find Francesca, she's gone! I've looked everywhere, she's not in the house!"   
"Of course she's not" Chandler said calmly, but with spite in his tone. "She's right here with me."   
"You have her?"   
"Yes I have her."   
"Chandler please bring her back home!"   
"Oh for crying out loud" Chandler angrily moaned. "What, you think I've kidnapped her or something? Aren't I allowed to take my daughter out for the day?"   
"Yes but Chandler please come back home with her now!" Monica begged. "Please just bring her home."   
"Give me a break, you're unbelievable" Chandler said. "I know what you're thinking. And do you honestly believe that I would take her with me just like that, without bringing any diapers, feeding bottles, clothes, nothing? And what, take her to a motel with me tonight and let her sleep on a mattress on the floor? I'm not gonna punish her for you being a bitch, I'm taking her back before night, don't worry. And no, she's not crying or upset, she's eating ice-cream and is very happy."   
He hung up. Monica stared at the phone. She had been really scared he wouldn't come back home with her before night, but it seemed to be pretty clear that he wasn't planning on taking her away from her home. Monica sighed in relief. She walked out in the hall and noticed the suitcase by the door. She hadn't thought about it earlier when she had been so worked up, but now she realized that he had left it there. He had walked out the door, but without taking the suitcase with him. Her rings were still in the house, together with his clothes. She took this to meaning he wasn't planning on leaving for good, possibly not even for the night. She hoped she was right. No matter how angry she was at him, she couldn't stand losing him.   
A couple of hours later she was starting to get worried. She was making dinner, at the same time she always made dinner, and Chandler should be home in time for that. It didn't occur to her that maybe he wasn't interested in having dinner at home tonight. She realized with a sigh that he wouldn't come home in time, when she had called out to the children that dinner was served and he hadn't yet walked through the door. Once the children had washed up and come to the table they sat down and ate, and it was unusually quiet. With two adults and three children who were old enough to talk fluently there was rarely a quiet moment at the dinner table, even though they tried their best to teach the children not to talk and eat at the same time.   
"Mom?" Emma asked. "Where's Daddy? Isn't he going to eat?"   
"He's out" Monica said. "He's eating out tonight."   
"Where is Fransesca?" Anthony asked.   
"She's with Daddy" Monica explained. She hoped they wouldn't ask any other questions. She didn't know what to say to them.   
"Are they coming home tonight?" Bridget asked.   
"Of course they are" Monica said, and was happy that she could sound really convincing. She knew for sure that they were coming home. "They will be home in time for Daddy to tuck you all in."   
  
Chandler came home fifteen minutes before Francesca's normal bedtime. Monica hurried up to him and lifted the baby over to her own arms, holding her tight.   
"You'd really think that I've been trying to kidnap the poor thing..." Chandler muttered. "Relax Monica."   
"I have rarely been so scared in my life!" Monica angrily said. "Finding her bed empty--"   
"If you had thought about it for a second you would have realized where she was" Chandler said.   
Monica didn't say anything to that. She walked into Francesca's room with the child and sat down in the rocking chair. Chandler had moved it there after Mary's death. She slowly rocked back and forth with Francesca in her arms while she wondered what would happen now. She realized that maybe Chandler was planning on staying away tonight. They had never spent the night away from each other since their wedding, except for when one of them had been at the hospital or when he had been out of town in business. She trembled slightly and wondered what would happen now.   
She got Francesca ready for bed and put her down. She was in no mood for dealing with unruly children tonight and decided to put them all to sleep as soon as possible. Neither of the children were happy about that, they all protested wildly, but she managed to get them all into bed.   
Once they were all in their beds she walked downstairs to the bedroom and found Chandler there, pushing the suitcase under the bed.   
"Wanna say goodnight to the children?" she asked. He didn't answer. "Silent treatment? Is that really mature? You always say I'm immature when we fight, but now you are too."   
"I'm not giving you the silent treatment. I just don't think you've said much that's worth a reply."   
"That's an immature comment too."   
"Fine, then I'm acting immature."   
Monica was silent for a minute.   
"You staying here tonight?"   
"I live here too."   
Monica nodded slightly. She didn't know what to say or do. It was obvious he didn't want her to be near, but she wanted to talk to him. Only she didn't know how to begin. Before she could figure it out he walked past her to go say goodnight to the children.   
She sighed and got ready for bed, even though it was earlier than when she usually went to bed. She decided that she was too tired to fight again that night, and therefore decided to avoid Chandler. She went into Francesca's room and got up on the bed next to her daughter. She fell asleep almost instantly, even though she hadn't thought she would be able to sleep at all.   
An hour later she woke up when she was being lifted up. It took her a couple of seconds to realize what was going on, and when she did she thought about pretending to still be asleep while Chandler carried her back to their bedroom, but then decided not to. He would know she was awake anyhow. So instead she pretended to be drowsy and barely aware of what was going on. He put her down in the bed, on her side, and she felt happy for the first time in quite a while. He was mad, but he was still planning on them sleeping next to each other as usual. He had even come and picked her up instead of just letting her stay in Francesca's bed over the night.   
It took her a while to realize that she had gotten him wrong. He wasn't planning on sleeping next to her. He wasn't planning on sleeping in the house at all. She could hear him putting his shoes on in the quiet house and she could hear him getting a few things in a toilet bag to stay away for the night. She got out of bed and walked out to the front door just as he reached for his jacket.   
"Leaving?" she asked.   
"Did you at any point think I wasn't going to?" he asked.   
"As a matter of fact, yes" Monica said. She felt depressed again. "I was hoping you would at least try once more before walking out."   
"Your stupid rings are still in the suitcase" he muttered. "I'm going away for the night. But if you threaten me I might stay away forever."   
"I wasn't trying to threaten you."   
"Good."   
"Chandler..." she said. "Do you realize that we have stopped communicating?"   
"This is called communication" he said.   
"I'm really trying to take the first step here" Monica said.   
"You're doing a lousy job."   
"Okay fine then!" Monica angrily said. "If that's what you want, fine! But don't come here saying I didn't try! I've done my part, why don't you try to do yours?"   
He looked at he for a second. Then he put his jacket on. Monica sighed, resigning to the truth, and went back to their bedroom to sleep there alone. She hated sleeping there alone. She hated it almost as much as she hated fighting with him.   
After ten minutes the bedroom door opened and Chandler entered.   
"What do you want?" she asked.   
"Forgot my wristwatch" he said.   
"That's what happen when you don't wear it."   
He found his watch and put it on. Then he sat down on the edge of the bed.   
"Okay fine" he said. "I'll do it. This time. I want us to talk. I think we need to talk..."   
"Communicate" Monica said.   
"Yes. We always end up like this when we don't communicate."   
"You know what?" Monica said and sat up. "You can just get the hell out. I tried, you didn't care one bit. So why should I care now that you try?"   
"This isn't you!" Chandler said. "You're not like this."   
"No I'm not!" Monica cried. "And you know damn well why. Or at least you should know. If you could just **try** to care then maybe this would all--"   
"I've tried my best!" Chandler cut her off, sounding frustrated. "But you haven't tried at all to see my pain! You haven't listened when I've talked, you haven't bothered to see what you should have seen! Everybody knows how bad I feel, except you!"   
"It's about the twins, isn't it?" Monica said, suddenly realizing. "This has all been about the twins, hasn't it? You blame yourself too..."   
"There was nothing I could do for Adam" Chandler said, looking away.   
"And Mary?"   
Chandler took a deep breath and didn't look at her. Monica was quiet for a minute, waiting for him to say anything. She was about to think he wouldn't either, when he opened his mouth and talked with a voice she hadn't heard him use ever.   
"I let her die Mon."   
"What?" Monica asked.   
"I didn't mean to... but I did."   
"What are you talking about, that's insane!" Monica said. She got on top of the covers instead of under them. "You didn't let her die."   
"Do you blame yourself for what happened to her?" he asked and looked at her.   
"I... no."   
"No" Chandler said. "Because you weren't there. You came home and she was already dead. You knew you couldn't have done anything. And you're way too smart to think that it's your fault that she died just because you weren't home. But you said 'blame yourself too'. Adam? It must be Adam."   
"Yeah" Monica admitted quietly. "Adam."   
"How can you blame yourself for that?" Chandler asked, genuinely confused.   
"How?" Monica echoed, surprised to hear him ask that. "He died while I was pregnant! He died inside of me! I was, **am** his mother and I couldn't even keep him alive for nine short months! Nine months when he was completely safe from anything in the outside world! I was healthy, I didn't bring him some disease that he could have died from. He should have lived, but he didn't. He died, and it was because of me. Because I wasn't a good enough mother. He was dependent on me but he died."   
"Monica... Mary was born just fine. So were Bridget, Emma, Anthony and Frannie. It's not your fault that Adam died."   
"It is my fault Chandler" Monica said. "Nobody was responsible for him but me."   
"You're gonna get mad about this..." Chandler said. "But I'm gonna tell you anyway. You told the hospital people that they couldn't on any condition perform an autopsy on him, but I later gave them our permission to perform one. I didn't tell you because I knew how upset you would get, but I had to know what had gone wrong. And I figured that if I never told you about it then you wouldn't be hurt by it either."   
"And why are you telling me this now?" Monica asked, starting to cry.   
"Because... they found some things when they autopsied him. His lungs weren't fully developed, and he only had one half of a heart... Some form of foetal malfunction or something, it had nothing to do with anything you did during the pregnancy. He would most likely have died a lot sooner and you'd had a miscarriage but somehow he didn't. He had apparently just been dead for about a week when you gave birth."   
"I carried a dead baby for a week?" Monica said, looking disgusted.   
"Apparently Mary shouldn't have been born for another couple of weeks, but when your body passed Adam she--"   
"Chandler!" Monica cut him off. "I don't want to hear about things like that, okay?"   
"Sorry."   
Monica was quiet for a second.   
"I'll always blame myself for Adam, Chandler" she then said. "I can't help it. But it does help to know that I didn't do anything wrong..." She was quiet for a while again and then looked at him while drying her tears. "So how come you blame yourself? For Mary, I mean."   
"If I hadn't fallen asleep..." Chandler said. "I would have noticed that something was wrong. I mean, she was so quiet and... and our children never have been really quiet. They've all been making some kind of noises even in their sleep. I should have realized that something wasn't as it should. And I would have gotten help sooner."   
"Oh Chandler please..." Monica said. "Nothing you could have done--"   
"You know what the nurse said to me? When I called 911 and I couldn't get Mary to wake up? She said that it was too bad I hadn't called sooner, just fine minutes earlier and--"   
"Fine minutes earlier she was probably just fine" Monica said. "It can't take more than five minutes for a baby to die, Chandler."   
"Yes, but--"   
"Don't blame yourself" Monica said. "Look... Sudden infant death syndrome does exist. Nothing we can do about it. And she probably had at least **traces** of the things Adam had that made him die."   
"That doesn't help me one bit" Chandler said. "I was there. I was sitting right there. I was no more than two feet away from her when she died! And I didn't do anything. I **slept!**"   
"Exactly" Monica said. "You were asleep, how could you have known? It's not forbidden to sleep Chandler, you can't blame yourself for that. And what's to say you could have done something even if you were awake?" She paused for a second. "So that's why you've been so distant, huh? You've been blaming yourself."   
"Yes of course I've blamed myself!" Chandler said. "And it's hard to get over it."   
"I know" Monica said. "For both of us... God, why do we always take everything out on each other, huh? When we need each other the most we act like we're enemies."   
"Monica why did you try and force another pregnancy on me?" Chandler asked. "I never got to know."   
"Because I wanted another baby" Monica said. "Simple as that. I for some reason thought that another pregnancy and another baby would if not replace the twins then at least give me something else to focus on."   
"You have four children alive, focus on them!"   
"Look, I know it was really stupid of me" Monica said. "But I wasn't thinking straight. I really went nuts there for a while."   
"Look Monica..." Chandler said. "It doesn't bother me that you wanted another baby, it bothers me that you tried to trick me into giving you one. Because that's what you were doing honey. You were off the pill without telling me and you were sleeping with me more often than you have in the past... I don't know... five years."   
"Well it doesn't matter now" Monica said grumpily. "I didn't get pregnant and you got a vasectomy."   
"Yes" Chandler said. "But don't you ever try to pull something like that on me again, Monica."   
"I won't" Monica agreed.   
"Good..." Chandler said. He took his shoes off and started getting ready for bed. "Now go to sleep, we can talk more in the morning."   
"So you're not going anywhere?"   
"I don't see the point of going anywhere."   
"Great..." Monica said with a slight smile.   
Chandler nodded and got himself ready for bed. That night he had the nightmare about the shipwreck again.   
  
In September Monica started working again. She had gotten a job as a home-ec teacher through Alice Bouffet, Phoebe's sister-in-law, who was a home-ec teacher but was going to retire. Alice was almost sixty years-old and she had decided to retire and spend as much time as she could with Frank Jr and their triplets. She had heard Monica was a home-ec teacher now and had recommended her, and Monica had gotten the job. She was really excited about it, she hadn't worked for real since Anthony had been small.   
Her first week had been tough though, since she hadn't been away from the children too much and she kept wondering if they were okay. Bridget and Emma were in school anyway and Anthony was at kindergarten, but Monica worried anyway. Bridget and Emma got off school earlier than Monica's working day was over, and then there was Francesca. She managed to get the three of them in at day-care at the same place Anthony's kindergarten was located but Emma and Bridget protested wildly.   
After a couple of months, Monica was starting to worry about her and Chandler. They hadn't been fighting much since their big fight that almost led to them separating, but that wasn't the problem Monica was worried about. Ever since Chandler had found out she had tried to get pregnant without telling him about it, he hadn't slept with her. He had barely even touched her, and Monica didn't know what to think. Especially since in almost every other way he was acting just as normal. He was just as affectionate with his words as she was used to him being but he didn't show her any physical affection. She was getting worried, wondering what was wrong. He had never been good at continence yet now it had been five months without him wanting to have sex. Monica felt too shy to insinuate sex, she was afraid he would reject her. And she felt too shy to ask him what was going on. She had never felt shy when it came to sex and Chandler, which made her even more confused now.   
She decided after a while to try and discreetly turn him on or at least get his attention, by doing things like sleeping in negligées instead of T-shirts. She felt really silly thinking about it, but by now she was starting to lose patience. She wanted to know what on earth was wrong and she hoped he would tell her if she only got him to the point where he really wanted to have sex. But then she realized what on earth she was doing, and felt really silly. It wasn't like her to do something like that, and the more she thought about the situation the angrier she got, both at Chandler and herself. Mad at him for not wanting her and mad at herself for letting it show that she wanted him but didn't dare to show it. So she decided to do the exact opposite of what she had planned at first, to show absolutely no interest at all in sex.   
It didn't take more than a week until it worked. She could see it in his face when she got into bed next to him. He was looking with her with eyes that told her exactly what he wanted. She hadn't seen that look in his eyes for over a year now, their sexlife hadn't been as active as usual since she'd gotten pregnant and when they'd slept together it had mostly been as if they only did it because married couples are suppose to have sex. But now she could tell that he wanted her. She completely ignored it and opened the book she was reading.   
"Mon?" he said.   
"What honey?" she asked.   
"I was just thinking..." he said. "You know, it's been a while..."   
"A while since what?"   
"You know what I'm talking about. A while since we had sex."   
"True" Monica said and turned the page. Her disinterest really seemed to have an effect on Chandler.   
"So..." he said and scooted closer. "Is that a good book?"   
"It's 'the Emigrants' actually" Monica said. "I was at the school library yesterday and I figured I should read the book that we named our youngest daughter from."   
"How far have you gotten?"   
"Not far. They've just gotten married."   
"I remember our wedding" Chandler said and kissed her on the cheek.   
Monica kept in a smile. Her method was working better than she'd expected. But she wasn't going to give in that easily.   
"I know you remember our wedding" she said. "If you didn't, I would kick your ass."   
"And I remember our wedding night..."   
Monica couldn't help but laugh. Chandler looked insulted.   
"What's so funny?"   
"You are" Monica laughed. "Have you really forgotten how to seduce me, or are you just entertaining me?"   
"That hurt" Chandler said, but only half serious. "And it's not my fault you're too busy reading to have time to watch me pull my more elaborate seduction plans."   
Monica laughed and put the book down.   
"Feel free to elaborately seduce me!" she said.   
Chandler ignored the teasing tone in her voice and leaned in and kissed her. Monica knew as soon as he put his left hand on her breast that she wouldn't be able to pretend that she didn't want sex any longer.   
  
Chandler felt more content than he had for a long time afterward, when they were resting together. It had been amazing, and he had felt like he couldn't get enough of her. He was planning on initiating a second time once they had rested for a while. But he did need to rest first. He felt too relaxed to even move a muscle, but he loved the feeling. He hadn't been completely relaxed with her for quite a while.   
Monica wasn't as content and relaxed. She couldn't relax completely until she knew why he hadn't touched her in so long. She had longed for him but she had been afraid of taking the first step. She had been afraid he would associate it with how she had initiated sex a lot earlier that year, wanting to get pregnant. She knew that he was just as aware as she that she wouldn't be able to get pregnant after his vasectomy but she didn't want to bring back any unpleasant memories. Now she wanted to know what had been going on the past months.   
"Chandler..." she said.   
"Mmm, what is it?" he asked, kissing her on the top of her head.   
"How come it's been so long? Why haven't you wanted to touch me?"   
"I've had my reasons..."   
"And I have a right to know what they were."   
Chandler was quiet for a second, thinking over what he really wanted to say to her. Then he spoke.   
"At first I didn't want to touch you. I was so mad at you. For the trying-to-get-pregnant thing and for the whole thing that was going on between us this summer. And after that it just didn't feel like we were in a place in our relationship where we could have good sex based on love. We had nearly separated after all. And it didn't feel as if we had solved anything, more like we had just decided to let things be. And then, I don't know. I just... sort of didn't feel the lust."   
"Something I did?"   
"No... Not really..." Chandler said with a thoughtful voice. "I think I was scared. I mean, the sex we've had this year hasn't been good at all. You know it and I know it. I guess I was scared that we would have sex and I wouldn't enjoy it, and I would know that you weren't enjoying it."   
"And did you enjoy it now?"   
"What a question..." Chandler said with a laugh. "It was among the best between you and me. Ever!"   
"Good" Monica said with a smile. "And maybe from now on we can make use of our old rule to **talk** to each other."   
"Sure thing babe" Chandler said. "But before we do that... I'm feeling a certain need to make up for everything we've lost during these months."   
  
"Grandma?" Liam's voice said, waking Monica up. "What are you doing in here? We've been looking for you."   
"Just had to get away..." Monica mumbled.   
"Sorry, didn't mean to wake you..." Liam said. "But Mom's been worried."   
"She doesn't have to worry about me" Monica said. "I'm just an old lady who needs to sleep every once in a while."   
"So how are you doing?" Liam asked, sitting down next to her on the bed.   
"No offence honey, but I don't want to talk about it" Monica said, sitting up. "I just want to go home."   
"But the reception is not ever yet."   
"I need to go home" Monica insisted.   
"Okay..." Liam said.   
He rose and went to get his mother. Emma appeared a couple of minutes later, looking troubled.   
"Mommy..." she said. "Why do you have to decide to go home? It's the middle of the reception, **Daddy's** reception, and--"   
"Daddy's reception was fifty-two years ago" Monica said. "His and mine wedding reception."   
"Mom, this is still his reception."   
"Whether or not it is I'd like to go home."   
"People will think--"   
"They can think whatever they want to think. **I** think that these things are sick. And wrong. And I don't want to be part of it a minute longer. I'll grieve my husband in privacy, not among friends and family who mostly just stop by because they were invited. Now take me home!"   
Emma sighed and gave in. She went and got her coat and then helped Monica get her things. She drove her back to the apartment where Monica and Chandler had lived the past five years. She felt a bit unsure about leaving Monica alone, but she insisted on Emma going back.   
Emma followed her inside and told her that Anthony would come by after the reception to check on her. Monica nodded and told Emma to get back to the reception. After Emma left, Monica walked into hers and Chandler's bedroom. In the closet she found what she was looking for. A box filled with letters. She opened it and found six letters of her own in the top. Under them were six letters by Chandler, written for her. She had already read the first two, one the day after his death and the other the day of the wake. She opened the third letter, written to her on their twentieth anniversary. She came across a revelation that shocked her completely.   
"This can't be true..." she whispered.   
She read further and found that it was true. She couldn't believe it. She hated it. And she hated him for it. She wanted to crumple it up and throw it away, but something stopped her from doing so. But for the first time since she had cut Chandler's toe off she felt she hated him.   
"How could you..." she whispered.   
She took a deep breath to clear her head. She told herself that she had just misread something. After all she was old and her eyesight wasn't the best in the world. And she was very emotional after the funeral and her mind was probably fooling her in some way.   
"Because this just can't be the truth" she said. She looked at a photo on the nightstand of Chandler. "Could it?" she asked the photo.   
It didn't answer her and she looked down at the letter again. She took a deep breath and took her time reading through the first couple of sentences. So far she had read it right. She hated that. She wanted to find out she had read every word wrong.   
"It can't be the truth, right?" she asked the photo.   
She tried to feel his presence, Phoebe had always said that dead people were present, and that they stayed with the people they loved. But she couldn't feel a thing. She had never believed in ghosts and spirits anyway, but during the funeral she had been sure she had had some kind of comfort from him. But she felt no comfort now. She had seen him being buried just hours ago and now she had found out a truth that she almost thought was worse than that he was dead.   
"I don't want to read this" she said. "I don't want to. I really, really don't want to. What if I didn't read it wrong? Chandler how **could** you?"   
But she decided that it was better to know for sure whether or not it was true, than to sit here and guess. She started reading again and the more she read the more she realized that it was actually true. She couldn't read more than a few paragraphs before she had to stop. The pain was too much and the shock was too overwhelming. And the feeling of hatred towards him was too scary.   
  
  
  
I doubt anyone who has read this far has no thoughts or comments whatsoever, so please either leave a review below or send me an e-mail at [annapanna__@hotmail.com][1] (with 2 underlines, not 1). Constructive criticism is welcome, so is anything positive anyone might have to say. If there's something you don't like then let me know.   
  
  


   [1]: mailto:annapanna__@hotmail.com



	5. Chapter 4, 2nd half

For Better For Worse Part 2 of Part 4

For Better, For Worse (4, 2nd half)

  
  
Due to me working and my computer not doing the same, this second half has taken a little longer that I expected. Thanks to Jjaks for helping me out and for giving me his honest opinion.   
  
  
"Monica!" Chandler said one day in February, coming home from work. "Monica! Where are you? Monica?"   
"Upstairs" he heard her call out.   
"Well then come **downstairs!** I've got great news!"   
Monica came hurrying down the stairs and greeted him with a kiss.   
"Great news huh? Are we pregnant again?"   
Chandler stuck his tongue out at her as a response to her joke and put his briefcase down. He walked to the dining room and she followed.   
"It's about my job" he said.   
"Then I guess it's **really** good" Monica said. "Because it takes a whole lot for you to think something at work is good."   
"I've got a big promotion" Chandler said with a huge grin. "And you will never believe what my job now is!"   
"Tell me!"   
"My company is starting up in Los Angeles and they've given me the job of putting the whole thing together! Not the actual building of course, but to hire people, to advertise, to make the whole thing work... Of course it will only be for a while, until they don't need me anymore, but it's great, isn't it? Isn't it?"   
Monica didn't know what to say. She was shocked. Los Angeles?   
"Did you say LA?" she asked.   
"Yeah!" Chandler said.   
"Chandler... Los Angeles is on the west coast, we are on the east."   
"So?" Chandler said. "It's not permanent. We could all use some change of environment anyway."   
"You're saying we're all moving to the west coast?" Monica asked.   
"Uh-hu!"   
"No way" Monica said, shaking her head. "We're not going."   
"Excuse me?" Chandler said.   
"I said we're not going."   
"Okay..." Chandler said. "Give me your perfectly good explanation **now** before I count to ten and realize I'm still mad."   
"Chandler we can't move. It's impossible" Monica said. "Bridget and Emma are in school, Tony's in kindergarten. I'm working!"   
"So they'll take some time off, no big deal. I moved a lot when I was a kid, it didn't hurt me any."   
"Chandler aren't you listening to me?" Monica asked. "We can't go."   
"And aren't **you** listening to **me**? Monica you know how much I've disliked my work! Now I'm getting offered doing something I would actually enjoy! And it wouldn't be forever!"   
"How long?"   
"I don't know exactly. A year to eighteen months."   
"Too long" Monica decided.   
"Too long?" Chandler asked. "Too long to live in another city, or too long..." He trailed off, not bothering to finish his question.   
"Why am I getting the feeling that you're painting me up as the bad guy here?" Monica asked.   
"Honey I've gotten a **wonderful** job opportunity and you're telling me no can do!" Chandler said.   
"Chandler we can't move to Los Angeles, it's out of the question."   
"For you, or for us?" he said. "Look, the children will love it, we can let somebody rent our house for a year and we can probably stay in Rachel's beach house."   
"Well it doesn't make a difference because I'm not leaving" Monica said.   
"How can you say that to me?" Chandler asked.   
"Chandler I am working for the first time in years, you know how much I've longed for this!" Monica said. "And I've only been working for a few months. I can't move in the middle of the semester. And since I've worked here for so little time, I won't have a job waiting for me when I get back. You're once again asking me to become a housewife and just hang around doing nothing!"   
"They have home-economics in LA too" Chandler pointed out. Monica didn't like his quipping tone. "And Monica this is the job opportunity of my life! I've been working my entire adult life with something I didn't like and now finally that has paid off, I've paid my dues and I'm finally in a place where I get to do something I want! And besides, either I take this job or they fire me. And we can't make a living on your salary only."   
"Chandler I doubt they'd fire you if you didn't take this job."   
"They would Monica" Chandler said. "They would. And it doesn't matter anyway, because I've already accepted it. I guess I thought you'd be happy for me."   
"Happy for you, sure. But I do not want to move to Los Angeles!"   
"Monica..." Chandler said. "I have to go. Do you get that? That's where my job is."   
"Well I don't care, I am not moving" Monica said. "I am not giving up my new job over this. Something that's only gonna last a year anyway!"   
"So what are you saying?" Chandler asked. "You'll be staying here?"   
"Yes" Monica said. She didn't think he was going to move if she didn't, and she really didn't want to move anywhere. "I don't even understand, why do we have to go? Why can't you just talk to the people at your work?"   
"Monica let me explain just one thing to you..." Chandler said. "We have two options here, I can either go to Los Angeles or I can stay in New York. Going to Los Angeles means money, Monica. We have four children to put through college!"   
"Whatever happened to 'the money we got from Dad will cover that'?"   
"What if it doesn't cover it?" Chandler asked. "Who knows what college will cost by the time they're all grown enough to go there? And what about after college? Don't you want them to have enough money to be able to stand on their own feet until they get a job?"   
"We can earn money here too" Monica said.   
"Not this kind of money. And if I stay I lose my job. And then we have no money to spend on anything. Your salary won't cover the costs of a house, four children and two adults. Do you want our children to have to live on a tight budget again?"   
"Chandler stop this weird pie tossing!" Monica said. "I don't want any bad things for them. And that includes having to move across the country."   
"Well what about what you want for me?" Chandler asked. "Do I matter?"   
"You know you do" Monica said.   
"Well can you then please consider the fact that I don't want to have to lose my job" Chandler said. "As well as the fact that for the first time in my working life I have the opportunity to do something fun, something I care about!"   
"I am considering that, but Chandler can you please consider the fact that for the past five years I have been walking around at home, wanting to go to work again, and now finally I've gotten to do that? You'd be taking all of that away by moving us across the continent. And before you get upset, I'm asking you not to get hung up on the fact that I said 'you'd be taking it away'. Because that's not what's important, what's important is that I would hate it Chandler. I would hate being a housewife again. And I would get annoyed and bitter, and most likely I would take it out on you. And frankly, I'm not so sure we're strong enough right now to deal with one of us being bitter and taking it out on the other one."   
"Monica if I stay here I'll be unemployed, knowing that I could have been in LA doing something I would have truly enjoyed. And that would make me bitter."   
Monica sighed.   
"Is there any way out of this?"   
"Not as I see it... Not right now... Why can't you be supportive of me?"   
"Chandler I have always been supportive of you" Monica protested. "But honestly Chandler you can't come crying to me about disliking what you've done for a living all your adult life. You've had plenty of opportunities to quit that job and find something better!"   
"Maybe I had before, but then you got pregnant" Chandler said. "And I didn't dare to take the risk of being unemployed. That was the first thing I learned about parenting, making sure that there was enough money to keep the baby from lacking anything. Children cost money."   
"Yes they do. But what about after your Dad died, we had money then, you could have searched for a new job then!"   
"I had just gotten a promotion."   
"So?" Monica said. "Chandler you know I would have supported you if you had told me you were quitting your job to find something else. We could have found ways to save money and to keep the money you inherited from running out. We could have stayed in the old house, for example."   
"Monica did you ever think that I would have us stay in that house when we had the money to move, when I knew how much you disliked living there?" Chandler asked. "And either way, the past is the past and we can't change it. I can't go back in time and get another job, all I can do is take the job offered to me now that I would love to have."   
"And next year, what happens then?" Monica asked. "When this LA thing is over? You'll be back where you were. Now you have the chance to get out there and find a job that you would love."   
"I can't do that Monica" Chandler said. "I'm the one bringing in the most money here, we can't make a living out of your teachers' pay when we're a family of six. All I'm asking of you is one year out of your life."   
"You have every year of my life" Monica said. "But those years are in New York."   
"I'm asking you here, please come to Los Angeles with me! I promise you Monica, give these eighteen months to me and I swear to make every sacrifice I have to for your career."   
"I can't leave as it is right now." Monica said "I just can't."   
"I have to leave" he said. "My work is in Los Angeles."   
"You can get something else here in New York" Monica said. "I refuse to believe they'd **fire** you if you didn't want to pack up your things and move across a continent with a wife and four kids."   
"It's either this or nothing" Chandler said. "I'm going Monica."   
"And I'm not."   
Chandler turned on his heel and left the room. He didn't know what to think. He hadn't thought she would refuse to come with him. He turned again and looked at her.   
"My own wife would rather spend up to eighteen months apart from me than to come with me" he said. Then he left the room, leaving Monica alone.   
  
Monica hadn't honestly believed that he had been serious. She hadn't expected him for a minute to move, no matter what he had said. She had trusted in his love for her and the children, that it would keep him where they were. She hadn't expected him for a minute to move. But she soon learned that he was serious. That made her very mad, since she couldn't just leave her job. She had to stay and he knew it. Yet he was leaving.   
They didn't speak much during the three weeks before he was going to leave. He told her that he would fly back as often as he could, but since it would cost a lot of money it wouldn't be that often. He made it pretty clear that he was upset with her, and that he hated having to leave the children. Monica was too angry at him to care at first. She didn't understand how it was her fault that they would be apart.   
But once he started making more serious preparations to move her anger started to fade away. She didn't even notice it herself at first, she was too busy keeping up her mad exterior and pretending like she had no interest at all in coming with him. And she didn't have much interest, her only interest would be getting to be with him. She started to realize that they would be apart for real. There would be an entire continent between them. No more sleeping together in the same bed, no more seeing each other every single day, no more dealing with everyday problems together. And the worst part was that he didn't seem to care. She hoped it was just an exterior.   
The day before he left was awful. Monica had finally broken, all of her anger was gone and she was only sad and depressed. She couldn't believe he would leave her. She couldn't believe her husband would live on the west coast while she was in the east. She numbly helped him pack and watched him write down the address for the apartment his company had gotten him, as well as the phone number. She felt a lump in his throat when they sat down to dinner with the children, and everyone except Francesca knew it would be a while before they'd get to eat together again. Especially Emma seemed sad. Monica knew she was closer to Chandler than the other children, she had been ever since the time she almost got lost on the beach.   
After dinner Monica numbly offered to do the dishes on her own, so the children could go watch a movie and Chandler could go to work for a while to get some things he had forgotten. While she did the dishes she hoped Chandler would be in a better mood once he came back. He had been avoiding her most of the day and she didn't want it to be that way between them that night.   
When Chandler got home he barely said a word to her, just nodded when she offered him to get to tuck the children in alone. He wouldn't get to tuck them in for a while. She kept out of the way while he tucked them in and ended up in front of the TV, watching something on Discovery about Christopher Wilder.   
"I've got some things left to pack..." Chandler said to her when he exited Bridget's room after putting her to bed.   
"Bridget went to sleep awfully fast" Monica said.   
"She..." Chandler hesitated. "Well you know how she gets sometimes. I think she's angry with me."   
"I'll go check on her" Monica said and rose.   
"Don't" Chandler said. "She's listening to some story in her Walkman and you know how much she hates being interrupted..."   
"The only kid in the world who still uses a Walkman..." Monica said.   
"I'm going downstairs to continue packing" Chandler said and headed down the stairs.   
Monica turned the TV off and followed him downstairs. She felt the lump in her throat again when she helped him pack. She had never thought she'd have to help her own husband pack to move someplace without her. They were both quiet at first, until Chandler started closing his last suitcase.   
"No wait!" Monica said. She walked to his nightstand drawer. "You have to have your sock with you... to keep by your bed."   
She handed it to him and he packed it down. She walked back to the nightstand and lifted a small booklet made out of A4 papers stapled together. It was actually pictures that the children had drawn for him, that she had stapled together for him once to keep easier track of them. She handed the booklet to him.   
"You have to bring this too... The children made them for you, after all."   
He nodded and packed it. She got up and found some more things he needed to bring, until Chandler finally told her that it was enough, and if he had forgotten something he could pick it up when he came back home over a weekend. Monica didn't protest, and he closed his suitcase and brought it out to the door. She sunk down on the bed, deeply depressed, and wished she could stop time.   
Chandler came back a couple of minutes later, drinking an orange Gatorade and eating peanut butter pretzels. Monica felt like telling him to wait until he was in LA with eating snacks in the bedroom but the thought of talking about him being there made her too upset to say the words.   
"My flight leaves at three tomorrow" he said, sitting down on the bed and chewing his pretzels.   
Monica didn't reply at first. She had an apathetic look on her face, crawled up on the bed with her head by the foot of the bed and vice versa. She didn't want to talk about him leaving. She didn't want to talk at all. When they talked, the icy mood would be more real. If they were silent she could at least to some extent enjoy this last night.   
"I'll have to leave no later than at two" Chandler said.   
"If you have to break the silence then..." Monica began. She was quiet for a second and then continued speaking. "If that's all you can think of to break the silence with then don't bother breaking it."   
"I just figured you might want to know."   
"I've known all week."   
They were silent for a while. Then it was Monica's turn to break the silence.   
"I so hate this" she said. "I'm gonna miss you."   
"Yeah, I should have offered you to come" Chandler said sarcastically.   
"I don't want to get into that" Monica said. "It won't lead anywhere, either way we can't change anything at this point. Why do we have to spend this last night together arguing and bickering?"   
"I don't know Mon..." Chandler said. "We were never good at setting arguments aside and having hot sex."   
"I don't require sex from you tonight" Monica said. "To tell you the truth I'm not up for it. I just don't want to argue tonight. If we don't argue, at least I can pretend that..."   
"That what?"   
"That we're okay."   
"Pretend away" Chandler said, and finished his Gatorade.   
He got up and left the bedroom, returning a while later, ready for bed. Monica slowly got off the bed and went to get ready herself. While she was gone, Chandler tried his best to fall asleep. He didn't want her to try and talk tonight. He just wanted to go to sleep without having to listen to her talk, or sigh sadly, or move around on her side of the bed. He didn't manage to go to sleep though, but made sure he was crawled up far on his side, with his back at her, when she got back. He knew it wasn't very mature, but he didn't want to have to talk to her. And he wanted her to know he was angry with her, even if the word angry was an understatement. He was furious with her.   
Monica watched his back as she got into bed and turned the lights off and she tried to keep her tears away. All she wanted was to get to go to sleep in his arms, but he didn't seem to be in a cuddly mood. She decided to respect his apparent desire to keep a distance, and didn't move closer to him. But after a while she opened her mouth.   
"This is the last time in a while now that we get to go to sleep together" she said.   
"Just go ahead and lay your guilt trip on me so I can go to sleep afterward" Chandler answered her.   
"No guilt trip..." Monica said. "I promise. Just an 'I love you'."   
"Yeah, ditto" Chandler mumbled.   
  
Monica felt even worse the next day. She felt like her heart was breaking, she couldn't understand that he wouldn't be there that night when she went to bed. She couldn't understand that she and the children would be having dinner without him for a long time, or that she would have to tuck them in at night by herself.   
Chandler had called a cab and once it arrived he went out with his remaining suitcases and then told the cabdriver to wait for a minute while he said goodbye to his family. The cabdriver rolled his eyes but agreed to wait. Chandler walked inside and closed the door, to at least get some privacy. Monica was standing in the hall together with the children. He lifted Francesca up and gave her a hug and a kiss, telling her how much he would miss her while he was gone.   
"Don't you go growing up too fast, you hear?" he added. "You're the baby, you have to stay that way until I get back."   
He then put her down and said goodbye to the children, one at a time, giving them each a hug, a kiss, an 'I love you' and an 'I'll miss you' together with some extra addition. He noticed that Bridget seemed really unwilling to hug him and he frowned slightly.   
"Something the matter, kiddo?" he asked.   
"Other than my Dad deserting my family?" Bridget asked. "No."   
"I'm not deserting you. Okay?" Chandler said. "I even wanted you all to come with me to Los Angeles."   
"Sure" Bridget said sarcastically. "If you had then we would have come."   
"Mom didn't want to" Chandler told her.   
Monica bit her lower lip but tried not to be bothered by his comment. But she knew that now Bridget would be angry with her for as long as Chandler was gone. Chandler looked at her, then leaned in and kissed her on the corner of her mouth. "I'll call you when I get there" he said. Then he left.   
If the children hadn't been in the room Monica would have burst out crying. Not just because he had left, but because of the way he had. She hadn't gotten a hug, not a proper kiss, he hadn't said he loved her and would miss her. He had just kissed her on the corner of her mouth and then told her he would call. And then he'd left.   
"I'll be at Julia's" Bridget declared, grabbing her jacket. "Bye..." she said when she left.   
Monica looked after her but decided not to go tell her to come back inside. She knew Bridget well enough to know when she needed to cool off. She picked Francesca up and walked to the kitchen with her to let her play in there while Monica defrosted the freezer. Anthony followed and Emma walked upstairs to watch TV. The house seemed really empty. Monica had always heard people say that homes seemed empty and quiet when someone in the family was missing and now she knew it was right. She had never been in such an empty and quiet house her entire life.   
  
In early April, Monica still hadn't gotten used to Chandler being away. He had been home once, for Bridget's birthday, but he hadn't said much to her at that time. She knew he was upset with her but she thought it was getting ridiculous. They didn't have much time together, the little time they had should be quality time instead of wasted time. The children seemed to have accustomed much easier, they all seemed to think he was just gone for a few weeks and then he would move back for good. Monica knew that it would be at least another ten months before he could move back home, but she didn't say anything along those lines to the children.   
Even if the children had accustomed to Chandler being gone, it was still clear that Bridget hadn't forgiven Monica for it. She was cranky, unruly and disobedient. Monica had to yell at her a lot more than normally, and it was getting on her nerves. She tried to explain the situation to Bridget at least once a week, but Bridget didn't seem to be taking it in. Monica was angry at Chandler for telling Bridget what he had told her, but after a while she decided to just accept it. She didn't want Bridget to act that way around Chandler whenever he was home, it was better that she was taking her anger out on Monica.   
The first Friday in April she got invited to a party by some co-workers who thought she should get out of the house more. She decided to go if she could find someone to baby-sit, and ended up with a girl from one of her classes to baby-sit. She felt odd about going out somewhere without Chandler, it had been quite a while since the last time that had happened, but she told herself she deserved it and that he probably went to parties in Los Angeles too.   
While she was out that Friday Chandler came back home for a quick visit over the weekend, to wish Anthony a happy birthday. The baby-sitter, Lara, looked up in surprise when she heard the front door close, a male voice call out 'hello' and saw Emma and Anthony hurry out in the hall to greet whoever this person was.   
"Hello?" she called out.   
Chandler appeared in the doorway, holding Emma in his arms and with Anthony right behind him. He stared at Lara in confusion.   
"Hi?" he said. "Uhm, who are you?"   
"My name is Lara Williams..." Lara said. "I'm the baby-sitter."   
"Baby-sitter?" Chandler said. "But Monica, where is she?"   
"Who did you say you were again?"   
"Oh, sorry" Chandler said. "I'm Chandler Bing, the husband and father. So where is she?"   
"Out on a party" Lara said warily. "And she didn't mention anything about her husband coming home."   
"I didn't tell her I was coming" Chandler said. Then he turned to Emma. "Where's your older sister, huh?"   
"Upstairs, in her room" Emma answered.   
"And the baby?"   
"Her room, sleeping."   
"It seems that all Francesca ever does is sleep" Chandler mumbled to himself. He put Emma down and walked up to Lara, shaking her hand. "I would let you go home now, but I don't have any money on me to pay you..."   
"That's okay" Lara said. "I'll stay until Mrs. Bing gets back."   
Chandler smiled slightly. Then he left to go say hi to the other two children. Lara watched him leave and felt sceptic. She didn't know whether or not to believe him. She had never seen any pictures of Mrs. Bing's husband and Mrs. Bing hadn't said a word about him coming back. And Lara knew he was working in Los Angeles and it seemed a bit unlikely that he would pay a surprise visit when the distances were that great.   
She let him tuck the children in, and didn't leave the kitchen table where she was going through some notes for a test she had a couple of days later. Chandler came in to the kitchen when the children were put to bed, and looked around. "Are you alone?" he asked. "I mean, are you the only person baby-sitting?"   
"Yeah" Lara said.   
"Strange" Chandler said, with a disapproving tone. "She left all four children alone with just one person, someone they don't even know very well? I mean, no offence, but she shouldn't have left you in charge of them. We have several friends who could have baby-sat."   
"I don't know anything about that" Lara said. "All I know is she's paying me to baby-sit tonight."   
"Did she tell you when she's gonna be home?" Chandler asked.   
"Around eleven."   
Chandler glanced at his wristwatch.   
"Two hours from now then..." He sighed. Then he looked up at Lara again. "You know, you don't have to sit here all night... you can use the TV or something if you'd like. I'm gonna go park in front of my computer, and see if I can get in touch with someone at work."   
Lara nodded but didn't go to watch TV. She stayed in the kitchen until Monica got back, two hours later. Once she did, Lara walked up to her after having packed up her books, and was about to ask about Mr. Bing when Monica interrupted her and paid her the money she owed her. Then Monica looked up and saw Chandler coming out in the kitchen.   
"Oh my god..." she said. A wide smile broke out in her face. "Chandler?"   
She hurried up to him and hugged him tight. Chandler put his arms around her but it wasn't much of a hug back. She sensed he was mad again, but she didn't know what he was mad about. She wrote it off as her imagination. She gave him a quick kiss and a smile and then turned her attention back to Lara. She talked to her for a minute and then Lara left, and Monica went back to the kitchen were Chandler was waiting.   
"So great to see you!" she said. "Why didn't you tell me you were coming, I would have stayed home tonight!"   
"Monica are you completely crazy?" Chandler asked. "How could you leave one teenager, that you hardly even **know**, alone with our four children?"   
"I trust her" Monica said with a shrug to the shoulder.   
"Yes but with **four** children?" Chandler said. "Damn it, **we** have a hard enough time with all four of them sometimes, you're gonna leave some teenager they don't even know to take care of them for a night? What was she suppose to do if one of them started making trouble? Huh?"   
"I deserve to have a night off from taking care of four children all by myself" Monica dryly said. "Thanks to you and your last words to Bridget, I've been the person they're allowed to hate these past weeks. They haven't been easy, especially not Bridget. So I think I've earned the right to just think about myself for one night. "And everything went just fine tonight. Goodnight Chandler."   
She walked past him, feeling incredibly hurt and disappointed. When she had seen him there she had thought they would have a good weekend together but instead he started a fight. She was in no mood for fighting right now and she wished he was still in Los Angeles. She wished she could have the bed to herself, so that she could cry herself to sleep without him being there. She had a strong feeling it wouldn't be a very fun weekend.   
Chandler went upstairs and sat down on the couch, to avoid seeing her. He couldn't believe that she had been so irresponsible as to leave the children alone with a young stranger. Not that he thought the girl would hurt them but he had strong doubts she'd be able to take care of all four of them if even only one of them refused to do as she said. And it wasn't like Monica to leave the children in that way. He couldn't understand why she hadn't asked one of their friends to baby-sit. If she had managed to get a teenage girl to baby-sit on a Friday night it couldn't have been on such a short notice that she had been unable to get a hold of their friends. He sighed deeply and wondered what was really wrong with Monica at the moment.   
  
Monica was starting to think this had been a really bad idea.   
It was hers and Chandler's anniversary, and she had decided to fly in and surprise him. But she had been so stressed with finding a baby-sitter and getting time off from work that she had forgotten one important part. She didn't know his address. Hardly anyone wrote actual letters these days, people sent e-mails to each other instead, and she had never gotten to know his address. He had written it down, but she hadn't gotten a chance to look at it before Emma had helped her clean and misplaced it. She figured that out at LAX while waiting for her luggage. She cursed herself for it, it was very unlike her to forget something like that. She knew she could probably figure his address out, but she would need a computer for that and she didn't have one at the moment.   
She got outside and swore at the heat while waving for a cab. She asked the cabdriver where she could find a computer to use and he took her to the closest library. He asked if she wanted him to wait but she told him no. It could take her quite a while to get the address and it would cost her a fortune to keep the cab for that long. She paid the man what she owed him and then hurried into the library. She felt ridiculous with her suitcase in tow but she decided to ignore the curious looks she got from some of the people and walked up to the checkout counter and asked if they had any computers she could borrow.   
When she finally sat down by a computer she logged on to the Web and then searched for the homepage of Chandler's company. Once she found it she went to the LA section and searched under 'employment'. She found Chandler's name and clicked on it. A password requirement came up. Monica sighed. She should have realized that they kept information like address and such under password. She had even overheard Chandler mention something about it. She smiled slightly when she remembered that Chandler had said that each person had their own private password that they picked out themselves. She knew him well enough to be able to figure out his password.   
Systematically she opened a Word program and started listing all the password combinations she could think of, under categories based on how probable it was that Chandler was using it. She finally landed on three different ones and tried them out. The second one turned out to be a match, and she smiled slightly. She quickly eyed through the page and then fished out a pencil and a pad from her purse and wrote down the address she found.   
Once she got to the correct address, and the right condo she realized she had another big problem. She couldn't get in. Doors still needed keys to be unlocked, and she didn't have one. She didn't know what to do, she couldn't just sit outside his condo until he got back home and found her there. It could be several hours. It was only 3 p.m. and she knew he worked long hours. She swore again and walked down to the lobby, where she managed to find a janitor. She walked up to him, put on a nice smile and asked him for help.   
"Excuse me miss?" he said with a disliking face and tone when he heard what she needed help with.   
"Look, I know it sounds... I don't know, like I'm gonna break in or something. But trust me, that's not the case. Do you know Mr. Bing?"   
"Know him would be a strong word" the janitor muttered. "He mostly just works. Hardly ever home."   
"Well do you know what he looks like?"   
"Yeah I've seen him once or twice."   
"Okay, hold on."   
Monica got her wallet up from her purse and looked through it until she found two pictures. She handed them to the janitor.   
"See, this is us on our wedding day... and the other picture was taken six months ago. I really am his wife and I really need to get in."   
The janitor eyed the two pictures sceptically and then sighed and handed them back to Monica.   
"I'll probably lose my job for this..." he muttered.   
Monica smiled and put the pictures back in the wallet. She followed him up to Chandler's condo and thanked him when he unlocked the door. She walked inside and closed the door behind her. She looked around, impressed with what she saw. A high ceiling, wooden walls and floors and lots of spaces everywhere. The kitchen was directly to her left, and it was the same kind of kitchen they had had before, the kind that was more just a corner where they cooked. There was a counter opposite the wall with the stove and fridge and everything else, where someone could prepare the food. She took a walk around the apartment and loved what she saw. It was a really gorgeous place. She wondered how Chandler's company could afford paying for such a place for him. She knew he didn't have to pay anything himself. She smiled wider and leaned against the kitchen counter. She couldn't wait to cook dinner in such a fancy kitchen. She wondered how soon he would be home, and she hoped he would be happy to find her there.   
  
Chandler felt really tired when he got back home. He only had an hour to shower and eat before he had to go back to work for a meeting. He knew today was May 17th and therefor the day he and Monica had been married for eleven years, but he knew it would just be another day at work for him. There wouldn't be anything special about it at all, except maybe a phone call from Monica where she would be too tired to talk since it would be really late in New York.   
He got off the elevator and walked up to his condo. He fished out the key, unlocked the door and walked inside. He froze the same second he walked inside. The place was lit up even though he knew for sure he had turned all lamps off before he left. He felt the smell of food and the sound of the food being made coming from the kitchen. He slowly turned his head to the right and saw Monica in the kitchen. She looked up at him with a slight smile on her face.   
"Just in time" she said.   
"I need a shower" Chandler said. He didn't know what else to say. He was shocked to find her there.   
"You have time for a quick one" Monica told him, and went back to cooking dinner.   
Chandler went to take a shower, too shocked to ask what she was doing there. He wasn't sure she was a welcome guest, even though she didn't count as a guest since she was his wife. But he didn't know if he was happy to see her.   
Once he got out of the shower he saw that Monica had put out plates and forks and everything else they needed to have dinner, but on the floor in the living room instead of on the kitchen table.   
"The table was so messy" she said. "And I didn't know if I was allowed to clean up there either. Seemed like work stuff."   
"Yeah..." Chandler said.   
"Don't I get a kiss?" she asked.   
Chandler absentmindedly kissed her and then looked around in the condo. Something felt different although he couldn't put his finger to what.   
"When did you get here? How did you get in?" he asked.   
"Around three, the janitor let me in."   
"What a secure thing to know, the janitor will let anyone in" Chandler said with a sigh.   
"I forced him" Monica said with a smile. "And I convinced him that I really am your wife. Showed him some photos."   
Chandler nodded slightly. Monica told him to sit and he did, and she went to get dinner. He took a deep breath and thought it smelled delicious. He hadn't eaten her food in a while now, and he missed it. He usually ate takeout these days.   
Monica came back with their food and sat down opposite him. They started to eat, silent at first. Then Chandler spoke.   
"Not the most comfortable way to sit while you eat..." he said.   
"No I know" Monica said. "But it works."   
"Yeah..." Chandler said. "How long are you here?"   
"Until tomorrow. Couldn't get more time off work."   
"Okay."   
"I just didn't want us to be apart on our anniversary and since you said you weren't coming back home..."   
"Happy anniversary" Chandler said.   
"You too."   
"Such a shame though..." he said. "I bought your charm when I was in town for Tony's birthday, so that you would get it on our anniversary and not the next time I come back home. Now you're gonna have to wait until **you** get back home."   
Monica reached over to her purse, which she had put right next to where she was sitting, and fished out a parcel.   
"This is the one, right?"   
Chandler smiled slightly.   
"Yeah, that's the one."   
She opened it and found a small helmet made out of steel, attached to a small golden ring. She held it up and then reached her arm over to Chandler. He attached it to her bracelet and then told her what it stood for.   
"Steel anniversary" he told her.   
"Steel..." Monica said. "Gosh, I long for the days when we're celebrating sapphire anniversaries and things like that." She then smiled slightly.   
"Well, only another 34 years and we're there" Chandler said. "But steel isn't so bad either. Lots of married couples barely make it to fruit."   
"That was fourth, right?" Monica said. "Well don't think I don't like this charm. It's really nice. I love you."   
"Love you too" Chandler mumbled.   
"Question though."   
"Shoot."   
"When we celebrate our gold anniversary, what kind of a charm would that be? Most of these are already in gold."   
"Why don't you let **me** worry about that, 39 years from now?" Chandler asked.   
Monica smiled slightly. They continued to eat, saying a few things now and then, and then suddenly the phone rang. Chandler rose and picked up the chordless phone and answered it.   
"Chandler Bing... Right, damn, the meeting!"   
Monica looked down on her plate. She sighed heavily. If he had a meeting then he would end up going there. And she would be left alone. They had only had an hour together yet, it felt unfair.   
"Listen, this is a simple thing, isn't it?" she heard Chandler say on the phone. "Nothing important. You or Justin or both together can handle this alone... I know I said I'd be there... My wife... She showed up today, it's our anniv--... Just tonight... No I didn't know she was coming..."   
Monica sighed and decided to clear the floor from the dinner. She rose and went to the kitchen with the plates and started doing the dishes while Chandler continued on the phone. He joined her five minutes later.   
"Meeting?" she asked.   
"I'm not gonna go" Chandler said. "I'm too late for it anyway."   
Monica nodded. Chandler went and got the rest of the things they had left out on the living room floor. He started drying the dishes while asking about the children and how they were doing.   
"They're doing fine" Monica said for the eight time in five minutes. "Anthony's gonna start taking singing lessons in August."   
"Singing lessons?"   
"Yeah. He's got a great singing voice, he should nurture it."   
"And was this his idea or yours?" Chandler asked.   
"Mine. He's six, he didn't even know they **had** singing lessons."   
"So how do you know he wants to take any?" Chandler asked. "Maybe he doesn't care about 'nurturing his singing voice'. Don't pressure him."   
"I'm not!" Monica objected, slightly upset. "I asked him if he was interested and he said yes!"   
"Yeah well maybe he only said yes to make you happy."   
"And maybe he said yes because he wants to take singing lessons" Monica said. She was quiet for a second. "And speaking of music by the way, Bridget's gonna start taking guitar lessons."   
"Not from Phoebe I hope."   
"No, at the same place Anthony will take his singing lessons."   
"Any other instruments we're gonna have to be buying our kids soon?" Chandler asked.   
"Well... Emma talked about the piano..."   
"Why can't any of them go with the clarinet?" Chandler asked. "That would be more cost effective. I still have my old clarinet."   
"I don't think the piano thing will last..." Monica said.   
"I hope not" Chandler said and yawned.   
"Tired?" Monica asked.   
"I've been up since six."   
"So have I, but I slept on the plane, when do you have to be up tomorrow?"   
"Six" Chandler said with a yawn.   
"Good thing you didn't go to that meeting..." Monica said. "You would have fallen asleep in the middle of everything."   
Chandler nodded and dried off the last thing and put it in on a shelf above him. Then he walked into the living room while Monica dried off the counter, and he tried to figure out what was different. The whole place seemed different, but he didn't know what the change was. It wasn't the fact that he wasn't alone, it was something else. Monica came out from the kitchen.   
"You know..." she said. "If you're really that tired why don't we just hit the sack? I'm not gonna make you stay up late or anything... unless you want to yourself, of course."   
Chandler nodded and rose. He walked with her to the bathroom and they both got ready for bed. It felt strange having her there, he was used to getting ready for bed alone. Sometimes he never even got ready, he just took his clothes off and crawled under the sheets. It was too hot to wear a pyjamas anyway.   
They got into bed together and Monica started kissing him. He wanted to sigh and push her away, but he didn't. He didn't feel like he could set everything aside and just sleep with her, but at the moment he didn't feel like he could put up with her hurt face either. So he let her seduce him and sleep with him, and then fell asleep almost instantly afterward.   
Monica couldn't sleep for a while. He had seemed so distant the entire evening. She wondered if he was really happy to have her there. She didn't know what was wrong this time. The last time it had been that she had left the children with just one baby-sitter, a young baby-sitter, but this time her parents were watching the children. She didn't understand that he was mad at her for staying in New York. She had gotten past being mad at him for moving, but he hadn't gotten past being mad at her for staying.   
The next morning she got up together with him and made him breakfast. She decided to leave the condo at the same time he did, and then go sightseeing or something until her flight would leave at noon. Chandler obediently ate but he didn't say much. She followed him out and he gave her a ride to a nearby museum that was open around the clock, and then he left for work. She got a quick kiss before he left, and a promise that he would come back home over the weekend as soon as he could.   
When Chandler got back to the condo that night he realized what had been different the night before. When Monica had been there it had felt like home.   
  
"Mom, do we have to?" Bridget whined.   
"Yes" Monica told her.   
"But I want to go to camp!" Bridget continued whining. "All my friends are going!"   
"Camp will still be there next year."   
"But I'll miss out on so much!"   
"Too bad."   
Bridget sat down on her bed, crossed her arms and sulked. Monica didn't care. She had decided that they were all going to Los Angeles over summer. She had talked to Rachel, who had been more than willing to let them borrow her house, and she had talked to Chandler who had seemed excited about the idea. Luckily enough she only worked three weeks into June and then she was off until the last week of August, and the children were off school too. Right now she was in the middle of packing everything they needed.   
"Mommy!" Emma said, appearing in the doorway. "Come help **me** pack!"   
"In a minute honey..."   
"No go help her" Bridget said. "I don't need any help."   
"Oh yes you do" Monica said. "And I am going to pack everything for you young lady, except for your backpack, because if I don't you'll end up with nothing at all packed."   
"Julia's leaving for camp tomorrow..." Bridget said. "I could probably catch a ride with them!"   
"It's not the ride that's the problem" Monica said. "You're coming with us to Los Angeles and that's the end of it."   
"Why do I have to come? All my friends will be--"   
"I don't care where all your friends will be, your family will be in Los Angeles!" Monica said, getting angry. "You haven't seen your dad more than a few times since February. And you're coming with me and the others to spend summer with him, whether you like it or not."   
"I do **not** like it."   
"Then too bad" Monica said and finished packing her suitcase. She closed it and brought it downstairs. "Emma? You needed help?"   
"Yeah" Emma said. "How many toys can I bring?"   
"Not too many" Monica said. "We don't have a lot of room, sweetie. Daddy took all our suitcases when he moved, and I only managed to borrow a few. And you need to bring clothes with you as well."   
"Why can't we send moving boxes?"   
"Because we're not moving permanently."   
"Why couldn't Daddy have taken moving boxes?"   
"He didn't move permanently either."   
"When does he move back?"   
"I don't know honey, in no more than a year."   
Emma sighed and went back to her room. Monica took a look at the three suitcases already placed in the hall. They had eight suitcases in total, it would be quite frustrating to keep track of all of them at the airport, especially since she couldn't mark then since they weren't their own.   
"Just two more days..." she said with a sigh. "And then we'll be in LA, and I can finally share the whole caretaking of the kids with someone."   
  
"Oh goody" Bridget whined when they arrived at Rachel's beach house in LA. "We're here to be with Dad, and he isn't even here!"   
"He's at work, sweetie" Monica sighed, tying not to lose her temper.   
"Well that's something new" Bridget sarcastically said.   
"You remember which rooms you had the last time, right?" Monica said. "Take a suitcase each up to your room, okay?"   
"Where's my room?" Francesca asked.   
"We'll find you one sweetie."   
"The last time I was here I slept in the bedroom with you and Daddy."   
"No" Monica said. "Actually you slept in another room. You can sleep there now too. Come on, I'll show you."   
She grabbed two of the suitcases, one that was hers and one that was Francesca's, and walked up the stairs with Francesca in tow.   
"The floors have carpet" Francesca said.   
"I know" Monica said. "Nice, huh?"   
She walked inside the room that she and Chandler would sleep in and found he had already been there the day before, leaving his things. She didn't bother to unpack her own things right now, instead she showed Francesca where she would be sleeping. After that she took care of carrying the rest of the suitcases up and then unpacked everything. Once she was done she took a look at the time and saw that they had another hour before Chandler would be home.   
"Mom" Bridget said, in a whining tone. "There's nothing to do here."   
"Hold your horses, you've only been here an hour" Monica said. "And you had fun the last time you were here."   
"At first, but then you didn't let us play on the beach."   
"You can play on the beach, but only under adult supervision."   
"Mom!" Bridget whined. "I'm not Emma and I'm not six!"   
"No I know... But you still can't go out there playing all on your own."   
"Then what am I suppose to do here really?"   
"I don't know" Monica said, getting annoyed. "Find something to do with your siblings."   
"I could have done that back in New York."   
"That's enough. Look it probably won't be long before you've found some friends."   
"How am I suppose to do that if I can't leave the house?"   
"Bridget!" Monica said sharply. She took a deep breath and wondered if she should count to ten. "Get off my back, Bridget. I'm not gonna keep you locked up in here all summer and you know that. But you're so determined on having a bad time that you're gonna refuse to have fun no matter what we do. If you just for once could stop being such a cranky baby then maybe you'd have a good time!"   
Bridget turned on her heel and went to her room, slamming the door. Monica sighed. Now Bridget was even more angry.   
"One kid that's in the two-year terrorist phase and one kid that's just plain bull-headed. This vacation ought to be just wonderful..."   
Chandler came home an hour later, apparently in a great mood. He seemed really happy to see them, especially the children, and Monica could tell that even Bridget seemed to be in a good mood. Chandler went upstairs and changed his clothes and then took the kids out on the beach while Monica started with dinner. She wondered if this would turn into a scenario where the dad did all the fun with the kids and the mom just did the cooking, the telling off and the nagging. She hoped not. She had had enough of that during the past six months anyway. But she didn't begrudge him any of the time with the children since he hadn't seen them a lot in the past months.   
  
A week later Chandler came in late for work for the first time since he'd moved to Los Angeles. He had been playing out on the beach with Francesca in the early morning and forgotten that he had to go to work. He noticed the staff looking at him oddly, and he thought that was a bit strong. All he'd done was arrive an hour late, and they were staring at him like he was a UFO. And then he remembered, he was suppose to meet his new assistant first thing in the morning.   
"Oh man..." he moaned. "Great, the one time I'm late!"   
He walked into his office and saw someone sitting in his chair. The chair swung around and a woman in her mid thirties looked up at him with a slightly disapproving face. Chandler realized that she must be his new assistant, he hadn't seen her before but he hadn't hired the assistant either. His former assistant had done that right before she had left for Chicago. She had been younger that this woman, and had looked more professional. This woman had her auburn hair hanging lose down her shoulders and was dressed like she hoped they would have time to stop by at the beach.   
"Madge Jennings, I presume" Chandler said, and wondered who could name their kid Madge.   
"That would be me" the woman said. "Chandler Bing?"   
"The one and only."   
"You're late."   
"Oh really?" Chandler said. "Well shit happens."   
"Nice attitude."   
"Nice attitude sitting in my chair."   
She rose and walked up to him.   
"You were suppose to take me on a tour of the building..." she said. "Only now we don't have time. You have a meeting in fifteen minutes."   
"Go to your computer and take the cyber tour" Chandler said.   
"Wow, how high-tech" Madge said and laughed.   
Chandler shook his head. She left him alone and he sat down to sort through some job applicants before he went on his meeting. He decided to take her out to lunch to hopefully smooth things over in case she was annoyed. He didn't feel like working closely with someone he couldn't get along with and it was better to establish some kind of friendship from start. So right before lunch he walked out of his office and found her sitting by her desk right outside, playing Solitaire.   
"Hard at work?" he asked.   
"If you can be late, I can play Solitaire."   
"I'm your boss, so maybe I say that you can't" Chandler said with a grin. "Anyway, I'm going to lunch and I wanted to ask you if you'd like to tag along."   
"Hitting on me on the first day?" Madge said with a raised eyebrow.   
Chandler laughed.   
"If I was hitting on you, believe me, I would have started by taking my wedding ring off."   
"Oh..." she said, noticing the ring on his left ringfinger.   
"Actually I was just hoping I could get to know you a bit... I hate working with people I know nada about."   
"Sure, fine by me!" Madge said.   
"Okay then" Chandler said. "Now I'm gonna go inside my office and make a phone call, meanwhile you can shut down your Solitaire, and we can leave in a couple of minutes."   
He went inside and called Monica, telling her he wouldn't be home for lunch and then went to lunch with Madge. It seemed to have been a good idea, once they had bickered a little they started getting along quite well. He didn't realize how well until he went to bed next to Monica that night and couldn't get Madge out of his head.   
  
Chandler sat down behind his desk and tried to clear his head. It wasn't easy in the hot July day, especially since the A/C had broken down earlier that day. He was confused and baffled. Nothing like this had ever happened to him before, and he didn't know what to think of it. He had tried to deny it, but he couldn't. He had thought it was just some superficial attraction but he couldn't deny anymore that he was in love with her. He couldn't believe that it had happened. He had always thought Monica would be the only one for him, and that people who really love each other didn't get crushes or fall in love with other people. But he had been so mad at her for almost half a year now. It was her fault that he had been away from them all during the spring. She had refused to come with him, even though he hadn't had a choice whether or not to move. And he had spent the spring alone in a condo, without her and without the children. And whenever he'd seen her she'd acted as if neither of them had been able to do anything about their temporary separation. He blamed her for their separation and he just got madder when she acted as if it wasn't her fault and as if everything should be just as before when they were together.   
'Is that why?' he asked himself. 'Is that why I've allowed myself to fall in love with somebody else? Damn, how the hell should I know... I can't even figure out what I'm feeling, stupid of me to try and figure out why I'm feeling it.'   
He took a deep breath and rubbed his temples. He hated this situation. He knew he could never act on his feelings. He didn't even know if Madge felt the same for him, but even if she did he wouldn't be able to be with her. That would mean leaving Monica and breaking up their family for good. And she would no doubt move back to New York, taking the children with her, and he wouldn't get to see them.   
Before he could clear his head, the door to his office opened and Madge entered. He kept in a sigh. He didn't want to see her right now, it sure wouldn't help to clear his mind. But it was in the middle of the day and they had to work.   
"Hey..." she said and waved a file. "Should we go through this thing now, or later?"   
"Which file is that?" he asked.   
"Oh, it's that one they sent over from New York..." she said. "You know, the one about the PR firms..."   
"Okay."   
"So, do we look at it now or later?"   
"Now is a good time as any" Chandler said.   
"Okay."   
She sat down opposite him and they both leaned over the file. He couldn't concentrate, she was so close to him, and he hadn't felt this type of new love for almost fifteen years. And with Monica it had never been this way anyway. There hadn't been the tension, or the same kind of unresolved wish to touch. With Monica it had been almost only physical at first, since neither of them had dared to admit their feelings.   
Without knowing how it had happened, Chandler suddenly found himself gently kissing her. He didn't know who had initiated it or why, he just knew it had happened. He stared at Madge who stared right back at him. She started talking and he didn't know what to think of what he was hearing, and he didn't know if he even wanted to hear it. She was telling him that she had feelings for him, and that even though she knew he was married she hadn't been able to keep herself from acting on it.   
Chandler swallowed hard. He didn't want to talk. He was afraid of what he might say. Madge gave him a light kiss and then asked him if he was in love with her. Chandler couldn't believe he answered her, but he did, and the second after she heard him say 'yes' she was kissing him again, with her tongue this time. Chandler kissed her back, even though he knew he shouldn't. But he couldn't resist. It was new, and it was exciting, and he had been drawn to her for so long now. He hadn't kissed anyone else than Monica for over a decade and he was overwhelmed with how good it felt to kiss someone else, to experience something new. He pushed Monica out of his head and continued kissing Madge. The song 'Come Along' was playing in the background from his computer radio, and he felt it symbolised what Madge was in his life. A chance to break free and live a different life, to be free from working on a marriage and from living everyday life.   
"Yes I'm in love with you..." he whispered when they broke their kiss.   
  
When he got home he thought the house seemed unusually empty. He was glad, seeing Monica or the children would probably make him feel guilty and he didn't want to feel that way. He wanted to keep the feeling he'd had since he and Madge started kissing in his office. They hadn't done more than kiss and confess feelings, but he had his head filled with it and he didn't want to see Monica. Somehow she represented everyday for him and there had been so many problems between them the past year.   
He walked outside and heard a noise. He frowned and walked around the corner and found Monica sitting by the Jacuzzi, fully dressed and only with her feet in the pool. She seemed deep in thought. When he saw her the expected sting of guilt came, but he managed to push it aside.   
"How come you don't want to touch me?" Monica asked without looking up at him.   
The guilt came back to him, as well as slight surprise. He hadn't expected her to know he was there. But apparently she'd heard him coming.   
"What?" he asked.   
"How come you don't want to touch me?" Monica repeated. "You never touch me anymore. I get a loose hug and a kiss on the cheek at best. You never want to hold me at night, or even as much as touch me. And let's not even talk about sex..."   
"You haven't exactly been touching me a lot either" Chandler replied.   
"It's hard to be affectionate with someone who clearly doesn't want you to be" Monica said.   
Chandler wished she would just be quiet. He was fighting his conscience and losing. He felt terribly guilty and each word she said it got worse. And at the same time he was still mad at her, and he was trying his best to focus on the anger instead of his guilt. He wasn't doing a very good job.   
"Chandler I... I don't know what you want from me" Monica said. "Clearly you're angry, but I don't know what you're mad about. It can't still be that I didn't leave New York. I would have lost my job Chandler and I am **sick** of being a housewife. And it would have been hard for the kids. I mean, Bridget's taking it hard enough just having to be here over summer! Moving here, it just wouldn't work."   
"Your point?" Chandler asked.   
"My point is... I don't know what to do anymore. You don't want to have sex, that's fine. But when you don't even want to touch me then we have a problem. I'm your wife, putting an arm around me won't kill you."   
"Where are the children?" Chandler asked, desperate to get away from the conversation as soon as possible.   
"Upstairs" Monica whispered, not bothering to hide how hurt she was that he refused to talk to her.   
Chandler turned and left. He had to get away from there before she started talking about the children she believed had been conceived in that pool. Monica hadn't looked at him once during their short conversation but she hadn't needed to. The tone of her voice had been enough and if he had had to look into her eyes he wouldn't have been able to handle it. And he was scared that she would look at him and know.   
  
Chandler yawned big. It was early, an hour earlier than he usually went to work, but he had wanted some alone time to think things through, without Monica or Madge being around. He yawned again and rubbed his eyes. "What have I gotten myself into..." he mumbled. "Chandler are you sure this is even for real? Think, stupid, think... You're married to Monica, you love Monica, and you've only known Madge for a few weeks. Men who love their wives don't fall in love with other women in that short amount of time." He didn't even know for sure how it all had started. He had just thought of her as a pretty woman the first couple of days, but then it had somehow just been something more. She had flirted a lot with him, he had flirted back, but he had flirted with other women before and it had just been part of some social game he played. Monica never minded him flirting, especially not since she loved to flirt herself. But something had been different this time around. He had started to get to know her, and he had been fascinated by how different she was from Monica. She was more like Kathy had been, and she had made Chandler think about things that had been ten years earlier. He had thought back on those things before, but this time it had been different. He felt younger around Madge, and he hated himself for it, mostly because it was such a cliché. "I can't believe I always thought I was so strong when it came to resisting temptations" he muttered. "That if an attractive woman came on to me I wouldn't be affected. Turns out I was about as wrong as I could be. Oh why can't I get her out of my head? Because that's my biggest problem right now. I just can't get her out of my head." He shuddered slightly. It was almost scary. He could get Monica out of his head without any problems, but no matter how hard he tried he couldn't stop thinking of Madge. He wished she hadn't flirted with him, it would have been a lot easier if she had just been uninterested. But instead she had been coming on to him discreetly and he had fallen without knowing what had happened. 'Have Monica and I really been apart for that long?' he wondered. 'Is that how faithful I am to her? The mother of my children? That all it takes is for a gorgeous woman to flirt with me to make me go all nutsy? Here follows the typical schoolboy cliché. Monica never made me feel like that... And does Madge have a point about how much I love my wife when I'm claiming to be in love with somebody else?'   
  
That afternoon Chandler felt even more guilty when he walked up to the house. He and Madge had spent the afternoon in his office, making out, and he had been able to shut the thoughts of Monica out from his head. But then Madge had started talking, and by now he was so wrecked with guilt and questions that he didn't know what to think. Yesterday there hadn't been a doubt in his mind that he would stay with Monica, but today he wasn't as sure. And if Monica found out he wouldn't even have a choice to begin with. She would leave. At least he thought she would. He knew how loyal she was and there was a chance she would stay with him, but their marriage would never be the same. He was trying to figure out what he should do. Should he stay or should he go? His problem was that it would be really hard ending things with Madge even though they hadn't really gotten anywhere, and he didn't know how he would be able to go to work with her every day.   
That night he had dreamed the nightmare about the shipwreck again, and much more vividly than the past times. He had been having the dream at least once a month for the past six months and it always ended at the same place, right before he got to see the face of the person who rescued him. He had often thought about talking to Phoebe about it but he hadn't gotten the chance.   
He took a deep breath and walked inside. Monica looked up at him from her place on the living room couch, gave him a slight smile and then turned her attention back to the magazine he was reading. And suddenly he just knew. He couldn't leave her. He was out of his mind. He somehow knew that this thing with Madge wasn't what he thought it was. It was physical attraction combined with his frustration with Monica and being apart from her for so long, and feelings pushed over from one woman to the other.   
He took a good look at Monica and he knew he loved her very much. Much more than what he felt for Madge. He had promised Monica his future and he was going to give it to her. She had been apart from him during spring and he had blamed her for it, but she was there now and he felt she was right. It was no use being mad at her still. And they were just wasting their time together, since they would have to spend fall apart too. No wonder she was so upset. And by now it was just as much his fault as hers that there was a gap between them, since he hadn't forgiven her for not coming with him even though she had tried her best to make him do so.   
"Oh Monica..." he said.   
She looked up with a slightly confused look on her face.   
"Babe... Honey I'm sorry."   
"For what?" she asked with a resigned sigh.   
"For what we talked about yesterday. For everything else."   
"You know something Chandler?" Monica said. "For once I won't just take your sorry and let it be okay at that. You've ignored me these past months, treated me like I've been a leper, you've not even acted as if you've missed me! And to tell you the truth, I don't even think you have."   
"Oh I've missed you..." Chandler said. "I just haven't been willing to admit it to myself."   
"Oh and why is that?" Monica asked, getting angry. "You don't want to miss your wife. Good to know."   
"I... I don't know what to say" Chandler said. "But I've been so angry with you. You broke up the family."   
"I didn't" Monica angrily said.   
"In my eyes you did."   
"I cannot believe you" Monica said and rose. She headed for the door but stopped when Chandler called her name.   
"I'm **sorry**" he added. "Look, I'm asking you to forgive me here. I didn't forgive you, I know, but I'm asking you anyway..."   
"Look Chandler..." Monica said and walked back to the couch. "You have got to stop this. You have got to stop this silence! How the hell am I suppose to know what you think and feel if you don't **tell** me?"   
"I've been a jerk... And I know it" Chandler said. "But trust me Monica, I have missed you. And that's why I've acted the way I have. I haven't wanted to admit to myself how much I've missed you, for silly reasons, but they haven't seemed so silly to me until I've thought about them! But there is one thing I have realized that hasn't been silly. And that is how much it would hurt me to lose you for good. We have to stay together Mon. Things might get hard, or stale or even sad between us but at the end of the day I still need you. And honestly, I can't think of anything so serious that it would make me want to leave you."   
"Chandler that's not true" Monica calmly stated. "It was just a year ago that you nearly left, remember?"   
"But I didn't. Not when you made me realize that if **I** walked out it would be the end. We've wasted so much time together this summer, I have wasted time, and we're going to be apart this fall so can't we just make the most of this?"   
"Of this? Summer?"   
"Of this time together. I'm going through some... stuff... some issues... But knowing that you and I are okay would really help me out."   
"What stuff and what issues?" Monica asked.   
"I can't really tell you" Chandler said. "Please understand."   
"Well as long as you're not taking a lover..." Monica said and went back to her magazine. Chandler swallowed hard.   
"So we're okay then?" he asked.   
"We can only be okay if you're over this weird thing you've been going through" Monica said. "If you can't touch or kiss me then we're not okay."   
Chandler wanted to go over to her, sit down with her and kiss her. But he was afraid to. It felt sinful to kiss her when he had been kissing someone else that day. But at the same time he didn't want Monica to think there was anything wrong. He took a step towards her and then suddenly wondered if she'd be able to tell he had kissed someone else, from the way he tasted or something else like that. He told her he'd be right back and went into the kitchen, where he found a beer and forced himself to drink most of it. Then he came back to the living room and sat down with her. He reached out and gently grabbed her chin, turning her head towards him. Then he kissed her lovingly.   
"We okay now?" he asked when they'd broken the kiss.   
"I think so" she answered.   
  
"Hey boss" Madge said with a grin the next day.   
"You know how 'we need to talk' always means bad news?" Chandler said.   
"Yeah?"   
"Well bad news... we need to talk."   
"What about?" Madge asked.   
"Come inside my office."   
She followed him inside and wondered what was up. He seemed quite uncomfortable and closed the door behind them with a sigh.   
"Chandler... What's wrong?" she asked.   
"This, us!" Chandler said. "You know, I... I... I like you. I really do. And I'm in love with you. But I'm also in love with my wife. I love her very much. And I just can't do this to her."   
"Chandler no offence..." Madge said. "But I don't think you do love her all that much."   
"Excuse me?"   
"Look..." Madge said and sat down on his desk. "I'm not saying I know anything about your marriage, or your wife. But if you really love a person you don't fall in love with other people."   
"You can" Chandler said. "Trust me, I know."   
"Chandler don't you realize how that sounds? You love your wife very much yet you're in love with me?"   
"Yes. I am" Chandler said. "Listen, I don't know how to explain it, I never wanted to fall in love with you! But I did, and I can't deny that. And I cant' deny that I still love my wife."   
Madge rolled her eyes. She could imagine what kind of wife he had. A bored housewife who rarely got out of the house, a woman who was completely unaware of her husband's work relationship. The type of woman who's husband could have more lovers than Julio Iglesias and she wouldn't notice. She couldn't figure out what Chandler saw in his wife.   
"Chandler listen to me..." she said. "Granted, I don't know your wife and your relationship to her. But my guess? You're used to her. She's been there for what, ten years? Love burns out sooner or later, in this case it happened sooner, and you just don't want to realize it because you really used to love her."   
"No that's not the case... Look Madge. This is ridiculous. You and me, I mean... it's the exact opposite of meant to be."   
"How do you know?"   
"I just know" Chandler said. "I mean, god, if you knew what I feel for Monica..."   
"That's your wife's name?"   
"Yeah. I mean, she and I have had a rough ride for a while, but--"   
"A rough ride and you ended up with me" Madge interrupted.   
"Stop that!" Chandler said.   
"What, I'm just telling you the truth... How devoted are you if you end up with somebody else in the middle of everything?"   
"This is not physical!"   
"Exactly my point! You actually went and got a crush on somebody."   
"Doesn't this whole thing seem embarrassing to **you**?" Chandler asked. "Here I am, trying to explain that we made a mistake, and you're acting this way."   
"Because I like you. Very much."   
"And I like you, but there's also this **other woman** that I like. My wife, remember?"   
"A promise is just a promise" Madge said. "And a vow is just a vow. Would you be willing to spend the rest of your life with her if, **if**, I was the one you wanted? Or some other woman?"   
"Yes" Chandler said. "We have four children together, I'd stay for them. But that's not what this is about right now. I deeply love my wife."   
"Then why are you doing this to her? What do you think she would say if she found out you were in love with your assistant?"   
"She'd be devastated" Chandler said.   
"And yet you're here with me. Chandler would you honestly have done this if you'd loved her as much as you--"   
"**Stop it!**" Chandler angrily cut her off. "Just stop it Madge. I do love her! But there's a long, complicated backstory to all of this, a quite private one at that, and I can't tell you enough to make you understand. But Monica is my wife and I love her. And I will not hurt her feelings, I just won't."   
"But you can hurt mine?"   
"Technically you and I as an 'item' has only existed for two days. Mon and I have been together for close to fifteen years. It would hurt her so much more if she and I split up than it would hurt you if you and I ended right here right now."   
"You're scared" Madge said. "I know you are. It's up to you whether or not you want to continue being afraid."   
She jumped off his desk and left the room. Chandler sighed deeply.   
  
Madge rung the doorbell and waited. In her hand she had some paperwork Chandler was suppose to go through, that she had deliberately forgotten to give him the day before. Today was his day off, and she knew he was out sailing with some friend from New York who had traded boats for a month with someone in Los Angeles, to be able to sail on the other coast. Madge wasn't planning on talking to Chandler today. She wanted to see what his wife was like. It had been two weeks since she and Chandler had kissed, and since he had told her they couldn't be together. But it still seemed they were. They talked about it every day at the office, and finally Madge had decided to go check on her 'competition'. She had a pretty clear idea of what kind of woman this Monica was, but she wanted to see for herself.   
Monica opened the door.   
"Hello?"   
"Hi..." Madge said. She reached out her hand. "I'm Madge Jennings, I'm here to see Chandler Bing."   
"You are?" Monica said. "Well unfortunately he's out."   
"Oh" Madge said. "Such a shame... I have some paperwork here that he forgot yesterday and it's important that he gets it. Maybe I could leave it with his wife?"   
"Sure" Monica said. "You can leave them to me, I'll see to that he gets them."   
"You're Mrs. Bing?"   
"Yeah but you can call me Monica" Monica said and smiled.   
Madge resisted the temptation to raise her eyebrows. Chandler's wife was a lot prettier than she had thought, and seemed to be more easygoing. She would like to know if she was as oblivious as she had predicted or not, but she didn't know how to find out without striking up weird subjects.   
"You want to come in for a sec?" Monica asked. "You look like you could use a glass of water."   
"I won't say no to that" Madge said and followed Monica inside and into the kitchen with a smile. Now she might be able to find out.   
She looked at the two children sitting by the kitchen table with drawing books. One was a girl at around eight years old, who had short dark hair and looked very much like Chandler. The other was a boy who looked a couple of years younger, who had the same hair colour as his sister but looked more like his mother. She knew Chandler had one son and three daughters, but that was all she knew about his children. She immediately liked the little girl who looked like her dad.   
"Too bad Chandler went out sailing" Monica said while getting Madge a glass of water. "He mostly stays around the house when he has time off, but a friend of ours is in town today, and he has a sailing boat. Well, sort of. And Chandler went out together with our oldest daughter..."   
Madge smiled politely and took the glass of water offered.   
"He doesn't seem to have much time off" she said and had some water. "Seems like he's always at work to me."   
"Yeah, that makes two of us..." Monica said.   
"You seem awfully secure" Madge said. "Most women I know would be raving about infidelity if their husband was away that much. They'd talk about how nobody can work that much..."   
"I trust him" Monica said. "And if I trust him enough to let him stay here alone for months, without me being able to know where he is all the time, then I don't see why I shouldn't trust him now that I'm in LA. I don't believe that he would cheat on me, although honest to god I'm not sure if I would be able to tell whether or not he was, if he actually was having an affair."   
"Mamma I'm hungry" a little girl, around two-and-a-half years old, said, entering the kitchen. "Can I have a cookie?"   
"No you can't" Monica said and lifted her up. "You can have a fruit."   
"I don't want fruit Mamma, I want cookie."   
"I bet you do" Monica said.   
"So can I have one?"   
"No."   
"Is this your youngest child?" Madge asked, wondering if they had an infant too.   
"Yeah" Monica said with a distant tone in her voice. Francesca wasn't the last one born but she was the youngest one alive.   
"I'm Francesca" Francesca said, having great trouble saying her whole first name.   
"Hi Francesca" Madge said. "I'm Madge."   
"Madge? That's an ugly name" Francesca said.   
"Francesca!" Monica said, shocked at the comment. She turned to Madge. "Really sorry. Two year-old terror stage. Francesca say you're sorry."   
"Sorry" Francesca said. "Now can I have a cookie?"   
"You can have an apple, nothing else" Monica said and put her down.   
"How about ice-cream?"   
"How about no?"   
Madge eyed Chandler's wife and youngest child and felt lucky that she'd never had any children of her own. She didn't dislike children, but she preferred the ones who were at least six or seven. This child was a bit too young for her. She remembered something her step-mother had said, that she had always thought was just a joke. She had told her to go out and marry a man with children, because that way she'd get children without having to give birth to them. Madge still didn't take the comment seriously, especially since adoption would be a much more simple option than to marry a man with children, but right now she could see a point in the comment.   
  
"Hey Chandler can I ask you something?" Joey asked.   
"Sure" Chandler said.   
They were out sailing, together with Joey's wife, son and Bridget. Chandler had been more than happy to go out with Joey and his family, since he hadn't hung out with his friend in so long. Bridget had wanted to come along and he had let her, since he knew she was grumpy and bored around the house.   
"You and Monica..." Joey said. "Is everything okay?"   
"Now, yeah" Chandler said. "Although we've had some rough times."   
"Because I was thinking... The way you've acted, especially around her, today and yesterday..."   
"Yeah?"   
"I recognize it. It's the... the guilt when you're... two-timing."   
"Excuse me?" Chandler said.   
"Sorry!" Joey said. "I'm not saying you are, I'm saying you're acting like you are."   
"Two-timing her?"   
"Yeah."   
"God you're good..." Chandler said with a sigh. "But I can assure you Joey, you're wrong about this. The last time I had sex with a woman that wasn't Monica Geller Bing was in 1998, and her name was Janice."   
"So you're not sleeping with another woman?"   
"Of course I'm not!" Chandler said.   
Joey was quiet for a second.   
"There's something going on though. Are you interested in another woman?"   
"Don't be ridiculous Joey" Chandler said, a little too fast.   
"So you are interested in someone else?"   
"No" Chandler lied.   
"Well..." Joey said. "I don't know whether or not to believe you, I want to believe you but somehow I get the feeling that you're lying to me... and to Monica."   
Chandler looked the other way. He didn't want to admit to anyone that he had feelings for somebody else.   
"Look..." Joey said. "Can I give you a piece of advice? As long as you really love Mon, and you know she's the one you want, then a crush on someone else isn't that terrible. Everyone needs a break every once in a while, and for something new to happen. And a harmless crush might even be good for the both of you, it might open your eyes to what you feel for your wife and make you appreciate her more. Just remember to be careful, so that you don't hurt Monica's feelings."   
Chandler sighed deeply. What he wanted wasn't to have his feelings for another woman justified, he wanted an explanation for what he was feeling and why he was feeling it.   
"Chandler?" Joey said. "Look, I'm not gonna pressure you... or force you to tell me if you really do have feelings for someone else, which I think you do, since you seem too guilty for it to be anything else. But you know you have a good life and a good wife. Just think of why you married her... that always helps me when Clara and I fight."   
"You want me to think about wanting to be brothers-in-law with Ross?" Chandler lamely joked.   
"You've lost your touch man..." Joey said and shook his head. "Now go have a beer and behave like a man."   
"Beer out on the ocean?" Chandler said. "Joey you've talked a whole lot about Monica the past two minutes, so don't tell me you can't figure out what she'll do to me if I come home from an afternoon at sea with our daughter, smelling like beer..."   
"Why would she mind that?" Joey asked.   
Chandler sighed. He had forgotten how stupid Joey could be sometimes.   
"Sea safety and alcohol... Not a good mix. And you know Monica, one beer and she'll freak out, thinking I'm drunk."   
"Yeah, that sounds like Monica all right..." Joey said. "Although not on dry land. Just promise think about what I've said Chandler. Okay?"   
  
"I hate these parties" Chandler said with a sigh.   
"You're throwing it" Monica reminded him.   
"A perfectly good reason for me to hate it" Chandler said. "I hate dressing up, I hate having to smile an entire evening... All because a new part of the building is opened."   
Monica smiled and looked around. They were in the ballroom hall of a new fancy hotel, where Chandler's company were having a party to celebrate the opening of the new floor of the building. Monica had tricked Joey and Clara into staying an extra week, and therefor being available for baby-sitting tonight, but Chandler wasn't very thankful. He would have loved any excuse to stay at home in front of the TV, watching reruns of 'the X-Files'.   
"At least I have something pretty to look at" he said and put an arm on Monica's shoulder.   
She smiled at him, appreciating the comment. She had taken her time getting ready, since she hadn't gotten the chance to go to any fancy parties in ages, and she knew her forest green dress and her emerald earrings suited her. Clara had helped her get ready, assisted by Emma and Bridget, and Monica had had more fun than she remembered it being to get ready for parties.   
They sat down for dinner, and Monica could feel something was wrong with Chandler. He seemed very uncomfortable and she didn't know why. He didn't have any bosses to fake laugh for and as far as she knew he didn't have any assignments along the lines of proposing a toast to pull off during dinner. She felt distanced from him when she didn't know what he was thinking and couldn't even guess. She hated being reminded of the gap between them that still seemed to be there. She didn't know what caused it to still be there and she didn't know how to overcome it.   
Chandler on the other hand knew what the gap was about, and he also did his best to make sure she wouldn't find out. He seemed almost as unable to break it off with Madge as he had been with Janice, and he felt it was ridiculous. He and Janice had at least had some kind of real relationship while all he and Madge had was a few kisses and some words of love. The hard part was that he had feelings for her, which he hadn't had for Janice. He knew that as long as he was in some way involved with her, the gap between Monica and him would remain. And he owed Monica more than that, he owed her his full attention and devotion.   
But being in the same room as both Monica and Madge, being able to see both of them at the same time as they sat down for dinner, made it hard for him. Somehow he felt like he was treating Madge badly if he cared completely about Monica. He didn't want her to think that he was the kind of guy who would flirt around with her and then devote himself to his wife whenever the wife was around.   
As the dinner went on he could tell Monica was affected by his uncomfortable behaviour. He didn't think anyone else would be able to notice it, but Monica could, and she was starting to act uncomfortable herself. Her dazzling smile faded somewhat and her interested face whenever one of his co-workers talked to her seemed less genuine. But he knew he was the only one there who noticed it, everybody else still thought she was as charming and interested as when the meal started. Chandler got a few looks from Madge during the dinner, and that made him even more uncomfortable.   
When the dinner was finally over he rose and told Monica he would go get them a drink each. When he returned with his gin and tonic and her scotch on the rocks with a twist, she wasn't at the table. He frowned slightly in confusion.   
"Lose the Mrs there, Bing?" one of his co-workers asked with a laugh.   
"Yes, so it seems" Chandler said. "And it had to be tonight, when I left all my tracking devices at home."   
The co-worker laughed at the joke, that had sounded lame in Chandler's own ears, and told him that Monica had stepped out on the balcony. Chandler thought the words 'stepped out on' sounded like something out of a novel from the early 20th century but went to find her on one of the balconies.   
"There you are" he said when he found her, on the third balcony he checked.   
"Here I am" she said.   
She was looking out over the harbour in front of her, with a distant look on her face. It was warm out even though the sky was pitch black without any stars, but he somehow thought she looked cold. He walked up to her and put her drink down on the rail, complete with a coaster.   
"Got your drink" he said.   
"How come it always has to be so hard for us?" she calmly said, not bothering about the drink.   
"I've asked myself the same question" Chandler said, putting his glass down next to hers on the rail.   
"I mean... We're best friends, aren't we Chandler? At least we used to be."   
"And we still are" Chandler said. "Only now things have changed... We're not just living for each other only, we're living for four kids as well."   
"Yeah, but..." Monica said. "Bridget was born before our first anniversary, our cotton anniversary."   
Chandler smiled slightly that she remembered that the first anniversary was cotton.   
"We've had children in our marriage more or less from start. And the trouble hasn't begun until just recently."   
"We've just started with this whole new thing, that we keep things to ourselves and don't talk to each other" Chandler said. "Remember when Emma was a baby? And how we used to fight about stuff? And how we worked things out and decided we were going to **talk** to each other. Somewhere along the road we've stopped talking when things have gotten rough. And one of us always points it out when we're starting to solve our problems."   
"I guess that means that we're starting to solve things then, since we're talking about us not talking" Monica said.   
"I don't want to have to talk about that anymore" Chandler said. "We should just be talking straight away and then let that be it. If I had told you right away how angry I was with you for staying in NYC, then we wouldn't have ended up like we have this summer."   
"I think what happened a year ago changed things for us" Monica said. "Lots of marriages fail when a child dies, and two of ours died. We were going through a really rough time and I think we needed a break from each other and from talking to each other about everything. And I think we just haven't found our way back to when we talk."   
"I don't want things to have to be so hard" Chandler said. "But there's something I know for sure. No rainbow without rain. I've decided that I don't want a marriage that runs smoothly and where no problems arise. Our marriage would still be where it was when Bridget was little if that were the case, we wouldn't have developed. In the end it feels like we've gained something with every fight. If not else we've gained a deeper understanding for one another. Every ordeal has brought on something good, and it feels like our fights have helped us mature."   
"Maybe" Monica said. "But right now it feels as if it's just been two really hard years, and I want it all to end! I want to be happy again, to just be with you and the kids and live life without problems for a while."   
"And that's what you'll get, once I move back home to New York" Chandler said. "Just another six months, sweetie."   
"You have to promise me not to keep so many things to yourself, especially things that keeps a physical distance between us, because it's very hurtful when you won't touch me or sleep with me and I don't know why."   
"I know. And I'm sorry."   
She grabbed her drink and took a few sips. Neither of them felt as if their conversation had achieved anything even though lots of things had been said. There was still something missing, and only Chandler knew what it was. He knew he had to 'get rid of' Madge, sooner much rather than later, but he was having difficulties. He didn't know why. But he had never broken up with women well and now it had been more than a decade since he'd had practice.   
"I'll see you back inside" Chandler said and took his own drink.   
She nodded and he left her alone. Back inside he ran into Madge, and he held back a sigh. He didn't want to talk to her right then. But she insisted, and before he knew it he was in the middle of a discussion with her about the same thing they always discussed, only they kept their voices down.   
"Madge, this is **not** the time or place!" Chandler said in a hushed tone after a while, when he saw Monica coming back in from the balcony.   
"I don't think so either but I've got to know where I stand!" Madge said.   
"Madge you know where you stand" Chandler said in frustration. "There's no way I'm leaving Monica. I don't know why you're acting this way."   
"Because I've fallen in love with you!" Madge said. "And I won't give up until I have what I want, I never have been one to give up and I never will be."   
"I'm not yours to win" Chandler said. "I belong to Monica, in sickness and in health and through good times and in bad. We're on our way to work all our problems out Madge. If you really felt for me you would back off."   
"How so?"   
"Because I will never leave my wife. I will never leave her or our four children. So you might as well just let me go. And make it easier for me to get what I want and to work things out with my wife and save my family."   
"And what about me?" Madge said, for the first time sounding vulnerable. "Did you ever care about what I want?"   
"Yes" Chandler said.   
"You should never have said you loved me" Madge said. "Not when there was no intention on your part to break it off with your wife and be with me. You're trying to play the decent-guy role but it's not working. You haven't treated me good at all, Chandler Bing."   
"I haven't treated anyone good lately" Chandler said. "Least of all you and Monica. But you could never have expected me to give up everything and sacrifice my whole life just to be with you. It's just as much your fault as mine for going after a man you knew you would never have. Because deep down inside you knew from the start, no matter what you've been saying about how strong my feelings for Monica can really be."   
She didn't say anything and the song in the background ended, Johnny Logan's "Hold Me Now" starting to play instead. Chandler glanced over at Monica, sitting on a chair in the other end of the room. He knew what he wanted. He wanted her. She was real to him and the whole thing with Madge had never been. He knew he had some reason for his brief fling with her but until he figured that reason out Monica wouldn't get to know anything about it. The song playing and the sight of her made him feel even stronger that he wanted her for the rest of his life, and a sentimental feeling filled him when Logan's voice began to sing the lyrics he had known by heart a decade ago but had now forgotten.   
"You know..." he said to Madge. "I think I'm going to go ask my wife to dance."   
"Farewell" she said when he walked away from her.   
He lifted his hand in a small wave, as if saying goodbye to her too. He walked up to Monica and reached her just as the second part of the first verse started to play. He smiled at her and she looked up at him from the chair he was sitting on.   
"Would the lady care to grant me this dance?" he asked.   
"Why certainly" Monica said, although almost slightly hesitantly.   
He reached out his hand to her and she took it, letting him gently help pull her to her feet. He led her across the floor to the dancefloor. He gently put his arms around her and she leaned her head against his shoulder as the chorus started to play. They hadn't danced in what seemed like forever, and she had forgotten how much she loved dancing with him.   
"Forever in love..." he whispered with the background choir.   
Monica smiled slightly.   
"Forever in love" she whispered too, the second time the choir sang the line.   
They were silent for a minute, and Monica realized that the gap between them seemed to be gone now. She didn't know how or when it had happened but it wasn't there anymore. She felt hopeful, for the first time since they had arrived in Los Angeles she actually felt like things could be okay between them again. And that they could last the fall without seeing each other too often, and still avoid the hurt and anger they'd had during the spring.   
She was happy she would be able to look forward to his trips back home during the fall, since during spring she hadn't dared to be too happy about them. She hadn't dared to set herself up too much. But now she smiled, thinking about how great it would be each time he came back home, even though she knew only the nights would be hers with him. The days would be devoted to the kids as well as the evenings, when he would take one of them out to toss a baseball or help ride a bike. But the nights would be all hers, just the two of them together.   
"I love this song" Chandler said, breaking the silence. "You know, this guy Logan... A number of his songs have a special meaning to me."   
"Oh yeah?" Monica said.   
"Yeah, when... When Richard had proposed to you, remember that I went to his apartment to look for you and to yell at him?"   
"I still can't believe you did that" Monica said with a smile.   
"Well in the cab on my way back to our apartment, the radio was on and this song was playing... And I was just so scared that this song would be my own feelings the next time I saw you. Because honestly, no matter how much I love you I would have let you go if you rather wanted somebody else than me. I wasn't going to let someone else interfere in our relationship like Richard did, but if you wanted some other man I would let you go no matter how much it would hurt me. And 'Hold Me Now' is about a guy who lets the woman he loves go because she wants another man. She loves the first guy, but she loves the other guy more."   
"There was never a doubt in my mind that I loved you more than Richard" Monica said.   
"There's another song by Logan, called 'What's Another Year'" Chandler said. "And I got to thinking of it when 'Hold Me Now' had finished playing on the cab radio. I might point out that I was getting sentimental, but I couldn't help but think that that song would also be describing my situations and my feelings if I lost you, only it would be my feelings and situations a few years later."   
"So if I had left you, it would have been Johnny Logan galore" Monica stated with a slight giggle. "Sorry, I didn't mean to giggle, it's just that I thought Logan fitted into the category of what you've always called Butter Singers."   
"Maybe he does" Chandler said. "But some of his songs do speak to me..." He gave a short laugh as 'Hold Me Now' finished playing. "That night, when we were resting together after we'd finally consummated our engagement--"   
"Let me guess" Monica said and led him back to where she had been sitting. "A Johnny Logan song came into your head."   
"Yeah, actually" Chandler said.   
"Which one was it?" Monica asked and sat down.   
"'Why me'" Chandler said.   
"I don't think I've heard that one" Monica said. "But it doesn't sound too positive."   
"It is actually" Chandler said. "And it totally speaks to me. It's basically about a guy who looks at the wonderful woman his with and asks himself why him, why he is so lucky to be loved by her. And that is something I've often wondered. Why out of all the men in this world did I end up being the lucky one?"   
"Because I love you, silly" Monica said and kissed him on the cheek. "And to hell with all the other men out there."   
  
That night they went to bed and Chandler spooned her while they started talking. They talked for a long while about some of the things they had been feeling during the past couple of months and they worked most of it out. Monica talked a lot about the hurt she had been feeling that he hadn't wanted to touch her.   
"You want to hear the honest truth?" Chandler said after a long while.   
"That's all I ever want to hear from you."   
"I feel really stupid saying it... and you have to swear you won't get mad."   
"I won't get mad. Now tell me, what is the truth here?"   
"The truth is that I've wanted so badly to be mad at you, probably because blaming you was easier and it didn't make me feel as... lonely I guess. Because I have been more lonely than you can ever imagine, living alone in that condo. And I knew that if I touched you and kissed you and made love to you that anger would go away. I wouldn't be able to be mad at you. So I kept my distance to you."   
"Silly you" Monica said. "I always want you to want to touch me."   
"I always want to... but sometimes I don't want to want to."   
"Can I confess something?" Monica asked.   
"Sure."   
"Sometimes... when our marriage is like it has been recently... I almost hate it."   
He turned her head around to face him and kissed her. She kissed him back and they started kissing more and more. Monica turned around and pressed herself up against him, kissing him with all of her lust and longing. He gently pushed her on her back and leaned himself over her, kissing her deeply and lovingly.   
"And it's at times like these..." she said when their lips parted, "that I love our marriage. And how easily it gets back on track once we've taken the first steps."   
"People always say that home is where the heart is, but it's not like that for me" Chandler said. "Home is where my wife is. My heart is in New York, but you are here now, and this is where my home is as long as you're here."   
They kissed again, and Chandler thought about how one thing he'd thought earlier was wrong. He had thought that it was wonderful to kiss Madge, since it was something new, and he was tired of having no changes in his romantic life. But he realized now that he liked Monica's kisses better. They weren't new and they weren't something to explore, but they were good and they were familiar. It was something that had been there during the happiest time of his life and it was something he wanted to be there.   
"I have missed you so much" he mumbled in her hair.   
"I hope you'll always miss me when I'm not there" Monica said.   
"I will."   
They kissed again, and kept kissing for a long time. They had sex, and afterward they kept kissing. When Monica finally drifted off to sleep Chandler was exhausted. But he didn't mind. He was just happy that everything was the way it should be again.   
  
Chandler was back at his shipwreck that night. The storm was a bit wilder that time than it usually was, and the flames from the ship were lighting up the sky. Somehow it was a combination of a clear night and a storm, but it was a dream, he knew it didn't have to be logic. After he'd lost sight of Emma again, he felt himself get lifted up in the air and onboard a smaller boat. He turned to see the who had pulled him out, as he always did, but this time he didn't wake up. He got a good look at Monica before he woke from his dream.   
When he woke up from the dream he for the first time didn't think of it as a nightmare. He turned his head to look at Monica sleeping right next to him and he smiled.   
"I should have known it was you..." he whispered.   
Meanwhile, Monica wasn't sleeping very well. She also had a nightmare where she was in the middle of the storm, in the middle of the ocean. There was a wooden ship sinking in her sight and she realized she had been on it. She was alone, she couldn't see Chandler, the children, her friends or anyone else she knew. She tried to keep floating but it was hard in the hard waves. And even though it was night and a storm, she could somehow see clearly everything around her. Suddenly she felt herself being pushed under the surface and held down by a pair of hands. Under the water she opened her eyes and managed to look up at the face that belonged to the hands, and even though she was under water and the other face was above, she could see it clearly. It looked like the redheaded woman that had brought over some files for Chandler once.   
She woke up panting, and with a feeling of disorientation. She looked up at Chandler, who had his arms around her and was looking down on her. She was glad he was there.   
"It's okay..." he said and gently kissed her.   
She wanted to say that she had had a nightmare but she couldn't get a word out. It was scary, it was almost as if she couldn't breathe. But Chandler seemed to know she'd had a nightmare, she had probably woken him, and he gently stroke her face.   
"You don't have to worry Mon..." he said gently. "It's over now. Our ship's not sinking anymore."   
For a second she wondered how he had known she had dreamed of a shipwreck, and wondered if maybe she had talked in her sleep. Then she realized he was speaking metaphorically about their marriage. She put her arms around him too and went back to sleep almost immediately.   
  
She stared at the letter with a look of disgust on her face. She couldn't believe what she had read and she didn't want to go on reading anymore. She put the letter aside and got up from the chair she was sitting on. She walked over to the bed and lay down. For the past two years she had been sleeping in that bed, about eighteen of those months he had been sleeping there too. And before that she had been sharing his bed for five decades. And she had never known.   
She was angry. At herself for not realizing, at him for not telling her, and at the other woman for even existing. She had always thought she was so secure in her marriage, that no matter what happened they'd still at least be faithful to one another. And to find out now that she had been wrong was a hard blow.   
"Marriage built on trust and friendship" she muttered. "So much for that."   
She didn't know why he had done what he had done forty years ago and she didn't care at the moment either. If she had continued reading his letter she would have found out the conclusions he had drawn over the years, but at the moment nothing could make her continue reading. It had been hurtful enough to read already.   
"Chandler Bing I don't know which is worse..." she mumbled. "The fact that you were in love with somebody else or that you didn't tell me. I have spent larger parts of my life believing that you love me, and me alone. Maybe you did, but only for a decade."   
It didn't occur to her that Chandler had fallen out of love with this woman at some point. In her mind he was still in love with the other woman on the day he died and she couldn't forgive him for it.   
She looked over at the photo again.   
"You said you were mine. You said I was the only one. It's worse knowing you said it and lied than it would have been knowing that there was somebody else. I could at least have dealt with that."   
Earlier that day she had been a grieving widow who had only been able to think about how hard and lonely her life would be now that the person she loved the most was gone. And now she was trying to decide whether to hate her dead husband or just dislike him. She was so confused after his death, and finding something like this out didn't help make her mind much clearer. She didn't know it herself, but hating him made it easier for her to cope with the loss, since she wouldn't have to feel like she lost as much. But she could never honestly hate him, at least not completely. She had loved him for too long to be able to replace all her love with hate.   
"I wish I was the dead one..." she whispered. "I wish I was dead and didn't have to put up with this pain. I wish he was the one left behind, and I wish he would be so wrecked with guilt that he didn't want to live any longer. Then he would know how I feel, even though I don't feel guilty. It's not fair that I'm the one who has to go through all this pain when he's the one who deserves it."   
She heard the front door open and she wished that whoever it was would go away. She didn't want to see or talk to anyone.   
"Mom?" Anthony's voice called out.   
Monica didn't answer him. She wished he would just go away and leave her alone. She heard him call out again and then heard his steps come closer. For a second she thought about pretending to be asleep but she decided not to.   
"Mom!" he said, showing up in the doorway. "Why didn't you answer me?"   
"I don't know" she said.   
"You okay?" he asked.   
"No" Monica said.   
He walked over to her and sat down on the bed next to her. He had a worried look on his face. She was glad he looked more like her than like Chandler. In her confused state she might have ended up confusing him with Chandler otherwise, and taken her anger and hurt out on him.   
"Mom..." he said. "Why did you leave the reception?"   
"I've always hated those things" Monica said. "You know that pumpkin."   
"Yes" he said. "But for Dad's sake you could have stayed."   
Monica felt like saying that she didn't owe Anthony's dad anything but she didn't. She just bit her lower lip and wished Anthony would go away.   
"Mom?"   
"Tony... not now."   
"Mom I'm worried about you. You haven't been yourself since Dad died, and I know why. That's not what worries me. What worries me is... something I can't put my finger to."   
"Then don't try."   
"I want to try. I want to know. It almost feels as if you... you want to die too."   
"I want to die?"   
"It almost seems that way" Anthony said. "Like you wish you were dead and with him. Uncle Joey said something like that to me at the reception, that **you** had said to him."   
"Uncle Joey doesn't know the difference between a lion and a tiger, how do you expect him to know what my wishes are?" Monica said.   
"So you don't want to die?"   
"So I can be with him? No."   
Anthony was quiet for a second. He looked around in the room and then looked down at his Mother again.   
"I'm not judging you if you feel you want to die now that he has" Anthony said. "In fact, I would understand you."   
"Maybe you would" Monica said. "But Anthony, sweetie, I don't want to die. Okay? I did... At first... I wanted to get to be with him. But now I've thought about it and I don't want to die anymore."   
"You've thought about it just between the reception and now?"   
"Yes."   
Anthony was quiet for a second again. She was harder to talk to than she usually was. Something was wrong that he couldn't put his finger to.   
"Mom..." he said. "I know what you're--"   
"No you don't know" she cut him off, knowing what he was going to say. "You don't know at all. You knew but not anymore."   
"You're talking in riddles here."   
Monica didn't reply. She didn't know what to say. She didn't know if she should tell her son that his Father had had another woman.   
  
  
That's the complete 4th part =). Part 5 will probably take a while, I'm going to finish the next part of "All the Small Things" first, before I start writing on part 5. Comments and questions can be e-mailed to me at [annapanna__@hotmail.com,][1] please leave a review below. Thanks. 

   [1]: mailto:annapanna__@hotmail.com



	6. Chapter 5

For Better For Worse Part 5

**For Better, For Worse (5)**

  
  
I decided to change my plans a little, and I made this part shorter than it was supposed to be. It's pretty dull, not much happens in it, it basically just covers a few years filled with a whole lot of nothing =). I don't own the characters and events from "Friends", one bit is inspired by the movie "Nothing to Lose" (I love that movie!) and I've gotten a lot of ideas from mainly Tracey but also Ashlee, so thanks to you two! And also, I have no idea what kind of fish they have around New York, so if they catch fish who don't actually belong there that's because I went with the kind of fish we have over here.   
  
  
  
Monica had wondered earlier what would be the point of continuing the traditional Sunday dinners when Chandler was gone. And now she was positive that it was a bad idea to have them at all. She knew that people who had lost a family member often said that all old traditions seemed odd when there was someone missing, and now she knew it was true. Even though she was very mad at him she had known it would be strange and awkward to get together for a family dinner with someone missing. She sighed and wondered what Christmas would be like this year.   
She looked around the kitchen table at the children, who all seemed very busy eating their food. Then she looked out the window. It was early May, but still very cold. Nobody seemed to notice that though. Usually during these dinners the mood was cheerful, they would joke around a lot and recap what had happened during the week. But this time hardly anyone said a word, and when somebody did there was rarely a reply.   
The children shared looks and then glanced over at Monica, who had been silent throughout the entire dinner. She had gotten a bitter look on her face when Emma had mentioned Chandler, but it wasn't the type of look they had expected. They had expected sadness, not bitterness.   
"So Mamma…" Francesca tried, hoping that her mother would talk to her. "How are you holding up?"   
"I don't want to talk about it" Monica said.   
"Are you sure Mamma?" Francesca asked. "Because you know you can talk to us…"   
"I don't want to talk, Francesca."   
"Sorry then Mamma…"   
She shared a look with her siblings. Neither of them dared to try. If Monica had refused to talk about it when Francesca asked then there was no way she'd talk about it when one of the others asked. Francesca had always been closer to their mother than her siblings had been.   
"Could we please just talk?" Anthony said after a while. "I can't stand this damn silence…"   
"What do you want to talk about?" Bridget asked.   
"Anything at all… Just as long as we talk."   
"Mitch and I cancelled our vacation plans" Emma said.   
"Why?" Bridget asked.   
"Because I didn't feel like going anywhere right now" Emma said. "I'm not very good company at the moment…"   
"Okay" Anthony said.   
Nobody said anything for a couple of minutes. Then Bridget sighed.   
"Come on mother, the least you could do is talk to us" she said.   
"I'm not very good company right now either" Monica said.   
"Then why did you come here?" Anthony automatically replied. "Sorry, force of habit... Dad would have said it..."   
"Talk to us anyway, Mom!" Bridget said.   
"I'd rather not, dear" Monica said.   
"You're starting to scare me mom," Emma said, "you're not gonna keep this up are you? Because I don't think I could go through that right now."   
"No, I'm not going to keep it up" Monica said. "But I don't feel I have anything worth saying at the moment."   
"Are you kidding me?" Emma said. "Mom, you're probably the **only** one of us who has something worth saying… You have tons of things that you could tell us about dad, tons of stories and stuff like that."   
"I don't want to talk about him!" Monica said angrily.   
"Mom" Bridget said. "You know, we lost our dad… We're sad too…"   
"And believe me," Anthony said, "we know how you must be feeling."   
"Yeah, we know you're really sad" Emma filled in.   
"I'm not sad" Monica said.   
"Say what?" Francesca said, raising an eyebrow.   
"I said that I'm not sad" Monica said.   
"Come on Mamma…" Francesca said.   
"I'm not sad, and that's the truth" Monica said. "I'm **angry. **"   
"Angry?" Bridget said. "At who?"   
"Chandler" Monica said.   
"Why are you mad at Dad?" Emma asked in a defensive tone.   
Before Monica could answer, Anthony cut in.   
"She's not **mad** mad, she's another type of mad" he said. "Almost everyone feels like that when someone close to them dies…"   
"No Tony, I am **mad** mad" Monica said.   
"You just think you are."   
"You don't think I know what I'm feeling?" Monica angrily asked. "Excuse me mister, but I am mad and for a damn good reason that has nothing to do with him dying!"   
The children looked at each other questioningly and then looked at Monica again.   
"Mom…" Bridget said. "What on earth are you talking about?"   
"Nothing you need to concern your heads with" Monica said.   
"Yes we do!" Emma said. "Come on Mother, if dad did something that you're mad about then I think we have the right to know!"   
"No Emma, you don't" Monica said. "What went on between him and me is nobody's business but ours."   
"Yes but I don't get it!" Emma said. "Up until the funeral you were just sad! Not mad, just sad! I didn't know you were mad before he died either! And if whatever this is about was something that you were able to set aside while he was still alive then why are you mad about it now?"   
"Because I found out after his death!" Monica said.   
"Found **what** out?"   
"The truth" Monica said.   
"And what is the truth?" Bridget asked.   
"There's no need for you to find out" Monica said and rose from her seat.   
"We disagree" Emma said.   
"Emma…" Francesca said. "Just let her be…"   
"No Fran!" Emma said. "What did dad do, what is the truth, what did you find out?"   
"Please Emma don't push me" Monica said and closed her eyes hard. "I don't even want to think about it, let alone tell his children about it!"   
"Tell his children about **what**?"   
Monica left the room, wishing she could storm out but well aware that she was a bit too old for a manoeuvre like that. The children watched her go and then shared yet another look. Neither of them could figure out what on earth was going on.   
  
"I want a divorce" Chandler said.   
"Oh…" Monica said. She didn't know what else to say.   
"I… don't even know how this all… started…" Chandler said, carefully watching her. She was sitting on the bed with him, just an arm's reach away. Her face seemed blank. "I guess it started when I moved to Los Angeles, and we spent so much time away from each other. I mean, it was… was like getting my youth back or something. Remembering what it was like to live only for yourself again. And that's when I started thinking… And you were so far away, I hardly saw you at all. And I don't know, I guess I grew used to being apart from you. And now… now I don't want to go back to living with you."   
"Oh…" Monica said again.   
"Yeah, you kinda'… You kinda' annoy the hell out of me" Chandler continued. "I mean, it's always nagging and whining and complaining…" He took a deep breath. "I'll be taking the kids with me to Los Angeles, of course. Don't even think of trying to win a custody battle. No judge in this country would leave four children in the care of a reckless nag like you. And I'm sure the children will agree with me that being as far away from you as possible would be the best for everyone."   
Monica burst out laughing, making Chandler do the same.   
"You are so twisted" she laughed. "Let me try…"   
"Are you sure?" Chandler said. "I mean, you have to keep a straight face, you can't laugh…"   
"Oh please, **nobody** has a better poker face than me!" Monica said.   
"Sure, that's why you lost $800 in Atlantic City last spring."   
"The guy cheated!" Monica objected.   
"Okay, okay, so do you wanna try?" Chandler asked.   
"Oh yeah I do" Monica said and took a deep breath. She looked away for a second and then looked at him with a very serious look on her face.   
"There's something I've been meaning to tell you" she said.   
"Really?" Chandler said, playing along.   
"Yeah, things have… kinda' changed around here since you went to Los Angeles."   
"Changed?"   
"Yeah…" Monica said. "You know that whole 'keeping yourself only to him, forsaking all others' stuff? Well I've pretty much thrown that to the wind."   
"What do you mean?"   
"You know Bob next door?"   
"Yeah?"   
"Well, him and I have been together much lately, and… the baby's expected in October. Naturally that part was an accident, but the rest so wasn't!"   
"What… are you trying to say here?" Chandler asked, pretending to be confused.   
"Well, actually the whole thing started once I broke it off with one-handed Steve across the street. I was a bit sad, Bob came over, and before I knew it he was shoving you down to a lower position on my list of the best guys I've slept with. Now you're pretty much fifth, behind Bob, Steve, some stranger I met on the subway…"   
"And who is the fourth?" Chandler asked.   
"Joey" Monica replied.   
Chandler burst out laughing and Monica cheered.   
"I am **so** the best!" she said. "Chandler, you couldn't beat me no matter how hard you tried!"   
"You better be making all this stuff up" Chandler said through his laughs. "Or else I'll pack my stuff and go back to LA."   
"You do that and I **will** sleep with Bob next door" Monica threatened.   
"Just come over here!" Chandler said and pulled her closer. "My first night back home in New York I expect something very good out of you."   
"And you'll get it" Monica promised with a grin.   
  
"Dark! Dark! Dark!"   
Chandler and Monica both woke up and sat up in bed when they heard the cries later that night.   
"It's Fran" Chandler said.   
"No kidding" Monica said and got out of bed. "I wonder what's wrong. Maybe her nightlight went out or something."   
"Nightlight?" Chandler asked, putting his robe on.   
"Yeah" Monica said, putting on hers as well. "She's afraid of the dark."   
"Geez, you go away for thirteen short months and you miss everything" Chandler muttered as they hurried to Francesca's room.   
"Honey?" Monica said, pressing the light switch by the door as they walked inside Francesca's room.   
"It's dark!" Francesca cried.   
"Now it's not anymore" Chandler said and lifted her up. "What's the matter, did your nightlight go out?"   
Francesca nodded and Monica went to get another light bulb. Chandler calmed Fran down and wondered how long she had been afraid of the dark. She hadn't had any problems during the summer in Los Angeles, so she must have developed her fear sometime during winter. He wondered if it was Halloween that had scared her off from the darkness.   
"Here we go" Monica said, returning with the new light bulb. She quickly fixed the nightlight and turned it on so that Francesca could see.   
"There we go honey" Chandler said and put her back down in her bed.   
"What if it goes out?" Francesca asked.   
"Hey, I'll tell you what" Chandler said. "I'll go get you **my** nightlight and put it here in your room. So if your light goes out again, mine will still shine."   
"But won't you be scared without your light?" Fran asked.   
"I think Mommy will be able to protect me if anything comes along" Chandler said.   
He went and got his nightstand lamp and placed it on the writing desk in Francesca's room. When both his light and the nightlight were on he and Monica said goodnight to Francesca, turned the main light off and started going back to their room.   
"Mamma!" they heard Francesca cry.   
"God, she's gonna end up waking the others" Chandler said.   
"I wonder what she wants?" Monica said and went back.   
"Mamma what if both the lights go out?" Francesca asked.   
"They won't honey" Monica said.   
"But what if?"   
Monica lifted her up from her bed.   
"You know munchkin, how about you sleep in the bedroom with me and Dad tonight, huh? And I'll keep both you and Dad safe if something comes along."   
"Okay" Francesca agreed.   
Monica closed the lights and carried Francesca back to the bedroom where Chandler had just gotten back into bed.   
"Do we have a visitor?" Chandler asked.   
"I'm family, not visitor" Francesca said.   
"You should be **asleep**" Chandler said as she crawled down next to him.   
"You both should be asleep" Monica said and turned the lights off.   
Francesca didn't complain about the dark and Monica and Chandler shared an amused look before they went back to sleep. Chandler was really tired, he had gotten back to New York earlier that day and he was suffering from jet-lag. Monica wasn't as tired, but she went to sleep just a few minutes after him anyway. She was so happy that he was there with her, and that he wouldn't have to go back to LA ever again.   
  
"Hey Mom" Bridget said, entering the kitchen along with a friend.   
"Hey honey" Monica replied. She was busy making dinner. She looked up and saw Bridget's friend. "Hi, I'm Bridget's mother" she said to the girl.   
"Jo" the girl said.   
"Are you staying for dinner?" Monica asked.   
"No, thank you" Jo said.   
"Okay then... Bridget, do me a favour, take this up to Dad" Monica said and handed Bridget a cellphone. "It's been beeping several times now and I don't know what to do with it."   
"Someone's sending him SMS" Bridget said. "And may I congratulate you mom to being the only person in the world who doesn't know that."   
"Just bring it to him, okay?" Monica said, not liking the comment.   
"Where is he?"   
"Up in your brother's room."   
Bridget sighed and shrugged her shoulders. She disappeared up the stairs together with Jo and went over to Anthony's room. She found not only Chandler but her siblings there, and she wished she'd showed Jo her room and asked her to wait there. Chandler was lying on the bed with part of a blanket covering his face from the nose and up. Little eyes and a nose were drawn on his chin and Bridget's siblings were sitting by his head, therefore seeing his chin and mouth as a head. Chandler was in the middle of telling a fairy tale, and the children were laughing at how funny it looked. It wasn't the first time Bridget had seen that, Chandler usually entertained them by telling stories in that way, but now she felt it was embarrassing.   
"Dad, what are you doing?" she asked.   
"Ah, I think I hear the voice of Bridget!" Chandler said. "I can't see you though."   
"Maybe because there's a blanket over your eyes" Bridget said, doing her best to sound superior.   
"Could be" Chandler said.   
"Mom told me to bring your cellphone up" Bridget said and walked over with it.   
Chandler sat up and lifted the blanket off him. He took the phone and placed it his pocket, and then frowned.   
"Where on earth have you been, you smell like shit!"   
"We've been at the stable," Bridget said, "looking at Jo's horse."   
"And I take it she's Jo" Chandler said with a nod to the girl in the doorway. "Hi I'm the father" he added and then turned to Bridget again. "Just make sure you shower before dinner, Mom's gonna have a fit if you sit down to eat smelling like that..."   
"You really shouldn't talk when you've got eyes and a nose drawn on your chin" Bridget said. "Hey Dad, can I have a horse?"   
"Of course you can" Chandler said and lay back down.   
"Really?"   
"Sure! As soon as you turn 18 and can pay for it yourself."   
Bridget made an angry sound and left together with her friend. Chandler kept in a sigh. He hoped the horse thing would blow over, but knowing Bridget she might keep asking for a horse for a very long time. She had shown interest in horses before, but Chandler hadn't thought it would turn into a serious interest.   
"Come on dad, continue with the story!" Emma demanded.   
Chandler went back to the story but his mind was elsewhere. He hadn't liked the tone in Bridget's voice, and he hadn't liked her friend with the snotty look on her face either. He mentioned it to Monica later that night when they were in bed.   
"Come on Chandler" Monica said with a slight laugh. "She wanted to impress her rich friend and she obviously didn't think you were putting on an impressing performance."   
"Well she's never thought that about my way of storytelling before" Chandler said.   
"Yeah, but on the other hand she's not nine anymore either" Monica said. "She's probably just getting in the phase where she wants to be adult."   
"She's eleven" Chandler pointed out. "Far from being an adult."   
"So?" Monica said. "If she **was** an adult she wouldn't have to try to be one. And you know, most kids go through some phase where their parents are the most annoying people in the world. Soon she's gonna get angry at you because she thinks you're too slobbery when you eat."   
"I'm not slobbery when I eat!"   
"Oh please..." Monica said.   
"Changing the subject..." Chandler said with a sigh. "What are we gonna do for our anniversary? It's not even a month away..."   
"Yeah I know" Monica said. "I was thinking that since it's on the same week as the children have a week off from school, we could let them go visit your mother or something, and we can have the house to ourselves for a week."   
"I'm not sure..." Chandler said. "I've been away from them long enough. Besides, don't you think dumping them with my Mom is kinda' cruel?"   
"No Chandler, dumping them with **my** Mother is cruel" Monica said. "And it's just a week honey. Come on, it would be nice to be just you and me for a couple of days..."   
"Okay" Chandler reluctantly agreed. "Just a week though."   
"They've got school, remember?" Monica said with a slight laugh. "They have to be back in a week or they'll miss school."   
"Francesca doesn't have school" Chandler pointed out.   
"You want her to stay longer?" Monica teased.   
"I think it's scary that she's almost four years old already" Chandler said. "I mean, it wasn't **that** long ago she was a baby, was it?"   
"The twins would have been two years" Monica said distantly.   
"I wish they were alive" Chandler said. "I bet they would have been really charming children..."   
"At the age of two very few children are charming" Monica said with a smile. "Two-year-terrorist, you know."   
"Something else I can't believe is that we've soon been married for twelve years" Chandler said. "Not to mention that we've been together for fifteen."   
"And we have a kid that's lived for more than a decade" Monica added. "Creepy if you think about it..."   
"Yeah" Chandler agreed. "Just seven more years and we'll have a child in college."   
"No use thinking about it" Monica said with a grin. "Now is now and the future is, well, in the future."   
"Aren't you a wise woman?" Chandler said with rolling eyes.   
"The near future is the month of May" Monica said. "I'll call your mom tomorrow and hear if she's got any plans or if she can take the kids for a week."   
"I'll bet Bridget will get angry" Chandler said and kissed her on the cheek. "If she gets mad at me for the way I eat, she can get mad at you for planning their break without asking them first."   
"Oh don't worry, I know how to handle her" Monica said. "I've gotten lots and lots of practice while you've been away."   
"I envy you" Chandler said.   
"So the twelfth anniversary, what is that?" Monica asked. "Coal?"   
"Nope" Chandler said. "But don't think I'm planning to tell you what it is..."   
  
"Hey Mom?" Bridget said the following weekend. "How much does a horse cost?"   
"A lot" Monica said, taking cookies out from the oven.   
"How much?"   
"I don't know... Depends on the animal... Several thousand dollars."   
Bridget sighed.   
"Well if you don't give me anything for Christmas and my birthday until I turn eighteen then can't I get a horse this Christmas?"   
"No sweetie" Monica said. "Horses cost a lot, not just to buy but to keep. Stable, food, all the riding stuff..."   
"I could take a job and help!" Bridget said.   
"Honey, you're eleven" Monica said. "You can't get any jobs that would earn you enough money. Why would you want a horse, anyway?"   
"Because I **love** horses!"   
"I've never heard you breathe a single syllable about horses until earlier this week!" Monica said.   
"Well I do love horses!" Bridget said. "Can I have a cookie?"   
"Yeah, but you've gotta wait for them to cool a bit first" Monica said and put the second batch in the oven.   
"Mmm... I smell something wonderful..." Chandler said, entering the kitchen. "Now, it couldn't possibly be Mom..."   
Monica playfully smacked him on the arm.   
"That must mean that what I smell is freshly baked cookies!" he concluded.   
"Congratulations, you've won a toaster, what colour do you want?" Monica said.   
"Seagreen" Chandler said.   
"Dad how come I can't have a horse?" Bridget asked.   
"Because you had to choose the most expensive pet there is" Chandler moaned.   
"Can we have any pet at all?" Bridget asked. "Everyone has pets except for us! We don't even have a lousy hamster!"   
"We never knew you wanted a hamster" Monica calmly said.   
"How about a dog? Huh? Or a cat!"   
"I'm allergic to cat hair sweetie, you know that" Monica said.   
"Well a dog then?"   
"Dad hates dogs" Monica said. "He always has."   
"God..." Bridget moaned. "You know, people like you shouldn't be allowed to get married and have children together. Cat people should marry cat people and dog people should marry dog people. It saves the children a whole lot of suffering."   
"Sweetie if Mom and I hadn't been allowed to get married and have children you wouldn't exist" Chandler said. "And I would be very unhappy."   
"Like you love me that much..."   
"Who said anything about you, I was talking about Mom!" Chandler said and grinned at her. He grabbed two cookies and tossed one to Bridget.   
"Bridget, honey, a dog isn't just something you can buy and then forget about" Monica said. "Would you be willing to get up early every morning to walk the dog for example? And you know, we wouldn't be able to go on any trips because the dog wouldn't be able to come if we wanted to go by plane."   
"Typical parent excuse" Bridget moaned.   
"Excuse me, we would never use typical parent excuses!" Monica said, deeply offended. "Daddy and I happen to be much more easygoing than other parents!"   
"You wish" Bridget said. "Mom you clock us kids every morning to make sure we don't take more than twenty minutes between when we get out of bed and go out the door to go to school."   
"I do that out of concern!" Monica defended herself.   
Bridget and Chandler shared a look. Then Chandler grinned.   
  
"Ah..." Monica said with a big smile. "Seven days without our children, just you and me baby..."   
Chandler smiled slightly.   
"And of course my work."   
"Do you have to go to work?" Monica whined.   
"Yes. At least on Thursday and Friday."   
"But our anniversary's on Friday!" Monica whined.   
"I know" Chandler said and gave her a kiss. "But I'm all yours in the morning and after work... Plus you can feel free to take advantage of me all the other days of the week."   
"Oh believe you me, I will" Monica said. "By the way, don't forget that Ross, Erica and Ben are coming over for dinner on Wednesday night."   
"Right, won't forget!" Chandler said. "Can you believe how big Ben is?"   
"No, it seems too strange that he just turned eighteen!" Monica said. "Auntie Monica's little boy..."   
"Little big boy" Chandler said.   
"Still. God, it feels like it was yesterday he freaked out and started crying because you were asleep in my bed when he was tired and wanted to go to sleep..."   
"And he's not the only one who's freaked out and started crying when finding out you and I are together" Chandler said.   
"Yes, but Ben did it quite intensely" Monica said. She smiled at the memory. "I remember it as if it were yesterday... It was just after our nine month anniversary. You had come over to hang out and you had a major headache."   
"Right, and you gave me a couple of Advil and tucked me in... in your bed. On the side you used to make me sleep on, before I moved in."   
"Right" Monica said with a smile. "And Ben always slept in that half of my bed when he went to sleep in my apartment. And Ross came over later asking me to baby-sit Ben for him. And when Ben was going to bed, in his pyjamas and everything, he went into my bedroom to get into bed but found you on 'his side'."   
"And he started crying, waking me up" Chandler said. "Not the nicest way to be woken up, I might add. Especially when it's not your kid."   
"Yeah, but you were quite out of it" Monica said. "I wasn't even sure you were awake. I remember I told you to roll over to my side, while I explained to Ben that you were my boyfriend now."   
"And then he wouldn't talk to me for three weeks" Chandler said. "Come to think of it, I shouldn't like Ben too much."   
Monica playfully slapped him on the arm and sat down on the couch. He sat down with her and she leaned against him while she continued her trip down memory lane.   
"I remember how reluctant he was to go to sleep that night, after he'd found you in my bed... And I also remember how when I went to bed later on you were still asleep. I didn't want to wake you up..."   
"So you decided that climbing over me would be the best way of not waking me up?" Chandler asked.   
"I wanted to be in-between you and Ben" Monica defended herself. "In case he would woke up! And boy were you cranky..."   
"Well my head felt like it was filled with enough cotton to make Scarlett O'Hara save her Tara without the help of anyone else."   
"Well it only took you about five seconds to put your arms around me" Monica remembered with a smile. "It actually ended up quite cosy."   
"Maybe for you" Chandler said. "But not for the man with the insane headache or the child who had just been scarred for life!"   
"Oh come on, it wasn't that big a deal!" Monica said with a smile. "He was only four, after all. Just a few months older than Francesca is."   
"And we were 'newly in love'" Chandler said with a smile.   
"I know it sounds crazy, but that night I actually kinda' pretended that you and I were married and that Ben was our son..." Monica said. "But I never dared to mention that to you, since I figured you'd freak out."   
"I probably would have" Chandler said. Then he sighed. "God I miss that apartment... No place has ever felt as much as home as that apartment did."   
"I don't like this house too much, to be honest" Monica said. "I don't know why... I would just like a place with a few more rooms."   
"Hey maybe we can move our old apartment here!" Chandler suggested, sounding dead serious even though he wasn't. "Like above the garage or something! And you and I could live there!"   
Monica giggled.   
"Sure we could..." She paused and sighed. "We decided to move in together in that apartment..." she said. "And it was our first home that was our home together. We got engaged in that apartment. Bridget was conceived there and spent her first four years there. Emma was also conceived there and spent her first years there. Anthony was conceived there too."   
"Some of our best times was there" Chandler said.   
"And our friends... We were so much closer to our friends when we lived there. We sort of lost touch after we moved. I miss living across the hall from Rachel and Joey" Monica whined. "And having Ross just across the street..."   
"And Central Perk just below" Chandler added. "God, we haven't been there in at least six years."   
"And we used to go there every day" Monica said.   
"Gunther must really miss us" Chandler said. "I wonder what he's doing now."   
"Probably owns the place by now" Monica said.   
"No, I think Central Perk went bankrupt when we weren't there to bring in 90% of the money."   
"I wonder how much money we wasted there" Monica said.   
"'Wasted'?" Chandler echoed. "Excuse me! It wasn't wasting money!"   
"Chandler have we even been to any coffee house at all the past years?"   
"No" Chandler said. "I think the last time was right after you had Tony."   
"I don't even recognise our lives now, sometimes" Monica said. "Compare our lives now to our lives then..."   
"Yeah, four children would change your live" Chandler said and rolled his eyes slightly.   
"I don't just mean that..." Monica said. "We're both different now."   
"Yeah. You're more easygoing for one thing."   
"Oh I am, am I? I thought you guys called me a crazy military for my morning routine of clocking everyone."   
"Well you're still more easygoing now compared to how you were."   
"God I must have been awful!" Monica said.   
"Yeah, you were..." Chandler said. "But that was part of why I fell so in love with you." He kissed her lovingly and rose. "Come on now. I'll make us coffee and we can go sit outside on the porch swing. Continue talking out there."   
"Okay..." Monica said with a smile. "That sounds perfect."   
  
On Wednesday night Ross and Ben came over for dinner. Erica hadn't been able to make it, she had been forced to work. Neither Monica nor Chandler minded, even though they really liked Erica they preferred seeing just Ross and Ben. It felt more like the old days.   
"So Ben, how does it feel now to be eighteen?" Chandler asked once they had started to eat. "Sick and tired of grownups asking that question?"   
"Oh yes" Ben said with a slight smile. "Mostly because there's no good answer. It feels just like being seventeen, only now Dad and my Moms are nagging me to get my drivers license all the time."   
"I'll leave that up to Chandler when our kids turn eighteen" Monica said. "I'm going to focus on nagging about college."   
"Oh, right, have you decided where you want to go?" Chandler asked, with his mouth full of pasta.   
"Yes, actually I have" Ben said nervously.   
"You have?" Ross said. "How come you haven't shared this news with me?"   
"Maybe he chose not to go to NYU" Chandler suggested and reached for the salad.   
"He never even thought about going to NYU" Ross said with a sigh.   
"I would love to say that you should let him go wherever he wants" Monica said and smiled at Ben. "But I know I want my children to stay close to home when they go to college!"   
"So where is it you want to go?" Chandler asked Ben. "The Pacific University in Hawaii?"   
"Please tell me Ivy League" Ross said.   
"Actually..." Ben said. "I was planning on going to go to theology school."   
"To what?" Chandler asked.   
"Theology, the science of god... basically..." Ross said. Then he paused. "Wait a minute, you want to go **where?" **   
"I've decided I want to become a priest" Ben said.   
"Don't you mean a rabbi?"   
"No Dad, I mean a priest" Ben said.   
He looked nervously at Ross and then he looked at his aunt and uncle. They were both eyeing him and Ross, Chandler had spaghetti hanging from his mouth since he'd paused in the middle of a bite, and Monica just looked nervously at Ross. Ben hoped they would help him out. He knew his father preferred Judaism over Christianity and that he'd spent years trying to get Ben interested in it. But Ben knew what he wanted to become, even though he knew it would be letting down his father, and he hoped his aunt and uncle would support him. At least Ross wouldn't be able to start lecturing him about why Judaism was much better than Christianity when Monica and Chandler were present.   
"You, son, you'll never be able to get married" Ross said through laughter, in the typical way he said things when he was disapproving of something and didn't want to make it too obvious.   
"Not a catholic priest, dad" Ben said.   
"Why do you want to be a priest?" Ross said, changing pace and just seeming upset.   
"I think it's great" Monica said, rewarded by a thankful smile from Ben. "Come on Ross, if that's what he wants to do then let him do it! It's too late for you to convert him now anyway."   
"Yeah, just be glad he's not a monk" Chandler said with a smile and continued the bite he had paused.   
"Dad, you know I never cared much for the Jewish stuff anyway" Ben said. "Grandma totally supports me, so do Mom and Mom..."   
"And Aunt and Uncle" Monica said.   
"Thanks sis, big help" Ross said sarcastically, then turned to Ben. "Look, son--"   
"Ross..." Chandler said. "Just let him... Okay?"   
"Oh god..." Ross moaned.   
"You'll survive this Ross, be strong" Monica said with faked drama.   
"Dad this is what I want to do... Everyone used to tell me when I was a kid that I should follow my dreams and never let anything get in the way of them."   
"That's just bullshit that grownups say because it sounds really nice" Ross claimed.   
"Well you said it and you can't take it back now" Ben said. "You told me never to let anything stop me when I knew what I wanted. Now I know what I want, and I won't let you stop me."   
"And hey, if this theology thing doesn't work out you can consider politics" Chandler said. "I'll bet that speech you just made would impress voters."   
"Chandler" Monica said.   
They finished the rest of their meal in silence. Ross was upset but didn't want to show it, even though they all were aware. And Ben was upset over his Dad's disapproval, while Monica and Chandler just felt awkward. They were both grateful that Chandler had to get up early to work the next day, which meant that Ross and Ben couldn't stay too late.   
  
"Mon?" Chandler called out on Friday when he got home. "Sorry I'm late!"   
"Late?" Monica said from the kitchen. "You called me and said you were on your way two **hours** ago, I've been worried sick!"   
She came out to the hall to let him know he shouldn't scare her like that, but stopped in her tracks when she saw him.   
"Well this took a bit longer that expected" he said. "Happy anniversary, honey."   
She continued to stare at him as he let the puppy he was holding down on the floor. The puppy was some form of larger terrier, a beige kind, and it's tail was wagging like crazy. Monica knelt down and the puppy ran over to her. She started patting it with a grin on her face.   
"Chandler!" she said. "What is the meaning of this, huh?"   
"He's yours" Chandler said and took his coat off.   
"Mine, huh?" Monica said, and started talking in baby language with the puppy. "Aren't you the sweetest little thing on four legs?"   
"Yeah. He's your twelve years anniversary present." Chandler came over and knelt with her, giving her a kiss. "And he's the reason I'm late."   
"Aww, you brat!" Monica said and kissed him back.   
"Brat?"   
"First thing that came to mind!"   
"They said his name's Chopin" Chandler said, nodding to the dog. "But we can change it easily. Sounds pretty nerdy, doesn't it?"   
"Does not!" Monica said. "It's adorable! What kind is he? Some form of terrier, right?"   
"Yes, a soft coated something. Wheaten, I think. Soft coated wheaten. I'm not sure."   
"He's adorable!" Monica said. "Thank you so much!"   
"So you like him?"   
"I love him!"   
"Check around his neck, sweetie."   
Monica grabbed the collar and found a small pouch attached to it. She took it loose and checked inside of it.   
"A butterfly, huh?" she said when she held up the small charm.   
"A silk butterfly, to be more specific" Chandler said. "Twelve years is silk anniversary."   
He attached the charm to her bracelet and she gave him another kiss. The puppy barked and Monica broke the kiss with a giggle.   
"Oh I can't kiss him, huh?" she said to the puppy.   
"If that's the way he feels he goes back to the breeder" Chandler said.   
"No, don't take him away!" Monica said, and kissed Chandler again. "He's so precious! I love him, thank you so much!"   
"I was actually hoping you wouldn't like him too much" Chandler said. "Because I realized in the car on my way back that I should have gotten a smaller kind. A lapdog or something. Like a Shetland ship."   
"Oh come on, this dog doesn't get **that** big, does he?"   
"A bit smaller than a golden retriever, I think" Chandler said.   
"Perfect size then" Monica said and rose. "Now come on, Mr I-come-home-late-on-my-anniversary. I've got something for you too."   
"Oh and what's that?"   
"Nothing as nice as a dog..." Monica said and walked into the kitchen, followed by Chandler and Chopin. "And not as expensive either. But here you go."   
She handed him a small present and he opened it. She had gotten him a Rolex watch. He held it up and gave her a look.   
"If this isn't as expensive as the dog you either think I bought a **very** expensive dog or this is a cheap copy."   
"No it's real..." Monica said and took his old watch off.   
"Well thank you" Chandler said and put the new watch around his arm.   
"What?" Monica asked.   
"Nothing."   
"No, something... What's wrong?"   
"Nothing's **wrong... **" Chandler said. "It's just that I've been wearing my old watch since we got married."   
"And it's been in the shop like eight times!" Monica said. "Come on, after twelve years you need another watch." She giggled slightly. "If you want, I can throw in the latest baby tooth Anthony lost..."   
"We have a deal!" Chandler joked.   
"Thank you so much, sweetie!" Monica said and placed her hands on his cheeks, giving him a kiss. "I love the dog!"   
"You're welcome" Chandler grinned.   
  
Monica let out a content sigh that evening as she and Chandler slowly danced together to one of their favourite ballads. The dog was lying on the floor by the door, watching them as they danced. Monica gave Chandler's shoulder a kiss and let out another sigh.   
"Fifteen years..." she said. "Fifteen years together. Married for twelve. That's pretty much one third of my life."   
"Weird, isn't it?" Chandler said. "It used to feel like you'd spent an eternity looking for someone to love and marry, and what could it have been, ten years or so? I know I didn't look for anyone to spend my life with until I was around twenty. And still it feels as if I spent much more time trying to find The One than I've spent being married to you."   
"Yeah..." Monica said. "Then again, I started searching for the man I would marry as soon as I was old enough to understand what marriage was."   
"That hasn't exactly rubbed of on the kids" Chandler said.   
"Good, that means I'm nicer than my Mom" Monica said and giggled. "She used to tell me all the time when I was little that I had to find someone to marry."   
"And so she spent the money for your wedding on a beach house..." Chandler added.   
"Oh shit!" Monica said, sounding ready to panic.   
"What?" Chandler said. "You knew that already."   
"We haven't started saving for **our** daughters' weddings!" Monica said. "Oh god, they're all gonna end up having to get married here in our living room, dressed in my old wedding dress, with a cake I made!"   
"I wouldn't think that's too bad" Chandler said with a laugh. "In fact I think it could be kinda' cosy."   
"Chandler, please."   
"I'm serious" Chandler said.   
"Well it's no excuse not to start saving up for their weddings! Oh damn, and there's **three **of them too!"   
"Relax..." Chandler said. "Honey none of them are old enough to get married yet. I mean, please Fran isn't even **four** yet! I'd like her to be just my daughter for a few more years before she finds herself a man and gets married."   
"Yes but Bridget is eleven, just think, seven years from now she might be engaged!"   
"Stop with the panic..." Chandler said. "We can worry about that **tomorrow. **Tonight let's think about **our** wedding. In case you've forgotten, our wedding was twelve years ago today."   
"Our wedding was nice, wasn't it?" Monica said, suddenly emotional instead of panicking. "Wasn't it?"   
"Oh it was more than nice..." Chandler said and gave her a kiss. "And it was the most nervous day of my life."   
"Oh really?" Monica said. "Mine was when I went into labour for the first time!"   
Chandler laughed.   
"Then you should know how nervous **I** was the first time I was left alone with Bridget for a couple of hours... I was begging her not to get hungry, not to do anything that would force me to change her diaper... Basically I was begging her to be nice to Daddy and just sleep nice and quietly. Which of course didn't happen."   
"I found it quite amusing that you used superglue to get her new diaper on" Monica said with a giggle.   
"Of course you found it amusing" Chandler said with a scoff. "You had just bought a video camera and got to try it out by filming me when I tried to get that diaper off!"   
"I still have that tape" Monica said while laughing.   
"I'm surprised it never ended up on 'America's Funniest Home Videos'" Chandler said with a sigh.   
"Damn, you should have said that earlier!" Monica said. "Before they cancelled 'AFV'. I should so have sent it in!"   
"Oh cork up and dance" Chandler said.   
Monica smiled and did as she was told. Another song was playing now and she closed her eyes and dreamed away.   
  
Two days later their children came back home, and Monica couldn't keep the smile from her face when Chopin came running to greet the newcomers. Bridget was thrilled and more or less dove over the puppy, while Emma got scared and started crying, Anthony started to bicker with Bridget over who would get to pat the dog the most, and Francesca just stared at the puppy.   
"Calm down you guys" Chandler said and lifted Emma up. "He's not dangerous" he assured her.   
"She's just like you, she hates dogs" Nora said. She gave him a kiss on the cheek. "I have to run. Julio is waiting in the car."   
"Julio?" Chandler asked.   
"Oh didn't I tell you? He's my new close personal friend."   
"Just let me know that you're marrying him **before** you marry him" Chandler said with a sigh, hoping this Julio wouldn't be his fifth stepfather.   
"I can't believe you bought me a dog!" Bridget said as Nora left.   
"He's my dog, sweetie" Monica said. "An anniversary gift from your father."   
"She gets a dog for being married to you while I don't get an animal for surviving to the age of eleven?" Bridget asked Chandler.   
"Well Mom does more for me than you do" Chandler said. "Come on now Emma... Don't you want to try to pat him?"   
"**No!" ** Emma said firmly.   
"I wanna see the doggy" Francesca said. "I want to pat him!"   
"Just be careful, you don't want to hurt him" Monica said, carefully watching as Francesca clumsily patted the dog.   
"What's his name?" Bridget asked.   
"Move over Bridge, it's **my **turn to pat him!" Anthony angrily said.   
"No it's not!" Bridget said.   
"No fighting" Monica said.   
"You sure you don't want to pat him?" Chandler asked Emma.   
"I do **not** want to pat him!" Emma said.   
"Not even try?" Chandler asked.   
"She's a wuss" Bridget said.   
"No I'm not!" Emma said and started to cry harder.   
"She's just a little afraid" Monica said. "Like you're afraid of spiders."   
"But this is a dog!" Bridget said. "A cute puppy! Not a disgusting spider!"   
"She's still afraid of him. It will probably pass" Monica said.   
"It better" Bridget said and glared at her sister. "Don't mess this up so we have to give him away!"   
"He scares me!" Emma complained.   
"You can pat the dog later" Chandler said. "It's okay."   
"What's his name?" Bridget asked again.   
"Chopin" Monica said. "And he's only seven weeks old."   
"Hear that Fran?" Bridget said. "Now you're not the baby anymore."   
"Yes I am" Francesca insisted.   
"Do we live in chaos or what?" Monica asked Chandler who rolled his eyes. "Now everybody goes to their room to unpack!" she said to the children. "Chopin is going to be here for quite a while, you'll get tons of chances to pat him and walk him... Right now you need to unpack your things."   
"And you can tell us all about your trip over dinner" Chandler said. "Now get a move on, everybody. First one to unpack all their things wins the prize!"   
"What prize?" Bridget immediately asked.   
"Being guaranteed not having to do the dishes" Chandler said.   
"Yikes, two minutes back home and they're talking about kitchen duty..." Bridget said and moaned. "Can the dog sleep in my room?"   
"No" Chandler said. "Now hurry up and unpack!"   
  
Chopin landed on the bed with a thump, waking both Chandler and Monica up. Neither of them opened their eyes, and Monica reached her hand down and tried to pull the quilt over their heads. She was lying on top of Chandler and the quilt had by now ended up by her waist. She felt cold in her negligée and figured Chandler must be more cold. She tried again to pull the quilt up and then realized that the dog was lying on it.   
"Chopin get down" she mumbled, too sleepy to sound demanding.   
The dog obediently jumped down and she pulled the quilt up over her head, making it cover Chandler up to his neck. Chopin grabbed part of the quilt that was hanging down from the bed and started tugging on it, while growling playfully.   
"Chandler..." Monica mumbled. "The dog needs to be walked..."   
"I bought him for you, he's your dog..." Chandler mumbled back. "Chopin stop tugging the quilt."   
"Go tell one of your children to walk the dog" Monica mumbled. "Your firstborn, for example."   
"She's never awake at these hours on a Saturday" Chandler mumbled back.   
Monica sighed deeply and rolled off him. She rubbed her eyes and then got out of bed, grabbing her robe and Chandler's slippers.   
"Come on then, doggy..." she said to Chopin. "Backyard."   
Chopin eagerly followed her outside and she got a bit more awake once she stood out in the backyard pondering on how long she would let Chopin be out before she called for him and went back inside. It was quite chilly out, fall had started early this year and it was one of the coldest Septembers she could remember. They had had the dog for four months now and Bridget had very quickly become attached to him. Her interest had cooled down though during summer and she had gone back to talking about getting a horse. Emma was still uncomfortable around the dog, and Anthony was annoyed that Chopin didn't do as Anthony wanted him to. Francesca loved the dog, but Monica was scared of letting her near him. She had had her fourth birthday a couple of days earlier and Monica was worried that she was too young to be near the dog. Chandler told her it was nonsense and that animals had patience with small children, but she didn't dare to take any chances.   
"Chopin!" she called out and the dog came running back to her. "Good boy. Now let me go back to sleep, would you?"   
She walked back inside and crawled back into bed. Chandler rolled over and put an arm around her.   
"Geez, you're cold!" he complained.   
"Some of us didn't have the luxury of staying in the warm bed" she said.   
"What time is it?"   
"Six" Monica said and yawned. "We really need to teach that dog to hold it until a least eight!"   
The phone rang.   
"Who the hell?" Chandler moaned. "Is there a conspiracy going on here? Aren't we allowed to sleep past six?" He rolled over and answered. "Hello?"   
Monica drifted off to sleep again as he continued to talk, but woke up again when he got out of bed.   
"What are you doing up?" she complained. "Where are you going?"   
"I have to work" Chandler said, pulling his pants on. "They just called from work. Some jerk as embezzled like $400 000!"   
"What?" Monica said and sat up.   
"Yeah. We've been suspecting it but now they actually caught the guy. An hour ago, apparently."   
"Who the hell catches embezzlers at these hours?" Monica whined.   
"The wonderful people with whom your husband makes a living" Chandler said and yawned. "Chopin get down, I am **not** interested in throwing your stupid ball."   
"But honey..." Monica whined in a yawn. "It's **early. ** On a **Saturday. ** You promised Anthony you'd take him to the batting cage."   
"I don't think the people at my work cares about that honey" Chandler said. "Look, with any luck I'll be home around noon."   
Monica moaned and rolled over, pulling the pillow over her head. Chandler finished dressing and pushed Chopin away, then walked over to her.   
"Hey" he said, lifting the pillow. "I'll see you soon. Don't snore too loud or you'll wake the kids."   
He gave her a kiss on the cheek and left. Monica went back to sleep.   
  
Five hours later Monica had just told Anthony for the eleventh time that she didn't know when Chandler was going to be home, and she wondered if she should call Chandler and ask if he knew when he would be back. She sighed deeply when she heard two or three of the kids coming running down the stairs. She told them at least once a day not to run in the stairs and she was just about to tell them again when she heard one of them slip and fall. She hurried out to the hall where Francesca, the one who had fallen, had started to scream loudly.   
"Are you okay?" Monica asked her and kneeled down beside her, directing an angry glare at Anthony and Emma who had stopped when Francesca had fallen.   
"Mamma!" Francesca screamed and Monica decided that she was not okay. It took a lot to make Francesca call for her parents when she had hurt herself.   
"Come here, let mamma see" Monica said and turned her over.   
She heard Emma gasp and Anthony start to cry, and she felt pretty shocked herself. Francesca had blood all over her face and when Monica took a closer look she noticed why. She had bitten right through her lower lip.   
"What's going on?" Bridget asked, coming out from her room and looking down the stairs. "Did she fall?"   
"I've got to take Fran to the hospital" Monica said.   
"No!" Francesca protested.   
"Yes!" Monica insisted.   
She lifted her up, ignoring the loud cries from Francesca, and carried her to the kitchen where she put her down on the counter next to the phone. She called their next-door neighbour and asked her to watch the other children while Monica took Fran to the hospital. She would have preferred calling one of her closer friends, but she couldn't wait for them to get there. And Mrs. Smith next door had two children of her own and Monica had left the children with her a couple of times before.   
"Come on now, we're going over to the Smiths" Monica said to the children and lifted Francesca up again. She was screaming so loudly that Monica could barely hear her own voice. "**Kids!" ** she said louder. "Don't just stand there, **walk** down the stairs and put your shoes on! We're going to the Smiths!"   
"The Smiths?" Emma said.   
"You're going to stay there while I take Fran to the hospital."   
"No hospital!" Francesca screamed.   
"You have to go to the hospital!" Monica said. "You can't look like this! You have to go to the hospital and maybe to the dentist!"   
"**No!" ** Francesca screamed.   
"Hurry up!" Monica said to the other children, who seemed shocked and scared and did as they were told.   
Monica rushed them out the door, still carrying Francesca, and followed them next door. She only said a short hi to Mrs. Smith and then hurried to the car. Francesca screamed louder again when Monica tried to put her down in the front seat and put a seatbelt on. Francesca looked terrible with blood all over her face, and Monica realized she should have brought something to put against the wound to keep it from bleeding too much. She closed the car door so that Francesca wouldn't get it into her head to get loose and leave the car, and then she ran inside and grabbed the first kitchen towel she saw. She hurried back out and got in the car. She reached over to put the towel to Francesca's mouth but the child screamed louder yet again and waved around her.   
"Calm down!" Monica said. "Calm down, okay? Mommy has to drive, okay? Could you do mamma a favour and hold this towel to your mouth? Please sweetie?"   
She finally managed to get the child to hold the towel to the wound, and she noticed that several people had come out of their houses and were looking at them. She angrily drove off, wishing they would mind their own business.   
Once they got to the hospital Francesca wasn't screaming as much anymore, she was more just sobbing. But when Monica tried to lift her out of the car she protested loudly. Monica sighed and almost forcefully lifted her out, then slammed the car door shut and locked the car. She hurried into the ER with Francesca and thanked her lucky star that she had called 911 from the car phone and told them she had a bleeding child in her car and what hospital they were on their way to. Rachel had recently had a brief affair with a doctor, who had told them that it was a good idea to call the hospital and tell them you were coming if you had a real emergency situation, because otherwise you might have to wait for hours until you got help. And to Monica, a child bleeding from having bitten through her lip was considered a real emergency.   
  
Chandler arrived an hour later, and by that time Francesca had gotten her wound glued together, and a dentist had decided to pull out three of her front teeth that were quite loose. She had screamed and protested the whole time, but by now she was just sobbing in Monica's arms. The doctor was on his way to check on her and give her something for the pain, and some instructions to Monica over how to take care of the wound. Monica looked up when Chandler came through the door, but Francesca only started crying harder.   
"Shh, don't worry" Monica whispered to her. "It's dad."   
"Hey..." Chandler said and gave Monica a kiss on the head. "Are you okay, Fran?"   
"**No!" ** Francesca insisted.   
"How bad is it?" Chandler asked, looking really worried.   
"She bit right through her lip" Monica said. "She was running in the stairs and she tripped and fell..."   
"Aww, poor baby..." Chandler said and stroke Francesca's hair. "We've told you not to run in the stairs."   
"I'm so sorry!" Francesca sobbed.   
"Shhh, that's okay" Monica said gently. She looked up at Chandler. "A dentist came and pulled out three of her teeth. They're baby teeth so she'll get new ones of course... But it might be a while. He suggested that maybe we'd get her some form of fake teeth or something, so she can eat."   
"Can she eat solid food now?" Chandler asked.   
"I don't know."   
"But she's fine other than what you've said?" Chandler asked, still sounding really worried. "Nothing broken?"   
"My lip!" Francesca said.   
"They gave me such a scare at work..." Chandler said to Monica. "We were in a meeting with the police when my secretary came running in, sounding really panicked, going 'Chandler, Chandler, your daughter's hurt real bad, she's at the hospital' and some other stuff that really had me freaked... Plus, there was no mentioning of **which** daughter was hurt real bad, so all the way over here I've been wondering which one."   
"Why couldn't it have been Emma?" Francesca asked. "She was running down the stairs too, pappa."   
"The other three, are they fine?" Chandler asked.   
"Uh-hu" Monica said. "They got scared, but other than that there's nothing wrong with them."   
"**They **got scared?" Chandler said and rolled his eyes.   
"Tony and Emma did have front-row seats, you know" Monica said. "I left them with the Smiths. Becky was home, luckily enough..."   
"How funny, since housewives are never home" Chandler said sarcastically.   
Monica sighed. His quippy side had faded out quite a lot since they had gotten married, but he still had the ability to come with annoying sarcastic remarks at the worst times.   
The door opened and the doctor who had treated Francesca entered, looking through some chart.   
"Okay, now..." he said and looked up. "How are you doing, Francesca?"   
Francesca didn't answer, she hid her face in Monica's chest and sobbed. She didn't want the doctor to go anywhere near her, he had frightened her enough earlier on when he had had to touch her lip to examine it. Chandler kept in a sigh. Anthony was afraid of doctors and had been ever since he was little and had had the infection. Now apparently Francesca was scared too. The doctor gave her something for the pain and instructed them on how to take care of her during the upcoming weeks. Then he gave Francesca a sticker which she angrily accepted but from the looks of it didn't love too much.   
"Oh damn!" Monica said, stopping in her tracks on their way back out to the cars.   
"What?" Chandler asked.   
"Mamma my lip still hurts" Francesca whined.   
"Chopin!" Monica said. "I totally forgot about the dog when Fran got hurt!"   
"You mean you left a seven month old dog alone in the house?" Chandler asked. "Well nothing we can do about that now... Aside from cleaning up from the accidents I'm sure have happened... But it's no big deal."   
"How could I leave the poor little thing like that?" Monica said.   
"Because you had a bleeding child, remember?" Chandler said. "Now listen honey..." He grabbed her by the arm and led her outside to the parking lot while talking. "I've gotta go back to work and see how this whole embezzler story ended up. Take Fran home, take care of poor Chopin and I'll be home as soon as I can okay?"   
"Yeah okay" Monica said reluctantly. She had forgotten that he had a problem at work that needed to be solved and therefor couldn't come back home with them.   
"I'll be home before you know it" he said and gave her a kiss. "I'll see you soon, sweetheart" he added to Francesca, kissed her on the head and then hurried off to his own car while Monica put Francesca in the passenger seat.   
  
"Chandler..." Monica said that night and rolled over to him, putting a hand on his arm. She knew he wasn't sleeping. "I can't go to sleep."   
"It's only ten p.m., that could be why" Chandler said. "Or it could be because you have an oversized puppy on your feet! Chopin get down, for the last time, you can't sleep on the bed!"   
The dog jumped down reluctantly and went over to his basket in the corner. Monica sighed and shook Chandler's arm to get his attention again.   
"Honey..."   
"You want me to open a window?" Chandler asked, knowing she had trouble sleeping if she was warm.   
"No, it's not that..." Monica said. "I don't know what it is... Or I know what it is, I just don't know... why I... Okay, so I know nothing."   
"Good, that means you've not changed over the years" Chandler said.   
"Oh brother..." Monica moaned. "Bad time for one of those comments."   
"I couldn't think of any better joke at the moment..." Chandler sighed. "My god, what has happened to me? I used to be the comical genius, now I'm lucky if I can tell a joke right!"   
"Yeah, you suck at that all right" Monica said.   
"Thanks."   
Monica didn't reply. She wanted to talk to him about why she couldn't sleep, but she didn't know what to say. She didn't know how to explain it. She just couldn't stop thinking about what had happened earlier that day. She had been calm the entire time she had been with Francesca at the hospital, but now she was less calm. It had been a scary experience for her, even though she didn't want to admit it. What she had the most trouble getting out of her head was how Francesca had repeatedly apologised for running in the stairs, and pleaded to Monica almost as if she thought that if Monica forgave her it would stop hurting and her lip would be okay again. And Monica had told her over and over that she wasn't mad at her for running down the stairs. The whole thing had given Monica the creeps, since it had reminded her of a chapter of the book "the Emigrants", which she had read after the birth of the twins. The chapter it reminded her of, was the one where the main characters', Karl-Oskar and Kristina were christening their youngest, Harald, and Kristina had made a special kind of porridge which had seemed like a luxury since they were poor and had very little to eat. And their oldest child, Anna, had gotten so hungry that she had snuck in to the kitchen and finished almost all the porridge, and then died from overeating. Monica remembered very clearly how Anna had begged her parents for forgiveness for eating of the porridge, begging them to make the pain go away, and that had made Monica very frightened when Francesca had begged her for forgiveness for running down the stairs. But she couldn't explain that to Chandler, because he hadn't been there. And he would probably just think that it was two completely different situations and she had been overreacting.   
Chandler lifted his head when Chopin started wagging his tail, creating a thumping sound each time it hit the floor.   
"Which child do you think?" he asked.   
"Fran" Monica said.   
She got out of bed and walked over to the door. She opened it and found Francesca outside, carrying her teddybear and sobbing.   
"It hurts" Francesca said.   
"I know, honey..." Monica said and lifted her up.   
She carried her inside the bedroom and closed the door. She sighed deeply at Chopin who had taken the opportunity to jump up on the bed and told him sharply to get down from there.   
"Chandler we need to find some other room for that dog to sleep in" she said with a yawn and got into bed.   
She scooted over closer to Chandler, still with the child in her arms, and then carefully put Francesca down next to Chandler, who was drifting off to sleep. She crawled down herself and put an arm around Francesca who was still crying.   
"How long will it hurt, mamma?" she asked.   
"I don't know Fran" Monica said. "A couple of days, at least. And you're going to get a scar there."   
"I don't want a scar!"   
"No I know..."   
"Will I be toothless forever? I sound like Daffy Duck!"   
"When I was little grandma used to say I sounded like Donald Duck when I talked" Chandler mumbled.   
"You'll get new teeth there, sweetie" Monica said to Francesca.   
"Why does it hurt still?"   
"It takes a while for it to stop hurting..."   
"But the hurt took a pause earlier" Francesca lisped.   
"That's because the doctor gave you that pill, remember?"   
"Can I have another one?"   
"I'm sorry sweetie, but I don't have one..."   
After what seemed like a very long time, Francesca finally stopped crying. Monica was relieved, it scared her a little when Fran cried. Just like her mother, Francesca didn't like showing weaknesses, and Monica hadn't heard her cry more than a few times since she had grown past the infant stage.   
"I'm really sorry for running down the stairs" Francesca lisped out in a whisper.   
"Honey, I've told you already, I'm not angry" Monica whispered back and wished she would drop the subject.   
"You always say we shouldn't run in the stairs. You always get angry."   
"I'm not angry now."   
"Is Pappa angry?" Francesca asked.   
"No I'm not angry" Chandler mumbled, barely awake.   
"We get angry when you run in the stairs because we're afraid you'll fall and hurt yourselves" Monica said. "We get angry because you scare us!"   
"Pappa runs in the stairs" Francesca said.   
"And she gets mad at me too" Chandler mumbled.   
"If I never run in the stairs again, will it stop hurting?" Francesca asked.   
"It won't stop hurting right away" Monica said. "But it will in a few days. It will stop sooner though if you swear to us that you won't run in the stairs again!"   
"I swear" Francesca said.   
"Good... Now go to sleep honey, it's really late."   
Fifteen minutes later Francesca was asleep, but Monica still couldn't go to sleep. It was even harder now, since she was lying in a very uncomfortable position but if she turned she might wake Francesca up. And she didn't want to risk that since the child's mouth was hurting so much.   
"That's my sleepyhead" Chandler mumbled and opened an eye to look at her. "Always the last one to go to sleep."   
"This isn't the most comfortable position" Monica said.   
"Nope. You usually prefer to be flat on your back" Chandler said, to which Monica gave him an angry look. "Relax, you can move. She won't wake up. And if she does, she'll go back to sleep right away again."   
"You think?"   
"Could be" Chandler said and shrugged his shoulder.   
"No, I don't want to take my chances" Monica said. "If she wakes up she's gonna start crying again and I hate it when they cry and I can't make them stop... It's like I don't hear them cry, I hear 'bad mother, bad mother, bad mother' chanting..."   
Chandler chuckled.   
"Give me a break Mon... Nobody thinks you're a bad mother because a four year old girl cries from something like this! And for the record, children crying can mean that you're a good mother too."   
"Yeah, a wonderful mother, so wonderful I make my children cry!" Monica said and rolled her eyes.   
"You don't make them cry, they fall and hurt themselves or argue or do other things that make them cry... Or, well, sometimes they cry because you yell at them."   
"Great, thanks dear" Monica moaned.   
"I never cried when I was a kid" Chandler said.   
"I know" Monica said.   
"I wanted to sometimes though" Chandler said. "It was just... my parents wouldn't have done much to comfort me. And being a kid and crying alone when it's not of own choice, that's not too fun."   
"My mom looked scared whenever I cried" Monica said. "When Ross cried they made a huge deal out of it, but when I cried they seemed really uncomfortable..."   
"My parents... just didn't seem to care if I cried" Chandler said.   
"How do you know if you never cried?"   
"It's like you know how they react to everything else, so then you also know how they'll react if you do something else... Like cry." He paused for a second. "No matter how sad, or how scared I was as a kid, there was no way I would have come to my parents bedroom and asked to sleep in their bed with them."   
"Really? Not even if you were sick, or had a nightmare?"   
"Nope. When I was sick I'd just lie in my bed, hugging my little stuffed Sir Hiss from Disney's 'Robin Hood'... And when I had a nightmare I'd turn on all the lights and try to go back to sleep..."   
"Even with a really bad nightmare?" Monica asked.   
"If it was a **really **bad one I'd go to my nanny" Chandler said. "But I wasn't too fond of her. She was an 'in case of emergency' solution."   
"That's so sad!" Monica said. "I remember I was afraid of going to my parents' bedroom after nightmares or things like that, but when I was a kid everything that was scary was also a challenge."   
"I wasn't scared of waking them up or anything" Chandler said. "But the one or two times I actually did go to their bedroom mom would let me get up in the bed and she'd kiss me goodnight, but then she'd get annoyed if I'd have trouble going to sleep. You know, if I was tossing and turning and things like that. And dad, he would just act as if I wasn't there. Come to think of it he'd act as if mom wasn't there too..."   
"Ugh, don't tell me anymore!" Monica said. "Your childhood stories always make me sad. I don't want that right now."   
"Sorry" Chandler said.   
"You shouldn't be sorry" Monica said. "It's not your fault..." She yawned big. "Now I'm gonna try to go to sleep... without dreaming nightmares related to your childhood."   
"Mon, you don't have to say something like that" Chandler said. "It doesn't make me feel better about it."   
"Sorry."   
"Yeah..."   
Chandler rolled over on his side and fell asleep. Monica finally turned around so that she was lying more comfortably and was just about to go to sleep when she became wide awake again from Chopin landing on her.   
"Oh I'm gonna kill that mutt!" she moaned and pushed him off the bed.   
  
"Oh night divine! Oh night when Christ was born!" Chandler loudly sang while hanging up a mistletoe above Monica's chair by the kitchen table.   
"Singing songs like that kinda' rhyme badly with placing a device that's going to make you kiss your wife a lot" Rachel remarked and placed a straw angel on the table.   
"I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus" Chandler sang instead, and continued placing mistletoe at strategic places.   
"That's better... But what kind of image of Christmas are you giving your children?"   
"That the best Christmases are the ones when Daddy's happy, and Daddy's happy when Mommy kisses him a lot!"   
"I wish I had a kid whose Daddy wanted to kiss his Mommy a lot!" Rachel whined. "And that he'd still want to do that when the kid was 10!"   
"Why wouldn't he want to still kiss you when your kid is ten?" Chandler asked and hung a mistletoe under the door.   
"Because when my kid is ten I'll be at least 54" Rachel said. "An old hag."   
"Nah..." Chandler said.   
"Oh please, like you'll be hanging up mistletoes to get to kiss Mon a lot ten years from now" Rachel scoffed.   
"No, by that time I will have gathered the courage to ask her if I can kiss her even without the mistletoe" Chandler said sarcastically.   
"Good, maybe then there won't be ten mistletoes in the kitchen alone."   
"Hey, she's a chef! She cooks! Therefore she spends a lot of time in the kitchen!" Chandler said.   
"So what, if you'd wanted Joey to kiss you you'd put ten mistletoes in the bathroom?"   
"You catch on quickly, my dear" Chandler said. "Now, for the bedroom. I'm thinking one mistletoe over her side of the bed, one over mine and one over Chopin's basket."   
"You wanna kiss the dog?" Rachel asked.   
"No, ew, but she always pats the dog a lot before we go to bed. I'm thinking I can use that..."   
"Oh brother" Rachel said, shaking her head.   
"I thought the Christmas tree was supposed to be in the living room" Francesca said as she entered, looking up at all the mistletoes with a confused expression.   
"No hon, these are mistletoes" Chandler said.   
"Why are there five million of them?" Francesca asked. Then, without waiting for an answer, she turned to Rachel. "They weren't here earlier this year when I ate soup with a straw because of when I bit through my lip."   
Rachel made a grossed face.   
"That's a part of your life to treasure..."   
"My lip was glued back together" Francesca continued. "Is yours glued?"   
"Uhm, no."   
"Fran don't bother her with stupid questions" Chandler said. "Did you put out your Christmas ornaments?"   
"No, mamma says I'm too little. And Bridget says I'm too clumsy."   
"Then tell them both that they're too whiny" Chandler joked.   
"Okay!" Francesca declared and left. She returned after a few seconds. "I don't wanna say that to mamma."   
"But you can say it to Bridget?" Chandler asked.   
"Bridget bugs me."   
Francesca left again. Rachel sighed and placed another straw angel on the table.   
"One more story about her and her lip and I'll scream" she said. "It's gross! I don't want details!"   
"You think that's gross?" Chandler asked. "One word: childbirth."   
"Oh shut up."   
Monica walked in, whistling 'Silent Night' and stopped once she'd gotten inside the kitchen. She looked around and then gave Rachel and Chandler a confused look each.   
"Why is there a rainforest in my kitchen?" she asked.   
Chandler gave a theatrical sigh and turned to Rachel.   
"For twelve years you work on a marriage, for fifteen you work on a relationship... And yet this still is **her** kitchen!"   
"I would call it 'ours' if you ever used it" Monica said.   
"I use it!" Chandler objected.   
"For something else than eating something that's already prepared, drinking something or having sex."   
"Okay so I don't use it **a lot..." **   
Monica rolled her eyes but smiled. Then she methodically started taking the mistletoes down, to Chandler's dismay.   
"Hey, hey, hey, what are you doing?"   
"Moving Brazil to some other room" Monica said. "Hang these in **doorways** Chandler. Not over my seat. God, one look in here and you'd think you were just trying to steal a whole lot of kisses this year."   
"On the bright side..." Rachel said. "No one will ever know me that well."   
"Huh?" Monica said.   
"Nothing."   
  
On December 26th Chandler woke up with a smile on his face. Monica was in his arms, asleep in her new pyjamas. Or at least in the upper half of her new pyjamas. He had pulled off the pyjama pants only five minutes after she had put them on the night before. And she hadn't complained. He was wearing something too, a new silk robe she had gotten him for Christmas. He had wore nothing under it when they had gone to bed and she had quickly pulled it open but never pulled it off him.   
'If you only see our upper halves you'd think we were nice, well-behaved children last night' he thought with a grin and woke Monica up with a gentle trace of kisses along her neck and shoulder.   
"Santa?" she jokingly mumbled.   
"No..." Chandler said. "He's gone back to the North Pole. So unfortunately you'll have to put up with his understudy for another year."   
"I think I could manage that" Monica said and stretched with a smile. She turned around so that she was lying on her back and smiled up at him. "I'm lying on your side of the bed" she remarked.   
"I get very generous around Christmas" he said with a smile. "Sometimes even so generous I let you sleep on that side."   
"Oh my poor little munchkin, having to sleep on my half of the bed" Monica joked.   
"First a rotten childhood, now this!" Chandler joked.   
"Oh this year has been so much better than last year" Monica said and stretched again.   
"No objections there" Chandler said and lay down on his back too, next to her.   
"Last Christmas was kinda' neat though" Monica said. "With you coming home on the 23rd, the six of us sitting up in the kitchen drinking hot chocolate that night..."   
"Only last year on this date I had to get out of bed and hurry to the airport" Chandler said. "This year I'm staying right here in this bed all day long!"   
"Sounds wonderful..." Monica said. "Hey Chopin needs to be walked, take him outside would you?"   
"Thanks for helping me spend the entire day in bed" Chandler said with rolling eyes.   
"You'll be rewarded once you get back..." Monica said. "I'll let you come share your side of the bed with me."   
Chandler grinned at her and got out of bed. He pulled his robe around him and put a pair of boxers on before calling to the dog who was more than willing to go outside. He took the dog outside and started freezing in the cold weather.   
"Come on pal, do your thing..." he said to the dog. "Damn, why did I have to get her a male dog that needs to pee on every bush and tree he can find?" He whistled for the dog and walked inside, shivering. "Note to self: once the mutt dies get her a **fish** if you need to get her a pet."   
He walked to the bedroom and saw that Monica was waiting for him, eager to warm him up. He grinned and closed the bedroom door, shutting Chopin out. He let his robe fall to the floor, to which Monica protested.   
"No, no, no... Leave it on!"   
He chuckled and put it back on, once he'd shed his boxers. She lifted up the covers for him and he got into bed on top of her.   
"Much better than last year" he said.   
  
"Hey Mom?" Bridget said, looking up from her math homework. "You know, I was thinking... My birthday is in three weeks."   
"Yes I know" Monica said and drew a line under a misspelled word in Emma's essay.   
"I know what I want for my birthday."   
"Good" Monica said. "As long as it doesn't have four legs and whinnies."   
Bridget let out a resigned sigh and returned to her homework. Both she and Monica looked up when the front door closed and Monica went to greet Chandler. She gave him a warm kiss and he kissed her back, putting his arms around her.   
"We alone?" he asked her in a low tone.   
"During homework hours?" Monica asked. "Not a chance!"   
"Right, I forgot..." Chandler said and glanced at his wristwatch. "Homework hours don't end for another half hour."   
"And I'm not done correcting Emma's essay yet, I should get back to that" Monica said. "So she doesn't have to sit without anything to do!"   
"Children would rather have nothing to do than homework to do" Chandler pointed out and followed her into the kitchen. He took a look at the children sitting by the kitchen table. "Okay, Bridget makes one, Emma makes two, Anthony makes three..." He turned to Monica. "I was sure we had four!"   
"Honey, for the billionth time since we got married..." Monica said and sighed. "Children don't start school until they're six. No school means no homework."   
"So where is the little kitten?" Chandler asked.   
"In her room..." Monica said. A loud crash was heard and Monica sighed. "She's rearranging her sock drawer. Apparently she didn't think I put the right pairs under the right category. And from the sound of it, she just dropped a drawer."   
Chandler's eyebrows perked up.   
"Oh, rearranging her sock drawer huh? Is she showing any other sides of any qualities that are... you know... yours?"   
"No" Monica said and glared at him. She sat down and continued looking through Emma's essay. She sighed loudly when another drawer hit the floor. "Damn!"   
"Mom, make her stop!" Anthony whined. "I can't concentrate!"   
"Your math homework is like 1+1" Bridget said. "Who needs to concentrate?"   
"Ah, remember the rules!" Monica said without looking up. "During homework hours we talk as little as possible!"   
"I'll go make sure she doesn't drop anything valuable as well..." Chandler said and went to Francesca's room.   
"Mom for how long will she have that annoying lisp?" Bridget whined, referring to the lisp Francesca had had since they took three of her teeth out.   
"Until her new teeth are done growing out" Monica mumbled. "Maybe another six months... Maybe four years... Who knows?"   
"As if her name won't make kids pick on her enough..." Bridget mumbled. "Now she's gonna be the lisping freak as well."   
"Bridget!" Monica said firmly. "Go back to your math and be quiet!"   
"I'm all done with my math."   
"Then do your other homework."   
"I have no other homework."   
"Then be quiet. I'm trying to help Emma here!" Monica said.   
"Can't I go to my room?"   
"No!" Monica said. "Homework hours are over at five."   
"So I'm just supposed to sit here for half an hour doing **nothing**?"   
"Unless you wanna help dad sort out the sock drawer" Monica said.   
Bridget sighed and sunk back in her seat. She glanced at her sister and brother and wished her parents had never had more than one child. She hated having three siblings to compromise with. And she hated being the oldest. Her mother always said that she should know better than her siblings since she was older, while her father seemed to think she was the same age as Francesca. And she didn't want to be treated either way.   
"Okay Emma, I'm done" Monica said. "I've underlined your misspelled words and written them correctly on the side... And you might want to take a look at the grammar in the parts I underlined with a green colour..."   
"Mom, she's nine, her teachers won't care about grammar" Bridget said.   
"I'm **ten! **" Emma angrily said. "**Ten, **Bridge!"   
"And it scares Mommy to death that she has two children who've turned double figures!" Monica said. "Now Emma, go through your essay and correct what needs to be corrected, Bridget you watch your mouth."   
"I didn't say anything bad" Bridget said.   
"You didn't swear, but you're not being very nice" Monica said.   
"I tend to be very **un**-nice when I have to sit around doing absolutely **nothing** for no other reason than what time it is!" Bridget angrily said.   
"You know the house rules!" Monica said, getting angry. "Now stop it, Bridget! Stop being such a baby! Act your age!"   
"And what age is that?" Bridget angrily said.   
"Eleven, soon twelve, last I checked" Monica said. "And for crying out loud, you should be able to sit still and be quiet for at least five minutes without starting to pick fights with your sisters and brother!"   
"I was not picking a fight!" Bridget yelled.   
"Excuse me, I'm trying to do math here!" Anthony yelled, fed-up with all the talking and bickering.   
"What on earth is going on?" Chandler asked, entering the kitchen.   
"I was **not **picking a fight!" Bridget yelled, starting to tear up.   
"Be quiet!" Anthony yelled back.   
"**Both **of you be quiet" Monica said sharply. "Bridget, go to your room."   
"Fine!" Bridget cried and stomped off.   
"What was all that about?" Chandler asked.   
"Bridget finished her math, got bored, and..." Monica trailed off.   
"And what?" Chandler asked.   
"And started annoying me, and talking so much that Tony couldn't concentrate, and... Well, we had a fight" Monica said and shrugged her shoulders.   
"You wanna go up and talk to her?" Chandler asked.   
"No. She'll be down to dinner."   
"What if she refuses to come down for dinner?" Chandler asked.   
"Then that's her choice" Monica said. "If she's hungry, she'll come down for dinner. If she refuses to come down then her punishment will be no dinner."   
"It's cruel to punish kids in that way" Chandler said.   
"She gets to choose, come down and eat or stay upstairs and sulk" Monica said defensively, starting to get mad at Chandler as well. "Weren't you supposed to help Francesca?"   
"I'm done helping Francesca" Chandler said.   
"Well then make yourself useful and cook dinner" Monica angrily said.   
Chandler sighed and started digging through the freezer to find something to make dinner out of. Emma and Anthony moaned.   
"Dad making dinner?" Emma complained.   
"Can't we order pizza instead?" Anthony suggested.   
"You get back to your math" Monica said. "And Emma, you haven't even **started** on correcting those marks in your essay! Now get started or you're both going to have to continue with it after dinner."   
"But mom, that's not fair!" Emma complained. "Just because Bridget--"   
"No objections!" Monica said. "The sooner you get started, the better the chances you won't have to sit with your homework after dinner."   
  
Chandler knocked on Bridget's door carefully. Without waiting for an answer he opened the door with his left hand, balancing a tray on his right. Bridget glared at him from her place on her bed.   
"What do you want?" she asked.   
"Coming with a little snack for you" Chandler said. "You skipped dinner."   
"I wasn't hungry" Bridget said.   
"Yeah right" Chandler said. He put the tray down on her bed. "Just take it down quietly so that Mom doesn't hear ya', okay? You know how she gets when it comes to eating things in other rooms than the kitchen."   
"Okay" Bridget said.   
"Good night, kiddo" Chandler said and walked to the door.   
"Dad!" Bridget said. "Thank you."   
"You're welcome" Chandler said.   
He walked back downstairs and headed for his and Monica's bedroom. He walked into the kitchen and stopped, seeing Monica in the doorway of their bedroom. She was giving him an angry look, leaned against the door post with her arms crossed.   
"What?" he asked.   
"Thank you so very much" she said in a spiteful tone and then went into their bedroom.   
"Mon?" Chandler said and followed her. "What?"   
"You might be the least discreet human being in a kitchen" Monica growled and pulled her robe tighter.   
"What are you talking about?" Chandler asked. "Did I leave a mess?"   
"You brought Bridget dinner, didn't you?"   
"Monica come on!" Chandler said. "You were gonna let her go starving through the night? For something so small? Your fight was barely even a fight!"   
"Obviously it **was **a fight!" Monica said. "And she had the choice to come down and eat dinner, I didn't hold her back in any way! She chose to go without dinner."   
"Because she's a pre-teen and she's stubborn!" Chandler said. "She gets it from you!"   
"Thanks" Monica angrily said.   
"Honestly, you can't be mad at me for giving her something to eat" Chandler said.   
"Yes I can!" Monica said. "She needs to learn not to be so damn stubborn! She needs to learn that if she's too sulky to come down and have dinner then she won't get any dinner! If she wants something to eat she has to get over herself and come down the stairs and ask for something to eat! She can't get away with this type of behaviour! I never said she couldn't come down for dinner! She chose that herself! And you reward such behaviour!"   
"I don't" Chandler angrily said. "Forgive me for not wanting my daughter to starve! I don't know about you, but I wouldn't be able to go to sleep knowing I have a child upstairs who is starving!"   
"One night won't do her any harm" Monica said. "And for the millionth time, she **chose **not to have dinner! Shouldn't she get to learn by now that if you make a bad choice you have to live with the consequences? One night without dinner won't kill her, I can bet you that she's got enough candy up in her room to keep her from being hungry!"   
"You want her to live on candy?"   
"No, don't get me side-tracked!" Monica angrily said. "I am trying to teach those children a few things about life! Like that when they're done with their homework they can't disturb their siblings who aren't done! And like if they decide not to have dinner they'll go hungry!"   
"Kind of a drastic thing to teach a eleven year-old!"   
"And what the hell would you have done?" Monica shouted, but then remembered to lower the tone of her voice. "Given her applauds? She was disturbing her siblings so I told her not to, she overreacted and stormed off to her bedroom and refused to come down for dinner! I'm not going to encourage such behaviour! She needs to grow up sooner or later, and now is a good time to start! A girl her age shouldn't act childishly like that!"   
"But she **is **a child!" Chandler said.   
"A child who's in puberty and is starting to grow up!" Monica said.   
Bridget quietly put her empty plate in the dishwasher, trying to be both fast and quiet. The kitchen was right next to her parents' bedroom, and she could hear them fighting. And she could hear what they were fighting about. She felt a lump in her throat that she wished she could ignore but couldn't.   
"I am so **fucking** tired of always having to play this role!" Monica said to Chandler inside the bedroom, barely keeping her voice down.   
"What role?"   
"The 'mean parent' role! Always being the one who has to nag, who has to end the fun, who has to teach them things about what they cannot do! And who has to get mad at them and tell them off, and sometimes give them some form of punishment! While you just waltz around, happy and content, getting to be fun one! They know they can bend the rules with you, because you won't get mad! They know they can do whatever the hell they want around you, they could hurt each other or break each other's toys, do anything at all! And you wouldn't get more than a bit angry, and you wouldn't tell them off! Not to mention you wouldn't give them any form of punishment!"   
"Wow, that is so unfair!" Chandler said. "I do tell them off if they hurt each other or if they break each other's toys! Only I don't consider it being such a terrible thing if they don't sit by the kitchen table until five p.m. if they're finished with their homework! For example! **You** are being way too strict!"   
"Oh I am, am I?" Monica angrily asked, crossing her arms.   
"Yes, you are!" Chandler said. "Like today, what the hell were you taking the fight out on Emma and Anthony for? So what if they didn't finish their homework, it's not due until the day after tomorrow! Ems and Tony hadn't done anything at all, yet you punished them as well as Bridget!"   
"They finished before dinner, didn't they?" Monica coldly said.   
"Yes, but under **threat!" **   
"Fine!" Monica yelled. "I'm sick of this whole damn thing! From now on, **you** run this house! I won't lift a finger unless I'm told to, you're now in charge of getting the kids ready for school, getting them **to **school, getting them home, making sure they do their homework, cooking dinner, and doing everything else that has to do with the children! And I'll take on your role! Just be the person who never has to take care of anything they find boring!"   
"If you think I never lift a finger to do anything that has to do with the children--" Chandler began, but Monica cut him off.   
"I'm going to bed now!" she said. "Make sure you're up in time to cook breakfast and get the children out of bed and dressed! Sweet dreams!"   
She gave him a spiteful look that didn't go well with her last two words, and angrily yanked her robe off. She got into bed, turned her lights off and pulled the covers over her head. Chandler gave her a look and turned the lights off, getting into bed himself, pulling his clothes off under the sheets and throwing them on the floor to annoy her. Monica didn't react at all and Chandler angrily yanked the covers so he could get some more of them. Monica yanked back but then decided not to get involved in a tug-o-war, and grabbed a blanket from the foot of the bed and used that as a quilt instead.   
Outside the bedroom, Bridget walked on her tiptoes over to the stairs and quietly walked up to her room. She had overheard the last part of the fight as well, and she felt scared and guilty. They were obviously arguing about the situation in the kitchen earlier in the day, and Bridget felt responsible for it. She had overheard that her mother was mad that her father had taken dinner up for her. She went inside her room and grabbed Dodger, the old stuffed dog that was her favourite, and got into her bed. She buried her face in the toy and cried herself to sleep.   
  
"Mamma, I don't want that dress" Francesca whined and stuck her tongue out at the green dress Monica had picked out for her. "I want the blue one!"   
"You're wearing green" Monica decided.   
"Why Mamma?"   
"Because Mamma says so" Monica said. "Come on now, we don't have much time for this! I promised Bridget that you guys would be out of the house for her birthday party, and we have to leave real soon!"   
"Is everyone leaving?" Francesca asked and reluctantly put on the green dress.   
"No, just you, me, Emma and Anthony" Monica said.   
"Not Pappa?"   
"No, he's staying here" Monica said. "To help Bridget out with her party." She thought to herself that that ought to suit him, since he apparently didn't approve of her handling something like that. He had made one comment about how she had to be careful not to turn the party into an event where every minute was scheduled, and it had set off another fight.   
"How many years are Bridget?" Francesca asked.   
"She's twelve" Monica said.   
"How many years are you?"   
"Forty-four" Monica said.   
"How many years are you when I am as many years as Bridget?"   
"I don't know" Monica said with a sigh. "A lot!"   
"How many?"   
"Fifty-two" Monica said.   
"Like grandma'?" Francesca asked.   
"That really hurt" Monica said, making a face. "Now come on munchkin! Let's get the show on the road!"   
"What show? The 'Gummy Bears' show?" Francesca asked as Monica lifted her up and complained about her back. "And what road? Route 66?"   
"I didn't know you knew such a thing existed" Monica said with a sigh.   
"Uncle Joey sings a song about it that Pappa tells him not to sing in front of us children" Francesca said. "Have I ever been on Route 66?"   
"No, but you have been on your way to auntie Rachel's before! So let's experience that again! Come on now!"   
She carried Francesca out to the hall and called for Emma and Anthony to hurry up. Anthony wanted to get away from the house as soon as possible, but Emma was complaining over not being allowed to be at the party.   
"Honey on the day Francesca wants to be on your birthday party, you will understand" Monica said.   
"Francesca has been on every birthday party I've ever had" Emma replied.   
"Yes, but there's a difference between a birthday party and a **party" ** Monica said. Then she sighed. "We can discuss this in the car! Hurry out!"   
She said bye to Bridget and gave her a kiss on the cheek, and then hurried out to the car. She couldn't wait to get to Rachel's and get to talk to her.   
  
"So what's the problem?" Rachel asked her an hour later, once they had finally gotten the kids to watch a movie so that Monica and Rachel could talk in private. They had sat down by the kitchen table and Rachel wanted to know what was bothering Monica.   
"All couples go through some standard fights and phases, right?" Monica hesitantly asked. "I mean... It's only natural, right?"   
"Well that depends I guess..." Rachel said. "I mean, what fights and phases are we talking about here?"   
"Chandler and I... we had quite a fight a few weeks ago. The kids were doing their homework, Bridget was disturbing the others, I got mad at her and she went to her room and wouldn't come down for dinner. So I decided that if she didn't want to come down to eat, she could skip dinner. Chandler went up with food for her later on anyway, and we had a huge fight..."   
"Over **that**?"   
"It wasn't just that... I get to do all the bad stuff, you know? I have to do all the stuff that make parents boring! And he made it sound like I'm suffocating them or something! And we had a huge fight about it and we've been kinda' mad at each other ever since... I get mad over everything he says more or less, and vice versa."   
"Actually that **does** sound like something all couples with children go through" Rachel said. "The fight over who takes on most of the responsibility."   
"Well how do we solve it?" Monica asked. "I'm sick and tired of fighting with him... And we've had almost a year without any bad fights! Sure, we've fought, but only about smaller things... You know, the minor things."   
"Yeah" Rachel agreed with a nod.   
"But this fight is based on serious stuff!" Monica said. "I'm really sick and tired of having to do all the boring things!"   
"Then try splitting the responsibility 50/50" Rachel suggested. "Like every other day **you** take that role, and every other day **he** takes that role."   
Monica shook her head.   
"Doesn't work. We've tried. Or, well, we haven't tried **that. ** But I told Chandler he could try take all the responsibility that I take. He didn't even bother for a day."   
"Give him some credit, Mon..." Rachel said. "You know he's not the kind who would do anything to get away from responsibility."   
"I've been wondering" Monica said. "I mean, say fifteen years ago... would you have thought of Chandler as someone who would take that responsibility?"   
"No" Rachel said. "But he's changed."   
"So much that I sometimes don't even recognise him" Monica said with a sigh.   
"You've changed too, you know" Rachel said. "Back when you were dating, if everything in every room wasn't in the perfect place you'd freak out."   
"Oh trust me, I want to freak out" Monica said. "But I have four children constantly working against me... Seriously, they're all four years old or older! How hard can it be to keep your room tidy?"   
"Mon, children don't keep their rooms tidy..." Rachel said. "You can expect Bridget to, and maybe Emma, but not the others."   
"I kept my room perfectly tidy from the age of four" Monica said.   
"Yeah, but these kids also have genes of Chandler in them" Rachel said.   
"Speaking of..." Monica said with a sigh. "Is it always going to be like this? Am I doomed to be the boring parent for all eternity?"   
"Well, you know Mon..." Rachel said. "Maybe that's just fair and square. I mean, you're the Mother... You've got that bond with them that Chandler can never have, since they've never been in him and he's never given birth to them. And he's never nursed them, and he wasn't the one to stay home with them when they were little. Plus, you've got three girls Monica! Girls usually have much stronger bonds with their moms."   
"I thought it was the other way around" Monica said. "That Dads favoured their daughters and Moms their sons."   
"Maybe, but who do you think they'll come to when they've gotten their first period?" Rachel asked. "Who do you think they'll ask about boys? Who do you think they'll miss the most when they move away from home?"   
"Daddy. The fun parent who doesn't nag" Monica said. "They'll miss him more."   
"I don't think so honey" Rachel said. "They're gonna be really Mommy-sick."   
"Oh yeah?" Monica said. "Let's take Emma as an example. When she falls and hurt herself she goes to Daddy. When she's had a bad dream she asks for Daddy. When she has a problem she calls for Daddy. When she's got a story to tell she turns to Daddy..."   
"And who do the other kids turn to?" Rachel asked.   
"Sometimes me, sometimes him" Monica said.   
"But mostly you?" Rachel asked.   
"I guess. But I'm home more than he is. And I am **always** the one they argue with..." She sighed. "I always wanted to be a fabulous Mom... Turns out I'm just the same as my own Mom."   
"No, you're not" Rachel said.   
"Yeah?" Monica said, not believing it. "I'm always bugging them about how they act, how they dress, how their rooms look..."   
"Every Mom does that" Rachel said.   
"Does every Mom also clock her children in the morning to make sure they're on time?" Monica asked.   
"Well, maybe not..." Rachel agreed. "Look Monica, you always seem to take what you have for granted. You have a man that you love, four beautiful kids... Believe me, the problems you have... they are good problems to have."   
"Yeah I'm sorry" Monica said, feeling bad for whining to Rachel about her problems when Rachel was still single and childless. "He is a great man, isn't he? And we do have great kids, don't we?"   
"Yeah you do" Rachel said, smiling at the proud-parent look on Monica's face. "And I hope this won't make you upset or anything, or seem out of place... But I sometimes think back on when Fran was a baby and I had asked Chandler to donate sperm to me... And I wish he had."   
"It's okay" Monica said. "I know that you feel... sad that you don't have any children."   
"I sort of thought it was all set, you know?" Rachel said. "With Boris, I mean! That him and I would stay together and have beautiful children... Just like you with Chandler. It was such a shock to suddenly be back on the market again. With the best-of-use-before date coming closer."   
"Honey" Monica said. "You are forty-four years old, you're not... expired goods."   
"I turn forty-five this year" Rachel pointed out. "God, I remember when **thirty** was a crisis! I'd give **anything** to be thirty again!"   
"Wouldn't we all?" Monica asked. "I cannot believe I made such a huge deal of turning thirty when I let my fortieth birthday go by without any fuss."   
"Well you had just had a baby when you turned forty" Rachel pointed out. "Me, I'm still without children at forty-five."   
"You're not forty-five yet" Monica said.   
"Mamma!" Francesca said, coming walking in. "Mamma I'm tired... Do I have to watch 'Cinderella'?"   
"No honey, you don't have to" Monica said. "You ready for bed, sweetie?"   
"No" Francesca said but yawned. "I wanna stay here with you and Rachel."   
She crawled up in Monica's lap and started to suck on her thumb. She did that every once in a while, although only when she was tired. Rachel watched her with a smile and for the billionth time wondered what her child with Chandler would have looked like. Francesca didn't look as much like her Dad as Emma did, but you could clearly tell she had his head shape and his nose. The eyes, mouth and hair were Monica's, and since Rachel knew both Monica and Chandler so well she could easily tell that the nose was Chandler's.   
"Have you heard anything from Phoebe lately?" Monica asked Rachel, to change the subject.   
"She called last week" Rachel said. "David is nominated for some science award or something..."   
"Yeah, she told me about that" Monica said.   
"Who would have ever thought she'd marry David, huh?" Rachel said, apparently fixated on the subject of marriage and reproducing.   
"Well she always did love him" Monica said and gave Francesca a kiss on the top of the head.   
"Yeah, but I kinda' wondered if **he** loved **her!" ** Rachel said. "He was supposed to stay in Minsk for a year, he was gone for six! Then came back for like a day and left again. And then showed up again years later for a week, and we all know how that ended" Rachel said.   
"You make it sound like it was a tragedy" Monica said with a slight giggle. "Come on Rach, Lisa is a wonderful kid..."   
"How come I don't have any wonderful kids?" Rachel moaned.   
"Am I a wonderful kid?" Francesca asked.   
"Yes you are" Monica told her and gave her another kiss on the head. "And you know what? It's time for wonderful kids to go to bed! Come along, my dear." She rose with Francesca in her arms and followed Rachel to the room where she and the children were going to sleep.   
  
Two nights later Monica decided that this time Chandler was going to do all the household chores, whether or not he wanted to. She informed him that the next day she wasn't going to lift a finger to help, and he just looked at her with eyes that clearly showed that he didn't believe her. Monica didn't return his look, but had a smug smile on her face. She got into bed and went to sleep, waking up the next morning by Anthony who was jumping on the bed.   
"Mommy, Mommy, wake up!" he said.   
"Tony don't jump on the bed" Chandler moaned from under the covers. "And get the dog to stop yapping!"   
"Mom, I'm hungry!" Anthony whined.   
"Chandler?" Monica mumbled from under the covers.   
"What?" he asked.   
"Aren't you gonna go get your son something to eat?"   
Anthony stopped jumping on the bed and stared at his Mother in shock.   
"Dad's making breakfast?" he said, sounding scared.   
"Yeah" Monica said.   
"I'm not **that** hungry."   
Chandler moaned and got out of bed. He grabbed a pair of pants, pulled them on and then grabbed a sweater from the closet. He walked out to the kitchen with the dog following closely behind, and glanced at the time. The children had to wake up now or they would be late for school and day-care. Emma got up easily enough, while Bridget told him to get lost and he had to more or less lift her out of bed. And Francesca protested loudly when he tried to get her up and dressed. He swore under his breath and let the dog out before he returned to the kitchen to look for Anthony. He found him in the bedroom, asleep next to Monica.   
"Anthony!" he said firmly and woke him up. "Hurry up, you have to go get dressed."   
He swore under his breath again when the children started to complain about him making breakfast, and Emma and Bridget started to argue about whose pencil was the purple one. He looked up and saw Monica in the doorway.   
"Excuse me" she said. "I'm taking a sleep in. You mind keeping the tone down?" She gave him a glare and went back to bed.   
  
That night Chandler was so exhausted he barely got himself into bed. The entire day he had had to do everything around the house. Take care of the dog, feed the children, get them dressed and undressed, make sure they did their homework, make sure they washed up before dinner, make dinner, clean up... He was completely exhausted and very angry with Monica. She was already in bed, and she rolled over to him and gave him a kiss. Chandler pushed her away, angry with her and confused because he'd thought she was just as angry with him.   
"What are you doing?" he asked her.   
"Kissing you" Monica said.   
"Why?"   
"Since you've taken on my role today I thought I'd take on yours."   
"Oh drop dead" Chandler moaned. "I'm exhausted."   
"Sounds like Mr. Housewife's got PMS" Monica replied and got an angry glare from Chandler. "You never seem to care that I am. Exhausted, I mean." Monica said. "You love to initiate sex no matter how tired I am."   
Chandler suddenly sat up in bed with new found strength and glared at her with angry eyes. Monica looked at him with a confused look on her face.   
"You know what? That's it!" Chandler said. "I am in no way as little help around here as you've been today! I help you get the kids ready for school--"   
"Once a year doesn't count!" Monica angrily said.   
"I put them to bed just as often as you do! I pick them up from places **more** often than you do! Several things I did today that you refused to do are things that I always do anyway! You have **never** had to take care of everything for a whole day!"   
"Oh yeah?" Monica angrily said. "Who do you think helped me out when you were in Los Angeles? The tooth fairy? This was my **everyday** for a **year!" **   
"I gave you a choice to come with me to California!" Chandler said. "And come on, it's not like I was thrilled to go there. Well, I **would **have been thrilled to go there but you pretty much ruined that. No, wait, scratch 'pretty much'. I was really excited about going there, until you burst my bubble, which you of course had to do. I went there because it was a **wonderful **job opportunity for me, and I would have lost my job if I'd stayed in New York. And still you **refused** to follow me!"   
"You **know** I couldn't come! I would have lots my job and been back at the housewife life I hate!" Monica said. "God, we are **not** getting into this again!"   
"I came home as often as I could!"   
"And when you **did **come home I barely even saw you!" Monica said. "You were always off doing something fun with the kids! Don't get me wrong, I don't blame you one bit and I'm glad you spent so much time with them! But you only did the fun things, I was still stuck with everything boring!"   
"Well excuse me so fucking much if I didn't want to waste the little time I had with them bugging them about school and forcing them to clean up in their rooms!"   
"Chandler do you realize that the time you spent doing fun things with them during those visits is more time than I have spent doing fun things with them for the past **year**?"   
"Well don't blame me for that!" Chandler said.   
"I **do** blame you for that!" Monica said. "Because thanks to you and your refusal to help, I don't have the **time** or **energy** to do fun things with them! You're taking away something from me!"   
"Damn it, Monica this is **your own** fault!" Chandler yelled.   
"You'll wake the kids!" Monica hissed.   
"This is how you made things and now you're going to have to live with it" Chandler said in a lower tone, but still an angry one. "When we moved in together you **wanted** to do stuff for me. You wanted to clean for me, you wanted to cook for me, and whenever I offered to you told me no! And when I cleaned the apartment or I made the bed or I did the dishes, I always ended up doing something in a way you didn't want! I put things where you didn't want them and so on! You never got mad at me for it, but I know that it wasn't how you wanted it! And I was so desperate to please you, I wanted to do everything I could for you, and what I learned was that I should let you do things the way you wanted them! And then we had Bridge, and it was like everything I did was wrong or messed up your plans and schedules when it came to cleaning and taking care of her! So I learned to step back and let you handle that whole thing, and only do what you asked me to! And it has been like that ever since! This is how you've chosen to run our household, and how you've let me know it should be run. You can't come now and tell me to forget about this whole thing and now I've got main responsibility!"   
"Did it ever occur to you that I shouldn't have to **ask** you to get your help?" Monica angrily hissed.   
"And did it ever occur to **you** that everything you did told me that I **shouldn't** step in unless you asked me to?" Chandler yelled.   
"Quiet, you'll wake the kids!"   
"Yes, and god forbid you'd let me have a word in."   
"That's not what this is about, you're waking them up!"   
"So they'll wake up, big deal! They'll roll over and go back to sleep! And that's what I'm going to do now too! If you want to have sex then go find your battery operated boyfriend, I'm sure he's still around somewhere! Goodnight!"   
He lay back down, grabbed his pillow and pulled it over his head, rolling over so that his back was against her. Monica stared at him and then angrily grabbed her book. He had made her feel like a little girl who was being told off, and she hated it. She was the one who should be yelling at him, not the other way around. She wasn't in the mood for reading, but she was angry and she knew he couldn't sleep with the lights on so she kept on reading. After a while Chandler sat up again, yanked the book away from her and slammed it shut.   
"Close the damn lights and go to sleep!" he roared. Then he lay back down with his pillow over his head, reaching over to turn the lights off.   
Monica jumped out of the bed.   
"I'm gonna go check on the kids" she mumbled and hurried to the door. "Chopin, move!" she angrily demanded to the dog who was lying by the door. "Stupid mutt, your days of sleeping in here are **over! **"   
  
Chandler was awaken by a pillow being thrown on him. He sat up in bed and gave Monica an angry look.   
"Rise and shine" she said. "Anthony is eight years old today!"   
"Good for him" Chandler said. "No need to hit me over the head with a pillow! It's hard as a brick!"   
"I know. I've had my head on it tonight" Monica angrily said. "Didn't anyone ever tell you what fabric softener was for?"   
"Shut up. If you ask me to do the laundry I do the laundry. Suit yourself if I don't do it as well as your highness wishes it to be."   
Monica hit him with the pillow again and then threw his robe at him and left the room. Chandler moaned and put his robe on. He felt the smell of her as he pulled it tighter. It was the robe she had given him for Christmas, and it still smelled a lot like her after the sex they'd had with him wearing it. Now it had been a few weeks since they'd had sex. He sighed, pushed the thought out of his head and got out of bed.   
Monica was humming to herself while preparing a breakfast tray for Anthony and Emma and Bridget were sitting by the kitchen table, chins resting in their palms, yawning. Francesca was asleep, leaned against Chopin who was lying by the bedroom door.   
"Okay, we put her to bed last night, right?" Chandler said and pointed to her.   
"I did" Monica said.   
"Good for you" Chandler muttered. "And let me guess... you walked the dog."   
"No" Monica said.   
"He's your dog, you walk him" Chandler said.   
"Dad" Emma said. "I'm all stiff... I think I slept funny or something..."   
"Come here" Chandler said and started to rub her neck and shoulders.   
"Thanks Dad" Emma said.   
"I thought you said you didn't need me to rub your shoulders for you" Monica pointed out dryly.   
"Mom?" Bridget said. "Don't go there."   
Monica angrily grabbed the tray and walked to the door.   
"Anyone else coming?" she asked.   
"Mom, lighten up..." Emma said. "It was just a shoulder rub!"   
"Chandler wake Francesca up" Monica commanded. "And girls, take the two bags of presents there by the door. Let's go."   
Chandler lifted Francesca up and she woke up protesting. He ignored her protests and carried her up the stairs to Anthony's room.   
  
"Okay, guests arriving in T minus 43 minutes" Monica said with an eye on her watch. "Bridget, get working on those balloons! Emma, finish those candy bags! Fran, would you **please** go get changed? Thank you!"   
The children hurried off and Monica hurriedly took the cake out from the fridge to finish it. Chandler eyed her from the kitchen table that was set for Anthony's birthday party.   
"May I speak?" he asked with his voice filled with sarcasm.   
"If you must."   
"Maybe we should stop this fight here and now" Chandler said. "We both know it's not gonna do any good to keep on like this. The kids are picking up on the tension... We're ruining Tony's birthday."   
"You know, I really would like to bury the hatchet, but it's not gonna do any good" Monica said while angrily spreading whipped cream over the cake.   
"Why not?" Chandler asked, annoyed with her.   
"I am **mad** at you, haven't you gotten that by now? Somehow it has become my responsibility to take care of everything here at home. And somehow it is also my responsibility to teach the children the rules of the house. The least you could do is work with me, not work **against** me."   
"All this over one meal I brought Bridge..." Chandler said in a moan.   
"It's about a hell of a lot more than just that!" Monica said. "It's about ten years of me trying to teach them about right and wrong and you breaking the rules I set up for them and ignoring the punishments I give them. I tell them not to run in the stairs, you run up and down the stairs so often I think you've forgotten that some people can walk in stairs. I try to teach them not to talk with their mouth full, you start all your conversations around the dinner table with food in your mouth! And if I they disobey me and I tell them they can't watch TV, or they can't hear a story before they go to bed, you go and read to them or watch TV with them anyway! I am trying to teach them respect while you are showing them how to disrespect their Mother!"   
"Does it always have to be so dramatic?" Chandler asked. "God, they're still little!"   
"Bridget's almost a teenager. Anthony is eight years today. And when are they supposed to learn respect? At age fifteen? You have to teach them that from start! That's something you learn at a very young age!"   
"So then answer me this, when are they old enough to get rewarded?"   
"For refusing to come down for dinner? Never."   
"No, not for that" Chandler said. "But for the fact that she finished her homework with time to spare!"   
"I won't reward them for something like that, it will just give them the impression that they can hurry with their homework and not do it properly."   
"I give up" Chandler moaned.   
"Yeah, well you're not the one they disrespect."   
"You say that they disrespect you, but just look back at what went on here two minutes ago" Chandler said. "They all went out and did exactly what you told them to do!"   
"But when I tell one of them that they can't watch TV they go right ahead and do it anyway" Monica said. "If I tell one of them that he or she can't go out and play before dinner they're out playing anyway! I give up. You win. You raise the children."   
She put the last cream on top of the cake and grabbed a can of mandarin segments. Then she grabbed a can opener and angrily went to work.   
"Monica this isn't about that" Chandler said. "We are raising our children together, and I do not let them do whatever they want and disregard rules. But sending them to bed without dinner--"   
"Damn it I was sent to bed without dinner when I was a kid!" Monica said. "And you know that. And that hasn't bothered you."   
"I just can't let them go to sleep hungry in good conscience, Monica!"   
"For the millionth time, she--"   
"Do we need to discuss this any further?" Chandler interrupted her. "Can't we make up? It's our son's birthday, we don't want to ruin it for him! We only have one son!"   
"And I suppose that's my fault too?" Monica muttered.   
"No" Chandler said. "I don't hold you responsible for that and you **know** it." He walked up to her.   
"Mom?" Anthony said, entering the kitchen.   
"Yes honey?" Monica said and started placing the segments around the cake.   
"Can you two at least not fight when everyone comes over?" Anthony asked.   
"Of course we won't fight honey" Monica said.   
"You know we won't" Chandler added.   
"Well you're fighting now."   
Monica and Chandler shared a look.   
"We're not fighting" Monica said. "We're discussing."   
"No you're not" Anthony said. "You discuss things a lot. This is fighting."   
"Tony..." Monica said with a sigh.   
"Whatever you did Dad," Anthony said to Chandler, "just apologise for it and get it over with."   
"Oh good, even the boy thinks it's always me who does things!" Chandler moaned.   
"Well you never get very upset when Mom does things" Anthony said with a shrug to the shoulder.   
"Hey!" Monica said, offended. "What, you're saying Dad's more forgiving than I am?"   
"Of course he is" Chandler said with a smug smile. Then he rolled his eyes. "Anthony, you're eight. A little too young to be giving marital advice. Are you done cleaning up in your room yet?"   
"Yeah" Anthony said. "And do me a favour... Make up before people come over."   
He grabbed one of the segments and then left. Monica and Chandler shared a look and then Monica sighed deeply.   
"Boy do I feel bad..." she said. "Chandler do you think they know when we fight?"   
"Well you tend to... yell... and throw things..." Chandler said.   
"I do not!" Monica said.   
"Yes you do" Chandler said. "And besides, children **always** know it when their parents fight. Especially when you and I fight, since we're acting oddly around each other if we haven't made up from a fight."   
"Oh great" Monica moaned. "Well that just gave me enough bad conscience material to last until my 60th birthday!"   
"Mon, you don't need to feel bad about it..."   
"Oh but for punishing my children with sending them to bed without dinner when they refuse to come down and eat dinner, **that's** something I should feel bad about?"   
"I don't want to discuss this anymore!" Chandler said. "I am not going to apologise for that incident and you know that Monica. So are we going to let it hang over our heads or are we going to play Lady and the Tramp with one of those mandarin segments?"   
"We are going to stop the fighting so that Tony's birthday won't be ruined" Monica said. "And I suggest you take the dog for a walk, instead of playing a dog."   
"I like playing Lady and the Tramp" Chandler said and glanced down at the dog. "And speaking of dogs... I swear, wherever he is in this house, Chopin hears when you talk about taking him for a walk."   
"So take him out" Monica said. "And get out of my way."   
Chandler placed a kiss on her cheek.   
"I'll have you beaten by tonight..." he said. "Before we go to sleep, we will be just fine again."   
"Maybe you need a hobby" Monica replied.   
  
That night Chandler had a big grin on his face as Monica got into bed next to him.   
"Shut up" Monica said.   
"What? I didn't say anything."   
"No, but you were thinking."   
"Ah, I love it when you lose..." Chandler said and leaned back.   
"I didn't lose!" Monica protested.   
"Right..." Chandler said with a grin.   
"I didn't! Do you call this being fine?"   
"Yeah I do" Chandler said. "Because I know you're only keeping your anger up so that you won't lose. What did we bet on again?"   
"We didn't bet on anything" Monica said.   
"Ah..." Chandler said. "Oh come on Monica, you lost, admit it! You're not angry with me anymore."   
"I could very easily be angry with you right now" Monica replied.   
"No" Chandler said. "Because you never sleep in my shirts when you're mad at me."   
Monica glanced down at the old shirt she was wearing to bed. She hadn't even reflected on the fact that she had put one of Chandler's old shirts on to wear to bed.   
"You're just making it up" she said. "I do sleep in your shirts when I'm mad at you."   
"No you don't" Chandler said and got under the covers. "Just like you don't wear thongs to bed when you're mad at me either."   
Monica gave up and threw a pillow at him.   
  
"So tell me why we're having a birthday cake for our anniversary?" Chandler asked Monica on their next anniversary.   
"Because, today our marriage is officially a teenager" Monica said.   
"Yeah. It makes you sound old, Monica."   
Monica made a face at him and told him to be quiet and eat cake. They didn't say much as they ate the cake, and they were silent while they did the dishes.   
"It does get quiet when the kids are all out of the house" Chandler said once the dishes were done. "No yelling, no arguing, no running around..."   
"Just think Chandler, in another thirteen years they'll probably all be gone" Monica said, sounding sad.   
"Thirteen years is a long time" Chandler objected.   
"No it's not."   
"Doesn't feel like we got married yesterday" Chandler protested. "Feels more like we've been married forever."   
"Should I see that as good or bad?" Monica asked. "You know, just think... Bridget will be a teen next year. Another five years and she'll be going off to college. Then Emma will follow shortly after, and before we know it it's just gonna be you, me and Fran!"   
"Before we know it? We're talking like nine years here. Closer to ten" Chandler said.   
"Do you **want** them to move out?" Monica asked.   
"Of course I don't" Chandler said. "I'm just saying that it won't go as fast as you're claiming it will."   
"Yeah but soon they won't be our babies anymore" Monica complained. "It scares the hell out of me that two of them have turned double figures! And next year we'll have a **teenager **in the house!"   
"We've always had a teenager around" Chandler said. "Joey, remember?"   
"Ha, ha" Monica sulked.   
"Come on Monica…" Chandler said. "Kids grow up. That's the way it is."   
"They grow up way too fast" Monica said. "I want another baby!"   
"Oh no you don't" Chandler said. "I am all done changing diapers and wiping up baby-vomit!"   
"Well I'm not" Monica sulked. "I want another kid!"   
"No Monica" Chandler said. "Besides, I've had a vasectomy."   
"Those can be reversed" Monica said.   
"Well I'm not gonna do that. Just let it go Mon. Enjoy the kids while they still live at home, your biological clock needs to be thrown away. Can we talk about something else now? How about we go upstairs to the living room and give each other the presents?"   
"Okay" Monica said, lightening up at that suggestion.   
They went upstairs and exchanged presents. Chandler told Monica to open hers first, and she shook her head when she saw the lingerie he had gotten her.   
"Well thirteen years is lace anniversary" Chandler said. I put the charm on your nightstand this morning. You can find it there later.   
"Well I want it now" Monica said. "You're supposed to attach it to the bracelet. Come on, I'll follow you downstairs."   
They walked down and Chandler attached the charm to her bracelet. Monica dragged him to the dining room and gave him his present there.   
"A CD" Chandler said. He read the title. "Mixed CD. Cute name."   
"In honour of a certain mixed tape you gave me once" Monica said. "This CD however is completely free of ex-boyfriends' voices."   
"Phew" Chandler jokingly said. He turned it around to see which songs were on it. "Wow this is actually the first time I've ever seen a list of lovesongs listed by a woman, that doesn't include break-up songs."   
"Well when did we ever break up?" Monica asked.   
Chandler thought for a second about Madge, but then decided not to think about it. Monica gave him a funny look.   
"Chandler?"   
"Huh?" he said, brought back to the present. "Yeah, we never broke up."   
"Are you okay?" Monica asked.   
Chandler silently cursed the fact that she could tell how he was doing that easily, but he wasn't going to let just a thought about a woman he'd had feelings for ruin his and Monica's anniversary.   
"Yeah Monica, I'm fine" he said. "Just got to thinking about something... Nothing that matters. I think you owe me a dance to this record."   
Monica smiled and agreed. He put on the record and they danced to Celine Dion's 'Love Doesn't Ask Why' and Chandler tried to think only about Monica. But the song made him think about Madge. He wondered what she was doing now. And he wondered if Monica somehow was aware that he was thinking about another woman on their anniversary.   
  
"Awww, come here" Monica said and pulled Bridget into a hug. "My little baby, a teenager!"   
"Mom, not so hard!" Bridget said, bug hugged Monica back.   
"Blow out the candles and make a wish!" Francesca demanded.   
"And please, for the sake of our budget, don't wish for a horse" Chandler joked.   
Bridget blew out the candles on her birthday cake and then grinned at Chandler. She then started opening her presents. Once she was done, Monica lifted up a piece of paper from her purse.   
"Your father and I have two more things for you" she said.   
"Two?" Chandler said. "One."   
"Two" Monica stated.   
Chandler looked confused but shrugged his shoulders.   
"Okay, now..." Monica said. "Dad and I want to make a little deal with you."   
"Yeah?" Bridget said, sounding excited.   
"No horses involved" Chandler said. "So don't get your hopes up, sweetie."   
"We want to make a deal with you, that you won't drink, try drugs or smoke" Monica said and held out the piece of paper.   
"Forever?" Anthony asked.   
"Tony" Chandler said, frowning.   
"We want you to sign this..." Monica said to Bridget. "And if you haven't tried drugs, gotten drunk or smoked when you turn eighteen, we'll either buy you a car or a trip to Europe. If our economy allows it. Either way we'll back you up financially so you can buy a car or go to Europe."   
"Cool!" Bridget said.   
"See, we're hoping it will help show you how much money you'll have saved in the upcoming five years by not smoking, doing drugs or drinking alcohol" Chandler said.   
"Ah, being a teetotaller does pay off" Bridget smirked. "Hand me a pen."   
Monica handed her one and smiled as she signed the paper. She had more faith in Bridget staying away from alcohol, drugs and nicotine for five years than she had in her other children. Bridget had always been against that kind of thing.   
"So what's the second thing?" Bridget asked.   
"Kitchen duty" Monica explained.   
"All Mom" Chandler said and pointed at Monica.   
"What do you mean with kitchen duty?" Bridget warily asked.   
"From now on, you're responsible for putting dinner on the table every Monday" Monica said. "And you're responsible for cleaning up after."   
"What?" Bridget said.   
"I don't want you guys to end up like dad..." Monica said, glancing at Chandler. "When he moved out, he had no idea how to cook. He still doesn't know how to cook."   
"I can cook!" Chandler protested.   
"No you can't" Monica said.   
"I can cook. Kind of. I just don't like cooking for myself."   
"So from now on," Monica continued, ignoring Chandler's comment, "Monday is your dinner day. Once Emma turns thirteen, she'll get Tuesday, Anthony will then get Wednesday and Fran will get Thursday."   
"Oh no" Francesca complained. "That means we'll only get real food three days a week when I'm old as Bridget!"   
Monica laughed.   
"Oh come on honey..." she said. "Plus, Friday will from now on be Dad's dinner day."   
"What?" the others exclaimed.   
"Please Mom, don't ruin my birthday" Bridget complained.   
"Mon, you know that's a bad idea" Chandler said.   
"You're 47 years old, about time you learned how to cook a decent meal" Monica said.   
"So send him to cooking class!" Anthony complained.   
"Yeah, send me to cooking class!" Chandler agreed.   
"No" Monica said. "Starting next week, dinner will be made by Bridget on Mondays and by Dad on Fridays. And by me on the other days."   
She ignored the upset looks on the others' faces and started to clean up the wrapping paper lying around everywhere. Chandler and Bridget shared a look and sighed simultaneously. Then Chandler got an idea.   
"Monica do you know what the kitchen will look like after we've tried, and I emphasise the word **tried**, to make dinner?" Chandler asked.   
"That's why you're cleaning up afterward as well" Monica said.   
"Oh man..." Chandler complained. "You marry a chef and you think your cooking days are over..."   
"You have a chef for a mother and you think you won't have to eat yucky food made by your siblings" Emma said.   
"Thanks" Bridget said and stuck out her tongue at her sister.   
  
"After all this time you still drive me crazy" Chandler mumbled in Monica's ear during sex.   
Monica didn't respond, except for by moaning louder. Chandler eagerly kissed her neck and started going harder. But suddenly Monica's screams weren't the only ones he was hearing. He froze and turned his head toward the door, just like Monica, to see Francesca screaming angrily by the door.   
"Fran!" he exclaimed.   
"What are you **doing?" ** Francesca angrily screamed. "Get off my Mamma, you're hurting her!"   
"This is not happening" Chandler moaned. "Damn, not again."   
"Get off her!" Francesca screamed.   
"Sweetie, it's okay" Monica assured her.   
"No it's not!" Francesca angrily said.   
"Honey go to your room and I'll be right there" Monica continued. "Go on."   
Francesca gave Chandler an angry look and them stormed off to her room. Chandler moaned again and rolled off Monica.   
"Oh man..."   
"Well, that's two down, two to go" Monica said. "We have got to start locking our door, Chandler."   
"I've suggested that like a trillion times" Chandler said. "But you always refuse since you want the kids to be able to reach us. Like they won't be able to anyway, if they can all scream like Fran just did. Man, I hope she didn't wake the others up!"   
"I've gotta go talk to her" Monica said and pulled her robe on. "She seemed quite upset."   
"You think?" Chandler sarcastically said.   
"Will you wait for me?" Monica asked and leaned in to kiss him.   
"Should I?" Chandler asked. "You really think you'll handle this in less than an hour?"   
"I hope so" Monica said and left the bedroom. She found Francesca standing in the doorway to her room with her arms crossed. "You get into bed" Monica said.   
"What were you doing?" Francesca demanded to know.   
"Bed, **now. **"   
"Not until you tell me what you were doing."   
Monica lifted Francesca up and carried her into her room and over to the bed. Francesca protested angrily.   
"Why was he hurting you?"   
"Daddy was not hurting me, sweetheart."   
"Yes he was" Francesca insisted. "You screamed."   
"It did not hurt" Monica repeated.   
"You wouldn't scream if it didn't hurt."   
"Yes I would."   
"No you wouldn't."   
"Yes I would" Monica firmly said. "And I am not going to argue with you, Francesca. Get into bed. What were you doing out of bed anyway?"   
"Bathroom" Francesca said. "And I heard you."   
"Well you weren't supposed to" Monica said, failing to hide her embarrassment over the knowledge that she'd been so loud her daughter had heard her.   
"Now you're all blushy" Francesca said. "I want to know what you were screaming for, or I won't sleep."   
"Too bad" Monica said.   
"Mamma!" Francesca angrily protested. "He was hurting you! Tell me what was happening!"   
"You're too young to know" Monica said. "Now be quiet and go to bed. Daddy's waiting for me."   
"But you were screaming."   
"It won't happen again" Monica said and finally managed to tuck her in.   
"Mamma I am not a kid, you can tell me" Francesca said in a confiding voice.   
"Sweetheart, you are definitely a kid" Monica said. "And what Daddy and I do in our bedroom, behind closed doors, is none of your business. And that goes for your siblings as well. Now goodnight honey."   
"Tell Pappa I'm mad at him" Francesca angrily said as Monica left her room.   
  
Bridget, Emma, Anthony and Francesca looked at each other, then at the door where Monica had ran out, and then back at each other again.   
"Wow" Bridget then said.   
"How weird was that?" Emma added.   
"Well it's not **that** weird" Anthony said. "I mean... her husband just died and all..."   
"Yeah well that was still one weird way to react!" Emma said. "I mean, what is she mad at Dad for?"   
"I don't think we'll be finding out anytime soon" Francesca said. "I mean, we all know Mamma..."   
"Well this still seems kinda' strange" Bridget said.   
"Who said it didn't seem strange?" Francesca asked.   
"I've never known her to be that mad at him" Bridget said. "I mean... Yeah, she could get really angry sometimes. Really, **really** angry. But it never lasted, and she was never one to hold a grudge. He must have done **something **to make her stay mad at him even after he died."   
"Maybe she's mad at him for dying" Anthony suggested.   
"Please bro, spare us of anymore talk like that" Emma moaned.   
"Fine, sorry" Anthony said and made a sulking face.   
"So..." Bridget said after a minute of silence. "What do you think this is?"   
"Maybe she wasn't in his will" Francesca said and rolled her eyes.   
"Fran" Emma said, annoyed with the comment.   
"Well think about it..." Francesca said. "She wasn't mad when he was sick! She wasn't mad at the funeral!"   
"Uh, yeah she was actually" Anthony said. "Now that I think about it... That's when she first started acting like this."   
"So this has to do with the funeral then?" Bridget said.   
"Who knows?" Emma said. "Maybe she just... got some bad news or something..."   
"Worse than him dying?" Anthony asked with an annoyed glare at his sister.   
"No" Emma said. "But something's gotta be wrong."   
"You think?" Francesca said and rolled her eyes.   
"Well like we just said, she's never that mad... well, not for this long at least" Emma said. "She's never had any serious outbursts of anger as far as we know."   
"I beg to differ" Bridget said. "And by the way, we don't know for how long exactly she's been this angry."   
"Didn't we just state that it started at the funeral?" Francesca said.   
"Maybe someone said something that upset her" Emma suggested.   
"That would make her mad at **dad? **" Anthony pointed out. "Not likely."   
Francesca giggled slightly.   
"You know, she really can lose her temper sometimes. Only she's never mad for too long. But I remember very well how mad she was at me that time when I was sixteen and I--"   
"Let's not go there again" Emma said and then laughed. "You were quite insane Fran."   
"No kidding" Francesca said and rolled her eyes. "Must you all constantly remind me?"   
"Yeah, well remember how pissed she was that time right after I got my drivers license when I borrowed the car and drove to Arkansas?"   
"Borrowed?" Emma said. "Mom and Dad came home from work and found the car and you both gone! And you didn't call them for like 48 hours to let them know what was up!"   
"Of course!" Anthony said. "That's the best way. That way they're more worried than mad when you call, and they won't yell at you."   
"Bastard" Francesca said.   
"She was also pretty mad at me that time I broke that mug with Dad's name on it" Emma said. "She just kept ranting and ranting and ranting... Like I didn't feel bad enough already, and like I didn't understand the first time she told me what a terrible thing I had done."   
"Well you did break one of her wedding gifts" Francesca pointed out. "And you know how Mom gets with weddings and stuff like that..."   
"Yeah she was mad those times" Bridget agreed. She smiled slightly. "Although, my most vivid memory of Mom being angry is that summer when I was thirteen..."   
  
"Damn, I cannot **believe** I let you and the kids talk me into this..." Monica moaned to Chandler, and pulled another sweater over her head.   
"I thought you and I both agreed a camping trip would bring the family closer together" Chandler replied. "And it's not like we're in a tent!"   
"No, we're in a trailer with a broken heater" Monica said.   
"Oh come on" Chandler said, trying not to show that he was freezing too. "The kids are having a great time, if you just gave it a chance you'd have a great time too."   
"It's official" Bridget said, entering the trailer with Emma, soaking wet. "There is nothing, nada and even less than that to do here!"   
"Oh don't start" Chandler complained. "Whatever happened to you complaining that all your friends go away with their families?"   
"All my friends go to **fun** places with their families" Bridget said. "They don't go to Inbreedville."   
"Don't try to tell me you don't talk like Dad sometimes" Monica told her. "Now come here you two, you're soaking wet! Where are Tony and Fran?"   
"Playing in the mud" Emma said.   
"**What? **" Monica said and ran out to get them back inside.   
"Okay, both of you, get out of those wet clothes" Chandler said. "And I'll try once again to get the heat working on this thing."   
"Who did we borrow this lousy thing from anyway?" Bridget asked.   
"Uncle Ross" Chandler said.   
"Dad, my head hurts" Emma complained.   
"I'll get you a pain pill, just change into some dry clothes first okay?" Chandler said.   
"Try getting some **heat **first" Bridget said and followed Emma to the back of the trailer to change.   
"Okay, get in here" Monica commanded, entering with two muddy children. "No, wait, don't get in here. Damn it Chandler, fix the heating in this thing! I need to wash these two off out here, they're gonna catch a cold if it's this cold in here!"   
"Yes, evil stepmother" Chandler said and went back to trying to get the heat to work.   
"Now, muddy clothes off!" Monica commanded Anthony and Francesca. "What on earth were you two thinking, playing in the mud?"   
"Come on Mamma, you were young once" Francesca said.   
"Those words did not just come from my five year-old daughter" Monica said.   
"When she was young, she never played in mud" Chandler said. "And yes! **finally **got the heater to work!"   
"Chandler do we have a hose?" Monica asked.   
"No" Chandler said after sarcastically patting his pockets.   
"Then get me a bucket. These two are getting an outdoors bath!"   
"Daddy I don't feel to good" Emma whined, having just finished changing clothes.   
"Yeah, in a minute honey, now where are those damn buckets?"   
"Hurry up Chandler" Monica complained.   
"Hey!" Chandler said. "Quit stressing me!"   
Monica rolled her eyes and said a silent thank you that the dog was left with Phoebe and David. She would have gone crazy if she'd have to look after him too. Chandler returned with a bucket and Monica ordered Anthony and Francesca to line up for a quick outdoors bath. Bridget came back from the back room and sat down on the couch.   
"This sucks" she complained.   
"At least you're not the one getting an outdoors bucket bath" Anthony whined.   
"I hate this" Bridget continued.   
"None of that" Chandler said and gave Emma a pain pill.   
"Well this place really is a hole!" Bridget said. "Just a bunch of moose, trees and mud puddles. Moose scare me, trees smell icky and we're obviously forbidden to play in the puddles."   
"Here" Monica said to Chandler and handed him Anthony who was now 'cleaned'.   
"If you hate nature so much then how come you want a horse?" Chandler asked Bridget and grabbed a towel to dry Anthony.   
"How come parents always ask the worst questions in the world?" Bridget said.   
"How come Bridgets always avoid answering them?" Chandler asked back.   
"Next" Monica said and handed him Francesca as well.   
"I don't like this place" Bridget said again.   
"That's **enough" ** Chandler said. "One more whiny word and we'll send you out to find and kill tonight's dinner."   
"Eww, gross" Bridget said.   
  
"Don't you just **love **family vacations?" Monica moaned that night once she and Chandler had gotten into bed.   
"Oh come on honey, it's really not that bad" Chandler said.   
"Not that bad?" Monica said. "Bridget hates everything she sees. Emma's come down with a cold and has a fever! Anthony says he's scared of the dark all of a sudden, and Francesca's sulking because we didn't bring Chopin with us."   
"At least you don't have to listen to your spouse whining like hell too!" Chandler said.   
"Sorry..." Monica said. "It's just that camping near the woods freaks me out! Probably was a bad idea for me to watch 'the Blair Witch Project' with Phoebs and Rach right before we left."   
"Well there's a no brainer. How come you even agreed to this idea in the first place, if you hate it so much?"   
"Well, remember that TV-show 'Family Ties'?"   
"Yeah."   
"Remember the credits?" Monica asked. "There was this montage type thing and among other things there was a picture of the Keatons camping. Looked so cosy."   
"Not to mention it looked so shot-in-a-studio" Chandler added.   
"Well I guess I just thought it would be a nice family thing to do... To go out camping."   
"And now you see it differently" Chandler concluded. "You afraid or something?"   
"You mean of the woods and stuff?" Monica said. She shook her head. "No."   
"Liar" Chandler scoffed. "I saw you hesitating to go over to the next trailer to ask them if they had some milk!"   
"I didn't want to intrude" Monica claimed.   
"As if. I know you, Geller."   
"Don't call me that" Monica said. "And even if I **was** a bit **nervous** before I'm fine now."   
"Uh-hu" Chandler said, not buying it.   
"I am!" Monica insisted.   
"I wouldn't be if I were you" Chandler said. "You're closer to the door than me. If someone broke in here, you'd be target one."   
"Shut up!" Monica said.   
"I'm kidding, I'm kidding" Chandler said.   
"No, now you've freaked me out! We're switching sides!" Monica said.   
"Monica please, it was just a joke."   
"No, we're switching! Come on!"   
"But I don't want to be on that side" Chandler whined. "It confuses me."   
"Fine then" Monica said. She rose, got off the bed and moved her pillow over by Chandler's feet. "There" she said, then grabbed his pillow and yanked it from him.   
"Ow, careful!" he complained.   
"Sorry" she said and dropped the pillow where her feet had been. "There. Now you're still on the right side of me, only you're the one by the door!"   
Chandler moaned but obediently moved over and turned around. Monica climbed over him and got into bed as well.   
"I cannot believe that a 45 year-old gets scared from a low budget movie that was considered lame even by 90ies standard" he said.   
"And **I** cannot believe you'd scare your poor wife like that" Monica said. She was quiet for a minute, her fingers playing with the tiny ivory elephant that hung from her bracelet since their ivory anniversary earlier that year. "Hey Chandler?"   
"Yeah?"   
"Tell me something... Fifteen years ago, when we were planning our wedding, did you ever think you'd be spending a week during summer in a **trailer**?"   
"Well, I didn't really think much about it" Chandler said and rolled his eyes at the question. "See, I had more urgent matters to deal with. Such as 'how much will the flowers she wants for the wedding cost'?"   
"Really? You never envisioned our future?"   
"Yeah I did" Chandler said. "But that future was called May 17th, 2001."   
"I spent every night daydreaming about the future" Monica said. "What our kids would be like, our house, our friends..."   
"And did the children, the house and the friends live up to your expectations?" Chandler asked.   
"I guess" Monica said. "But it's hard to live up to the ideal things I envisioned. Looking back, I was pretty stupid for imagining kids who got along fine and never quarrelled."   
"Yeah, that is stupid" Chandler agreed.   
"So that stuff you told me about us having a boy, twin girls and another boy was just something you made up?" Monica asked.   
"I told you about that?" Chandler said. "I don't remember telling you about that..."   
"Hey maybe we should cut this week short" Monica said. "With Emma's cold and everything."   
"She won't be any less sick in New York" Chandler pointed out.   
"I don't know about you, but I don't think a wet, cold camping site is the best place to be when you want to avoid being sick."   
"Fine, you plan next vacation" Chandler said and sighed.   
Monica rolled up on her side and stroke his cheek with her index finger.   
"Am I annoying you?" she asked.   
"Nah..." he replied. "I'm used to it. Hardened, one might even say."   
Monica smiled slightly. They were quiet for a few minutes.   
"You think we're disturbing the kids with our talk?" Monica then asked.   
"With the incredibly thick, soundproof door between us and them?" Chandler sarcastically asked. "Nah..." He chuckled. "You know, that's one of the things I love about parenthood. You get to set the rules."   
Monica laughed.   
"I thought you were gonna say something **completely** different!"   
"Well think about it" Chandler said with a grin. "Finally you get to be the one who sets the rules instead of the one who follows them. Like if the kids were talking we could tell them to shut up, but we can talk as much as we want to you and I!"   
"With no consideration whatsoever to our poor children who want to sleep" Monica said. "Maybe we shouldn't put our apply for 'Parents of the Year' in the mail just yet."   
Chandler laughed.   
"Truth or dare?"   
"Truth."   
"Are you still scared?" Chandler asked.   
"No" Monica said. "I feel much better now."   
"Good" Chandler said.   
He leaned in and kissed her. She kissed him back and they kept kissing until Monica moved on top of him.   
"Truth or dare?" she asked.   
"Dare."   
"Okay..." she said and leaned in to whisper in his ear. "Can you have sex without making a single noise?"   
"Kinky" Chandler replied.   
  
"Damn it Chandler, can't you just find **home**?" Monica moaned and closed her eyes in frustration.   
"Well maybe I would have if I'd have a map reader who could tell a tree from the town Blumville!" Chandler angrily replied.   
"Map reader? You know, maybe I would have been able to tell the tree from the town if you hadn't yanked the map away from me right away!"   
"I'm cold" Emma complained from the back seat. "Dad, can you turn the heat up?"   
"In the car, not the argument" Bridget muttered.   
"Chandler it's late, it's dark, we're in the goddamned **woods**!" Monica said. "Would you stop playing around and get us out of here?"   
"Oh you mean the joke's not funny anymore?" Chandler sarcastically said and gave her a look.   
"Don't say swearwords in front of small children" Bridget said. "Fran learns enough of them from kindergarten."   
"I don't even go to kindergarten" Francesca protested.   
"Well you **will **learn enough of them from there" Bridget said.   
"Monica if you would just stop nagging and let me concentrate on my driving..." Chandler said.   
"What driving?" Monica asked. "What's our top speed been since we left the camping site, 10 miles per hour?"   
"We have a trailer with us, don't we?"   
"Still no reason to go in snail speed!"   
"Urgh" Chandler said. "Just be quiet and let me handle this, okay?"   
"Yeah, because I can always trust you to handle things" Monica said angrily and turned the heat up before Emma could complain again.   
"I know where we are, okay?" Chandler said.   
"Chandler when a man says 'We're not lost, I know exactly where we are', he actually means 'No one will ever see us alive again. We're gonna die out here'."   
"I don't want to die out here!" Francesca exclaimed from the back seat.   
"Way to go, Mon..." Chandler said.   
"We're not going to die, sweetie" Monica assured Fran. "We may have to live here for a while, but..."   
"You know, that is it Mon, one more word out of you and--" Chandler stopped himself suddenly.   
"And what?" Monica asked.   
"And you'll be the one to go for gas."   
"What?"   
"We're out of gas" Chandler hissed to her, so that the children wouldn't hear.   
"Tell me you're kidding!"   
"Oh I'm not."   
"Damn it!" Monica said. "How could this have happened? I **told** you to security check the car before we left!"   
"What the hell does security checking have to do with gas?" Chandler asked.   
"You start the car to see how much gas you have left in the tank!" Monica said. "Chandler do you realize what this means? We're **stuck** out here! I can virtually hear that Blair witch knocking on the car window!"   
"What witch?" Anthony asked in a scared voice.   
"A nice witch who comes with gas for the car" Chandler said.   
"What the hell do we do now?" Monica asked. "We can't call anyone and ask them for help, because we don't even know where on earth we are! We barely know what **state **we're in!"   
"Okay, okay, time out..." Chandler said and turned the car off, leaving only the radio on. "Kids? Mom and I are gonna have a little chat... outside... You wait in here, okay?"   
"Okay, but can we go home then?" Francesca asked. "Anthony's scared."   
"Am not!" Anthony objected.   
Chandler got out of the car after turning the lights on inside, and Monica reluctantly got out as well. Chandler walked over to her side of the car as she started rubbing her arms.   
"Did we really have to go out here? It's scary?" she complained.   
"Do you want to have this discussion in front of the kids?" Chandler asked, and then jumped at a noise. "What was that?"   
"It was you who leaned against the car" Monica informed him. "Chandler what are we gonna do now? I don't feel like spending the night out here, even in the trailer!"   
"I was thinking maybe we could wait for someone to come by" Chandler said.   
"Who?" Monica asked. "Nobody comes by a road like this for no reason in the middle of the night!"   
"Maybe other people are having trouble finding their way back" Chandler said.   
"We'd better not call that plan A" Monica said. "More like plan W. Now what are we going to do?"   
"I don't know... Wouldn't it be perfect if a gas station turned out to be lying around the next corner?"   
"Because that is likely to happen" Monica said. "Look, I'm afraid we're gonna have to walk to the nearest... place where we can find help."   
"Walk somewhere? In this darkness? Monica that's insane. For one, we don't know what might be lurking out there."   
"I know, but we won't be that much safer sitting inside a cold car."   
"Well what about the kids then?" Chandler said. "Fran's too little to walk who knows how far, Emma's got that cold..."   
"One of us could stay with them and one of us could go."   
"No, I refuse to go by myself and I won't let you go by yourself either..."   
"Argh, I cannot **believe** you!" Monica growled. "How the hell did you manage to miss the fact that we had **no gas**?"   
"Gee, maybe because we **had** gas when we left!"   
"And it never occurred to you that maybe we'd run out of it sooner or later?"   
"Look, maybe we should just... call someone on my cellular and see if they have the slightest idea where we are!"   
"Probably not, because whoever answers is probably a man" Monica said and gave him a look.   
"Thanks" Chandler muttered and opened the car door.   
"What's going on?" Bridget asked.   
"I need to find my cellphone" Chandler said.   
"Yeah, your cellphone's out of batteries" Bridget said and handed it to him.   
"What?" Chandler said. "Not true!"   
"Yes it is."   
"How can the batteries be dead?"   
"Because you let us use it to play games" Bridget pointed out.   
"Shit..."   
"What?" Monica asked.   
"Mon, do you have a cellphone?"   
"You know I don't."   
"Uh-oh..." Chandler said.   
"What's going on?" Monica asked.   
"The batteries in mine are kinda' dead."   
"Kinda' dead?" Monica repeated. She moaned loudly. "God, you really are an imbecile Chandler."   
"Why is getting everyone out of here suddenly **my **responsibility?" Chandler asked.   
"Because you got us into this mess in the first place!"   
"Well if you really think I'm that bad at finding the right way home then you shouldn't have slept when we left the camping! You should have helped me find the way!"   
"As if you would have listened!"   
"Cut it out, stop fighting" Emma complained. "Be constructive and get us out of here, my head hurts!"   
Chandler got back outside the car and closed the door.   
"So now what do we do?"   
"Wait for the tooth fairy to come by and rescue us?" Monica suggested.   
"Very, very funny" Chandler said. "What time is it even? It's really dark."   
"It's ten" Monica said with a glance at her watch. "We left two hours ago. No wonder we have nada gas!"   
"Well that stupid camping site should have a gas station since it's in the middle of nowhere and people need gas to get out of here!" Chandler said.   
"You know what Chandler, this is all **your **fault!" Monica angrily said.   
"No it's not!" Chandler objected.   
"Oh yes it is!" Monica said. "All you had to do was follow the map and make sure we had enough gas!"   
"Why is everything related to this car **my** responsibility?" Chandler asked.   
"When you drive, you take responsibility" Monica angrily said.   
"Yeah, I take responsibility for keeping the car on the road!" Chandler said. "Not for finding my way out of the damn Sherwood forest!"   
"So whose responsibility is that then?" Monica asked.   
"Can we please be a little bit more constructive here?" Chandler asked. "Arguing about it is useless."   
"Yeah, well it sure makes me feel better" Monica said.   
Chandler didn't reply. He crossed his arms grumpily and leaned against the car. Monica crossed her arms as well and looked in another direction. They were quiet for a while and then Chandler jumped slightly.   
"Mon did you hear that?"   
"No" Monica said. "Now get in the car, we're gonna freeze our butts off out here."   
"Seriously Mon, did you hear that?"   
"Seriously, no I did not. Now get in the car."   
She reached for the door handle when Chandler jumped again. She moaned and tried to listen to what he was jumping at. It sounded like a crunching noise.   
"Monica do you hear it now?" Chandler asked, sounding really scared.   
"Sounds like someone walking on the gravel" Monica said.   
"You don't think it's the Blair witch, do you?"   
Monica was just about to reply when she got blinded by a light. She reached her hand up to cover the source of the light.   
"Oh, sorry" someone said and pulled the flashlight that was blinding them down. Chandler and Monica could see an old couple. "What are you two doing lurking about out here this late at night?"   
"We're lost, out of gas and out of batteries for the cellphone" Monica said. "And boy are we glad to see you."   
"You're not a psychotic pair of killers, right?" Chandler nervously asked.   
"No" the old man said.   
"Do you need any help?" the old woman asked.   
"Well yeah..." Monica said.   
"Well follow us, we live just a couple of yards that way" the woman said and pointed.   
"Monica..." Chandler said hushed to Monica. "I don't think we should go with them. Who knows what kind of freaks they are?"   
"If you want to stay here and wait for the tooth fairy then be my guest" Monica answered. She opened the door the car's back seat. "Come on kids, get your jackets, we're going for a little walk with the nice couple here."   
  
"Here you go dear, here's a better map than the one you've got" the old woman said and handed Monica a map.   
"Thanks, Mrs. Douglas" Monica said, not bothering to give Chandler as much as a glare. "Now where on this map are we, exactly?"   
"What difference does it make?" Chandler asked. "We can't get out of here anyway without gas."   
"Come with me" the old man said and waved Chandler with him. Chandler hesitated but followed him to the garage. "If you need gas for your car I can sell you some."   
"Sell me some?" Chandler repeated.   
"Yes, I have some right in here" the old man said and lifted up a can.   
"You just happen to have a can of gasoline lying around" Chandler said, very skeptically.   
"Yes" the man said. "This is not the first time we've found a family lost out here with no gas in their fuel tanks. Here's some advice, let the woman do the map reading."   
Chandler rolled his eyes.   
"How do I know that there's gasoline in that thing?" he asked. "You might just be out to trick me."   
"You can smell it if you want" the man offered.   
"No thanks" Chandler said and wrinkled his nose. "Fine, I'll buy it from you... How the hell am I supposed to get this into the car?"   
"The usual way" the man said.   
"The usual way would involve a hose of some kind" Chandler said. "How much do you want for that thing?"   
The old man told him his price and Chandler sighed. He hoped it really was gas, and that it was enough to get them to the nearest gas station. He didn't trust the couple, but he wanted to get away from there as soon as possible. Monica came in followed by the children and the old woman.   
"So what do you say, buy this 'gas' or stay here forever?" Chandler said.   
Monica ignored him and turned to the old man, asking him how much he wanted for the gas. She paid him and borrowed a hose and a flashlight and left Chandler and the kids with the old couple. She came back ten minutes later.   
"Great, thank you so much Mr. and Mrs. Douglas" she said. "Kids, let's get out of here."   
She lifted Francesca up and walked outside. Chandler lifted Emma up, reluctantly thanked the old couple and then followed Monica and the children back to the car.   
  
Emma sighed and rolled over on her side. She was really tired but couldn't go back to sleep. Her head and throat were aching and she had a fever. And she could hear her Mom yelling at her Dad over the events earlier that night.   
"Bridge?" she whispered.   
"What?" Bridget asked. "Emma it's far past one o'clock at night! Just because I agreed to sleep here with you tonight it doesn't mean I'm up for sisterly chit chat!"   
"I can't sleep!"   
"Neither can I when you're talking."   
"Can you hear Mom and Dad?" Emma asked.   
"Now that you mention it" Bridget said and sharpened her ears for a second. "Wow... Mom's really pissed."   
"Isn't she? You think she's gonna be mad at him long?"   
"No" Bridget said. "She's just gonna be **really **mad for a day or two, then it will pass. I sure wouldn't want to be in his shoes right now though."   
"Can you hear what she's saying?"   
"If I can hear anything and I tell you what I hear, will you let me go back to sleep?" Bridget asked.   
"Maybe."   
Bridget listened hard for a minute.   
"She's telling him he put us all at risk or something, and that he's always this irresponsible and that she's scared to think what could have happened."   
"Now **I'm **scared!" Emma said. "What's Daddy saying to all that?"   
"Can you hear Dad say anything?" Bridget asked.   
"No."   
"All right then" Bridget said and rolled over on her side.   
Emma swallowed carefully, hoping it would hurt less that way, and tried to listen to what her mother was saying. But her head hurt worse when she tried to concentrate.   
"Dad!" she called out.   
"Now what?" Bridget moaned. "Don't bother them!"   
"I have to" Emma said. "Dad!" she called out again.   
After a minute Chandler showed up.   
"What is it honey?" he asked. "Don't wake your sister. It's really, really late."   
"Can I get a pain pill?" Emma asked.   
"Sure" Chandler said. He left and returned with a glass of water and a pain pill. "There you go... Now try to sleep, okay?"   
"Okay" Emma said. "Thanks Dad."   
"Okay" Chandler said. He left the room and closed the door carefully. He walked back to Monica in the kitchen. "Okay, what else is there you wanted to yell to me?" he asked.   
"I'm all done now" Monica angrily said. "God, you're such an **idiot!" **   
"Goodnight" Chandler said and went to the bathroom with Monica in tow.   
"What if we hadn't been found by the Douglas'?" Monica asked. "We would have been stuck out there still!"   
"You think?" Chandler said.   
"From now on, you don't get to drive this family **anywhere**!"   
"Would you let it go?" Chandler said. "You're not the only one who got scared tonight."   
"Unlike you I didn't get scared of the Blair witch!" Monica said.   
"Oh yes you did."   
"Well that's just because--"   
"Damn it, it's really, really, really, **really** late!" Chandler said. "Can we **please** do this tomorrow? I can't listen to any more of this! And you said you were done yelling!"   
"I'm gonna go sleep in Bridget's room" Monica said. "Otherwise I'll probably end up giving you a very hard kick once we get into bed!"   
"Ugh, I hate it when you do that" Chandler moaned.   
Monica turned and stomped off to Bridget's room. Chandler got into bed and fell asleep almost instantly. He woke with a start when someone got on the bed.   
"I'm still incredibly mad at you" Monica said, getting into bed. "But I'd rather sleep in here with you."   
Chandler nodded and went back to sleep. He didn't get to sleep for long until Monica woke him up again.   
"What is it this time?" Chandler angrily moaned.   
"Argh, I just can't go to sleep!" Monica said.   
"Bad for you. Now goodnight."   
"Chandler!" Monica angrily said. "Damn it, it's your fault I can't go to sleep!"   
"Like hell it is!" Chandler angrily said. "No Monica, it's **your** fault that **I **can't go to sleep."   
"I can't stop thinking about the risk that you put us in tonight, or what might have happened if--"   
"Let it go" Chandler said through gritted teeth.   
"No, and you know why?"   
"No and I don't care" Chandler said. "There's no point. We're back home, we're safe. And I'm **way** too tired to let you fight."   
"Let **me** fight?" Monica echoed angrily.   
"Let me brief you on how our fights look" Chandler mumbled. "**You** yell, **I **listen."   
"That is so not true" Monica said.   
"Yes it is. The few times you let me have a word in you don't listen to what I have to say."   
"Liar" Monica said. "You are just afraid to admit that you screwed up royally tonight! You put us all in danger and--"   
"And now we're back home again. Monica shut up and let me go to sleep!"   
"I am not done yet!"   
"Yes you are. You have been yelling at me since we put the kids to bed" Chandler said and glared at her. "I've heard everything until I'm sick of it! Change the record, or for once in your life accept the fact that everything that happens that is bad is not **my** fault. **You** could have checked if we had gas. **You** could have read the map. **You** could have noticed that Emma was showing signs of a cold before we left. **You **could have been helpful instead of ranking down at me in front of our children."   
"I don't understand how you could sit there and drive and completely miss the fact that we were low on gas!" Monica said.   
"Enough!" Chandler said, raising his voice as much as he dared to. "You are not **listening** to me! You **never** listen to me when we fight! It's like arguing with a damn brick wall, and I won't have anymore of it! I can't argue with someone who ignores every point I make. You go ahead and you bitch about tonight, but I'm not going to listen. Until you start listening to **me** I am through listening to you and your rants and your complains. After fifteen years I've had about as much as a man can take."   
"I do listen to you" Monica said. "But do you listen to me?"   
"Oh yes I do" Chandler said. "That's **all** I do when we fight. And this particular fight is over. You can't yell at me like this just because you got scared. I got scared tonight too, and you've done **nothing** to support me. Nothing at all."   
"That's... not true..." Monica said, hesitating slightly.   
"You call lashing out on me in front of my kids support?" Chandler asked. "You call keeping me awake all night just so you can make me feel bad support? Now for the last time Monica, **goodnight**."   
He rolled over on his side and pulled the pillow over his head. Monica, who was sitting up in bed, didn't lie back down. She looked at his back turned to her and thought about what he had said. She knew she was too tired to think it through completely, and she hoped he hadn't meant everything he'd said. She knew she hadn't meant everything she'd said to him either, but she had been very upset and scared, and the only way she knew how to get it out of her system was by taking it out on him. She suddenly realised that and took a closer look at Chandler.   
"Hey..." she said, leaning in and giving him a light shake.   
"I want a divorce" Chandler complained, sounding near tears.   
"Chandler..." Monica said and shook him again. "Look, I just wanted to say... Sorry."   
"You're not forgiven" Chandler said.   
"But I'm still sorry" Monica said and lay down close to him. She put her arm around his waist and her head by his neck. "I just want to be the perfect wife, and when I fail I get really frustrated."   
"Don't talk" Chandler said. "Don't try to make me feel bad or apologise to you. Just go to sleep."   
"Will you forgive me?" Monica asked.   
"Right now I'll do just about anything if only you would shut up."   
Monica sighed and closed her eyes. She had been afraid that she would have nightmares earlier, but right now she felt really safe. Sleeping close to Chandler made her feel a lot better. She wanted to tell him that, but decided to wait until the morning.   
  
"Do we have everything that we need?" Monica asked a year later, as they were getting ready for a fishing trip.   
"Yes" Chandler answered. "For the millionth time, yes."   
"I can't believe you're letting me tag along to your guys fishing trip, this is so exciting!" Monica said.   
Chandler and Anthony shared a look and they both sighed. Since Anthony's tenth birthday earlier that year Chandler and Joey had started taking Anthony out fishing during the weekends. But this weekend Joey was busy, and Chandler had in a weak moment asked Monica to come with them.   
"Girls!" Monica called out. "Come on down, would you?"   
Emma, Bridget and Francesca reluctantly came down the stairs in a neat row, followed by Chopin.   
"Are you leaving?" Francesca asked.   
"Yes" Monica said. "Now say bye bye to mama!"   
"And dada" Chandler filled in.   
"Yeah" Monica reluctantly agreed. She gave the girls a hug each. "You be good while we're gone! And remember, Rachel will be over real soon and when she gets here she's boss! No more tricking her into letting you guys have parties, okay?"   
"Fine" Emma said.   
"Okay, we're off!" Monica said and picked up her small bag. "See you guys in a few days! Aww, I'm gonna miss you!"   
"This is going to be worse than when you and Dad went to Spain for your anniversary, isn't it?" Bridget asked with a sigh.   
"Oh come on, I don't think anything tops that" Chandler said, having the goodbye scene from their trip to Spain earlier that year in fresh memory.   
"Okay, I'm just gonna go out the door!" Monica said and walked out.   
"You guys be good" Chandler said.   
"Aren't we always?" Francesca asked.   
"No" Chandler said. "Come on Anthony. Bye girls."   
"Bye" the girls said.   
Chandler, Monica and Anthony left to go out fishing, and Bridget and Francesca went to their rooms. Emma waited until five minutes had gone by, then she walked over to the phone and dialled.   
"Hey" she said. "It's Emma. They've left, you can come over now!"   
  
"Do you always catch this little fish?" Monica asked when she picked Anthony and Chandler up on Saturday afternoon. She had decided not to come out on the lake with them, since she had discovered there were lots of other things to do in the area than just fish.   
"Bad luck" Chandler said.   
"Dad never catches fish" Anthony said.   
"I do so!" Chandler said.   
"That stickleback doesn't count" Anthony said.   
"It was **seven** sticklebacks" Chandler said. "You just have the better rod, that's all..."   
"It should be good, you spent three hours in the store trying it out when we decided to get him one for his birthday" Monica pointed out. "Now since we don't have any fish to cook to dinner, I suggest we stop by Seven/Eleven. I saw one on my way over here, it's quite close to the cabin actually. So what do you say, Seven/Eleven or Dad's seven sticklebacks?"   
"He threw them back in" Anthony said.   
"So it's Seven/Eleven then?"   
"Yeah" Anthony said. "Can we get hamburgers?"   
"That's not fishing trip food" Chandler complained.   
"So?" Monica and Anthony said in one voice.   
"Fine, I know when I'm outnumbered" Chandler muttered.   
  
Monica sighed and glanced at her watch for the fifth time. She was freezing and she was bored. Chandler had said it would only be a short while longer, but she had waited for them for half an hour by now. It was Sunday and she wanted to go home.   
"Could you hurry up?" she whined. "You said we were just going to go here for a few minutes in the morning so you could fix something! Well it's been a few minutes, let's get going!"   
"Yeah, just a second honey" Chandler said.   
"You said 'just a second honey' fifteen minutes ago!"   
"I know."   
Monica rolled her eyes. She doubted they would be on their way within an hour.   
"Damn..." Chandler muttered.   
"What?" Monica asked, not understanding what was up.   
"Here, hold this for a second" Chandler said and handed her his rod.   
Monica sighed and obediently held it. After a minute she felt a twitch in the rod.   
"Chandler?" she said. "I think I caught a fish."   
"It's just a stickleback, honey" Chandler said.   
"Whoa!" Monica exclaimed when the rod was yanked forward. "One strong stickleback, that's for sure!"   
"I think you caught something else!" Anthony said. "Cool Mom, reel it in!"   
"How?" Monica asked.   
Chandler reluctantly instructed her and watched her pull up a large perch.   
"Cool!" Anthony exclaimed. "Wow, look at that!"   
"Hey!" Monica said contentedly. "Look Chandler! I guess I'm pretty good at this, huh honey?"   
"Beginner's luck" Chandler said.   
"Oh come on" Monica said with a huge grin. She playfully punched him lightly on the arm. "Your wife's pretty good at this!"   
"I can't believe you just caught a perch!" Anthony said in awe.   
"Oh anyone can do that" Chandler said. "There just... has to be a perch in the water! Give me the rod!"   
He grabbed the rod from Monica just as she'd unhooked the large fish and put some more bate on. He threw it back in the water and patiently waited for another fish to bite. Monica and Anthony shared a look.   
"I'm gonna go put my fish in the car!" Monica said contentedly. "You coming with me Anthony or you staying here?"   
"Coming with" Anthony decided.   
  
"Chandler won't you just give up?" Monica asked five hours later. "You're not going to catch one!"   
"I'm not giving up quite yet!" Chandler said.   
"Tony and I want to leave!"   
"Look, I'm just gonna get another one to bite and that one I'll reel in!"   
Monica sighed and walked closer to him. She sat down next to him and waited. She knew a fish would bite soon, it had happened each time she'd gotten close to him.   
"Yes!" Chandler exclaimed. "I got one!"   
Monica shook her head. She knew that if she helped him he would manage to reel it in, but if she didn't he would end up losing it.   
"Damn it!" Chandler said.   
"Lost it?" Monica asked, even though she already knew the answer. "Chandler please, let's just go home! We've already missed going to that minigolf place that Anthony wanted to go to. We won't have time to stop and play now. Just hand me the rod, get on your feet and let's go!"   
"Fine" Chandler muttered and handed her the rod. He rose and she did the same.   
"Oh wait!" Monica said. "I got one!"   
"No fair!" Chandler complained.   
"I am on fire!" Monica happily exclaimed as she pulled another large fish out of the water. She looked up at Chandler and saw the look on his face. "Yeah, I'll let this one go back into the water and we can go."   
Chandler walked back to the car where Anthony was waiting for them, without bothering to wait for Monica. Monica looked at the fish and decided to bring it anyway, and followed Chandler.   
  
"Kids, Rachel, we're home!" Monica called out when they arrived back at the house two hours later.   
"Already?" she heard Emma reply from upstairs.   
"Just an hour early" Monica said. "And hello to you too! Where is everyone, you have to come see what Mommy caught!"   
"Or not" Chandler said, putting the cooler with the fish in it down. "Man, this thing sure is heavy!"   
Monica hung off her jacket and glanced up the stairs.   
"Emma? Aren't you gonna come downstairs to say hello?"   
"Hello" Emma answered.   
Monica and Chandler shared a look. Chandler took his outdoor clothes off and followed Monica up the stairs.   
"Emma Phoebe Bing, what on earth is going on?" Monica asked as they walked up the stairs. "Why won't you come downstairs to say hello to us?"   
She stopped when she reached the top of the stairs and saw Emma on the couch. Chandler walked into her since she stopped so suddenly.   
"Ow" he complained.   
"Well my, my..." Monica said, taken by surprise.   
"Hey..." Emma said nervously.   
"Hey" Monica and Chandler replied, both taken by surprise.   
"Mom, Dad..." Emma said. "This is Simon."   
"Hey" the boy with Emma on the couch said nervously.   
"Awww!" Anthony exclaimed, showing up next to Monica on the stairs. "You go away for a weekend and you miss everything!"   
"Awkward moment, awkward moment" Chandler muttered to Monica.   
"So may I ask..." Monica said, crossing her arms. "Why is there a Simon here instead of Rachel?"   
"Oh, Rachel's out with Francesca at the playground" Emma said. "They took the dog with them."   
"So has Simon been here long?"   
"A... couple of hours..." Emma said.   
"Maybe I should go" Simon said awkwardly and got off the couch.   
"I'll walk you out!" Emma offered.   
"Nice to meet you, Mr and Mrs Bing" Simon said as he passed by Monica and Chandler on his way down the stairs.   
Chandler and Monica shared a look once they were alone upstairs.   
"What did we miss, really?" Monica asked.   
"Who is he?" Chandler asked.   
"I think Emma's got a boyfriend" Monica said with a grin.   
"Nuh-uh!" Chandler said.   
"How cute!" Monica said. "Aww, our first kid to date!"   
"Stop it!" Chandler said, clearly upset. "That was not her... her... her bo... her boyfr... I can't even say it!"   
"Her boyfriend" Monica said with a grin. "Oh come on honey. They were way too embarrassed for it to be anything else!"   
"Hey, Emma does **not** have a boyfriend" Chandler insisted. "Because first of all, she's not even a teenager yet!"   
"She's twelve" Monica said with a shrug to the shoulder. "Simon's probably in her class... You just don't want to admit it."   
"If she had a boyfriend I'd know about it" Chandler said.   
"You do know about it" Monica pointed out, still grinning. She was in a great mood and she was really enjoying teasing him.   
"I don't like Simon" Chandler decided. "He's bad for Emma!"   
"You know nothing at all about him" Monica said.   
"I know that he's a suspect of dating my daughter!" Chandler said. "That makes him a bad kid."   
Monica smiled wider and gave him a kiss on the cheek. She heard the door to Emma's room close and walked downstairs followed by Chandler. She went over to Emma's room and knocked on the door.   
"What is it?" Emma asked, sounding nervous.   
"So who's Simon?" Monica asked, opening the door.   
"He's just... someone..." Emma answered.   
"Someone you bring home to the couch?" Chandler asked with crossed arms.   
"He's a... friend."   
"A **boyfriend? **" Monica asked with perched eyebrows.   
"Mom!" Emma said and blushed.   
"Are we being a pain in the ass?" Monica asked and grinned wider.   
"Mom, please" Emma said and looked away.   
"Okay. Just remember to **tell us** when you decide to bring boyfriends over, okay?" Monica said.   
"Is he really your **boyfriend**?" Chandler asked, sounding upset.   
"Well I guess so..." Emma said.   
"You're just a kid!" Chandler objected.   
"Honey" Monica said. "As long as he doesn't want to stay the night or comes over here with condoms, I think it's okay."   
"Mom!" Emma exclaimed.   
"Mon!" Chandler exclaimed at the same time.   
"Come along now Daddy" Monica said and pulled Chandler with her, closing Emma's door. "We've got some fish to put in the freezer."   
"I don't like this. I don't like this one little bit" Chandler muttered and started helping Monica with unpacking the fish.   
"Chandler..." Monica said. "She's not gonna be your baby forever, you know. And besides, when you're that age, having a boyfriend isn't too serious. So they kiss each other, big deal? It will probably be a few years before they use their tongues--"   
"Stop talking, stop talking right now!" Chandler said.   
"Sorry" Monica said with a chuckle.   
"How can this possibly **amuse** you?" Chandler asked.   
"I don't know" Monica said with a grin. "Now, can you unpack while I make dinner?"   
"Can't we wait?" Chandler asked. "Rachel won't be home with Fran and Chopin for probably another half-hour, and I haven't seen Bridget since we got back."   
"Where is she?" Monica wondered with a frown.   
"I'll bet she's at the stable" Chandler said.   
"She'd better come home soon" Monica said. "Or else she's in trouble."   
"I think she's learned her lesson" Chandler said. "Since you grounded her that time she lost track of time and came home 90 minutes late."   
"Well I had been worried sick!" Monica said. "Who can blame me?"   
"Yeah, well I still think grounding her was a bit rough."   
"You always think everything I do with Bridget is rough" Monica said, no longer in a good mood. "Now go unpack the bags."   
"Yes, master" Chandler said with rolling eyes.   
"Fine, I'll do it myself!" Monica said.   
She grabbed the bags and went to their room. Chandler sat down by the kitchen table and sighed. He was shocked by finding out Emma had a boyfriend. In his eyes, she was still at least ten years too young to have any boyfriends. And he was very surprised to have found out this way. He would have thought she'd tell him if there was a boy she was interested of, but Chandler had never heard a word about anyone named Simon before. Monica came back after fifteen minutes and smiled when she saw him.   
"It really bothers you that much?" she asked.   
"She was in diapers like yesterday, how can she have a boyfriend?" Chandler asked.   
"Kids grow up fast" Monica said.   
"And how come I didn't see this coming?" Chandler asked. "You would think she'd tell me if she liked some guy!"   
"It's not exactly something you rush home to tell your father" Monica pointed out.   
"I thought she would tell me something like that. Bridget wouldn't, and I don't think Fran would when she gets old enough... But I thought Emma would."   
"She can't be your baby girl forever" Monica pointed out again. "It probably won't last long with Simon. And even if it does, it will probably just be a friend type thing. They're friends who share a kiss now and then..."   
"They're boyfriend and girlfriend" Chandler muttered. "This sucks!"   
"You do know that whether or not she has a boyfriend at the age of twelve, she will get boyfriends when she's older. Boyfriends like you were my boyfriend."   
"I truly hate that thought" Chandler said. "I'm losing her!"   
"No you're not" Monica said.   
"You know what this reminds me of?" Chandler asked. "You know what this **so** reminds me of?"   
"I don't know, an episode of 'Baywatch'?"   
"It reminds me of that guy who made such an obvious pass at you a couple of years ago, what was his name?"   
"Richard" Monica calmly stated. "And Chandler, this is nothing like that."   
"I wasn't thinking about Richard" Chandler said. "But it does remind me of that too. No, I meant that guy who called you at home wanting to take you out and stuff."   
"That was Joey" Monica reminded him. "Who wanted company for a Knicks game."   
"**No**" Chandler said. "That... Lon... guy..."   
"Oh" Monica said. "Him. How does this remind you of him?"   
"That was a stupid idiot trying to take my wife from me" Chandler said. "And now there's a stupid twit trying to take my **daughter **from me!"   
"Please tell me you know the difference between a guy hitting on your wife and a boy seeing your daughter" Monica said.   
"Yes of course, I'm not **that** weird! But it's really similar feelings! Plus, this time I can't do anything about it! Except... Hey, is murder illegal in all states?"   
"Yes" Monica said. "And you can't kill every guy who touches one of your daughters. Besides, let them make their own mistakes."   
"The only mistake they're making is not entering a convict!"   
"You wouldn't be sad if she never got to have a meaningful relationship?" Monica asked.   
"No, celibate daughter, happy father!"   
"They can't all become nuns" Monica said. "How would we then get grandchildren?"   
"Tony" Chandler said. "He's the solution to all of our grandchild problems."   
"Chandler..." Monica said.   
"You know, I think we should let Ben spend some more time with Emma!" Chandler said. "And with Francesca as well. And some with Bridget. Maybe he can get them all superreligious and then make them want to join a convict!"   
"Hey, quit cheating me of my grandkids!" Monica said.   
Chandler didn't say anything else. He kept unusually quiet until the family was gathered for dinner. Monica had cooked one of the fishes she had caught earlier that day. Chandler tasted it and made a face.   
"Monica" he said.   
"Yeah?"   
"This tastes... kinda' gross."   
Monica gave him an annoyed look.   
"Just because you're jealous that I'm a better fisher than you are, and just because you're having an unusually bad day, it doesn't mean you have to rank at my food!"   
"Daddy's right" Emma said with a frown. "Mom this doesn't taste too good."   
"Actually it tastes like something you shouldn't feed to pigs!" Bridget said and frowned deeply.   
"Hey!" Monica said.   
"Mom, maybe you caught a poisoned fish" Anthony suggested. "That would be cool!"   
"This does not taste like poisoned fish!" Monica said and took a bite. She realized they were right, it didn't taste good at all. But she was not going to admit it. "What are you talking about, this tastes just fine" she said.   
"Monica?" Chandler said. "It doesn't."   
"Yes it does."   
"No it **really **doesn't."   
"Mamma, it tastes like cat food" Francesca said.   
"Fish **is** cat food" Monica said.   
"**Tunafish** is cat food" Chandler said. "Perch is not."   
"Some cats eat perch!" Monica said. "And this does not taste bad. Give me a break, it's perfectly fine! You don't think I know how to prepare fish?"   
"Maybe it's the actual fish that tastes bad" Bridget suggested.   
"Either way, it tastes worse than when I try to make meatballs" Chandler said.   
"Yeah, I actually miss your meatballs right about now" Emma said.   
"Cut it out" Monica said firmly. "This is the only dinner that's offered tonight. Either eat it or leave it. And there will be no eating fruit or sandwiches later, so don't try to sneak out on dinner."   
Monica angrily watched as the others tried to eat the fish. Chandler gave up first.   
"Look honey, I can't eat this" he said. "I'm sorry, but it just tastes really bad."   
"Me neither" Francesca said.   
Chandler avoided Monica's glare and left the table together with Francesca, after cleaning up from his dinner. The three remaining kids soon left the table as well. Once she was alone, Monica gave up on trying to eat the fish. She glanced over at the dog dish and put her fish in Chopin's bowl.   
"There you go, Chopin" she said. "Enjoy dinner."   
Chopin raced over to the bowl, took a taste and then sniffed and left the kitchen. Monica angrily cleared off the table.   
  
"Seriously, where did she go?" Bridget asked and looked in the direction Monica had left the kitchen. "Shouldn't she be back by now?"   
"I'll go talk to her" Francesca said and began to rise.   
"No" Anthony said, stopping her. "I'll go."   
Francesca reluctantly sat and watched her brother go to find Monica. She turned to her sisters.   
"So... Has anyone figured out what could be wrong?"   
"Not a clue" Emma said with a sigh. "Damn it! I wish Dad was here... He always knew what to do with Mom..."   
"I think Dad not being here is the source of this particular problem" Bridget said.   
"Damn it, why does she have to be so weird?" Emma asked, starting to cry. "First Dad dies, then Mom starts acting like a stranger. Feels like we lost both of them."   
"Well we didn't" Francesca said. "And we all know how something like this can affect a person... She'll probably be acting like this for a while. You know Mamma, whenever she's weak or vulnerable, or scared, she does everything she can to hide it. And when she knows she can't hide it, she gets even more frustrated."   
"I hope Tony can find out what's really going on" Bridget said, and put an arm around Emma.   
"I think we should just leave her alone" Francesca said. "Let her be sad in peace."   
"I don't think that's a good idea" Bridget said. "Remember that time she hardly spoke for ages?"   
"**You** can't claim to remember that" Francesca said.   
They were quiet for a while, waiting to see if Anthony would return and if Monica would be with him. Emma ceased to cry after a while and she rose to get a pain pill for the headache she'd gotten from crying.   
"Oh what a life..." she mumbled to herself.   
"What a family" Bridget added with a sigh. "Six freaks and a pair of dead twins."   
"Bridge!" Francesca said.   
"Don't call Dad a freak" Emma said and came back to sit.   
"But the rest of us are okay to call freaks?" Bridget asked.   
"Can we please not talk for a while?" Emma asked. "All of this chatter is making my headache worse."   
"Fine" Bridget mumbled.   
"Yeah okay" Francesca agreed as well.   
"Good..." Emma said. "Thanks."   
"No problem" Francesca said in a whisper.   
Her eyes had fallen on a picture on the windowpane, of her parents before they were married. She could hardly tell that those two people were her parents. They looked different from the people Fran knew. Her Dad's hair had no grey in it and her Mom's face had no wrinkles in it. She wondered why her Mom still kept that picture around. She didn't know anybody who liked having pictures of themselves when they were young. She wondered if maybe her Mom still kept the picture around because she wanted to remember what it was like to be young, in love and childless. Francesca knew she sometimes wished she could go back to that state, even if she loved her two kids.   
'I sure wonder what on earth happened to make Mamma so mad at him all of a sudden...' she thought. 'That look she has on her eyes in that picture is a look she still had when she looked at him just a few weeks ago. If she could still feel the same for him after half a century, it must have been something huge that made her mad at him after he died.'   
  
  
  
  
Leave a review, please. I want all comments, whether they're good or bad. Tell me if I should bother to continue this fic or not. My e-mail address is still [ annapanna__@hotmail.com][1] =), and it is still with 2 underlines.   
  
  


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